The Power of Perspective: Family Stories Through Different Filters

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I'd love to help you get vulnerable.

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Let's get naked.

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Hey everyone, I'm Ann.

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Welcome to the let's Get Naked podcast, where we dive deep into vulnerability.

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In this space, we'll explore what triggers us, uncover the patterns holding us back and discover how to take charge of our own growth.

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If you're ready to dig in, be vulnerable and face the tough stuff, then buckle up.

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It's time to get naked.

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On this podcast, we've shared a lot of stories, personal accounts of how people remember past events.

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Each story is one person's unique perspective, shaped by their own filters.

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It's so wild how each person experiences the same event completely different, especially within families, Like when something happens.

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Maybe it's a holiday dinner or a birthday or just a random family get-together.

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It's not just one shared experience.

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Everyone has their own personal lens through which they interpret it.

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People bring their history, emotions and past experiences to the table and suddenly the same event is a completely different reality for everyone involved.

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Take something like a family argument, for example.

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One person might see it as a small disagreement, nothing too serious, but someone else in the same conversation could be triggered by past unresolved issues.

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So they're not just hearing the words being said, they're hearing all of the history, all the unresolved tensions, all the things they didn't say before.

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Their filter is shaped by how they've been treated in the past, their relationship with the people involved and even their mood at the time.

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And the craziest part Both of these people could walk away thinking they're the one in the right, but from their own personal perspective, they're completely justified.

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It's like everyone's got their own set of emotional glasses tinted by their upbringing, past traumas and life experiences.

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Two people can be sitting in the same room looking at the same thing and yet have completely different views of it.

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It's why some people can look back on a family event and remember it as a warm, joyful occasion, while someone else might think it was cold and awkward.

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This is why family dynamics are so tricky.

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It's not even necessarily about who is right or wrong.

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It's about how those filters are shaping everyone's individual experiences of the situation.

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What one person thinks is a funny, lighthearted comment could feel like a sharp jab to someone else, depending on their own personal history.

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And when you add in generational filters, the differences between how parents and kids or grandparents and grandchildren see the world can be downright staggering.

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Family memories often collide with the perspective of time and growing up, creating this web of interpretations that only gets more complicated the older everyone gets.

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It's kind of fascinating, but also exhausting when you think about it.

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It makes you wonder how we ever come to understand each other at all, but it's also what makes family life so layered.

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The complexity of perspectives and filters is what makes our relationships rich, even if sometimes it's painful or frustrating to navigate.

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Today we're stripping it all off with my niece Creighton.

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Creighton is the oldest daughter of my brother Brennan and his wife Caitlin, who have been guests previously on the podcast.

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Caitlin, who have been guests previously on the podcast.

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Welcome to the show.

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Thank you for having me.

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Yeah, welcome.

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So I'd like to start by saying, as I've been doing this podcast, the different perspectives that I've been seeing, as other people recount stories of things that I was there for, sometimes in years where I was sober, sometimes in years where I wasn't.

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It has really opened my eyes to what I was just talking about in the intro of every event has everyone else's different take on it.

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You're looking at things from a unique perspective.

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You're looking at things through filters that come from emotions, experiences, what mood you're in that day, what age you are during that, you know, which is fascinating to me.

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So for those that don't know, creighton is the oldest of Brennan and Caitlin's kids.

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She's 19 and their other kids are 17, 14, 10.

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Yes, three oldest are girls, youngest is a boy, and they are excellent human beings.

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I have so much fun with them.

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We have such a close relationship with all of them.

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My kiddos and their kiddos are real close and it's just fun to be part of.

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But it's been really unique and interesting to listen to your dad and your mom come on and tell stories from their perspective, or cousins, or, you know, my kids or whoever comes on and tells that.

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So it's been kind of a really fun onion to peel back the layers so excited.

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It is exciting.

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Yeah.

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I think that, as people are hearing this, if it was something that you were a part of, that story and you don't remember it a certain way, keeping that in mind that it is someone else's perspective, so that you don't take it personally, Because sometimes I've heard stories where they're not, they don't paint me in the best light, which is okay, that's somebody else's you know recount of what that is.

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But if I wasn't emotionally intelligent enough to not take that personally and really get my feelings hurt everyone you know every time someone said something that doesn't paint me in a great light, I wouldn't be doing this podcast because it just keeps it just keeps coming and coming and coming, which is fine.

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So one thing that I do really want to clarify Creighton and I were talking about it last night and we were joking about the episode where I had her dad and her mom on and we started by saying how does it feel to be the one that turned your brother gay?

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And I realized after Creighton is telling me that she's sharing this podcast with a lot of different people and they call her after the fact and say what the hell is that about?

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I would like to just explain it a little bit to our listeners so that they are not wondering, like, what the hell is that about?

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When we were growing up, we were grown up, we were raised very religious and so in most organized religions they think that being gay is wrong.

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I'm not going to get into it more than that because I don't want to change the entire shift of the podcast today, but it's not acceptable.

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And so when Keith was younger, we could tell from when he was little that he was different.

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I had two excellent examples of your dad, who was very, you know, on the boy side, masculine side, and your uncle, who was, you know, definitely had different interests is the way I will say that and love them all the same.

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There's nothing different about that.

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They're unique in their own ways.

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But you know, my mom made a comment a long time ago that in our family we just you can't say anything in our family or we just run with it for from now until the end of time.

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Uh, about the comments that that Brennan would make or other things that turned him gay by razzing him or giving him a hard time, or you know that, aren't old enough to know.

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Back in that day we used to call everybody gay.

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That was a thing that we used to be able to do, and not because we thought they were homosexual.

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That's just what you call people is.

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They're gay.

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Don't be so gay, you know, whatever.

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So anyway.

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So that's the inside kind of family joke.

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Is that Brennan harassed your uncle so much that it turned him gay?

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He?

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was worried about the ladies.

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He was worried about the ladies Right?

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Exactly that's what Brennan says is I was worried.

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I wanted to make sure that I was the one getting all of the ladies.

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He was successful.

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He shouldn't worry about that.

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You've got your mom and that's plenty.

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So the other thing that ties into something that we've done previously on the podcast is that Creighton is going to do a little bit of an exit interview.

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On our first episode, amanda came on and was talking about her kiddos getting old enough, where they were at the point of moving out of their houses and at work.

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When we're done with jobs, we do exit interviews and being able to do a familial exit interview where you're talking about how your one through 18 years, you know went Exactly.

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So this is going to be a fun conversation.

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Yeah, I am too.

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I appreciate you being willing to be vulnerable and to share all of the things, because I know that that's not easy.

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But, as we've talked about previously, we understand the importance of doing that and what that brings to the listeners and them being able to ask questions in their own lives or get curious about things in their own lives or be relatable where they don't feel like they're on an island by themselves, because we have some messed up stuff in our family and, sadly, or good news, bad news, whatever, that's just what it is, but we're willing to talk about it, which I think is really powerful, and so I appreciate you coming on and doing that.

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I've led with vulnerability and everyone is like I'm in, I'll talk about this with the things, let's do it.

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So I find that to be amazing.

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I have some questions that Brennan sent in and Creighton's siblings sent in, and so I want to we'll kind of dive in with those a little bit, and then we can also just talk about other things as they come up.

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Whatever it is, let's do it.

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We're not even going to ease into anything.

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I'm just going to come.

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I know I'm so sorry, Right in the heart.

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I know, Well, this is a good one.

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So Hosey sent in and said who has had the most impact on your life thus far?

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And I think you don't have to you don't have to like just put that down to one person, but maybe if you think about different people that have had an impact on who you are and what does that look like, Like what comes to your mind when I ask that question who's the first person that sparks to your mind?

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I have a few people.

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I have a lot of good ladies in my life.

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You, my mom and emma.

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They have definitely been a driving factor.

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I mean, yeah, my dad and whoever else but you guys have definitely shown me that if you work your ass off, you can get what you want.

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Yeah, and no matter what, as long as you're happy, that's all that matters yeah we had that conversation yesterday, yeah, and you guys have always shown that do what you want to do, do what you love and don't take anything for granted.

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Do be yourself and don't worry about anybody else around you, yeah, which is excellent, because, if you, all you have to do is those things and everything else falls into place, which is is awesome.

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Okay, if you could change one thing about your life after high school, what would that be?

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oh, oh god, yikes.

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Um, I don't think I think, taking the job I took, I think this has been a lot.

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I think taking on too much while I'm still in school and stressing myself out too much?

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Yeah, because I think going to Texas was amazing.

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I mean, yeah, it sucked and it was terrible, but it taught me a lot and it made me appreciate coming home more.

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Um, but yeah, taking on too much while I'm in school, because school should be my main focus and it's not.

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Yeah, so for our listeners.

