Unmasking the Past: From Prison to Purpose

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I'd love to help you get vulnerable.

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Let's get naked.

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Hey everyone, I'm Anne.

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Welcome to the let's Get Naked podcast, where we dive deep into vulnerability.

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In this space, we'll explore what triggers us, uncover the patterns holding us back and discover how to take charge of our own growth.

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If you're ready to dig in, be vulnerable and face the tough stuff, then buckle up.

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It's time to get naked.

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Childhood trauma can leave deep, lasting scars that profoundly impact a person through their life.

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Experiences of abuse, neglect or growing up in a volatile environment can hinder emotional development and coping skills, making it difficult to form healthy relationships or make positive life choices.

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Those who carry this unresolved pain may turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms like drug and alcohol abuse, as well as criminal activity, to numb their emotional wounds and escape the past.

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The lack of a stable, supportive foundation during childhood often leads to cycles of criminal behavior and incarceration, leaving individuals to face a lifetime of obstacles in their journey to healing and self-empowerment.

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However, a life defined by addiction, crime and imprisonment is not without hope.

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For those who rise from these struggles, it becomes a powerful story of resilience and transformation.

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From these struggles, it becomes a powerful story of resilience and transformation.

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Overcoming such hardship offers not just personal healing but the chance to inspire others caught in similar cycles of despair.

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The journey from darkness to light proves that, no matter how difficult life may seem, redemption is possible.

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When someone who has endured the depths of addiction and incarceration turns their life around, their story becomes a beacon of hope.

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It shows others that it's never too late to rewrite their narrative.

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This kind of transformation is meaningful.

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It ignites change, motivates others to take control of their futures and fosters a sense of community and support for those still struggling.

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Today we're stripping it all off with Peter Meyerhoff, aka Chappy.

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Peter is the author of the book Against All Odds that tells his story of his life with addiction, crime, imprisonment and ultimate success.

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He has a podcast that is on a million prison tablets throughout the country, and I'm really looking forward to hearing the ingredients that go into the recipe that makes up Peter.

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So welcome to the show, peter.

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Thank you so much for having me yeah absolutely so.

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I'd like to just kind of start with a little bit of what your childhood looked like.

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As the listeners know, we kind of usually start there because a lot of people who think like, oh, that really doesn't what shaped me.

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I believe that's everything that shaped you, I completely agree.

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Yeah, so tell me a little bit about what your family life looked like growing up and siblings parents, if they were.

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Yeah, so my, my childhood was great in the beginning.

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Like grew up on a cul-de-sac every kid, every house had kids except one house.

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I never touched a video game my entire life.

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I was in the streets playing sports, no matter what it was basketball, football.

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Streets playing sports, no matter what it was basketball, football, baseball on the streets.

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My parents split when I was, I think, 10, and that's when it got, you know, went kind of downhill and I didn't notice it before and like I'm serious, I've watched a few of your clips.

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I've been like just like digging deep on, like trying to find out, like why I'm the way I am now and like I don't have any memories of my childhood really, though, which is kind of of weird, so I'm for sure that I blocked a lot of it out, because there was a bunch of bad stuff.

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Like when my parents split, I remember there was one big fight in the kitchen and I told my mom this like a few months ago.

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I was like all I remember is that one big fight, and then, like two days later, you guys said that you were breaking up, and she was like there's for sure a bunch of bad stuff.

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I don't remember, you know.

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All I remember is we had a volleyball pool, so my dad and his brothers would play volleyball all weekend and they'd make crushed rice, orange juice, like vodka drinks, and just get hammered on the weekends, but like I thought that was normal, it was just drinking.

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I didn't know, you know.

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My dad smoked cigarettes in front of me, so of course I smoked cigarettes 15 years, do my son mimics, you know, and that's why I've been like digging harder to make sure I don't screw this up for my son.

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I've been.

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I'm probably cried 10 times today.

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That's okay, that's what we're here for, um, but I went to go live with my mom when my parents split and she was, you know, single mother.

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We had a studio apartment just me, her and my brother.

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I shared a bed with my mom, um, she was a flight attendant, so she was gone four or five nights a week.

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So you know, if I was 12, 13 years old, if I wanted to wake up and go to school, I woke up and went to school, and if I want to wake up at noon and go to school half the day, that's what I did right and then 15 years old, is when kind of everything changed in my life.

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I, um, my best friend asked me to kind of take one for the team and I just recently started talking about this because I mean the words I hate like there's so many people that fell victim to the same stuff, you know.

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So it is what it is, I need to talk about it.

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And so my mom's house turned into the party house.

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She was a flight attendant.

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So instantly, when I was a freshman, I was the cool kid because I had an open house all weekend.

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I was already the popular kid and you know I was in a movie as a kid.

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I had a modeling agent.

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Like childhood was pretty easy to me.

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And my buddy asked me he wants to lose his virginity and hook up with a girl and he asked me to like kind of take one for the team.

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They were two best friends, we were two best friends.

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My mom was out of town all weekend.

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I was like, yeah, perfect, so we weren't driving.

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We were 15 years old.

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Her brother sneaks them out of her bedroom window, drops the two girls off at my mom's house, me and my best friend with a bottle of jack daniels and those two girls.

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That friday night I lose my virginity.

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They come back.

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He picks up like 4 30 in the morning.

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Some sneak back in the bedroom window.

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We do the exact same thing.

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Saturday night come back, we polish off now the second bottle of jack daniels.

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To this day.

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I don't know how it happened, but she said I had sex while she was sleeping and that next day at school I went from being the most popular kid in school to they had to lock down the school and call my parents and kind of told my parents like we don't even know what to do, but your son's not safe here.

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Like for sure, find another school, at bare minimum hold on a second.

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She was sleeping, you were.

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I missed something there she said I had sex while she was sleeping okay, so she basically said I, so I just want to make, I just want to make certain that we use all the words.

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Okay, yeah, and I know, and I hate even saying that word, I know, but that's and I appreciate that, but it's as a, as a woman sitting across from you on the couch.

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We're going to call that rape, and I know and here's the whole thing I'm going to I'm going to have a really fun conversation about this, because there's a lot of stuff that happened to me when I was younger that I made a lot of excuses for because I drank a lot and it was, oh, I'm passed out.

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So what does that count for?

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And whatever, right?

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So I don't see you as the villain in that story or in any story, just so you know, right, but I do want to like have the raw conversations about it because it's that's powerful shit.

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When you and I can sit on this couch and say rape and say like fuck, I don't even remember because of this and that and whatever.

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Yeah.

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Let's, let's have those conversations, because that, to me, is where we're going to change the narrative in our future.

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So, so, okay.

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So then the girl said that she raped you and then now the school's not safe and all of the things.

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Okay, I'm so sorry, now keep, please, keep going.

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And then to this day, I don't know how, my parents just let me drop out of school, like I don't understand that and it makes me so mad.

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You know that was their go-to of like.

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Okay, this problem happened and now you just don't go to school, okay, and we're not going to go find another school for you.

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You just don't go to school and my wife.

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What's crazy is like she grew up from a single mother but like mormon, like all three of their kids, her mother's a saint man.

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Like got kicked out of I'm gonna have a little add, so if I get off, kill to just bring me back but like her just and I'd say this to show what's possible, because a lot of single mothers think they can't do something or they don't have a good right.

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Her mom, got, was adopted and raised in a mormon family.

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Got at 17 years, in high school, her parents literally kicked her out and put her on the streets.

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You're talking about your wife, my wife's mother.

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Oh, your wife's mother.

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Okay, so they put her on the streets at 18 years old and she raised three kids.

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All three kids had full-ride scholarships academically.

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They all got a full-ride to play sports.

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My wife's an All-American volleyball player Right ride to play sports.

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My wife's all-american volleyball player.

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And not only that, but they all got a full ride scholarship to play an instrument.

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My wife had a scholarship to play the flute and they did their little bible studies at 5 30 in the morning.

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Every morning the mom was broke and I asked him like because I see how expensive kids are like how did you make it like pay your bills, like like being legit, serious?

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And she was like I would just pray at the church every week and then somehow someone, someone would pay my bills, my bills would get paid.

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And I was like man, you literally did that all by yourself.

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I've never even seen a family that I'm.

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Literally that's my family now.

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I grew up in the shittiest drunk, loser, alcoholic family and I thought about this a lot.

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I was going to hold back, saying shit, but I don't care anymore.

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You know what I'm saying Fuck my family if they're not going to fix themselves.

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And I don't think, because people have the same blood as you, that they can say that they're still your family.

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They don't act like family members should act, you know.

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And um, so yeah, I dropped out of school and started hanging out with drug addicts.

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You know, I never I was an athlete, you know, like I was the last person to smoke weed, thought I was gonna have my pick of what sport I want to go pro at, like.

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And um, I go start hanging out with this new crowd and the first weekend I get introduced to crystal meth.

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I smoke crack, did ecstasy and I'm not joking, I've never even, let alone, seen these drugs.

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I've never even seen a person on these drugs before.

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Right.

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And they told me crystal meth is like a fun party drug.

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Just try it, you'll love it.

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And at this point everybody's doing it here.

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I don't give a shit about the world right now, like there's no chance I believe in God or anything.

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I'm like, yeah, let's do it.

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I don't not do meth until I go in treatment at like 15 or 16 years old and rehab already at 15, 16 years old.

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Of course I'm a smooth talker, so I talk to my parents and they take me out early Cause I got this shit figured out.

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Now do cocaine on my getting out of rehab party release thing, you know and just stay, stay on the streets.

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My mom was working four or five days a week and when she was home it was a nightmare raising me after that.

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So I feel the anger when you talk about the difference between how your wife was raised and how you were raised, right.

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I didn't realize it until recently.

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Right, but, god, you're making my heart so happy.

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I can't tell you.

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You saying I'm getting curious about myself, right?

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Whatever it is that sparks that in you, that's where the fucking awesome sauce is.

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Do you know what I mean?

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The magic lives on the other side of that, because I was the same where it was.

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Like I couldn't remember childhood memories.

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I couldn't remember this.

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I couldn't remember that because our minds are amazing tools and they will block that shit out and they will protect you.

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But I can feel that anger behind your voice of like I had this same situation, but so did she, and look how great that worked out for her.

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Why was my experience so much garbage?

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Right, and, and it is.

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But I will say like, get curious about that too, because you'll be able to go back and look and realize you wouldn't be who you are right now if you didn't have all of those experiences.

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So for me, I'm able to kind of, after I've done a lot of the work associated with that, say I'm grateful for the fucking garbage that went into making me who I am because I am scrappy AF right Like I am gritty.

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I am the hardest working person, like all of these things that I wouldn't have been had I not gone through all this shit Right.

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So, but I understand where you're coming from.

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It's interesting because I have older children and and there's some of that like when you say, okay, so I did all of that, because it was like, well, fuck it, I'm here, right.

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And then you get down this path where it's like, holy shit, the train has left the station, there's no way you're going back, right, you went from all of this promise and all of these things to really one event.

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Was the why in your road, where just you're going right or it could have gone left?

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How fucking crazy is that?

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right and and it's embarrassing to say that's all I did from the time I was 15 until I was 18 years old was a petty thief, like just ripping people off, stealing shit, forging checks, just doing dumb drug addict loser shit whatever it took to get drugs and drug money.

