In this mini episode of the Let’s Get Naked FU series, Anne Karber and Casey Morgan tackle a behavior we tend to associate with school hallways and playgrounds but that absolutely follows people into adulthood: bullying. Adult bullying may look more sophisticated than stealing someone's lunch money, but the underlying behavior hasn't disappeared. It shows up through gossip, passive aggression, social exclusion, intimidation, emotional manipulation, online attacks, and the calculated ways people attempt to make someone else feel smaller.
Anne and Casey explore what these behaviors can reveal about emotional intelligence, unresolved experiences, and the patterns adults may unknowingly model for the next generation. Because bullying isn't always loud, obvious, or confrontational. Sometimes it's disguised as a joke, concern, sarcasm, or "just telling the truth." The challenge is learning to recognize it—both in other people and potentially in ourselves—before toxic behavior becomes something we've simply learned to accept.
Adult Bullying Doesn't Always Look Like Bullying
When we picture a bully, most of us probably imagine a kid pushing someone into a locker.
Adult bullying is usually more subtle.
It's the coworker who consistently undermines someone in front of the group.
The friend who disguises insults as jokes.
The family member who uses guilt to control everyone around them.
The person who starts conversations with, "I'm not supposed to say anything, but..."
Or the keyboard warrior who says things online they would never have the courage to say face-to-face.
These behaviors can be easy to dismiss because they don't fit the traditional definition of bullying we've carried since childhood.
But the intention and impact can be remarkably similar.
Make someone feel smaller.
Gain control.
Establish superiority.
Create insecurity.
Turn other people against them.
Once you understand the different forms adult bullying can take, it becomes much easier to recognize when you're dealing with something more serious than a difficult personality.
Low Emotional Intelligence Can Turn Into Toxic Behavior
One of the biggest themes Anne and Casey explore is the connection between bullying behavior and emotional intelligence.
Emotionally intelligent people aren't perfect.
They get angry.
They feel jealous.
They become insecure.
They get their feelings hurt.
The difference is what they do with those emotions.
When someone lacks the ability to recognize, regulate, and communicate what they're feeling, uncomfortable emotions can get redirected toward other people.
Instead of admitting, "I'm insecure," they criticize.
Instead of communicating hurt, they become passive-aggressive.
Instead of addressing conflict directly, they gossip.
Instead of processing jealousy, they try to diminish the person triggering it.
Bullying can become an emotional shortcut—an attempt to regulate yourself by making someone else feel worse.
That's why developing emotional intelligence isn't just about improving your own internal world.
It changes how you treat everyone around you.
Gossip And Passive Aggression Are Still Aggression
Some of the most damaging adult bullying happens quietly.
There may never be screaming.
No direct confrontation.
No obvious threat.
Instead, there's exclusion.
Whispering.
Backhanded compliments.
Rumors.
Sarcasm.
Silent treatment.
Social manipulation.
And plausible deniability whenever someone finally calls it out.
"I was only joking."
"You're being too sensitive."
"That's not what I meant."
Passive aggression allows someone to express hostility without taking responsibility for being hostile.
Gossip can work similarly. Instead of resolving an issue directly with someone, a person recruits an audience and begins shaping how other people see them.
Anne and Casey's challenge is simple: if you have a problem with someone, develop the emotional maturity to deal with the actual person.
Don't create a coalition.
Don't hide behind other people.
And don't disguise cruelty as communication.
Your Children Are Learning How You Treat People
Adult bullying becomes especially important when we consider what children are absorbing from the adults around them.
Parents can tell children to be kind all day long.
But what happens when those same children hear their parents tearing someone apart at the dinner table?
What happens when they watch adults ridicule someone's appearance, gossip about friends, attack strangers online, or intentionally exclude people they don't like?
Children learn what relationships look like by watching us.
If they repeatedly see adults use humiliation, manipulation, exclusion, or aggression to manage conflict, those behaviors can start to feel normal.
Then we're surprised when similar patterns show up at school.
Breaking that cycle requires adults to examine their own behavior.
Are we modeling the emotional intelligence we're demanding from our children?
Teaching children not to bully isn't only about correcting their behavior.
It's about making sure we aren't demonstrating the adult version of the exact same thing.
You Don't Have To Participate In Someone Else's Toxicity
Perhaps the most empowering part of recognizing adult bullying is understanding that you don't have to play along.
You don't have to participate in the gossip.
You don't have to defend yourself against every keyboard warrior.
You don't have to remain in conversations built around tearing someone else down.
And you don't have to maintain relationships where manipulation, humiliation, or intimidation have become normal.
Sometimes the healthiest response isn't winning the argument.
It's disengaging.
Set the boundary.
Leave the conversation.
Stop feeding the drama.
Refuse to participate.
And just as importantly, be willing to examine your own behavior when someone tells you that you've hurt them.
Because emotional intelligence isn't only recognizing the bullies around you.
It's having enough self-awareness to recognize when some of those behaviors might be showing up in you.
Growing older happens automatically.
Growing emotionally doesn't.
The real sign that you've grown up isn't your age—it's how you choose to treat people when you're angry, insecure, hurt, or convinced you're right.