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Creighton graduated high school and then went to Texas for her first year of college and did not love that, which is is okay.

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And it's nice that you don't say that that's something that you would change, because a lot of times you look back at your life and for me, things that were the hardest for me have the most growth tied to them.

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So I look back and think I wouldn't change anything.

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You know, I agree with what you're saying about the job and the school, because the priority and making sure that that fits, but it's lovely to look back and say the hard things are actually pretty groovy, oh, the best things.

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Yeah, they help you grow the most, they show you the most things about yourself.

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And yeah, they're hard, but we can do hard things.

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Yeah, so that's awesome.

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Okay, this is oh God.

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Do you feel like you had a bad childhood?

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Not at all, okay.

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No, I think I am very blessed for the way I grew up.

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I wouldn't change a thing.

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I mean maybe my dad, but just kidding.

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No, I had a great childhood.

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My mom talked about survivor's guilt when she was on here last time and I completely feel that.

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Yeah, because everyone this isn't a bad thing.

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But I surround myself with people and I've heard their stories and my childhood sounds amazing.

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I had great parents.

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My parents have stayed together the whole time.

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I grew up on a farm, which I love it.

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It's grown my passion for agriculture.

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That's what I love to talk about.

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Got to do 4-H, I get to pay for my college by myself, which is the coolest thing ever.

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Hard work was a big thing, and so, no, I wouldn't change the way.

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I mean, yeah, working every Sunday at the house that would be cool if we didn't have to do that every Sunday, but I wouldn't change anything well, I think that stuff builds character.

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I think that builds you who you are.

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I think you being able to do things and show you're.

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You're capable, learning the things you know, know.

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I've spent my last, however many years going up and spending as much time with Creighton and her family, watching them grow up, and I will tell you that on the farm that they live on, on the property that they live on, a lot of capable things are being taught a lot of stuff that would blow your mind, and I look at the differences between your family and other kiddos and it makes me very proud of your mom and your dad because I think they have done hard things in teaching you guys a lot of stuff.

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Your mom always wanted to be a mom and I commend that.

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That was something that she puts her heart and soul into, and I've watched her with some of her finest parenting moments, where I'm so proud that she's willing to do the hard, unpopular thing, because that's where kids really grow to be the most capable.

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I don't remember if it was Adeline or if it was John who, when we went to we went to the high school and we took that big mower like the mower driving and got it off the trailer for something.

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And when we were done, one of the kids that was like 10 or like yeah, adeline put it right in the trailer.

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Yeah, adeline was like 11 years old or 12 years old or whatever gets on that riding mower, one of these huge things, not like a little John Deere, like it's a big mower, and just drives it right back up on the trailer.

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In a situation where it was dark you probably could have used a spotter Probably not safe, like all of the things just drove it up there like a boss and I thought that's what I'm talking about.

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She's not afraid of anything.

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She's not afraid of anything but I think that will set you guys up really well in life, and it's fun to me to have a front row seat to be able to watch what you do.

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I watch how you are a light to other people around you and being able to really help them be their best selves right, which is what I aspire to do as well, because I think that that's really important to encourage other people to do that and then just lead by example by being your authentic self, being vulnerable and willing to really show everyone the amazing awesomeness that you are.

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So I absolutely love that now.

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I don't think you had a bad childhood either, but I thought that was a an interesting question that that I was fielding from your family let's see.

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Do you feel that your parents put too much responsibility on you throughout your childhood?

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Uh, and be honest, this is, this is a.

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You're not, and be honest.

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You're not going to hurt their feelings.

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You're not going to hurt their feelings.

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I think sometimes, yeah, I think I felt like a mom too much.

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Dang it.

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I know I'm sorry.

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I'm sorry it's okay, it's okay, it's okay honey.

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My siblings are my babies and I think it's been hard separating myself from that because as I get older, I have resentment towards them because I've taken a lot of money to help them.

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So I think that's hard, but other than that, no, I wouldn't change it.

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Is it hard for you, as you are getting to be an adult and moving on, to leave them behind a little bit?

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Yeah because you did have such a close relationship with them in that way.

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Yeah, because you were kind of a fill-in mom for stuff, because you were the bigger one, yeah, yeah.

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So so for the listeners, brendan and caitlin, have they lead big lives I mean yeah they do.

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Yeah, I look at the stuff from Some people.

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Look at the lives that your Uncle Cameron and I lead and think that we're absolutely nuts.

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And I look at the same thing for your parents and it's just, we're constantly going.

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It's on the go, on the move, going here, going there, all of the things, and to watch and talk to the kids as they've gotten older.

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It's, it's a different.

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It's a different perspective, for sure.

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It's a different perspective for sure, but you're able to kind of see that, growing up too, that that's, your parents are just human beings.

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We were talking about that this morning.

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When you're younger, you see your parents as this like larger than life thing, and then, as you get older and you realize they're just doing the best that they can, they're just the same human beings like you are, who have much bigger responsibilities and are still trying to live their life and have a good time and raise the best kids that they can and make enough money to keep food on the table and do all of the responsibilities.

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And so it is.

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It's it's hard to be able to do that.

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Yeah, god got you on question three already, oh, my god.

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No, I was question four, so sorry you made it to question.

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I don't want.

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Yeah, thank god you made it to question four.

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Uh, let's see what qualities have you learned from each of your parents?

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And here's a fun one that I like to do, and I did this with.

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Wiley too.

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Give me a good one, like what is a quality that you took in from each of them?

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give me a good one and a bad one, because I think obviously they're not trying to intentionally instill bad yeah habits or bad, you know whatever, but we still do learn good and bad things, things that you're like I definitely want to instill this, and you know going forward in my kiddos and things that you wouldn't.

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So what's a good one and a bad one for?

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each of them, I think for my dad, I mean.

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This can be good and bad.

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My honesty I am a little too honest sometimes, but I love it.

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I would never.

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I wouldn't change that.

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I will say there is not too honest just so you know.

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There might be like delivery stuff.

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That's my problem.

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My delivery is, but then those are not maybe not your people, because I'm very honest as well, and I only am coming from a good place when I say that, but it does sometimes sound like yeah, which is why I always say I'm not for everyone, which?

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is okay.

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Exactly, but yes, the honest is.

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I don't think it's too honest but honesty is a good one from my mom.

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She's very caring.

00:18:43.453 --> 00:18:49.028
My mom's always been very caring and she always wants to take care of other people, so I think that's a good one that I got from her.

00:18:49.028 --> 00:18:55.670
Oh, a bad one from my dad, my smart assness I'm a smart ass through and through.

00:18:55.670 --> 00:18:57.814
That is definitely from my dad.

00:18:57.814 --> 00:18:59.962
A bad one from my mom.

00:18:59.962 --> 00:19:01.345
I love you, mom.

00:19:01.345 --> 00:19:03.127
Um, people pleasing.

00:19:03.127 --> 00:19:04.671
Yeah, it's a bad one.

00:19:04.671 --> 00:19:06.854
I mean it can be good, but it is.

00:19:06.854 --> 00:19:07.780
It drags you down.

00:19:08.021 --> 00:19:09.929
I don't think it can be good and I'll tell you why.

00:19:10.230 --> 00:19:33.607
I think I think in that way people pleasing because we we disregard our own needs and wants before someone else, but not even for a good thing, because when you really pull apart people-pleasing why we're doing it, you're doing things that maybe aren't even things that they want or need you to do and disappointing yourself in the process.

00:19:33.607 --> 00:19:35.291
The trade-off isn't good.

00:19:35.291 --> 00:19:37.365
You know, it's something completely different.

00:19:37.365 --> 00:19:41.424
If I don't know, the trade-off isn't good for the people-pleasing thing.

00:19:41.424 --> 00:19:51.942
So sorry, caitlin, that's a bad one I got for me.

00:19:51.942 --> 00:19:52.202
Mom, love you.

00:19:52.202 --> 00:19:52.865
That's all right.

00:19:52.865 --> 00:19:54.088
Though, that's all right, she can handle it.

00:19:54.088 --> 00:19:54.830
She can handle it okay.

00:19:54.830 --> 00:19:55.252
Uh, let's see, do you?

00:19:55.272 --> 00:19:57.038
feel like your dad was absent too much while he was still farming.

00:19:57.038 --> 00:19:59.568
No, really, I mean, I guess sometimes, but I don't really remember it.

00:19:59.568 --> 00:20:06.511
Okay, I remember going out and hanging on the tractor and he said that I talked too much, which I don't know what he's talking about.

00:20:06.511 --> 00:20:12.661
I never talk too much, but I had to catch up all the time, him and I.

00:20:12.661 --> 00:20:18.433
He apparently does not enjoy when I talk all the time in the tractor, but that's what I remember.

00:20:18.433 --> 00:20:19.685
I don't remember him not being there.