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But then it's like you're doing that, you know you're going to get locked up and it's just a matter of if and when and hopefully it's nothing crazy.

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And what sent me to prison actually was my old best friend, the one that was there that night that that happened.

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Who, of course afterwards.

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And this is why I say, like your friends are not your friends 99.9% of the time, like if you got 20 friends there's probably one or two that are actually real good friends and you could fucking count on if you needed something.

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You know, like this was my best friend.

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We spent every day together after school, every single day.

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He knew what happened.

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And what do I say?

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When I was like yo, you got to say, like what happened right, I'm not getting involved in that shit is what he told me.

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Yeah, and I'm like, oh my god.

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So four years later, we ended up robbing his house.

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That's what I went to prison for did you?

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I want to back up for just a quick second.

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So in that instance with that girl, did you remember or were you blackout drunk and you don't even know what happened?

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Man, this is the first time I'm ever going to say this publicly.

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I'm not even joking.

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I didn't even tell the police that because I didn't know what sex was like and she had me go down.

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I'm not supposed to be too vulgar, but she had like and she was like and like at one, like she was moaning.

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At one point she didn't say anything and I stopped because we were blacked out, drunk and like.

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I thought like she was asleep or something, and I'm not even joking.

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I stopped and she woke up and told me to keep going again.

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And this was the second time like we've started having sex.

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Right, right, it was the day before we were both blocked out drunk 15-year-old kids.

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That was it, you know, and like so, like that was it, I don't even know.

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You don't have a big memory.

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Yeah, I don't have a memory other than that, that's it.

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Has there ever been?

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Was there ever a conversation with her after the fact?

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Like or no, this blew up at school and then it was who do you think's sober in AA?

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now, her so, and I found out afterwards that she did the same thing to another friend.

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Well, she's not the villain in your story, though.

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Do you know what I mean?

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Like, I would encourage you to get curious about why that?

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Because you're coming from a defensive place in that situation, because you think she ruined your life, right?

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Yeah, absolutely, and I totally understand that, but I would encourage you to where that was and when that happened.

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But also, you're not the villain either.

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Do you see what I'm saying?

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So like really being able to understand that that was an experience that happened, but don't like be the victim in her story.

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Right that she fucked everything up, because there's no power in that either.

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Right, like so really.

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I was looking for this to be kind of therapy.

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It was kind of therapy.

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I was like I need a therapy session.

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Yeah, and I want to do it in public because fucking, why not?

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That's the cool thing to do nowadays.

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And I want a therapist from a non-licensed therapist too.

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Exactly Right.

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Well, it's great because you can actually like I, we're, we're, we're vibing right now.

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Right, Like I'm I'm coming from a great place when I say this, and I can Like when you're teenagers and everybody's fucking drinking and whatever.

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This is not a violent rape, right?

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This is a totally different situation.

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So again, I'm not trying to justify anything and everybody can have their own story and their own everything.

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But to me it's a different situation of, yes, I still consider that rape if I'm blacked out drunk, but also I got myself blacked out drunk, Do you know what I mean In a situation and that doesn't justify other people's behavior or whatever.

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But also you have to be able to kind of forgive yourself from that situation and also not hold ill will to her not for her, but for you, right, Because you don't want to carry that into your relationship with your wife, your relationship with your kiddos, right, and that just ends up being anger and fuel for that underneath.

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You don't need it.

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You're better than that.

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You understand the game, bigger than that.

00:15:07.672 --> 00:15:11.931
It doesn't have to be something that you carry around anymore.

00:15:12.662 --> 00:15:13.846
You can forgive yourself for that.

00:15:13.846 --> 00:15:26.945
You can forgive her for that and that just be part of your story instead of something that really is emotionally charged for you, which it still is and I don't blame you, right, I mean that's part of fixing your shit, right Is saying I don't want to be chained to this memory or to this thing.

00:15:26.945 --> 00:15:28.725
That's like fuck, I can't believe this happened.

00:15:28.725 --> 00:15:33.711
Or even my wife had a single mom and she turned out and she had all of these loving things.

00:15:33.711 --> 00:15:34.471
I had a single mom.

00:15:34.471 --> 00:15:35.312
She was MIA.

00:15:35.312 --> 00:15:36.472
Look at all this shit.

00:15:36.812 --> 00:15:41.517
Even just doing that comparison, it fuels anger for you of like, why did I have this?

00:15:41.517 --> 00:15:43.539
Why did it not turn out well for me?

00:15:43.539 --> 00:16:02.783
But when you realize your story has all of the ingredients in it, that it does for a reason and that you're amazing, peter, who you are sitting right here on this couch, and that you wouldn't be here without all of those things that went into making you who you are, and just really showing gratitude for everything that went into making you who you are, even all the tough shit, right, you've made it through 100% of your tough days.

00:16:02.783 --> 00:16:03.243
It's funny.

00:16:03.263 --> 00:16:10.250
You say that because I'm like that's what I say, I'm at peace with everything and I'm grateful for every single thing in my life except for her and I just hate her and so, like you saying that, I need to do some.

00:16:10.250 --> 00:16:16.596
Yeah, I appreciate you saying that, because that's one thing and I've told my wife that forever and forever I'll hate her and be angry and like I'm never going to get over that.

00:16:21.705 --> 00:16:23.967
Like it is what it is, but I know you carry it down to your kiddos.

00:16:24.467 --> 00:16:32.927
it makes the game a little bit different it took a year to realize that when you see like my son does every single thing that I do, it's like, and then I think how did my dad do that shit in front of me?

00:16:32.927 --> 00:16:33.470
You know, like it's?

00:16:33.470 --> 00:16:40.340
It baffles me, but like the only thing that gives me kind of a little bit of like leeway is the fact that they don't have the internet.

00:16:40.340 --> 00:16:43.524
They don't have your podcast clips that I can come across to teach them.

00:16:43.524 --> 00:16:51.664
You know, like I learned like how to be an adult and raise my kids and stuff from I'm serious instagram and people like you and shit like that in my life, like I don't.

00:16:52.027 --> 00:17:05.891
My instagram is not bullshit like other people and it's not like the fake stuff, like it's all about like parenting stuff and like cool, like real stuff that you can learn and I try and follow doctors and like real smart people learn shit because I didn't you know, I was in prison in my life and like all the development here's like I didn't know shit, like everything I learned out here.

00:17:05.891 --> 00:17:11.766
I had to like either learn on the fly and figure it out or google shit, right, you know, or call a friend and ask him what the hell is this?

00:17:11.766 --> 00:17:13.621
Because I have never heard about this before you know well.

00:17:13.641 --> 00:17:14.945
It's awesome, though, that you're open to that.

00:17:14.945 --> 00:17:37.082
It's awesome that you're willing to be curious and to look at that, because I I guarantee you, when you get to the point of being able to forgive that girl right, and not let her be the villain in your story anymore right, she was just a small little blip in there when you're able to do that and really be at peace with it, it's a game changer, and then you realize that you're taking in to being a parent and to being a husband something that's clean energy and not garbage that's fucking from.

00:17:37.082 --> 00:17:37.522
I mean, how many?

00:17:37.522 --> 00:17:38.526
How many years ago was that?

00:17:38.526 --> 00:17:38.767
20?

00:17:38.807 --> 00:17:39.288
years ago.

00:17:39.288 --> 00:17:40.069
Right, you know what I mean.

00:17:40.351 --> 00:17:43.904
And it still brings emotion just like that, like zero to ten.

00:17:43.904 --> 00:17:44.846
You're fucking pissed off.

00:17:44.846 --> 00:17:50.653
I't blame you, I'm just telling you it can be different, for sure you can forgive her, not for her, for you, right?

00:17:50.653 --> 00:17:51.875
So that you're at peace with that.

00:17:51.875 --> 00:17:55.829
Okay, so let me ask you was your dad present in any of this?

00:17:55.829 --> 00:17:59.308
Like your parents got divorced when you were ten, and was he around?

00:17:59.609 --> 00:18:00.211
So here's the thing.

00:18:06.430 --> 00:18:11.622
I don't ever like to say, my kind of you wanted to run the streets when your mom, I understand, I was a teenager too.

00:18:11.642 --> 00:18:17.211
I wanted to run the streets there and I mean he would just try to come to my mom's house and find me and fight me and shit like that.

00:18:17.211 --> 00:18:20.843
You know, like we've got, I've gotten high speed chases running from my dad with my friends, like it was.

00:18:20.883 --> 00:18:25.249
It was like that kind of running amok and him and my brother were always like really tight Me and my dad weren't you know like.

00:18:25.249 --> 00:18:30.435
And it's so crazy to this day Like my brother lives in an almost a million dollar house with my dad.

00:18:30.435 --> 00:18:32.071
He pays him $1,500 a month rent.

00:18:32.071 --> 00:18:36.470
My dad don't fucking lift a finger for me Like I had to buy all my own shit out here.

00:18:36.470 --> 00:18:37.900
I'm not joking.

00:18:37.900 --> 00:18:40.028
I bought my first custom house because I couldn't even get approved to rent an apartment.

00:18:40.028 --> 00:18:50.297
You know, helps my brother out and my whole life growing up it was like I had to be the one to wake up early and mow the lawn and do yard work and my brother never fucking did.

00:18:50.297 --> 00:18:51.000
And I remember it's so crazy.

00:18:51.000 --> 00:18:58.430
Bring this up you can see it still haunts me yeah, of course you're still very because now that I see that the treatment is so still unfair and I'm like, why was it different?

00:18:58.450 --> 00:18:58.770
my whole life?

00:18:58.770 --> 00:18:59.500
I never even realized that.

00:18:59.500 --> 00:19:02.285
You know some, I would tell my dad for years.

00:19:02.285 --> 00:19:06.771
I'm like he's I've been mowing lawn for five years Like what are you even talking about at this point?

00:19:06.771 --> 00:19:12.961
He gets to wake up at noon, come out there and chill and by that time like I'm like beat, ready to like fight my dad the fact that I'm having to do yard work all weekend, you know.

00:19:12.961 --> 00:19:18.965
And then now it's the same treatment and anytime I bring it up've been out of prison where it should have been like a celebration.

00:19:18.965 --> 00:19:19.826
You know what I'm saying.

00:19:19.826 --> 00:19:33.711
Instead, it's been me fighting with my family and them trying to justify how fucked up they are.

00:19:33.711 --> 00:19:37.317
And I'm the only one that, to be honest, I'm the only one that's done work on myself.

00:19:37.317 --> 00:19:38.520
I'm the only one that's gone to therapy.

00:19:38.520 --> 00:19:47.932
I got sober, like I fixed I wouldn't say I fixed all my shit, but I, as of now and I'm in the process of fixing whatever the course I possibly can- and as it surface surfaces, you could go.

00:19:48.193 --> 00:19:48.994
I'll probably still be doing this.

00:19:48.994 --> 00:19:49.816
I'm 50 years old, yeah.

00:19:53.539 --> 00:19:54.103
Like it's like, let me get.

00:19:54.103 --> 00:19:54.726
Let me get curious about that.

00:19:54.726 --> 00:19:55.269
That's a lifelong journey.

00:19:55.269 --> 00:19:56.575
Being willing to fix your shit, being willing to dive into things.

00:19:56.575 --> 00:20:01.365
It literally is a lifelong journey because I have a whole fucking mountain of shit that I carry around behind me and I don't even know.