00:20:19.685 --> 00:20:23.807
I mean sometimes, yeah, when I was at my sporting events or whatever.

00:20:23.807 --> 00:20:27.334
I'm not athletic, so I didn't really care, I just wanted to be done.

00:20:27.334 --> 00:20:31.984
So no, I don't think so I don't remember it.

00:20:31.984 --> 00:20:34.445
I would say busy doing other things.

00:20:34.445 --> 00:20:36.090
Okay, all right.

00:20:36.480 --> 00:20:38.367
Right on your off the hook on that one Not yet.

00:20:38.367 --> 00:20:44.368
Did you ever feel like your parents didn't have enough money to get you the things you wanted or wanted to do?

00:20:51.980 --> 00:20:54.146
No, I, like your parents, didn't have enough money to get you the things you wanted or wanted to do.

00:20:54.146 --> 00:20:54.788
Uh, no, I think I just didn't ask.

00:20:54.788 --> 00:20:57.857
I think that I felt, no, I know that I was like this is a burden and I started working when I was 13 so I was like I'll just get it myself.

00:20:57.877 --> 00:20:58.279
Yeah, I'll just do it.

00:20:58.279 --> 00:21:00.103
I'll do it, you know, because they have.

00:21:00.103 --> 00:21:06.775
I have three other siblings put, put that money towards them, I'll just pay for my own stuff, which backfired really badly.

00:21:06.775 --> 00:21:09.228
But why did it backfire?

00:21:09.228 --> 00:21:18.069
Because every time they're like, oh, creighton's taking money again, I'm thinking in my head really, dad, really, that cash from concessions isn't going to hurt you, right?

00:21:18.069 --> 00:21:19.705
But no, I don't think so.

00:21:19.705 --> 00:21:21.782
Yeah, I think they got me everything I needed.

00:21:22.104 --> 00:21:34.390
I think you, being responsible from a young age, you look at that and it may sometimes, if you're looking back, feel like not a great thing, but I will tell you, as you get older, it's an excellent thing.

00:21:34.390 --> 00:21:37.369
Because, even just your pride of saying you put yourself through college.

00:21:37.369 --> 00:21:39.605
So Creighton was for our listeners.

00:21:39.605 --> 00:21:43.765
Creighton was involved in 4-H, which is a.

00:21:43.765 --> 00:21:46.412
How would you describe 4-H to someone that has never heard of 4-H?

00:21:48.202 --> 00:22:05.191
It's a life skills thing that you take livestock and you put it into the agriculture industry and you go through all the processes of having livestock you raise them, you show them and then they go to butcher and then at the end, you're able to sell them and you profit from it.

00:22:05.191 --> 00:22:17.026
Well, some people profit from it and it's your decision on what you want to do with that money, our decision, my parents' decision which I really appreciate that one from them is putting it all into a college fund.

00:22:17.026 --> 00:22:18.470
Everything went to a college.

00:22:18.470 --> 00:22:20.607
I think I bought a laptop with my fair money, and that was it.

00:22:20.607 --> 00:22:23.692
And the second that it went to school, it's paid off, and that was it.

00:22:23.692 --> 00:22:24.798
And the second that it went to school, it's paid off.

00:22:24.798 --> 00:22:29.119
Yeah, school's done, which is awesome because that's a big burden off of my shoulders, and all the money left over when I'm done, yeah.

00:22:29.640 --> 00:22:54.951
So 4-H has been a fun thing that has bonded our family because Brendan and Caitlin and their family live in Colorado, out east of Denver, and every year at the Arapahoe County Fair we will go do that whole auction shit show craziness yeah craziness that that happens and it is uh, I got involved maybe 14 years ago, 15 years ago my first year.

00:22:55.432 --> 00:22:56.181
Was it your first year?

00:22:56.181 --> 00:22:59.028
Yeah, so, oh, my god, that makes me so happy.

00:22:59.028 --> 00:23:03.742
So then excellent, and creighton showed for the last time this past year.

00:23:03.742 --> 00:23:04.664
So she's out.

00:23:04.664 --> 00:23:07.750
I think they're only allowed to once they are done with high school.

00:23:07.750 --> 00:23:09.374
Then they have to move, yeah, once you turn 18.

00:23:09.374 --> 00:23:11.608
Once you turn 18, then you're not allowed to do it anymore.

00:23:12.080 --> 00:23:28.123
And so it has been something that now I've gotten really involved in, for not just the Westendorf kiddos but all of the other kiddos that are there as well, because it teaches such good responsibility, how to teaching them fine, you know finances about, okay, you have to.

00:23:28.123 --> 00:23:34.529
Part of the project is you have to keep track of the expenses that you put into the animal and then what do you sell it for?

00:23:34.529 --> 00:23:35.895
What did you buy the animal for?

00:23:35.895 --> 00:23:37.902
So it just teaches kids how to budget things.

00:23:37.902 --> 00:23:45.371
And again, putting money into colleges which is what a lot of the kids do, you know buying their next year's projects, all of that.

00:23:45.371 --> 00:24:00.529
And I just have always been so humbled by being able to be part of that, because the kids always send you know, have thank you notes and cards, and it really gives you some restoration and humanity to watch you guys do that, so I absolutely love it.

00:24:00.550 --> 00:24:01.339
We appreciate all of your support.

00:24:01.400 --> 00:24:02.424
Yeah, no, it's awesome.

00:24:02.424 --> 00:24:05.747
So big shout out to Arapahoe County 4-H kiddos.

00:24:06.087 --> 00:24:06.548
They're pretty cool.

00:24:06.548 --> 00:24:07.510
I really appreciate that.

00:24:07.530 --> 00:24:08.211
They are pretty cool.

00:24:08.211 --> 00:24:08.692
I love that.

00:24:08.692 --> 00:24:12.048
Okay, so next question.

00:24:12.048 --> 00:24:16.392
If you could describe your childhood in one word, what would it be?

00:24:18.675 --> 00:24:21.446
Okay, that's a rough one, dang one word.

00:24:21.539 --> 00:24:22.584
I know that's a rough one.

00:24:22.584 --> 00:24:26.954
They didn't give me any room and if you want to think about that one and come back to it at the end.

00:24:26.954 --> 00:24:32.250
Yeah, let's come back to that, yeah let's see if we can brutalize your dad a little bit more before we pick a word.

00:24:32.871 --> 00:24:33.491
Let's see.

00:24:33.491 --> 00:24:35.519
Okay, was your.

00:24:35.519 --> 00:24:37.482
Oh, this is a good one, oh gosh.

00:24:37.482 --> 00:24:43.210
So I'm going to paint a a little bit for the listeners before I ask this question.

00:24:43.210 --> 00:25:02.345
So Brendan and I talked about on our the podcast that we had emotional intelligence and just a lot of men in my circle don't have a great grip on it.

00:25:02.345 --> 00:25:02.665
Some of them do.

00:25:02.665 --> 00:25:18.869
I think your dad is late to the dance, not any later than I was, because I also did not have any emotional intelligence until the last handful of years, really realizing how important that was, not just from a run from it and stuff shit down, but actually like, okay, let's see what that brings to the table.

00:25:18.869 --> 00:25:37.205
So Brennan's understanding and work on emotional intelligence has been a more recent thing and I don't know when we were talking about it last night and I said how recently do you feel like you've watched your dad change in that way, and you said the last couple of years, which I find to be interesting and I would agree with that.

00:25:39.261 --> 00:26:10.032
So it's kind of interesting, I think that gal that came to do some of their management training sparked some things for him, I sent that lovely woman a shout-out, an email to her the other day, because when I was talking with him on his podcast it blew my mind a little bit to listen to some of the stuff that he is saying, because he's very much always been this you know, heavy diesel mechanic, big tough guy you know all of the things and never shown any of the emotions, no matter what.

00:26:10.259 --> 00:26:22.855
that is, uh, but but then to listen to some stories about ways that that comes out sideways, that's how I describe uh, you know when, when you get to the point of breaking down, when you get to the point of raging, or you get to the point it breaking down.

00:26:22.855 --> 00:26:32.411
When you get to the point of raging or you get to the point, it's because you haven't handled your emotions appropriately, you didn't know what to do with them, and then something triggers it and it comes out sideways.

00:26:32.411 --> 00:26:41.144
So to have him be at a point where he is actually having conversations, intelligent conversations, about how things make him feel even if he doesn't know, even if it's.

00:26:41.224 --> 00:26:44.630
That made me feel a certain type of way, perfect, get curious about that.

00:26:44.630 --> 00:26:46.011
Where does that come from?

00:26:46.011 --> 00:26:51.048
If you get curious about yourself and go all in on yourself, that's all I'm peddling.

00:26:51.048 --> 00:27:00.325
That's all I'm encouraging people to do is really get curious about themselves, because I feel like your whole entire life will unfold in front of you in the most beautiful way if you do that.

00:27:00.325 --> 00:27:01.788
So, so that's.

00:27:01.788 --> 00:27:08.567
I wanted to give everyone a little bit of a preview of what Brennan brings to the table for that Creighton's dad, what he brings to the table.

00:27:08.567 --> 00:27:14.388
So, was your dad's lack of emotional intelligence difficult to cope with and or navigate?

00:27:14.388 --> 00:27:18.545
And I would love to take a few minutes to talk about that.

00:27:18.545 --> 00:27:28.527
Just maybe some examples, some stories, some things where you realized, you know that he wasn't, didn't have the emotional intelligence, or maybe you didn't even realize that until now.

00:27:28.527 --> 00:27:33.061
Right, you're 19 years old, maybe you don't even realize that, or you know.

00:27:33.061 --> 00:27:33.865
What's your take on it?

00:27:34.059 --> 00:27:36.883
I think you could definitely notice it when I was younger.

00:27:36.883 --> 00:27:50.049
I could definitely notice it Because, like you said, if you don't feel anything, you can't feel the highs, and when we would all be celebrating whenever, he'd be like, yeah, great, cool, let's continue on, and then it would come out in anger.

00:27:50.049 --> 00:27:54.573
Like you said, we had a big fight I don't even remember it was something.

00:27:54.573 --> 00:27:57.576
I was leaving the house or something, yeah, and he had pushed everything down.

00:27:57.576 --> 00:28:10.840
I had been started dating, I had been going out with my boyfriend, all these things, and something just flipped and he lost it and it turned into a shit show, yeah, and it made me leave.

00:28:10.840 --> 00:28:16.048
Yeah, I didn't want to be around anymore and so, yeah, I think it definitely had an impact.

00:28:16.048 --> 00:28:17.836
But I can definitely tell it has changed.

00:28:17.836 --> 00:28:20.124
He actually has fun now.

00:28:20.124 --> 00:28:23.976
I've never seen my dad smile like he does now and it's so cool.

00:28:23.976 --> 00:28:26.182
Oh, you're gonna make me cry.

00:28:26.182 --> 00:28:27.083
Thanks a lot.

00:28:27.083 --> 00:28:29.327
I can't be the only one.

00:28:29.327 --> 00:28:30.431
God, I hate you.

00:28:30.490 --> 00:28:31.472
There's a tissue right there.

00:28:31.472 --> 00:28:38.140
Don't be, don't be shy, you just have to keep, keep all those poor little short arms you're oh, you're so close.

00:28:38.140 --> 00:28:48.915
Um, yeah, I I have spent time with your dad recently where we went on a vacation.

00:28:48.915 --> 00:29:05.150
Your Uncle Cameron and your mom and your dad and I go on vacations sometimes together, and we were on a vacation one time in Barbados maybe, and he was holding a monkey.

00:29:05.711 --> 00:29:07.538
There was this guy that was walking around.

00:29:07.638 --> 00:29:13.967
I know I've never seen him so happy in my life and he's like this is the best day of my life and I'm like you did have four children and get married and like all of the things.

00:29:13.967 --> 00:29:18.726
But he literally was with that damn monkey, was so happy.

00:29:18.726 --> 00:29:32.650
I've never seen him so happy in my entire life and the other day we were laughing and giggling and I saw that same smile and I thought, yes, yeah, yes, you again, you have to.

00:29:32.650 --> 00:29:36.261
You, if you have to feel the lows, then you get to feel the highs.

00:29:36.261 --> 00:29:44.451
If you just keep numbing out and doing the rinse lather, repeat, you just get about a five or a six, you know four, six on a scale of one to ten.

00:29:44.451 --> 00:29:45.605
You can have that all the time.

00:29:45.605 --> 00:29:53.013
But when you can have nines and tens and you get that really from your soul smile, that's a big deal.

00:29:53.259 --> 00:29:54.364
And it affects everybody around you.

00:29:54.364 --> 00:29:55.648
Yeah, makes everybody else happy.

00:29:56.059 --> 00:30:00.392
What do you think has been contributing factors to his evolution of emotional intelligence?

00:30:01.760 --> 00:30:02.765
The work thing definitely.

00:30:02.765 --> 00:30:04.925
Yeah, Like that was crazy.

00:30:04.925 --> 00:30:07.082
Shout out to Maureen, yeah, Serious.

00:30:07.082 --> 00:30:08.125
Shout out to Maureen.

00:30:08.125 --> 00:30:08.887
What a good lady I know.

00:30:08.928 --> 00:30:13.769
What a good lady I find it also super fascinating that that's the same name as our sister that passed away.

00:30:13.769 --> 00:30:16.416
I find that to be super fascinating.

00:30:16.416 --> 00:30:20.750
That is cool Because I also look at the effect that Maureen had on me.

00:30:20.750 --> 00:30:27.751
I don't think, you know, I don't know that I would have gotten sober had my sister not passed away.

00:30:27.751 --> 00:30:29.097
Yeah, because it really sent me over the edge.

00:30:29.097 --> 00:30:31.044
So huge shout out to marine, because I know she's watching.

00:30:31.044 --> 00:30:32.346
Yes, uh, okay.

00:30:32.346 --> 00:30:37.788
So big shout out to the, the marine that came to your dad's work and kind of opened his mind a little bit to that.

00:30:37.828 --> 00:30:41.144
I think that's huge I think also farming definitely helped.

00:30:41.144 --> 00:30:42.948
I think he was way too stressed out for me.

00:30:42.948 --> 00:30:44.028
Yeah, farming did a lot.

00:30:44.028 --> 00:30:46.713
Farming was fun, but it's been good since.

00:30:46.713 --> 00:30:48.998
Yeah, he didn't have that stress.

00:30:48.998 --> 00:30:51.726
It's kind of like a ball and chain just dragging around.

00:30:51.726 --> 00:30:53.191
He had to go do it.

00:30:53.191 --> 00:30:54.897
It wasn't something that he I mean.

00:30:54.897 --> 00:31:01.644
Yeah, he loved doing it, but on the scale he was doing, he did it because it was expensive and no one profits off of farming in colorado.

00:31:01.664 --> 00:31:03.071
Yeah, well, I don't think anyone profits off of farming in Colorado.

00:31:03.071 --> 00:31:04.397
Yeah well, I don't think anyone profits off of farming anywhere.

00:31:04.419 --> 00:31:06.728
True, true, true, unfortunately, but that's the world we live in.

00:31:06.728 --> 00:31:13.631
But yeah, so those things he also started working out, so proud of him.

00:31:13.631 --> 00:31:18.388
Then he hurt his back, so I don't know what's happening now, but just all those things definitely helped.

00:31:18.388 --> 00:31:23.778
And it was cool coming home on the weekends from school to see him not gone.

00:31:23.778 --> 00:31:26.628
Yeah, he was home working on shit.

00:31:28.265 --> 00:31:31.160
Yeah, he's more engaged with things, he's more present with stuff.

00:31:31.160 --> 00:31:32.416
He gets to come to games with us.

00:31:32.436 --> 00:31:35.469
Yeah, even though he never stops talking to those things.

00:31:37.141 --> 00:31:39.226
Being more mindful of his Skittles, maybe.

00:31:39.266 --> 00:31:41.451
Yes, I know, I know.

00:31:41.451 --> 00:31:43.972
Yes, if we could work on the road rage, we'd be set, I know We'd.

00:31:43.972 --> 00:31:44.604
Yes, I know, I know, if we could work on the road rage, we'd be set.

00:31:44.604 --> 00:31:44.825
I know well.

00:31:44.825 --> 00:31:45.712
And the road rage.

00:31:45.712 --> 00:31:53.394
Brennan just because I know you're listening is low-hanging fruit, so go ahead and just let that go you don't need to waste people off and getting angry.

00:31:53.394 --> 00:31:55.823
Yeah, they're just driving they're just living their best lives.

00:31:55.823 --> 00:31:57.446
So just do live yours right.

00:31:57.487 --> 00:32:00.622
They don't care but yeah, so I think it's gotten a lot better and it's cool to watch.

00:32:00.622 --> 00:32:02.044
I think my mom's helped too.

00:32:02.203 --> 00:32:20.229
Yeah, I think she pokes and prods at him a little more yeah which I think I think even just watching everyone that's around me as they level up with their, with their emotional intelligence is the best gift I've ever gotten in my life, because I'm evolving as well.

00:32:20.368 --> 00:32:27.394
Yeah, and to watch everyone else around me as this is, you know, becomes a bigger thing where people are like I could totally handle that differently.

00:32:27.394 --> 00:32:35.125
Because when you realize if somebody bumps into a trigger of yours and you don't know how to handle it and you lose your shit, you cause your own suffering.