00:20:01.385 --> 00:20:01.865
I didn't remember that.

00:20:01.865 --> 00:20:21.271
But as you start releasing things, more stuff will come up and it's important to just feel the emotion that you should have felt when that thing happened, Because what ended up happening is you're just pushing shit down, right, it's fine, everything's fine, like this whole thing happens In high school.

00:20:21.271 --> 00:20:29.959
I will tell you that I have an 18-year-old boy and he's my world world, right, what happened to you is not a unique story.

00:20:29.959 --> 00:20:31.202
This happened all the time.

00:20:31.202 --> 00:20:32.145
This happens a lot.

00:20:32.145 --> 00:20:32.949
This is a whole thing.

00:20:32.949 --> 00:20:35.298
You were still a child, right.

00:20:35.298 --> 00:20:38.827
You were vilified and fucking, completely shunned from everything.

00:20:38.827 --> 00:20:48.465
Right, you're still a little boy, like my 18 year old son is still a boy, right, like his heart is soft, I want to fucking love on him right exactly right, and no one fucking protected you.

00:20:48.846 --> 00:20:51.092
No one came in and protected the 15 year old peter.

00:20:51.092 --> 00:20:53.125
That should have been fucking protected, right?

00:20:53.125 --> 00:20:56.642
Someone should have done that, because it wasn't something that you did out of malice.

00:20:56.642 --> 00:20:57.484
Could it been a?

00:20:57.484 --> 00:20:58.366
Could it have been a mistake?

00:20:58.366 --> 00:20:59.691
Sure, of course right.

00:20:59.951 --> 00:21:01.063
But you couldn't even do a mistake.

00:21:01.063 --> 00:21:07.285
Right like she wanted it, we did it exactly, exactly like it could have begged me to do more like any of those things, right.

00:21:07.384 --> 00:21:12.555
But looking at that, it's like no one protected Peter in that situation, right, that's terrible.

00:21:12.555 --> 00:21:26.088
So you have to do the work now to be able to go back and heal that 15-year-old boy, because you don't want this to be something that then you hand that down to your boys because you have unresolved resentments and hard feelings and everything that goes underneath that.

00:21:30.960 --> 00:21:33.893
And it's the same thing like I'm not picking on you for sure, but I'm just telling you what I see the resentment towards your family and stuff.

00:21:33.893 --> 00:21:36.041
Again, resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

00:21:36.041 --> 00:21:38.407
You're the only one that suffers in that situation.

00:21:38.407 --> 00:21:46.103
So being able to really release those resentments about, like my dad or my mom or whoever treated my brother, brother differently okay, yeah, they did.

00:21:46.103 --> 00:21:47.244
You're, that's fucked up.

00:21:47.244 --> 00:21:48.367
And then what happened?

00:21:49.108 --> 00:21:49.710
Do you know what I mean?

00:21:49.931 --> 00:21:53.662
Because if you carry that around, that piss and vinegar and anger.

00:21:53.662 --> 00:22:00.227
I believe that that's the shit that causes cancer, that causes disease, that causes fucking problems in your life with your health and all of the things right.

00:22:00.259 --> 00:22:08.710
You're not able to really focus on being the best version of Peter that you can be now because of all of the bullshit that you're dragging around, so getting curious about that.

00:22:08.710 --> 00:22:10.113
I mean, you're on a great path for that.

00:22:10.113 --> 00:22:24.050
Being willing to do that, those are huge, huge steps, because those things yes, that's part of your story, but it shouldn't, like consume you when you're talking about it, and I don't blame you Like I went through that for a long time of like fuck, that was really fucked up, that things happened to me like that.

00:22:24.050 --> 00:22:24.590
And then you look at it.

00:22:24.590 --> 00:22:27.173
It's like everybody has a fucked up story, do you know?

00:22:27.192 --> 00:22:29.295
what I mean yeah exactly right, everybody has a bad.

00:22:29.295 --> 00:22:31.536
Someone else got it 10 times worse it totally is right.

00:22:31.556 --> 00:22:38.269
So being grateful and and really appreciating what the universe brought to your front door that you got to learn from, you know, okay.

00:22:38.269 --> 00:22:39.740
So let's get back on track.

00:22:39.740 --> 00:22:43.507
So you high school got no more high school.

00:22:43.507 --> 00:22:47.031
Now we're just drugs stealing, fucking running the streets.

00:22:47.633 --> 00:22:57.491
You rob somebody's house, get arrested for it, and that's what you ended up going to prison for yeah, then it was like I said, my old best friend we're at, we're at my mom's house and so it's funny how it turns.

00:22:57.491 --> 00:22:59.769
So you remember it was high school parties, drinking and stuff.

00:22:59.769 --> 00:23:07.250
Now it turns into we're in my bedroom, door locked, doing meth, just got a room full of all the shit that we're going with, that we're stealing every day.

00:23:07.250 --> 00:23:07.932
That's like my room.

00:23:07.932 --> 00:23:09.153
I didn't have a bed in there, I just tools.

00:23:09.153 --> 00:23:14.090
It was like you couldn't believe it, and the fact that my mom let me do this is just baffling to me.

00:23:14.090 --> 00:23:16.785
And I don't even mean to bash on my mom, but like now that I have kids.

00:23:16.805 --> 00:23:17.488
I'm like what the?

00:23:17.888 --> 00:23:29.556
fuck yeah, but she was like even the shit that we're doing you know, I've said this before like our parents didn't even have the fucking internet, so they didn't even have.

00:23:29.556 --> 00:23:30.836
Like can I go look something up?

00:23:30.916 --> 00:23:31.196
what am?

00:23:31.257 --> 00:23:32.017
I doing wrong or how?

00:23:32.037 --> 00:23:41.690
they just knew what their alcoholic parents absolutely they just the trauma that they got they're just passing, on, both sides of my things are alcoholic alcoholics, alcoholics, that's yeah I mean you're not set up for success in that situation.

00:23:41.730 --> 00:23:43.884
But it definitely isn't anyone doing anything out of malice.

00:23:43.884 --> 00:23:45.988
Your parents were literally just doing the best that they could.

00:23:46.028 --> 00:23:46.689
Yeah, you know.

00:23:46.689 --> 00:23:47.730
So we're in the anyway.

00:23:47.730 --> 00:23:52.807
So we're at this in my room now and my brother's friends come over and they tell me that they had just robbed the Nelsons' house.

00:23:52.807 --> 00:24:04.646
And, just so you know, the kids, they're the most spoiled, rotten, rich family in all of Ahwatukee.

00:24:04.646 --> 00:24:05.768
Like a 15,000-squ the permits.

00:24:05.768 --> 00:24:09.631
My friend got a brand new Escalade, like still had the stickers on it and bitch that it wasn't custom.

00:24:09.631 --> 00:24:13.555
So he goes and gets a custom paint job, like 15-year-old kids, like those kind of kids, right, got it.

00:24:13.555 --> 00:24:24.088
So my brother and his friends, they come back and they had just burglarized the house.

00:24:24.088 --> 00:24:26.452
Keep in mind, this already broke out with my five kids.

00:24:26.452 --> 00:24:28.154
Me and my friends go back to the house.

00:24:28.154 --> 00:24:30.605
Now I don't even make it out of the garage.

00:24:30.605 --> 00:24:31.407
I'm tweaked out.

00:24:31.407 --> 00:24:35.470
I took a drill, a snowboard, some Jordan basketball shorts and Jordan sandals.

00:24:35.470 --> 00:24:36.192
That wasn't my thing.

00:24:36.192 --> 00:24:38.828
I'd always steal shit that, like my mom couldn't buy or I couldn't afford to buy.

00:24:38.960 --> 00:24:43.247
So I wanted Jordan stuff, you know, and I stole all and I'm in the garage.

00:24:43.247 --> 00:24:46.392
I remember my friends come running down and they're like we got the jewelry, let's go.

00:24:46.392 --> 00:24:58.648
And we get to my house and they pull out a freaking bag of jewelry Like Pat Tech, felipe watches, like it ended up being, like, I think, $300,000 worth of jewelry and it was so big like I don't even know where to sell this shit.

00:24:58.648 --> 00:25:06.801
200 bucks a night.

00:25:06.801 --> 00:25:08.326
You know, I'm saying like I saw something like what, the like?

00:25:08.326 --> 00:25:09.290
What do we even do with this shit?

00:25:09.290 --> 00:25:10.655
You know, yeah, and we had it for a day and a half.

00:25:10.655 --> 00:25:12.862
Cops come just pretty much kicking out my door the next day.

00:25:12.862 --> 00:25:22.372
Of course every kid and their mother talks and out of your 10 friends, every single person told him it was all me, except one of my friends who didn't say anything.

00:25:22.372 --> 00:25:28.884
And keep in mind, these kids all went first and then they tell the cops it's all me and put it on me and I'm the easy fall guy.

00:25:28.884 --> 00:25:29.847
So it's really believable too.

00:25:29.980 --> 00:25:31.065
There's no honor among thieves.

00:25:31.619 --> 00:25:52.932
So I end up going to jail there at 18 years old and I sat in jail for almost a two-year straight fight in this case because they were trying to just hang me on a burglary charge and I end up getting as I knowdangerous burglary charge at 18 years old, and I served almost the full 12 years.

00:25:52.992 --> 00:25:54.599
I didn't get out until a month after I turned 30 years old.

00:25:54.599 --> 00:25:59.061
Wow, and I was six foot, 144 pounds.

00:25:59.061 --> 00:25:59.983
I got locked up, didn't even have facial hair.

00:25:59.983 --> 00:26:01.807
I didn't even have to shave my face until I was like four or five years into my sentence.

00:26:01.807 --> 00:26:02.347
I was like at like late.

00:26:02.347 --> 00:26:02.969
I just had armpit hair.

00:26:02.969 --> 00:26:04.991
I was like a little pretty boy kid with long blonde hair.

00:26:04.991 --> 00:26:07.415
Imagine hitting those big yards like that no I can't.

00:26:07.435 --> 00:26:11.507
And then they ask you where you're from, and you're like I'm from awatuki right you know what they say.

00:26:11.567 --> 00:26:13.433
Next, you from all white toki.

00:26:13.433 --> 00:26:14.499
We never seen some nobody here.

00:26:14.499 --> 00:26:21.323
From all white toki, yeah, and luckily I used to box, so that's what built my story in there, I know.

00:26:21.323 --> 00:26:22.905
There it's all about how badass you are kind of.

00:26:22.905 --> 00:26:23.988
And then it's when you're running yards.

00:26:23.988 --> 00:26:25.131
It's like you got to be an entrepreneur too.

00:26:25.131 --> 00:26:26.292
You got to make money on the yards too.

00:26:26.292 --> 00:26:37.267
It's not just about being a badass dude and you know, the dude running the yard or running the building tried doing some little heart check, tried to punk me stuff and beat the living shit out of this dude.

00:26:37.267 --> 00:26:42.220
And that next day sorry, let me backtrack a little bit.

00:26:42.259 --> 00:26:58.961
I remember the first time I hit a prisoner, right like I was a popular kid, even when, Even when I got in drugs, I was like and this girl was the dude still like I was always popular, Everybody knew me, and like I remember walking that first prison yard and I walked back from chow that night and I looked around and I was like the first time I left I'm like I'm literally nobody, Like I could walk off and no one even noticed I'm here.