00:32:35.125 --> 00:32:41.784
You cause your own problems because the way that you react ends up hurting other people's feelings and you're doing damage control from that stuff.

00:32:41.784 --> 00:32:42.605
Blah, blah, blah, blah blah.

00:32:42.605 --> 00:33:00.382
Rather than just being emotionally intelligent enough to say, hmm, that made me feel a certain type of way, let me look inside and see what that is, rather than lashing out coming from a bad place, all of the things.

00:33:00.382 --> 00:33:05.902
So I hope that your dad takes that nugget and does something with it, because as I watch other people doing that, it has the best possible outcome on their lives.

00:33:05.942 --> 00:33:08.051
And when you realize that you have control over that.

00:33:08.051 --> 00:33:10.381
You have control over how you respond to things.

00:33:10.381 --> 00:33:11.723
It's a big deal.

00:33:11.723 --> 00:33:21.480
Your dad and I always talked about when, when we were younger and by younger I still do mean just in my thirties, but still younger that we were dead inside, you know.

00:33:21.480 --> 00:33:44.811
And and same thing with your uncle, keith, being able to just we're dead inside, we don't blah, blah, blah, blah, blah and to watch because your uncle is also doing the work and figuring all of that out for himself and to watch that from the outside as well, it's the honor of my life, so cool it's the honor of my life right and having your dad be somebody that's on my white whale list, because I've been planting seeds for a long time.

00:33:44.832 --> 00:33:46.905
They're working Carefully, just carefully, right.

00:33:46.905 --> 00:33:48.205
I drop a seed and then I leave.

00:33:48.205 --> 00:33:55.226
I drop a little nugget and I walk away, because you can't just come in with a baseball bat and hit these guys over the head.

00:33:55.226 --> 00:34:08.230
They've spent way too many years numbing out and not paying attention to what their feelings are or how that makes them feel or any of that, not being willing to show that, because they think that that's a sign of weakness.

00:34:08.230 --> 00:34:16.326
To be able to change that narrative for people has been really important work and I love it.

00:34:16.902 --> 00:34:21.130
I love it and I do, now that I realize I've been doing it for a long time.

00:34:21.130 --> 00:34:31.471
But now that I realize I've kind of turned it into a little bit of a game, because I'll just set a nugget and then just quickly quietly walk away hey, you're winning right now I feel like I am too, because I've got everyone on my list.

00:34:31.510 --> 00:34:33.403
That's like what is Ann doing?

00:34:33.403 --> 00:34:34.827
Let me get curious about that.

00:34:34.827 --> 00:34:36.492
Let me just take a little listen.

00:34:36.492 --> 00:34:45.164
Let me just, you know, let me just so.

00:34:45.164 --> 00:34:45.646
It's, I'm getting people.

00:34:45.646 --> 00:34:46.148
You're winning this game.

00:34:46.148 --> 00:34:46.771
I am winning this game of life.

00:34:46.771 --> 00:34:47.916
But the game of life for me is I found a cheat code, guys.

00:34:47.916 --> 00:34:48.559
Let me share it with you.

00:34:48.559 --> 00:34:50.266
That's literally what I feel like.

00:34:50.266 --> 00:35:00.105
If you can have this incredible life where you were so twisted up about stupid shit that you didn't even realize your dad is carrying around stuff from his childhood he doesn't even know what it is.

00:35:00.105 --> 00:35:16.702
If you realize that you could set that stuff down and not go, not carry that baggage into raising your kids or being the example that you are to your co-workers or to your friends or any of that stuff, if you realize that you could do that work and be so much better, why wouldn't you do that?

00:35:16.702 --> 00:35:25.731
Yeah, right, especially for your dad, because he's very he's always been very fascinated with psychology in other people, which is so weird.

00:35:25.731 --> 00:35:26.251
It's so weird.

00:35:26.340 --> 00:35:27.905
Because he doesn't seem like that person at all.

00:35:28.226 --> 00:35:34.172
Right, exactly Not for himself, and it's like hey, bro, you've got a whole test case right in front of you with your own freaking family.

00:35:34.172 --> 00:35:35.726
Go ahead and just turn around.

00:35:35.726 --> 00:35:38.708
You're going to have a plethora of stuff You'll never run out.

00:35:38.900 --> 00:35:39.862
You'll never run out of material.

00:35:39.882 --> 00:35:41.364
That's the greatest case you've ever seen.

00:35:41.364 --> 00:35:57.766
I know I have yet to run out of material and I don't think I'm going to ever run out of material for being able to do the work and the things that it brings up in my life, because it's hmm, why did that make me feel a certain type of way?

00:35:57.766 --> 00:35:59.646
And then I go in and I figure out what it is.

00:35:59.646 --> 00:36:04.291
I'm like, oh, that's interesting, I'm going to go ahead and fix that, going to release that and I'm not going to carry that around anymore.

00:36:04.291 --> 00:36:06.972
And then that's just one less trigger that I'm dealing with.

00:36:06.972 --> 00:36:09.275
So your dad just has a blanket trigger.

00:36:09.275 --> 00:36:20.300
So he's going to have a lot of work to do, but I trust that he can do it and I trust that.

00:36:20.322 --> 00:36:23.655
How powerful that is, brennan, to listen to your daughter say, how that's such a huge deal for her and how her seeing that has made such a big difference.

00:36:23.655 --> 00:36:24.056
Am I right?

00:36:24.056 --> 00:36:25.000
A hundred percent right.

00:36:25.000 --> 00:36:27.324
And and those other kiddos that are coming up?

00:36:27.324 --> 00:36:29.530
Right, they notice it too.

00:36:29.530 --> 00:36:32.143
They notice it too, and they still have lots of years at home.

00:36:32.143 --> 00:36:33.909
So go ahead and just keep doing that work.

00:36:33.909 --> 00:36:40.126
This isn't really a subtle seed that I'm planting, right now this is more of a bucket of this is a bucket of fertilizer.

00:36:40.166 --> 00:36:43.873
I just poured on that, so you're welcome.

00:36:43.873 --> 00:36:48.679
Uh, let's see how much of a negative.

00:36:48.679 --> 00:36:54.387
Okay, so this this is the follow-up question too was your dad's lack of emotional intelligence difficult to cope or navigate?

00:36:54.387 --> 00:36:57.880
How much of a negative impact did it have on your relationship with him?

00:36:57.880 --> 00:37:00.706
And this, I think, would be excellent.

00:37:00.706 --> 00:37:02.009
This is his, his questions.

00:37:02.108 --> 00:37:03.472
He really came out of the park.

00:37:03.472 --> 00:37:04.152
He came for it.

00:37:04.213 --> 00:37:10.449
I know which makes me feel like he's evolving in motion I know his EQ is just going through the roof.

00:37:12.304 --> 00:37:21.768
So I would ask you to use a couple of examples with that as well, because I think that that's the right way to really send that message to him so that he can really understand and dig into that.

00:37:21.768 --> 00:37:24.233
It will benefit your other siblings by having those examples him, so that he can really understand and dig into that.

00:37:24.233 --> 00:37:25.773
It will benefit your other siblings, oh yeah, by having those examples.

00:37:25.773 --> 00:37:30.081
So the question is how much of a negative impact did it have on your relationship with him?

00:37:31.083 --> 00:37:36.592
um, quite a bit yeah, give me examples gosh I know I'm sorry.

00:37:36.592 --> 00:37:38.121
I should have cried last night.

00:37:38.302 --> 00:37:42.949
Uh, I'm pretty sure you were gonna get me one way or the other when I said that coming in.

00:37:44.751 --> 00:37:48.903
I used to be really close to my dad Really close.

00:37:48.903 --> 00:37:53.835
I'm sorry, dang it, it's okay, it's a podcast, it's okay, it's what it's for.

00:37:53.835 --> 00:37:54.951
I was really close with him.

00:37:54.951 --> 00:37:55.460
I was daddy's girlfriend.

00:37:55.460 --> 00:38:00.447
My mom fought all the time, which I hated.

00:38:00.447 --> 00:38:04.231
It was not fun and as I got older it was.

00:38:04.231 --> 00:38:13.103
You shouldn't be feeling that, you should be tough.

00:38:13.103 --> 00:38:14.643
You know like we talked about the bullying stuff.

00:38:14.643 --> 00:38:22.353
I'd come home and talk about it and he's like, oh, that's nothing, that's nothing, but it really affected me, and so it made me not want to talk to him about things.

00:38:22.373 --> 00:38:23.414
So I held things from him.

00:38:23.414 --> 00:38:25.076
I avoided those conversations.

00:38:25.076 --> 00:38:35.809
I avoided that stuff because it was no, you need to be tougher, you need to really just push through it.