00:26:59.662 --> 00:27:02.724
And I remember thinking you know, I love attention.

00:27:02.724 --> 00:27:03.885
I'm finally like open about it.

00:27:03.885 --> 00:27:10.211
You know, like and I don't know, but I remember thinking how the hell am I going to do 12 years alone like this, you know?

00:27:10.211 --> 00:27:13.454
And then I fight that dude and then the next day all the OGs come out.

00:27:13.454 --> 00:27:15.616
I'm like, hey, youngster, they want to shake my hand and say hi to me, you know.

00:27:15.616 --> 00:27:33.965
And I'm like this, like been down literally two weeks and they asked me if I want to like start putting in work and join the start politicking and stuff.

00:27:33.965 --> 00:27:35.747
And at this point I don't even know what putting in work is.

00:27:35.907 --> 00:27:47.210
Right, you're like sure, yeah, they're like smashing snitches in sections Like absolutely Sign me up, whatever, and I just, you know, gave up on God, gave up on everything and just tried to make.

00:27:47.210 --> 00:28:11.368
I always had to overcompensate too because I was from Ahwatukee, so like even the regular dudes that would do like go to smash somebody like, I always felt like I had to do it 10 times harder because, like I'm from Ahwatukee and I'm like a little, I'm running my first four yard and I'm in a relationship with a corrections officer in there.

00:28:11.368 --> 00:28:33.759
I pull up the cop on the yard and, lieutenant, and I don't say this because it was cool, but like I just to show how screwed up an individual was, like we're drinking promethazine with syrup on a four yard in prison, with corrections officers smoking blunts, shooting heroin, like with cops right there, like and that was, and that was a four yard which is supposed to be like lockdown security, closed custody movement.

00:28:33.759 --> 00:28:38.906
And then I got hemmed up for that relationship with that cop and that's when they sent me to maximum security for my first time.

00:28:38.906 --> 00:28:42.182
And you know what's crazy is like when I went to maximum security, it's so it's century.

00:28:42.182 --> 00:28:48.496
I don't know if you guys ever heard about it, but it's like you can google it in the 70s and, uh, early 80s, was the most dangerous prison in the united states of america.

00:28:48.496 --> 00:28:51.423
That's five by seven cells, like shawshank, redemption type shit.

00:28:51.423 --> 00:28:56.065
So you hear about it, you know, and it's like but then I get, then I'm in the whole way to go there.

00:28:56.065 --> 00:29:01.003
And instead of being like oh shit, I'm going there now, I'm like hell yeah, like I can't wait to go.

00:29:01.003 --> 00:29:04.347
And now I get to meet even more gangster dudes.

00:29:04.347 --> 00:29:14.070
You, when I you know you, sometimes you talk to cops and they'll say hey, so-and-so's hitting the yard today, and if it's like a dude with a name like me, at the end of my sentence the cops like yo olsen's in the yard, they better watch out.

00:29:14.070 --> 00:29:21.025
You know, and I remember saying that about my buddy, craig olsen I was like I can't fucking wait till cops talk about me like that when I hit a yard they're like they're scared.

00:29:21.025 --> 00:29:21.886
My roughs coming to the yard.

00:29:21.886 --> 00:29:22.848
So that's what for.

00:29:22.888 --> 00:29:31.750
In there, instead of doing anything positive, all I did was did drugs, shot heroin, got into some needles for the first time in my life but I do that, of course, never did needles before.

00:29:31.750 --> 00:29:33.143
We both do it for our first time together.

00:29:33.143 --> 00:29:34.166
And then what do you do after that?

00:29:34.166 --> 00:29:35.560
You use dirty needles if you have to.

00:29:35.560 --> 00:29:41.201
It's like the shittiest of shittiest of shittiest lives you could ever possibly imagine, you know.

00:29:41.201 --> 00:29:44.988
And I didn't care about anything and all I did was hurt people in politic for years, you know.

00:29:45.710 --> 00:29:52.068
And then the last 11 months I spent in solitary confinement under investigation for attempted murder.

00:29:52.068 --> 00:29:59.086
Didn't know if I was going to go home or not, and I remember the SSU cops in there and the SSU is like the gang detectives in there.

00:29:59.086 --> 00:30:07.545
I was in solitary and I remember telling them like you can't expect me to do 12 years in prison and a year in solitary and get out and like function on the streets.

00:30:07.545 --> 00:30:08.665
Like you guys got to let me out of here.

00:30:08.665 --> 00:30:11.150
And verbatim he told me Myroth, we're done with you in here.

00:30:11.150 --> 00:30:12.571
Like we're going to let the streets have their luck with you.

00:30:12.571 --> 00:30:13.952
Like you're going to sit in this cell until you go home.

00:30:13.952 --> 00:30:15.174
Like we are absolutely done with you in here.

00:30:22.664 --> 00:30:31.709
So I got kicked out of prison and sent to the the way to my release cage, and then I go from that to freedom and it's like zero tools on how to do anything.

00:30:31.709 --> 00:30:34.048
I've done nothing about work on recovery.

00:30:34.048 --> 00:30:37.107
I don't even know anything, except like I'm angry as shit.

00:30:37.107 --> 00:30:39.884
But I know one thing my dad was always angry, so I had that in the back of my head.

00:30:39.884 --> 00:30:41.229
I'm entitled to be angry.

00:30:41.229 --> 00:30:49.840
My dad raised me my dad's angry know.

00:30:49.840 --> 00:30:54.951
So like I'm just this angry shock caller and I get out of prison like honestly angry shit, have no idea and scared to death, but just so happy to be free.

00:30:54.991 --> 00:30:59.509
Finally, do you know what's crazy is in in our generations, right?

00:30:59.509 --> 00:31:02.842
I mean, we're not that far off in our generations, uh?

00:31:02.842 --> 00:31:03.442
And?

00:31:03.442 --> 00:31:13.925
And your dad and his and before him, we didn't raise our men to be able to understand their emotions and so, no matter what it is that men feel, you turn it into rage and anger.

00:31:13.925 --> 00:31:15.305
That's it right.

00:31:15.305 --> 00:31:31.976
So if you're afraid it's rage and anger Like I'm listening to you tell your story and it makes me hurt for the young Peter, right, because you're a hurt, broken boy and all you're trying to do is fucking like Live, live, right boy, and all you're trying to do is fucking like live, live right, and like no one's on your side in that situation.

00:31:31.976 --> 00:31:32.453
And then you have to be the strong one.

00:31:32.426 --> 00:31:33.607
I want to play sports like that's my biggest thing.

00:31:33.627 --> 00:31:40.214
I never got to play high school sports absolutely like like that that day I don't think I'll ever do it I understand why you're angry at that, at that gal.

00:31:40.214 --> 00:31:46.608
I totally get it right because that changed the course of your entire life, right, the course of your entire fucking life.

00:31:46.608 --> 00:31:49.974
But no one was there to fucking defend you and to take care of you.

00:31:49.974 --> 00:32:06.926
And then you're in this situation with grown-ass men who are real big offenders at fucked-up stuff, right, and all you have to do is literally just be angry and try to be as hard as you possibly can as a protection mechanism to something that you shouldn't have been on that path in the first place.

00:32:06.926 --> 00:32:11.383
First place or you should have right, depending on how you look at things, because, again, I think everything happens for a reason.

00:32:12.044 --> 00:32:33.076
But wow, that's a big burden to carry yeah, and then what's crazy is I remember when I got out and right before I got out, right before I actually went to the hole for that, when we did that stuff, um, one of my friends and he was like an og in there I get when you're on the yard the cops will let you get away with a lot of stuff, you know, because they want to go home safely, especially those high-security yards where I did all my time.

00:32:33.076 --> 00:32:35.586
I've never touched them in the yard, I've never been in anything like that.

00:32:35.586 --> 00:32:55.660
I had a 12-year straight in Supermax or four yards like slammed down, no-transcript know.

00:32:56.201 --> 00:33:02.824
And I go back there and and I go back to my little cell right there and my boy's like damn, chap, he's like I'm worried about you, bro, and I was like what do you mean?

00:33:02.824 --> 00:33:05.227
And he's like you're angry bro.

00:33:05.227 --> 00:33:06.789
He's like you cannot get out that angry.

00:33:06.789 --> 00:33:09.133
He's like he's like he's like seriously, chap, he's like you're going home here.

00:33:09.133 --> 00:33:10.575
He's like you cannot get out that angry.

00:33:10.575 --> 00:33:14.701
And instead of thinking like damn, maybe he's right, maybe I should work on this anger, something like that.

00:33:14.701 --> 00:33:23.544
My thought was I finally fit in with these guys yeah, oh god, that hurts my soul for you and then I went straight to the hole and got out after that with no like.

00:33:23.564 --> 00:33:24.826
I said no, anything, you know.

00:33:24.826 --> 00:33:27.550
And then I get out at I went in as a kid.

00:33:27.550 --> 00:33:32.682
So I've never worked, I've never been on a date, I've never been to a bar, I've never done anything.

00:33:33.586 --> 00:33:34.829
God, what does that look like?

00:33:34.869 --> 00:33:36.798
I mean, let's, I'll tell you what it looks like.

00:33:36.798 --> 00:33:45.872
You spend every day at Sandbar when you get out of prison, and I'm not joking go home with a different chick every day, and that's all I did.

00:33:45.872 --> 00:33:48.776
And then you know you get in a bar fight when you're blacked out drunk.

00:33:48.776 --> 00:33:51.367
And then that was my thing.

00:33:51.367 --> 00:33:52.685
I just wanted to drink and pull chicks.

00:33:53.521 --> 00:33:54.182
I never like.

00:33:54.202 --> 00:34:01.701
I'm 30 years old and I had sex I think seven times in my entire life, like literally, and so that's like all I wanted to do.

00:34:01.701 --> 00:34:09.592
And then I didn't do drugs but like the problem with me is if I was blacked out drunk, there was drugs in front of me when I do drugs.

00:34:09.592 --> 00:34:11.855
So that was my fentanyl overdose story.

00:34:11.855 --> 00:34:21.572
I was drinking at a bar right in Chandler at Hobnob, for a buddy's birthday on a Friday afternoon on parole.

00:34:21.592 --> 00:34:24.480
Nine months out of prison, and the last thing I remember was doing a shot of Rumpelmintz.

00:34:24.480 --> 00:34:25.961
God, you have terrible taste in liquor.

00:34:25.981 --> 00:34:26.704
That's all my buddies drank.

00:34:26.704 --> 00:34:27.666
That's what they all drank.

00:34:27.666 --> 00:34:29.068
Yeah, I think they like the strongest shit.

00:34:29.068 --> 00:34:31.233
That was a cheaper or something you know anyway, so we.

00:34:31.233 --> 00:34:33.371
The last thing I did remember was a shot of rum pomace.

00:34:33.371 --> 00:34:37.425
I don't even know how to drink, like I don't even know what drinks are you know exactly so we do this.

00:34:37.445 --> 00:34:43.164
Then I wake up in an ambulance and I'm like what the fuck am I doing here?

00:34:43.164 --> 00:34:44.184
Literally I had no clue.

00:34:44.184 --> 00:34:46.628
I tell him, like what the hell am I doing in here?

00:34:46.628 --> 00:34:47.829
He's like you overdose.

00:34:47.829 --> 00:34:51.494
I remember telling I was like I don't even use drugs anymore.

00:34:51.494 --> 00:34:55.106
He's like you did today and I'm like I couldn't remember what happened.

00:34:55.106 --> 00:34:56.610
I was like what the fuck did I do?

00:34:56.610 --> 00:35:00.746
And then I'm like I just remember parts of the ambulance ride.

00:35:02.030 --> 00:35:05.965
All I remember is what I do remember is laying there wishing I was just dead.

00:35:05.965 --> 00:35:08.030
Why can I just end my life today?

00:35:08.030 --> 00:35:12.362
You know, if I'm out, if I'm out and I'm still doing this shit, I'm done with life, like fuck this, I don't want to live anymore.

00:35:12.362 --> 00:35:14.528
And then I'm mad like why couldn't I just die?

00:35:14.528 --> 00:35:16.003
Like why did I have to survive this, you know?

00:35:17.146 --> 00:35:24.045
And and then the next thing I know I remember hearing my little brother in the hallway and he's on the phone with my dad, who's Mr AA.

00:35:24.045 --> 00:35:26.007
My dad's like it's the biggest hypocrite on earth.

00:35:26.007 --> 00:35:28.291
You know, he's sober, 27 years, but the angriest dude on earth.

00:35:28.291 --> 00:35:29.213
You can't tell him shit.

00:35:29.213 --> 00:35:32.324
Just like bitter as hell, like one of those guys, right.

00:35:32.324 --> 00:35:33.527
So, my brother.

00:35:33.527 --> 00:35:39.775
I remember hearing he's on the phone with my dad who lives in south dakota and I yelled him like what are you calling dad for?

00:35:39.775 --> 00:35:43.567
Keep in mind, I'm a 31 year old prison shot caller like yelling my little brother for telling on my dad.

00:35:43.567 --> 00:35:46.454
You know that I almost died today right and he's like do you know what happened?

00:35:46.474 --> 00:35:47.498
I was like I don't know anything that happened.

00:35:47.498 --> 00:35:48.280
He's like they won't tell me.

00:35:48.280 --> 00:35:49.422
All I said is that I overdosed.

00:35:49.422 --> 00:35:56.971
The doctor comes in, said they found me no heartbeat, full dead, got me back to life, resuscitated me like, gave me seven shots of narcan.

00:35:56.971 --> 00:36:00.710
By the time they got me to the hospital my heart was only beating six beats a minute.

00:36:00.710 --> 00:36:05.684
But this is the part of the story that made me realize God was willing to change my life.

00:36:05.684 --> 00:36:07.505
Like, literally, I found God in the hospital bed.

00:36:07.505 --> 00:36:13.471
My ex-girlfriend's sister is the one that found me and she went home after work to go tanning.

00:36:13.471 --> 00:36:23.621
She said she pulled up to the tanning salon, parked her car, got out just like normal, walked up to the tanning salon door, said, right, when she put her hand on the door a light went off in her head and told her to go home.

00:36:23.621 --> 00:36:30.893
She takes her hand off the door handle, gets right back in the car and drives home to take a nap and finds me dead in the bathtub, calls the paramedics.

00:36:30.893 --> 00:36:33.523
I just I don't know how I didn't have a heartbeat that long.

00:36:33.523 --> 00:36:35.590
Whatever they were set say to me bring me back to life.

00:36:36.141 --> 00:36:43.806
What does my boy do like and this is my prison year I had to go back to my phone to find out what I did right, and this is what I'm so open about, because you can get caught up so quick, like you could be doing.

00:36:43.806 --> 00:36:51.201
You could be crushing life for years out here and then have one slip up and throw it all away in the fucking blink of an eye, which is why I'm so passionate about this.

00:36:51.201 --> 00:37:00.695
Clearly, I was at the bar drunk and got a facebook message from master from my prison youngster who lives in guadalupe and tells me to come get high.

00:37:00.695 --> 00:37:01.338
He has dope.

00:37:01.338 --> 00:37:04.163
I drive my truck, blacked out, drunk, never drove drunk in my life before.

00:37:05.264 --> 00:37:05.987
And then what does he do?

00:37:05.987 --> 00:37:17.110
When I go fall out, because I clearly I did the shot and just went back because they found me upside down in the bathtub and I was 260 pounds, so she couldn't move me, so like she had to just wait there while, and she said I was blue and soaking wet and um.

00:37:17.110 --> 00:37:18.755
What does my little youngster do, though?

00:37:18.755 --> 00:37:24.168
Instead of calling paramedics, he just takes the money in my wallet, leaves me to die great friends that's.

00:37:24.349 --> 00:37:25.251
That's what most people's friends are.

00:37:25.251 --> 00:37:28.739
I mean, when they, when the time comes to it, that's what most of your friends are going to do to you anyways.

00:37:28.739 --> 00:37:29.239
You know what I'm saying?

00:37:29.239 --> 00:37:30.103
You just don't think it, you know.

00:37:30.103 --> 00:37:33.989
And they just, most people's friends are just friends because it's convenient for them or it makes them like.

00:37:33.989 --> 00:37:36.780
I realize a lot of my friends are friends because they hated their lives.

00:37:36.780 --> 00:37:42.528
They like to go drink together, so like they'll have these things that they align together just to make themselves feel like they're good friends.00:37:42.528 --> 00:37:42.889


But they're not.00:37:42.889 --> 00:37:46.032


And that dude's not going to do shit for you, he's not going to help you when it comes time to it you go to prison.00:37:46.032 --> 00:37:47.916


He's not going to visit you or write you none of that stuff, you know.00:37:47.916 --> 00:37:51.708


So I'm sorry, I just lost track.00:37:51.708 --> 00:37:52.791


I thought where was I?00:37:52.811 --> 00:37:56.820


You're totally fine, I'm going to jump ship on the next thing anyway.00:37:56.820 --> 00:38:01.811


So this event makes you realize you know we're meeting God.00:38:07.800 --> 00:38:08.282


We're reacqu now, right.00:38:08.282 --> 00:38:09.608


So tell me what that looks like going forward from that point.00:38:09.608 --> 00:38:15.307


So from that point and I could, I could show you a video after this but I I go out to my dad's place in south dakota and I'm gonna, literally at this point, I finally thrown him, thrown in the towel.00:38:15.307 --> 00:38:16.800


I was like, okay, I can't drink anymore.00:38:16.800 --> 00:38:18.304


I got that figured out of my system.00:38:18.304 --> 00:38:20.070


I got all the women out of my system.00:38:20.070 --> 00:38:26.333


And even then I remember I was sitting at the bar one day and I told my brother like yo, this is all you guys do every weekend, like, and I'm the one going home with the hottest chicks.00:38:26.333 --> 00:38:26.693


They're not.00:38:26.693 --> 00:38:28.978


And I'm like I'm even over this shit, you know I'm like I'm seriously.00:38:28.998 --> 00:38:30.342


You guys have been doing this for 12 years.00:38:30.342 --> 00:38:31.405


Like this isn't old to you?00:38:31.485 --> 00:38:33.490


pretty basic baby bitch shit yeah seriously.00:38:33.619 --> 00:38:35.365


So like I was already like looking for the next thing.00:38:35.365 --> 00:38:45.570


So then when this happened, I was like all right, maybe it's time to quit drinking and get sober and try and figure this.00:38:45.570 --> 00:38:48.735


I went out to South Dakota to try and get sober from that overdose to my dad's.00:38:48.735 --> 00:38:57.202


I stayed with him for a couple of weeks, went to meetings every day and I came back out here when I had like 30 days sober and luckily my co -defendant, um.00:38:57.202 --> 00:39:03.670


He was the finance director at a big car dealership in Scottsdale, so he'd got an in with me to go at least talk to the gym and he said that he'd hire me possibly.00:39:05.211 --> 00:39:07.795


And you know, I'm 31 years old, never had to work a day in my life.00:39:07.795 --> 00:39:23.686


And you know what's crazy now, like I rebuilt my life, my dad, what he did is he bought me five pairs of khakis and five dress shirts from Kohl's All like buy one, get one free, or buy one, get one 50% off and I had to pay him back for those clothes on my first paycheck and he sent me out to Arizona.00:39:23.686 --> 00:39:33.853


I made 10 grand my first month ever working in my entire life.00:39:33.853 --> 00:39:41.351


And I got that check and I was like I can't even tell you how many lights went off in my head Because, like it's so fun.00:39:41.351 --> 00:39:44.414


It's like getting out of prison is the coolest thing in the world.00:39:44.414 --> 00:39:46.713


But like, what's that honeymoon phase Where's over?00:39:46.713 --> 00:39:47.726


It's like what the fuck?00:39:47.746 --> 00:39:48.407


did I ask?00:39:48.427 --> 00:39:53.972


for, Like I didn't ask for this, Like I want to go back to prison, Like I have been like so fucking bipolar, Like that's why I needed this today.00:40:05.728 --> 00:40:15.309


I knew this was a sign I needed to come and do this today Because, like I'm the happiest guy on earth, like I can't even tell you how well my kids need to be, like I'd take full pride.00:40:15.309 --> 00:40:15.851


I am the best, I don't know.00:40:15.851 --> 00:40:16.833


I do everything for those kids.00:40:16.833 --> 00:40:25.735


I will never let them see anything bad like and uh god, I just lost track of what I was saying again.00:40:25.735 --> 00:40:29.936


Um, so I told you I was gonna be emotional today but anyways oh, here I'm.00:40:29.976 --> 00:40:44.809


Like I always thought that my end goal was, like, no matter how successful I got, I had a million dollar house, you know, like um, and still always thought that in the end I would end up smoking myself or going back to prison on purpose.00:40:44.809 --> 00:40:51.034


But this time I was going to pick a state like Alaska, where the, where it's cakewalk, and go do time there and just give up on life.00:40:51.034 --> 00:40:52.128


That was always my end goal.00:40:52.128 --> 00:41:02.858


Or just make it, you know, make it to where I want and then just literally smoke myself in the end whenever it got too hard and it's so sad because I'm like the happiest I've ever been.00:41:02.858 --> 00:41:12.766


But now that I have kids and I know that killing myself is not an option to terrify, terrifies me, and like even I have one son I'm I'm killing like I do great, I'm a great dad, you know, and I had my second son.00:41:12.766 --> 00:41:20.358


I'm like I went out to the park just for a walk and I come back in my mother's like you, okay, and I was like, damn, I gotta grow the fuck up like fast, fast, you know.00:41:20.358 --> 00:41:26.487


And I'm just hard on myself, though, too, but because I know what's possible, you know like I know how much I've done in just this amount of time.00:41:26.487 --> 00:41:34.554


And seeing you like gave me so much hope that, like what's possible I'm serious like just a couple of your little Instagram clips and that's what's so crazy about life.00:41:34.574 --> 00:41:36.838


Like when I quit my job years ago, I wanted to be Instagram famous.00:41:36.838 --> 00:41:39.628


I wanted to meet all these famous people and every big person on Instagram.00:41:39.628 --> 00:41:40.751


I know them personally.00:41:40.751 --> 00:41:41.914


I have their cell phone numbers.00:41:41.914 --> 00:41:42.815


I've been on the Bradley Show.00:41:42.815 --> 00:41:45.318


All these guys they're all a bunch of scam artists, losers.00:41:45.318 --> 00:42:00.181