00:38:35.809 --> 00:38:39.581
And coming from somebody who was I was little, I was in middle school that's not what I wanted to hear.

00:38:39.581 --> 00:38:42.851
I wanted my dad to say, yeah, here, here you go.

00:38:42.851 --> 00:38:44.454
And so that was really hard.

00:38:45.878 --> 00:38:47.724
We've definitely gotten closer since I moved away.

00:38:47.724 --> 00:38:51.438
I think that was definitely an eye-opener for everybody.

00:38:51.438 --> 00:38:53.563
I've gotten closer with everybody since I moved.

00:38:53.563 --> 00:39:10.010
Uh, yeah, he would just push stuff down, and I get it where we talk about stuff that we did and because he wasn't paying attention to his emotions, he'd say oh, I don't remember that, which sucks it does, because we all had a great time and he doesn't remember that.

00:39:10.010 --> 00:39:13.565
So that makes all of us feel like shit, because what were we doing wrong?

00:39:13.565 --> 00:39:16.528
Yeah, that he didn't have fun or enjoy it.

00:39:18.019 --> 00:39:21.547
So, yeah, I think it's gotten better.

00:39:21.547 --> 00:39:31.210
I mean there's still some things that I don't want to talk about because I'm scared it's not going to be justified, but I don't know.

00:39:31.210 --> 00:39:36.724
I mean it's it sucks because I really have always wanted to be close to my dad.

00:39:36.724 --> 00:39:43.295
That's my best friend, and so not having that was terrible.

00:39:43.295 --> 00:39:53.152
But then I looked at people who don't have their dad at all, and so it makes me want to rekindle that relationship to where it used to be and make it better.

00:39:53.152 --> 00:39:58.327
Now that we're both focusing on facing ourselves, you can do that?

00:39:58.547 --> 00:40:00.626
Yeah, he wants to do that.

00:40:00.626 --> 00:40:05.831
I think you look at that and he was just doing what he was dealt.

00:40:07.061 --> 00:40:10.309
That's part of generational trauma and that's part of God.

00:40:10.309 --> 00:40:20.318
Just so everyone knows, I'm a terribly ugly crier so am I but being at this place that we can crack this shit wide open?

00:40:20.318 --> 00:40:21.938
Yeah, we can crack this shit wide open.

00:40:21.938 --> 00:40:25.623
We don't have to just play the hand that we were dealt.

00:40:25.623 --> 00:40:33.652
We get to change that, especially when we see the effect that that had, because I what you're talking about with your dad is the exact same thing that I did to Emily.

00:40:34.581 --> 00:40:35.561
Yeah, it be tough.

00:40:35.561 --> 00:40:37.525
You don't need to show your emotions.

00:40:37.525 --> 00:40:39.248
Vulnerability is weakness.

00:40:39.248 --> 00:40:44.735
Vulnerability is uh, don't don't let people you know.

00:40:44.735 --> 00:40:46.445
No, we're not processing it that way.

00:40:46.445 --> 00:40:48.210
Just buck up and all the things.

00:40:48.210 --> 00:41:01.653
That's not the right way to handle it, because then again you're just pushing stuff down and then we numb right, we push it down and we numb again, generally with the big three booze, booze, food or TV and we're all really good at it.

00:41:01.653 --> 00:41:14.306
But when you realize what a fucking waste of your life to spend your life numbing out with booze and food and TV instead of going out there and living, we've literally been put in Disneyland.

00:41:14.306 --> 00:41:23.608
We have 80 years, if you're lucky in Disneyland and we're worrying about the stupid shit that we're worrying about Open your eyes.

00:41:23.608 --> 00:41:25.273
Open your eyes, people Right.

00:41:25.273 --> 00:41:31.067
So him being able to realize and I hope that he hears this and I hope this hits him like a ton of bricks- I hope so too.

00:41:31.128 --> 00:41:31.750
You're welcome.

00:41:32.360 --> 00:41:33.242
I'm going to make him cry again.

00:41:33.262 --> 00:41:37.501
Yeah, it's the fourth time, I know but that's okay, he will do something with this.

00:41:37.501 --> 00:41:52.985
I know that he will, hearing that from you and really understanding the impact that that has had on you and knowing that, in order for him to have an excellent relationship with his adult children, what that looks like is your EQ has to elevate.

00:41:52.985 --> 00:41:55.190
Yes, yes, king, because I know he can do that.

00:41:55.190 --> 00:41:56.112
I know I do that.

00:41:56.112 --> 00:41:59.442
I let my children be my teacher.

00:41:59.442 --> 00:42:01.588
He will allow you children to be his teacher.

00:42:01.588 --> 00:42:09.251
I know that it's just a matter of him evolving and figuring that stuff out and realizing how important that is, because he was just in survival mode.

00:42:09.251 --> 00:42:26.226
When you go through the trauma that you go through as a child and I didn't realize this about myself until much more recently but when I realized that I was in fight or flight all the time from my childhood, from all of the messed up stuff that happened, I was literally just in survival mode.

00:42:26.226 --> 00:42:27.891
I was just what's the next thing?

00:42:27.891 --> 00:42:33.161
It's why I've always been so good under pressure because it doesn't matter, I'm not going to crack, it's okay, what's next?

00:42:33.161 --> 00:42:46.927
Go, go, go and I just pile on top, pile on top, pile on top, pile on top, until you can't remember the things and you do just numb out and you're not plugged in and present for your family and for your lives, and so we all say, like our families are the most important thing.

00:42:46.927 --> 00:42:47.789
But are they?

00:42:47.789 --> 00:42:52.510
Because you have to be willing to look in the mirror and do the hard work.

00:42:52.510 --> 00:43:01.731
But I think a lot of people don't even realize that that's an option, which is why I'm on this platform right now, which is why this is so important to me to tell people you can do the work.

00:43:01.731 --> 00:43:09.251
You can have the other side of things, where you don't just numb out, where you're not just trying to push things down and not be willing to do that.

00:43:09.400 --> 00:43:12.471
I always thought vulnerability was a weakness.

00:43:12.471 --> 00:43:13.735
It's my superpower.

00:43:13.735 --> 00:43:21.181
It's my superpower because I have data points that just show over and over and over that when I lead with vulnerability, other people want that.00:43:21.181 --> 00:43:23.545


Other people want to be able to have that connection.00:43:23.545 --> 00:43:29.001


Other people want to be able to say the hard things and say, god, I wish things were this way and I can change them.00:43:29.001 --> 00:43:30.063


I can do that work.00:43:30.405 --> 00:43:43.168


So you being able to be vulnerable with your parents and say the hard things right, that's the stuff that will really elevate your guys' relationships and my relationship with the girls, whether it's hard or good, bad, whatever.00:43:43.168 --> 00:43:45.472


I am honored to be able to have a front seat.00:43:45.472 --> 00:43:52.365


It's pretty cool being able to watch them turn into these beautiful human beings that they are Not just as kids, as peers.00:43:52.365 --> 00:44:06.391


Now, you know, brittany came on the podcast a couple weeks ago and I sat across from her, like I'm sitting across from you, and it was the first time that I really thought I'm sitting across from a woman, I mean she had it held together more than I did as far as like emotional stuff.00:44:06.751 --> 00:44:08.701


She came and she just slayed, she killed it.00:44:08.701 --> 00:44:10.907


She killed it, yeah, and she said hard things.00:44:10.907 --> 00:44:15.746


For any of the listeners at home that heard that that episode it was rough to be part of.00:44:15.746 --> 00:44:32.851


It was rough to be part of and and I had to even when I was trying to listen to it back when it released, I had to really show myself some grace because that was hard for me to listen to how I backed the bus over myself, because I want her to know that I take accountability for that.00:44:32.851 --> 00:44:37.050


But also, that wasn't my account of remembering things.00:44:37.179 --> 00:44:41.489


Yes, that was very transactional for her and I can say, yes, that tracks for listening to your perspective.00:44:41.489 --> 00:44:43.847


But I always did the best that I could with them.00:44:43.847 --> 00:44:51.208


I always, you know, we loved on them the way that, the best way that I knew how, which, again, we're all just doing the best that we can.00:44:51.208 --> 00:44:55.487


So if you can come from that perspective when you're doing things in your family, it's huge.00:44:55.487 --> 00:44:56.672


Yeah, it's huge.00:44:56.672 --> 00:45:02.885


Are there any other examples that come to mind about a negative impacts that that had on your dad for not having emotional intelligence?00:45:03.246 --> 00:45:07.090


I don't really know, I haven't.00:45:07.090 --> 00:45:11.496


I've kind of like not forgiven him, but forgiven him for it.00:45:11.840 --> 00:45:12.201


Yeah, of course.00:45:12.322 --> 00:45:14.688


Because I know, like you said, they did the best that they could.00:45:14.688 --> 00:45:14.989