Like I'm not even joking, like I hope this comes out the right way, but this is the podcast that has the smallest following I've ever done and I was a hundred million times more excited to come here than I've ever been to do another show in my life.00:42:00.181 --> 00:42:02.172


And what?00:42:02.172 --> 00:42:07.951


You realize that all those guys that have the big podcast, they're all bought fake followers and all sharing some bullshit, fake message and none of them are good people in their lives.00:42:07.951 --> 00:42:10.893


They have podcasts but they're cheating on their wives when they get done with all that stuff.00:42:11.045 --> 00:42:12.371


And I just won't associate with that stuff anymore.00:42:12.371 --> 00:42:13.853


Don't associate with that stuff anymore.00:42:13.853 --> 00:42:14.175


So like I don't.00:42:14.175 --> 00:42:24.775


You're just like really inspiring me, like watching a couple of those clips and just like I'm just like real, authentic people and like one thing I told myself in prison is the shittiest thing besides for just being away in there forever, because you just get used to it, you know right.00:42:24.775 --> 00:42:27.545


But it's the fact that you have to be around scumbags 24 7.00:42:27.545 --> 00:42:33.614


So that's what I told myself when I was like I am not going to associate with bad people, like if I have a choice to who I'm going to be around and that's why I'm so selective.00:42:33.653 --> 00:42:41.903


Even my family, like I am so hard I call all my family members off, like I don't have a single Meyerhoff that can text or call me.00:42:41.903 --> 00:42:44.693


Right now I'm not on social media, not on myself, I'm not on anything.00:42:44.693 --> 00:42:51.038


And you know what's crazy is my dad has a big family of six brothers and two sisters.00:42:51.038 --> 00:42:52.891


Every one of them is alcoholics.00:42:52.891 --> 00:42:58.639


None of the kids made shit of any of themselves, except for my one family with Sally, the All-American Duke.00:42:58.639 --> 00:43:05.813


The other daughter was a Rhodes Scholarship nominee, an All-American at St John's, and the other kid raced dirt bikes and was just a stud at that right.00:43:05.813 --> 00:43:09.197


You know why he married a good wife, yeah.00:43:09.579 --> 00:43:10.284


It's all about the women.00:43:10.405 --> 00:43:13.648


And our whole life I'm serious, listen and I didn't realize this until recently.00:43:13.648 --> 00:43:14.768


Our whole lives.00:43:14.768 --> 00:43:25.199


My Meyerhoff family made me hate this her literally, because she was a guy and we hated Cindy and Cindy was trash and she wasn't like the Meyerhoffs and she wouldn't drink like them.00:43:25.199 --> 00:43:41.748


And I grew up hating my Aunt Cindy Right and even up until a couple years ago, because when they she split, she went back to a guy, she got rid of the Meyerhoff name, her daughter and son changed their names back from Meyerhoff's and when I finally had this realization, like a year or two ago, I was like holy shit, my Aunt Cindy had it right the whole time.00:43:42.550 --> 00:43:44.733


Why don't you have a relationship with your family?00:43:44.733 --> 00:43:47.456


Is it because of all the prison stuff or just them not being supportive?00:43:47.577 --> 00:43:48.378


Them not being supportive.00:43:48.378 --> 00:44:02.686


Like my dad will come to town I'm not joking, no-transcript, I'm like side streets away.00:44:02.686 --> 00:44:03.427


He has kids.00:44:03.427 --> 00:44:06.369


I was always seeing his kids and then I buy that house.00:44:06.369 --> 00:44:08.550


My dad comes to town, don't even come over.00:44:08.550 --> 00:44:14.273


He'll be in town for a week and, like he, he texts me one day to get lunch at my house, just spends all day with my brother.00:44:15.213 --> 00:44:33.750


I think you get to a place in families that when there's not any and don't take this the wrong way, because this is just in general emotional intelligence in families is such a newer thing, right, for most people that it's just so fucking toxic, right?00:44:33.750 --> 00:44:39.972


Because you have so much hurt and anger and resentment your dad fuels off of anger based on kind of what you said he's not.00:44:40.333 --> 00:44:48.851


you have to like really go out of your way to try to work on that and change that, and so no one has any emotional intelligence and it's literally just like powder kegs in a family.00:44:48.851 --> 00:44:50.876


It's a wonder everybody doesn't kill each other.00:44:50.956 --> 00:44:56.697


It's a reason why a lot of people do say I have, I want nothing to do with my family, because you can't even get to that point.00:44:56.697 --> 00:45:03.949


It takes a lot of work to be able to repair that damage and, it's true to say, they vilify you when you try to get out of it too, they all look at me like I'm the.00:45:04.947 --> 00:45:12.769


Instead of being happy for their nephew that made someone's life after 12 years in prison, I would wake up in the morning and I'd get shit talked to me from Facebook messages in the middle of the night.00:45:12.789 --> 00:45:13.851


But here's the whole thing.00:45:13.851 --> 00:45:15.614


I want to offer you a different perspective.00:45:15.614 --> 00:45:17.317


You are the villain in their story.00:45:17.317 --> 00:45:18.960


Do you know what I mean?00:45:18.960 --> 00:45:20.831


Think about that for a second.00:45:20.831 --> 00:45:26.572


Think about your parents, who are just trying to do the best that they can with the limited that they have, right.00:45:26.572 --> 00:45:28.672


And then you're doing what you're dealing with.00:45:28.744 --> 00:45:31.088


I'm assuming you weren't going home and saying I'm really struggling today.00:45:31.088 --> 00:45:32.510


This is really hurting me as a human being.00:45:32.510 --> 00:45:39.480


Right, you're protecting yourself and coming from this place of misbehaving getting in, okay, I'm going to be the baddest motherfucker, like all of that stuff.00:45:39.480 --> 00:45:42.161


What does that look like to somebody on the other side?00:45:42.161 --> 00:45:48.706


So I encourage you to look from the other perspective, not for any other reason, because you don't have to ever talk to your family again, and I don't disagree with that either.00:45:48.766 --> 00:46:02.932


But what I'm saying is, when you look at it from the other side of like, what did that look like for them, especially now that you have kids, can you imagine if something happened to one of your sons that did exactly what your story looked like, but he didn't talk to you about it, right, he didn't tell you about it.00:46:02.932 --> 00:46:07.635


And now he's just out doing stuff and you're left at this place of like how do I even help this kid?00:46:07.635 --> 00:46:08.525


Do you see what I'm saying?00:46:08.525 --> 00:46:15.335


Having kids is so powerful because it literally helps put up a mirror of like what did that look like for my parents, right?00:46:15.494 --> 00:46:33.733


your mom's doing the only thing that she knows how, which is going and being a flight attendant and trying to do the best thing, and she comes home at the end of her week or her day or whatever, and all she wants to do is be able to like, relax for a minute and catch a beat, and it's thrown right into whatever tornado you've created she comes around and find out what I stole her absolutely, absolutely right at the house absolutely so.00:46:33.773 --> 00:46:44.277


It's like when you look at all of that anger which in families, there's plenty of anger to go around because everyone has their perspective, but they're all justified in how they feel about you, just as you are, and how you feel about them.00:46:44.277 --> 00:46:54.632


That's why, if you, if there's ever anything that's going to work, it has to be people being willing to just set the weapons down and say that was our story, I'm not going to you know what I mean, I'm going to set down the resentment.00:46:54.672 --> 00:47:01.358


I'm not going to carry this anger forward, which is a really hard thing to do, but it's like you don't want to raise your sons to come from a place of anger.00:47:01.358 --> 00:47:05.601


You want them to have emotional intelligence and you can't teach that unless you have that.00:47:05.681 --> 00:47:05.900


Yeah.00:47:06.041 --> 00:47:07.702


Tell me what emotional intelligence means to you.00:47:07.702 --> 00:47:08.222


I'm curious.00:47:08.222 --> 00:47:12.648


I was going to get along really well.00:47:12.829 --> 00:47:13.429


That's the next thing.00:47:13.429 --> 00:47:14.411


I was literally just going to ask you.00:47:14.471 --> 00:47:28.925


I would say most intelligence would be like just understanding, like people's thoughts and feelings, not even people's, yours, okay, yes, you can understand other people's too, but it's like again, we raised our boys in previous generations that don't cry, that you don't be a pussy, like all of that kind of stuff.00:47:28.925 --> 00:47:36.695


So boys are being raised to turn any emotion that they feel into anger or rage, right, so that's learned behavior, that's how you're taught, that's how it is.00:47:36.695 --> 00:47:41.547


Unlearning that or reprogramming yourself to say how does that make me feel?00:47:41.547 --> 00:47:45.516


Right, you, being curious about yourself is a huge component of that of like.00:47:45.516 --> 00:47:48.913


Okay, how does that make me feel and what am I going to do with that?00:47:48.913 --> 00:47:49.233


Right?00:47:49.233 --> 00:47:51.086


How am I going to communicate?00:47:51.086 --> 00:47:52.128


That makes you a better husband.00:47:52.128 --> 00:47:53.030


It makes you a better father.00:47:53.030 --> 00:47:54.014


It makes you a better friend.00:47:54.014 --> 00:47:55.697


To really be in tune with your emotions.00:47:55.697 --> 00:47:58.003


It sucks because we were not raised that way.00:47:58.003 --> 00:47:58.304


Right?00:47:58.304 --> 00:48:02.574


I was raised where emotions were very messy and I didn't want anything to do with them.00:48:02.574 --> 00:48:05.389


Vulnerability to me was the biggest fucking weakness ever.00:48:05.751 --> 00:48:10.387


It's not a weakness, it's actually my superpower now, but I didn't realize that until I was in my forties, you know.00:48:10.427 --> 00:48:14.331


So it was like just push stuff down, I'm fine, I'm fine, everything's fine.00:48:14.331 --> 00:48:16.934


I drank, you know, we all numb in different ways.00:48:16.934 --> 00:48:21.297


My numb of choice was alcohol, and so it was just keep pushing shit down.00:48:21.297 --> 00:48:25.501


I didn't have to remember anything, I didn't have to address anything, I just kept pushing shit down.00:48:25.501 --> 00:48:33.853


What you realize is, yes, you're numbing all of the bad feelings and the shit that hurts, but in doing so, you don't get to enjoy the highs either, right?00:48:33.873 --> 00:48:39.472


so the emotional intelligence component of that will help you, like, navigate where you can figure things out and go.00:48:39.472 --> 00:48:40.956


Yeah, I'm gonna feel some of this shit.00:48:40.956 --> 00:48:47.490


That really felt bad, right, starting with the fucking thing that happened when you were 15 and all of the fucking horrible you.00:48:47.490 --> 00:48:54.300


I'm guessing that you probably felt abandoned in that moment because no one took your side like and imagine your son right again.00:48:54.320 --> 00:48:55.626


That's the beautiful thing about having kids.00:48:55.626 --> 00:48:59.492


Imagine him ever in his life feeling abandoned or not protected by you.00:48:59.492 --> 00:49:01.016


Can you even fucking imagine that?00:49:01.016 --> 00:49:06.807


That will bring me to my knees every single time just thinking about it, right, but that's what happened to you, right?00:49:07.108 --> 00:49:13.931


so thinking about all of that and unpacking and then feeling the emotions of that and understanding that that's the processing things.00:49:13.931 --> 00:49:18.971


That's where journaling or talking to somebody else about that it doesn't even have to be a therapist, right.00:49:18.971 --> 00:49:21.132


I mean, you and I are having a great time right now.00:49:21.132 --> 00:49:28.472


But talking about that and saying like, yeah, that really felt horrible, I felt abandoned, I felt this and that, or what did it feel like when you went to prison?00:49:28.472 --> 00:49:31.871


Yeah, you act hard, right, you're just a little fucking boy.00:49:31.871 --> 00:49:39.786


I would act harder than that.00:49:39.786 --> 00:49:42.496


I would literally have my head under my sheets, crying, crying and exactly and I don't blame you, that's a totally normal reaction, right.00:49:42.516 --> 00:49:51.648


But being able to really feel that for yourself after the fact and then release it so that you're not carrying around the anger and the resentment that goes with it, so emotional intelligence to me, I get very curious about that.00:49:51.648 --> 00:49:56.177


Take that away from our time today and really get curious about okay, how does that make me feel?00:49:56.177 --> 00:49:57.981


Or what does that, what does that bring up?00:49:57.981 --> 00:50:00.288


Because then you're raising your kids that way, right?00:50:00.288 --> 00:50:10.016


You know, I got sober when my youngest was nine years old and I was driving him in and out to school in Flagstaff, where we were in the car together for an hour a day.00:50:10.016 --> 00:50:16.554


So when I was learning things about boundaries, or about myself, or about resentment or about all of these different things, we were just talking about it.00:50:16.554 --> 00:50:20.951


Well, the good news is I have an 18 year old who is the most emotionally intelligent man I've ever met.00:50:21.512 --> 00:50:26.891


He's an excellent fucking communicator yeah, excellent communicator and I look at him and I've never been more proud.00:50:26.891 --> 00:50:36.438


That would not have been the case had I not gone through what I did, right, so, being able to teach your, your boys, as they're growing up, to feel their feelings, to express their stuff.00:50:36.438 --> 00:50:39.559


That doesn't mean anybody's a pussy or a fucking crybaby or any of that shit.00:50:39.559 --> 00:50:41.927


That's somebody that's in touch with who they are.00:50:41.927 --> 00:50:43.913


That's powerful shit, right?00:50:43.913 --> 00:50:49.235


So you going through that and you taking the steps to be better for yourself is just better for them, right.00:50:49.235 --> 00:50:51.007


We talk about I would do anything for my kids.00:50:51.007 --> 00:50:55.815


I would encourage you to get real curious about that in yourself of how does that make me feel?00:50:55.815 --> 00:50:57.219


What do I need to release for this?00:50:57.219 --> 00:50:59.213


Because I don't want to carry this shit around, right?00:50:59.213 --> 00:51:06.445


We don't realize we carry all this stuff around and in doing so it's literally like a wrecking ball that you're dragging behind you and you don't even fucking realize it.00:51:06.465 --> 00:51:07.791


Someone just made this analysis too.00:51:07.791 --> 00:51:25.931


It's like all that stuff that you think you're pushing aside or coping with, or you're drinking or something like that inside, and that's why my anger is so bad, because I have all this shit inside me, so anything that sets me off kilter it's ready to pop just like that, which is why he was like trying to convince me to do like some more severe treatments, like ayahuasca or like ketamine or something like that, to get all that stuff out, which probably what I want to do next.00:51:25.972 --> 00:51:27.657


But yeah, yeah, no doing.00:51:27.657 --> 00:51:31.186


Doing all of that and then also just being brave enough to look yourself in the mirror and say how did that?00:51:31.186 --> 00:51:32.708


Why does that feel like that?00:51:32.708 --> 00:51:34.367


Is that really in my best interest?00:51:34.367 --> 00:51:36.228


Is that something I want to pass down to my kids?00:51:36.349 --> 00:51:44.454


Yeah, right, even talking to a therapist, because it gives me a second point of view, like all I've known is what Meyerhaus told me or what people in prison told me, and neither of those are what works out here, Would you?00:51:44.494 --> 00:51:48.516


realize these are all toxic, you know relationships and toxic people that don't have it figured out.00:51:48.516 --> 00:51:49.836


So we don't want one part of your life.00:51:49.836 --> 00:51:50.856


Why would I take advice from you?00:51:50.856 --> 00:51:51.297


Absolutely.00:51:51.297 --> 00:51:52.518


You know what I'm saying Absolutely.00:51:52.538 --> 00:52:17.650


Well, it's smart, you've got the fundamentals figured out right, so then it's just figuring out okay where am All of the things that you've already talked about?00:52:17.670 --> 00:52:18.211


That's the other part of it.00:52:18.211 --> 00:52:21.364


I think so many people are like no, no, no, it's fine I was talking with someone and they're like no, no, I don't have any trauma, that's totally fine, I'm over it.00:52:21.545 --> 00:52:26.818


I'm like your dad fucking OD'd on heroin at Christmas when you were a child.00:52:26.818 --> 00:52:27.989


You don't think that's fucking trauma.00:52:27.989 --> 00:52:31.592


I mean you can just go back and talk to people about it's like.00:52:31.592 --> 00:52:33.956


Put your kid in that situation, right.00:52:33.956 --> 00:52:37.559


So if you think I'm tough, I was fine at 10 or 7 or 15 or like whatever the age is.00:52:37.559 --> 00:52:41.666


Put your little fucking kid in that situation and realize how young they are right and then go.00:52:41.907 --> 00:52:43.411


Would you want them dealing with that?00:52:43.411 --> 00:52:45.525


You can look at your two sons who are young.00:52:45.525 --> 00:52:47.291


They're babies, days old one of them.00:52:47.291 --> 00:52:53.130


You can look at them right now and think I would never want that for them, for them to have to put up and go through the shit that I went through.00:52:54.112 --> 00:52:56.277


Right it makes you sick to your stomach to even think about.00:52:56.277 --> 00:52:56.978


I do the same thing.00:52:56.978 --> 00:52:57.719


I look at my girls.00:52:57.719 --> 00:53:05.588


I look at my daughters and think some of the shit that happened to me when I was 13, 14, 15, the stuff that I was doing, whatever, and I was doing the same thing you were.00:53:05.588 --> 00:53:08.246


I'm tough, I can handle this, I don't even need to.00:53:08.246 --> 00:53:13.010


We just keep pouring alcohol and drugs, the fucking you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.00:53:13.010 --> 00:53:19.596


I look at that for my daughters and I think I am mortified at the idea of them having to fucking navigate that on their own.00:53:19.596 --> 00:53:21.498


And they went through hard stuff too.00:53:21.637 --> 00:53:35.224


Right, like I didn't do everything perfect, I was too busy numbing myself because I didn't want to look myself in the fucking mirror, which now I look at it now and I think, thank God I woke up, thank God something happened where I was like holy shit.00:53:35.224 --> 00:53:40.661


Holy shit, because now I find myself on this path of okay, I've done eight years of the ayahuascas and the fucking, all of the different healing modalities.00:53:40.661 --> 00:53:45.565


Yeah, I've done all of the things right, I've read all of the books and I know that this is a lifelong commitment that I've made to it.00:53:45.565 --> 00:53:52.313


But now I'm at the point where I'm like, okay, I've got some tips and tricks and tools and shit that I've learned from all of that that I can share with other people.00:53:52.313 --> 00:53:55.858


Which is why I have the podcast, because the universe fucking hit me upside the head.00:53:55.858 --> 00:54:03.153


I call the god, you know god, universe of the big guy, whatever you can call him, but universe hit me upside the head and said you got to share that with other people right.00:54:03.193 --> 00:54:03.865


I was going to ask how?00:54:03.865 --> 00:54:07.663


Because tyler had told me where you come from and I was like even more fast.00:54:07.702 --> 00:54:15.014


I was like yeah fucking joke yeah no, seriously, it was like now you're doing a fucking podcast and I'm not the person who's ever been big on Instagram, big on anything.00:54:15.014 --> 00:54:16.637


I've always been very private with my life.00:54:16.637 --> 00:54:18.039


I don't want everyone to know my business.00:54:18.039 --> 00:54:26.052


And now I'd like in this podcast is showing everybody the inside of my asshole, because I fucking say all the things and I fucking am not shy about this is hold back and I don't hold back.00:54:26.072 --> 00:54:26.775


This is my story.00:54:26.775 --> 00:54:32.855


I've got a lot of shit in there that I would have been previously ashamed of, but I shame has no business.00:54:32.875 --> 00:54:37.742


People will at you, are like I would have looked at you before, like this chick has it all, like she's never struggled, like me.00:54:37.742 --> 00:54:51.371


There's no fucking chance, and I'm joking, I wouldn't even listen to a word that came in, which is why my stuff works so well when I'm dealing with inmates in prison because, like you, can't say I haven't walked your shoes, I walked that.00:54:51.572 --> 00:55:11.972


Yeah, no, but it's interesting because it's like when you surrender to the universe, when you get to this place where you're doing the work and you're saying like, okay, I do, I want to be the best version of me that I possibly can for my kids, for my family, for my all of the things, and you're going down, you just get in tune with whatever you're supposed to be doing.00:55:11.972 --> 00:55:24.847


When the universe tells you whatever it is that you're doing to fucking help other people, right, because I realized that when I share stuff with people, when I lead with vulnerability, it has an impact with people where they go okay, okay, it's not so scary to fucking say the scary thing.00:55:24.847 --> 00:55:31.489


Right, it's not so scary to say I fucking got accused of raping somebody and this is what maybe it felt like, or it didn't feel like.00:55:31.489 --> 00:55:34.512


I don't feel like that's how this was, or whatever Fucking.00:55:34.512 --> 00:55:35.855


Let's have the conversation.00:55:35.855 --> 00:55:41.452


Thank you for being brave enough to come on here and fucking say that, right, because none of this needs to be shameful.00:55:41.452 --> 00:55:41.954


Right?00:55:41.954 --> 00:55:48.235


You were also just a kid in that situation, right, whose life literally got fucking turned upside down over something, right?00:55:48.235 --> 00:55:50.492


So let's have those conversations.00:55:50.492 --> 00:55:51.534


Let's talk about that.00:55:51.684 --> 00:56:00.648


That, to me, is the powerful stuff where you have people that are listening that go okay, right, because it isn't the pieces of our story that really tear us up, it's the shame associated with them, it's.00:56:00.648 --> 00:56:04.230


I don't say that word, I'm not going to admit to that, I'm not going to say that that's what happened.00:56:04.230 --> 00:56:05.577


That's just part of Peter's story.00:56:05.577 --> 00:56:08.887


All of the things that you're telling me, those are just part of Peter's story, right?00:56:08.887 --> 00:56:10.268


What do you do now?00:56:10.268 --> 00:56:16.197


To like give back to other people or try to make an impact with people, or like what fuels your fire right now for what you do?00:56:16.898 --> 00:56:22.253


my biggest thing has just been working with people that are either recovery or prison in or out right now.00:56:22.253 --> 00:56:33.813


Like I do a ton of stuff in prisons now so I actually developed my own curriculum now that I teach and sell in prisons, um, just to switch their mindset and get out of all the politics and shit, and like I mean look where I am now.00:56:33.813 --> 00:56:44.005


If I would have done even half my time like reading or getting education, even just having positive thoughts of making a plan to what to do out there, like I I did nothing at all, like I literally had not one clue in the world of what I was doing.00:56:44.005 --> 00:56:44.547