They did.00:45:14.989 --> 00:45:18.201


Dad didn't know how to deal with his emotions and he's getting much better.00:45:18.201 --> 00:45:26.068


I love that Because of you Just saying Big props, but yeah, I kind of just I don't want to remember that stuff.00:45:26.068 --> 00:45:30.213


I want to remember the good stuff, and it's not that I'm numbing or blocking it out, I remember it.00:45:30.213 --> 00:45:31.695


You can just release it.00:45:31.695 --> 00:45:33.295


Yeah, right, it's over.00:45:33.617 --> 00:45:33.956


It's done.00:45:33.956 --> 00:45:36.300


That's the beauty of it.00:45:36.300 --> 00:45:40.166


It's funny because I use this analogy where I say, okay, there's bad stuff that you can remember.00:45:40.166 --> 00:45:40.666


That happened.00:45:40.666 --> 00:45:43.230


And I liken that to you're at a restaurant.00:45:43.230 --> 00:45:44.130


You got food poisoning.00:45:44.130 --> 00:45:48.195


Are you going to ask them for a to-go box to take that container with you?00:45:48.195 --> 00:45:52.201


To then just keep bringing it up mentally and running it through your head about how fucked up that was?00:45:52.201 --> 00:45:53.244


You're not going to do that.00:45:53.244 --> 00:45:54.628


You shouldn't we all do?00:45:54.628 --> 00:45:56.532


But don't do that right.00:45:56.532 --> 00:45:58.543


Your dad was doing the best that he could.00:45:58.543 --> 00:46:03.791


He wasn't intentionally trying to hurt you or leave you out of things or not be plugged in emotionally or any of that stuff.00:46:03.791 --> 00:46:04.873


He wasn't doing any of that.00:46:04.873 --> 00:46:13.764


So being able to release that and forgive him because forgiveness is not for him, forgiveness is for you- yeah, right, and understanding that and knowing that I don't want to carry that baggage around.00:46:13.965 --> 00:46:27.407


You want to be able to go into a relationship with him as an adult and say I want you to be a close person in my life and then navigate that in a way where you can help him elevate his intelligence around emotions and vice versa.00:46:27.407 --> 00:46:32.873


Right, because we all, we all, can work on that every single day, regardless of where you are on the spectrum of emotions.00:46:32.873 --> 00:46:37.007


Emotional intelligence isn't just oh, I'm comfortable showing my emotions.00:46:37.007 --> 00:46:40.501


It's being intentional with how you use that knowledge.00:46:40.501 --> 00:46:43.985


When it comes up, when things are happening like, okay, what am I using this for?00:46:43.985 --> 00:46:50.414


And so to be able to do that, bravo, bravo, I love it, okay, uh, do you have anything else?00:46:50.414 --> 00:46:52.724


If not, we'll skip, nope okay, we're good to go.00:46:52.764 --> 00:46:53.708


The next question all right.00:46:53.748 --> 00:47:00.186


Next question what would you change about your childhood, besides your dad, obviously?00:47:00.326 --> 00:47:05.411


yeah, um, it's a hard one.00:47:05.411 --> 00:47:11.693


It is anything okay, excellent, which is a good place to come from I look at my life and I say I don't have regrets.00:47:12.074 --> 00:47:24.050


no, I wouldn't change anything, even the messed up stuff, because it's made me who I am, my where I am sitting right now, here across from you, is the some of my learned experiences, all of All of the good, the bad, the everything.00:47:24.050 --> 00:47:30.425


So how do you start playing Jenga with that by pulling out and changing things and then still be the person that you are?00:47:30.425 --> 00:47:31.570


It doesn't really work like that.00:47:32.184 --> 00:47:35.025


So you're very young to be saying that you wouldn't change anything.00:47:35.762 --> 00:47:38.128


I love that, bravo.00:47:38.128 --> 00:47:41.628


Okay, let's see what things that your parents did or still do.00:47:41.628 --> 00:47:42.942


Do you not agree with that?00:47:42.942 --> 00:47:44.643


You will change when you have kids.00:47:45.105 --> 00:48:02.005


oh man, that's a, that's a big daddy, um, I think pushing, using what their experiences were to try to shape my life, say more we've had, we've had these conversations a lot uh, I've been.00:48:02.005 --> 00:48:06.480


I haven't been thinking I am moving out, she hasn't told them yet.00:48:06.539 --> 00:48:08.164


By the way, just fyi, this is.00:48:08.204 --> 00:48:11.469


This podcast won't air until after you do that, thank god.00:48:11.469 --> 00:48:19.132


Um, so I'm moving out and that has been a huge thing, because I grew up catholic, going to church every sunday.00:48:19.132 --> 00:48:29.842


We're gonna do all these things, whatever with very catholic grandparents, and so when I brought it up the first time, it was well, we didn't do that.00:48:29.842 --> 00:48:38.139


We don't think it's a good idea and that's hard on me because they got married 30 years ago, maybe 25.00:48:38.139 --> 00:48:41.172


I don't want to age them, but yeah, 20.00:48:41.172 --> 00:48:42.096


Yeah, whatever.00:48:43.427 --> 00:48:44.610


They're only in their early 40s.00:48:44.610 --> 00:48:45.715


Dad's like 75.00:48:46.164 --> 00:48:47.168


Dad is 75.00:48:47.168 --> 00:48:48.213


Senile fella.00:48:48.213 --> 00:49:00.208


But yeah, I think pushing on, yeah they have done all the things, but I think them pushing, what they did on me makes me want to do it even more.00:49:00.208 --> 00:49:02.494


It's that red button that people say don't touch.00:49:02.494 --> 00:49:07.255


Yeah, and I want to touch it and explode it because it's my life yeah, it is.00:49:07.315 --> 00:49:09.206


And my book is different from what theirs is.00:49:09.206 --> 00:49:12.251


Yeah and yeah, as our situations are similar.00:49:12.251 --> 00:49:16.168


Yes, they met their person when they were 17.00:49:16.168 --> 00:49:17.554


I met mine when I was 15.00:49:17.554 --> 00:49:19.271


We've been dating for four years.00:49:19.271 --> 00:49:21.192


I feel like, and I want to live.00:49:21.192 --> 00:49:23.913


My other thing is living with them before you're married.00:49:23.913 --> 00:49:24.815


They don't agree with that.00:49:24.815 --> 00:49:26.550


I think it's really important.00:49:27.025 --> 00:49:28.652


If you can't live with somebody, why marry them?00:49:28.652 --> 00:49:29.911


I couldn't agree with you more.00:49:29.911 --> 00:49:34.853


I do not want to find out certain things after the fact and be like, oh great, Now I'm locked into this.00:49:35.034 --> 00:49:35.414


I don't want to.00:49:35.414 --> 00:49:40.534


I mean, there's nothing against divorce no, of course Nothing's wrong with that, but if you can avoid it, why not?00:49:40.764 --> 00:49:42.311


Well, and you get to choose your own path.00:49:42.311 --> 00:50:05.681


Yeah, so really understanding that, and I appreciate you're an adult now and so you get to take advice and nuggets from different people, that you decide that you value their opinions, and then you get to put that all into who you are and then shake it out to whatever your decisions are going to be, and then you own your own decisions, because your parents don't have to come back behind you and kind of the messes for anything.00:50:05.681 --> 00:50:07.467


You're an adult, that's my mess.00:50:07.527 --> 00:50:08.911


Exactly, it's your mess, so.00:50:08.911 --> 00:50:11.425


So you get to touch whichever stoves you want to.00:50:11.425 --> 00:50:19.157


You get to clean up the messes for anything, and there's no guarantee for any of us your uncle, cameron, and I have been married for 20 plus years as well.00:50:19.157 --> 00:50:21.007


There's no guarantee that we're going to be together tomorrow.00:50:21.007 --> 00:50:22.791


So, exactly, it takes work.00:50:22.791 --> 00:50:27.672


It takes you know in such a beautiful way, but it takes you putting the energy and effort into that.00:50:27.672 --> 00:50:34.635


I think people think I'm going to get in this relationship and then we're just together and it's like no, if that's important to you, then you need to energy and effort.00:50:34.635 --> 00:50:37.059


You put skittles towards that to make that something.00:50:37.059 --> 00:50:37.719


That's amazing.00:50:37.719 --> 00:50:38.869


It isn't just going to happen.00:50:38.869 --> 00:50:40.371


You'll get out what you put in.00:50:40.371 --> 00:50:42.972


People always say like, oh, the grass is always greener.00:50:42.972 --> 00:50:46.733


You know when people have been married for a while and they're like looking other places the grass is always greener.00:50:47.025 --> 00:50:48.907