They just let me out.00:56:44.547 --> 00:56:46.733


I was like that and I'm like, holy shit, I better figure this shit out now.00:56:46.733 --> 00:56:48.648


So it's like my biggest passion is doing that.00:56:48.648 --> 00:56:50.170


So nothing.00:56:50.170 --> 00:56:55.561


I'm the only guy in arizona, like a lot of those people I was telling her before like they'll go to like minimum security yards and they'll do like these little classes and stuff.00:56:55.561 --> 00:56:58.106


Like I'm the only guy that can go to maximum security and four yards.00:56:58.146 --> 00:57:17.476


Out here I'm doing the first one ever in California at Soledad, april 16th 150 inmates in the gymnasium and these inmates are the dudes like they're me, like shot colleagues out of the shoe, like the real, real deal that no one's ever had 150 of these guys in a room together at the same time and they're going to let me do an entire workshop with them.00:57:17.476 --> 00:57:19.586


They bought a copy of my book for every inmate there.00:57:19.586 --> 00:57:27.496


He's ordering them pizza and I'm going to eat prison food at lunch with them and I'm going to like literally just write plans for all these guys because, like they don't.00:57:27.496 --> 00:57:28.949


They don't even tell you what you can do out here.00:57:28.949 --> 00:57:32.016


You know, and if your mind's going with like that's my biggest thing when I tell them.00:57:32.016 --> 00:57:44.248


Instead of like thinking like I just got to get out but I don't know what I'm going to do, instead of like have your wheels going, like I can't wait to attack the streets, you know, like I have 24 hours a day and I can do literally whatever I want, you know, and like people don't care about degrees and shit out here, no more.00:57:44.248 --> 00:57:49.893


Really, like I'm not joking Like college and school, that doesn't mean shit If you can talk is get that interview and sell yourself to that guy, and then you got that.00:57:49.914 --> 00:58:00.791


You got to get right there, just like me, like anytime I was on a four and I needed to get my door open.00:58:00.791 --> 00:58:06.012


I was having to sell the cop on whatever idea I had to, whatever excuse I had to make sure that my door got open to go past drugs or whatever the hell I need to do.00:58:06.012 --> 00:58:11.755


And that's what life is out here now and it's like find what you're passionate about with people.00:58:11.755 --> 00:58:12.775


I love talking and stuff.00:58:12.775 --> 00:58:23.976


So, yeah, I just want to make plans for all these guys and, to be honest, over the next years I want to be the biggest prison speaker and I just want to just change millions and millions of lives to my podcast and I mean I get dms every single day.00:58:24.126 --> 00:58:26.657


Actually I want two days ago from my son's mom.00:58:26.657 --> 00:58:31.028


He's sitting in pelican bay doing a life sentence and pelican bay is like super max in california, you know.00:58:31.028 --> 00:58:37.639


And he's listening every single one of my podcasts, you know, and she's like it's keeping them through the day and it's like how the fuck did I do that?00:58:37.639 --> 00:58:45.175


You know what I'm saying, like seriously, and it's like I was kicked out of prison by the cops and now, like the cops are listening to my shit.00:58:45.175 --> 00:58:47.833


I got cops that blow me up on social media you know what I'm saying?00:58:47.855 --> 00:58:52.048


like yeah, they're trying to hang out with me now you know, now they're asking me to go speak at pro and I speak to cops.00:58:52.048 --> 00:59:01.490


Like they have me training deputies that are going to go become corrections officers, know how to deal with inmates like me and stuff like that, and it's like you can do anything you want in this world as long as you go get it and just go try.00:59:01.490 --> 00:59:02.293


Don't take no for an answer.00:59:02.293 --> 00:59:04.994


You know, like if you don't know something to figure out, you got google, you got a phone.00:59:04.994 --> 00:59:08.969


Like when people realize the small, simple, basic stuff, they can go so far in the world.00:59:08.969 --> 00:59:10.271


I want to give one more example real quick.00:59:10.271 --> 00:59:12.695


Is this just the kind of stuff that's so powerful to me?00:59:13.735 --> 00:59:16.300


So when I quit my job, I didn't know what I was going to do.00:59:16.300 --> 00:59:26.331


Right, I just one day I was making $300,000 a year out of prison, like got the million-dollar house driving a brand-new 7 Series, like sober, four or five years sober.00:59:26.331 --> 00:59:34.052


Now I got it all you know, and I remember thinking, fuck, there's no way, this is all that I'm supposed to do the rest of my life, you know.00:59:34.052 --> 00:59:37.217


But like I'm making so much money, I'm blind to like I never thought I was gonna make that kind of money.00:59:37.217 --> 00:59:39.931


You know I'm freaking, taking screenshots, my direct deposit.00:59:39.931 --> 00:59:40.753


Everyone like what the fuck?00:59:40.753 --> 00:59:41.925


Yeah, am I doing?00:59:41.925 --> 00:59:43.451


You know, like, make a moment my dad ever made.00:59:43.451 --> 00:59:44.775


You know he was the only successful meyerhoff.00:59:44.775 --> 00:59:51.512


Yeah, and um, one day I just was like you know, I'm done, I'm gonna quit here and just go try and figure something out myself.00:59:51.512 --> 00:59:53.396


I, I had my house.00:59:53.396 --> 00:59:56.239


I had, like you know, over half a million dollars equity, so my plan was to sell my house.00:59:56.239 --> 01:00:00.951


I was going to rent an apartment with the Optima, do the single life for a while and figure my shit out.01:00:00.951 --> 01:00:03.494


But I knew I just wanted to help people.01:00:03.494 --> 01:00:05.465


So I was like I quit my job and had no idea what I was going to do.01:00:05.465 --> 01:00:08.114


But that's when I wrote the book, launched the podcast, I did the Vice TV show.01:00:08.114 --> 01:00:11.427


So I was a teenage felon the shot caller.01:00:11.447 --> 01:00:17.498


Season 2, episode five, is my episode and, um, I just did all that.01:00:17.498 --> 01:00:19.148


And then I had a family and everything changed.01:00:19.148 --> 01:00:19.469


That's what.01:00:19.469 --> 01:00:20.295


That's what's so crazy.01:00:20.295 --> 01:00:23.889


Like I always say, like I'm a master at pivoting and that's what I tell people all the time.01:00:23.889 --> 01:00:30.253


Like it's such a good characteristic to have and be good at because, like your whole, I was going to be the optimist single.01:00:30.253 --> 01:00:32.157


She hates that.01:00:32.157 --> 01:00:32.905


I tell people the story.01:00:32.905 --> 01:00:35.693


But my wife, now we get it's a god thing.01:00:35.693 --> 01:00:36.496


We got day.01:00:36.516 --> 01:00:40.467


We met, like it was like the craziest one night stand that worked out perfectly you'll ever have in your life.01:00:40.467 --> 01:00:43.648


And it wasn't a one night stand Like we hooked up from the bar, like we were both sober, like.01:00:43.648 --> 01:00:49.708


But she came over to the house and like I had told myself like, no matter what, do not even try and have sex with this chick the first night.01:00:49.708 --> 01:00:52.409


It happened, I, I'm not joking.01:00:52.409 --> 01:00:55.672


0.2 seconds later I was like, oh my God, I'm so sorry.01:00:55.672 --> 01:00:59.195


And she was going to take plan B after that but forgot to and that's why we had Quincy.01:00:59.195 --> 01:01:01.137


And it just worked out perfectly.01:01:01.137 --> 01:01:08.931


And then she had never even she was just out of college never been in a serious relationship, never cooked a meal for a guy, never did, and that's why we get along so well.01:01:08.931 --> 01:01:16.376


She's an alpha female and it's so crazy she can't believe, like because my ex before her was a stripper, of course.01:01:16.715 --> 01:01:18.579


Oh Jesus, Now we're getting into a whole thing.01:01:18.599 --> 01:01:19.699


I'm going to get into the good stuff right here.01:01:19.699 --> 01:01:32.559


Seriously, because my ex-stripper was a stripper before that and the one before that was a bartender and I cheated on both, you know, and it's like, and she would ask me because she's still dealt with my ex for years afterwards, Like and she could not get over it.01:01:33.539 --> 01:01:36.240


There's a whole other podcast that we're getting into, oh seriously.01:01:36.621 --> 01:01:40.833


And she asked me she's like, why the hell would you be with a chick like that?01:01:40.833 --> 01:01:45.152


And I told her I would have never in my life tried to even date a chick like you before.01:01:45.152 --> 01:01:45.813


And she's like, why?01:01:45.813 --> 01:01:48.152


And I'm like you're too perfect for me, like I'm fucked up.01:01:48.152 --> 01:01:49.094


That's literally what I told her.01:01:49.094 --> 01:02:01.018


She's like how, look at me like I'm fucked up, like I'm never in my life I would have tried to hook up with you and that's it.01:02:01.018 --> 01:02:01.300


Never in my life tried to date you.01:02:01.300 --> 01:02:02.081


And you know why all that shit I'm talking about now how I'm feeling bipolar.01:02:02.003 --> 01:02:04.050


I gotta grow up real fast, because the shit that I did with the other women does not fly with my chick now.01:02:04.110 --> 01:02:09.568


Well, and not only that but you need to be setting an example for your boys of like both of those yeah, what's the right thing you get?01:02:09.608 --> 01:02:14.135


you get to rewrite stuff, so all that and, like I said, she wouldn't put up like the other women.01:02:14.135 --> 01:02:25.630


I told myself and this was full on, like you're lucky to be with me, this is how I am, and that would last about a half hour with Jasmine right now, you know, right, and so that's what it is.01:02:25.630 --> 01:02:33.592


So that's why I go to therapy now and I really try to work on stuff.01:02:33.592 --> 01:02:40.371


You know, and I've always been angry, so it makes me so sad and I cry now and I'm like you've got to fix that, fix your shit, that's what I really work on.01:02:40.646 --> 01:02:41.684


No, seriously, that's why your podcast saved me a lot.01:02:41.684 --> 01:02:43.590


That's your gal's name, Jasmine, jasmine, yeah.01:02:43.690 --> 01:02:43.952


Love it.01:02:43.952 --> 01:02:45.335


Shout out to Jasmine Smart gal.01:02:50.512 --> 01:02:52.596


Thank you that's alright.01:02:52.635 --> 01:02:56.722


We ended with Jasmine, which is the important part so yeah, smart girl, telling you to fix your shit.01:02:56.722 --> 01:02:59.315


So, anyways, that's our time for today.01:02:59.315 --> 01:03:00.405


So thank you for joining us.01:03:00.405 --> 01:03:01.230


I appreciate it.01:03:01.230 --> 01:03:07.228


If you have questions, suggestions or you think you'd like to come get naked with me as a guest, please send us an email.01:03:07.228 --> 01:03:11.530


Our email address is ladies at let's get naked podcast dot com.01:03:11.530 --> 01:03:19.588


Please do all the things to support the pod by following, sharing, rating and reviewing, and we'll catch you next time leave a review.01:03:19.608 --> 01:03:23.538


If you're a good friend, leave a review seriously thank you, that's a wrap.01:03:30.914 --> 01:03:32.657


I'd love to help you get vulnerable.01:03:32.657 --> 01:03:33.778


Let's get naked.