No, the grass is greener where you water it.00:50:48.907 --> 00:50:50.769


That's it that.00:50:51.871 --> 00:50:55.094


I think, just like not taking what they yeah, I get it.00:50:55.094 --> 00:50:57.257


They want to help me and whatever, and they don't want to see me fail.00:50:57.257 --> 00:50:59.541


But I'm going to make my own decision, no matter what.00:50:59.541 --> 00:51:10.949


And I have a really hard time saying that I'm going to do these things because I've always wanted to impress them, I've always wanted to make them proud, but I have to realize that that's the rest of my life.00:51:11.110 --> 00:51:16.739


That's a hard one, yeah, trying to make your parents proud Oof, but that's the ultimate people pleaser.00:51:17.039 --> 00:51:19.672


Yeah, I know, and I need to stop that because it's me.00:51:20.166 --> 00:51:33.090


Well you're setting yourself up for a life that goes down that path, and if you want me to bring a whole, I can bring a whole crowd of people in front of you that have lived decades being people pleasers and they can give you reasons why that's not the right answer.00:51:33.110 --> 00:51:34.112


Yeah, I look at my mom, not the right answer.00:51:34.132 --> 00:51:36.840


Yeah, I look at my mom, she puts Exactly.00:51:36.840 --> 00:51:40.414


We just made eye contact, direct eye contact, with Casey.00:51:40.414 --> 00:51:40.934


God love her.00:51:40.934 --> 00:51:41.556


We love you, casey.00:51:41.597 --> 00:51:41.777


I know.00:51:42.286 --> 00:51:44.731


We do love her, but she would tell you.00:51:44.731 --> 00:51:47.128


She would be the first one to tell you that's not.00:51:47.128 --> 00:52:08.929


You compromise yourself over and, over and over, and you can see that right now You're 19 years old and if you start this, people pleasing because that's what they would want you to do, which is again something that they're passing down from their parents, yep, things are different yeah and you're different very different right, I'm super cool yeah you are super cool thank god, um, thank god.00:52:09.070 --> 00:52:11.916


Thank god, we broke that generational yes, I know.00:52:11.916 --> 00:52:13.018


Um no, but that's.00:52:13.018 --> 00:52:13.204


But.00:52:13.204 --> 00:52:20.588


That's awesome, right, being able to say, and to come into your own agency and say this is what I'm doing, this is my decision, your parents don't pay your bills.00:52:20.588 --> 00:52:21.351


Right?00:52:21.351 --> 00:52:22.610


You're a grown-ass woman.00:52:22.610 --> 00:52:23.673


You get to do what you want.00:52:23.673 --> 00:52:26.646


Again, you're going to find out from your mistakes.00:52:26.646 --> 00:52:27.688


That's how we learn.00:52:27.688 --> 00:52:29.128


Need to fail.00:52:29.128 --> 00:52:30.550


Yeah, yeah, go ahead, yeah.00:52:30.710 --> 00:52:33.152


Yeah, go ahead Failure is not a four-letter word.00:52:33.152 --> 00:52:38.076


You go ahead and just do whatever it is, and I know that I'm going to take heat for this, and that's okay.00:52:38.076 --> 00:52:46.601


I'm going to take heat not from other people outside of your parents, but probably from your parents, but we'll go on record and say that I'm the one that gave the advice that you do it.00:52:46.601 --> 00:52:59.074


They also know, when you come down here, that I don't agree with organized religion and I'm going to tell you to do what makes your heart happy, whatever the outcome of that is because, like we talked about, it makes me, yeah, being catholic great cool.00:52:59.094 --> 00:53:05.860


That's how I grew up, that's what I know, but I don't agree with everything they and you have to decide yeah, you get to decide.00:53:06.061 --> 00:53:10.605


It's my choice, you don't have to keep doing things out of obligation in that way or out of people pleasing.00:53:10.605 --> 00:53:12.369


That's not how life is so.00:53:12.369 --> 00:53:14.253


Happiness is an inside job.00:53:14.253 --> 00:53:16.197


Take that for how important that is.00:53:16.197 --> 00:53:17.079


That's an important role.00:53:17.079 --> 00:53:19.733


You've been given one person to take care of on this planet.00:53:19.733 --> 00:53:22.068


You carry her around with you all day.00:53:22.971 --> 00:53:23.773


She's getting better.00:53:23.773 --> 00:53:24.715


She's getting better.00:53:24.735 --> 00:53:25.277


She's getting better.00:53:25.277 --> 00:53:28.889


You don't need to do things to make other people happy, and that doesn't mean you're not kind and you don't.00:53:28.889 --> 00:53:30.554


You know, stay plugged in.00:53:30.554 --> 00:53:32.070


You understand what I'm saying.00:53:32.070 --> 00:53:41.893


When I do that it thing, when I do that, it's not like turn into some selfish you know, selfish asshole and don't do anything for anybody else.00:53:41.893 --> 00:53:44.018


But you understand that the people that you're supposed to please starts with you, right?00:53:44.018 --> 00:53:44.661


So okay, big topics today.00:53:44.661 --> 00:53:44.961


I've got them.00:53:44.961 --> 00:53:46.445


You let me know after you've had that.00:53:46.445 --> 00:53:48.172


I'm sure I'll know after you've had that conversation.00:53:48.251 --> 00:53:49.706


I'll be the first one to get the phone call.00:53:50.286 --> 00:53:54.697


So okay, uh, what's something you've been afraid to admit to others about yourself?00:53:55.768 --> 00:54:01.806


that I, hmm, I hate the way I look, oh.00:54:03.172 --> 00:54:03.914


I'm so sorry.00:54:06.387 --> 00:54:06.969


It is what it is.00:54:08.806 --> 00:54:09.670


It's really hard.00:54:09.670 --> 00:54:10.829


Oh, that hurts my soul for you.00:54:14.065 --> 00:54:17.255


And I've surrounded myself with people who really help me.00:54:17.615 --> 00:54:17.916


Yeah.00:54:18.184 --> 00:54:21.215


My boyfriend has been my biggest cheerleader for that.00:54:21.215 --> 00:54:26.016


He's always helped with that, but I don't like who I look like.00:54:26.485 --> 00:54:28.273


Oh, baby, you're so freaking beautiful.00:54:28.273 --> 00:54:33.275


I hate that you say that You're literally one of the most beautiful lights I have in my life.00:54:33.275 --> 00:54:33.675


Thank you.00:54:36.824 --> 00:54:37.875


Yeah, that's my biggest thing that I don't admit life.00:54:37.875 --> 00:54:37.976


Thank you.00:54:37.976 --> 00:54:39.739


Yeah, that's my biggest thing that I don't admit to people.00:54:39.739 --> 00:54:42.429


Yeah, because I don't love myself the way I should.00:54:42.730 --> 00:55:04.766


Oh, lots of work to be done there, yes yeah, you know, that's something that you young girls, it's part of what calls me to do the things that I do, because you were not handed a great set of circumstances with the social media and the preparing and the filters and the everyone is beautiful.00:55:04.766 --> 00:55:11.369


And then you look in the mirror and it's like and then I get this yeah, even even I started using snapchat recently.00:55:11.369 --> 00:55:16.630


Okay, everyone, all listeners I'm a hundred and I have not been on social media because it's just not my jam.00:55:16.630 --> 00:55:18.054


I've been busy living my life and now that I'm 100.00:55:18.054 --> 00:55:19.358


And I have not been on social media because it's just not my jam.00:55:19.358 --> 00:55:22.726


I've been busy living my life and now that I'm doing all of the things that I'm doing, I'm on social media, not myself.00:55:22.726 --> 00:55:24.210


Other people make that happen for me.00:55:24.210 --> 00:55:24.972


God bless them.00:55:25.373 --> 00:55:36.268


But my son says to me the other day if I would snap him, he would respond more quickly to my text messages, which I take that as a personal challenge.00:55:36.268 --> 00:55:40.358


So now I use the filters and I'll send messages to my kid.00:55:40.358 --> 00:55:43.614


And then he's like Mom, no, I meant just text in there.00:55:43.614 --> 00:55:45.211


And then I'll do another video.00:55:45.211 --> 00:55:46.451


And I'm like, yeah, you got it.00:55:46.451 --> 00:55:52.675


And then I send him that snap, because it's my job as his mother to mess with him relentlessly.00:55:52.824 --> 00:55:54.972


She's the greatest filter I know right.00:56:03.565 --> 00:56:05.110


But now I look at some of those filters and I realize I get it.00:56:05.110 --> 00:56:11.034


The younger girl, social media, how you would have a poor self image of yourself and I cannot even imagine what it would have been like had I grown up with that, because I grew up thinking that my shit didn't stink.00:56:11.034 --> 00:56:13.123


I always thought I was fabulous.00:56:13.182 --> 00:56:14.146


And that doesn't mean like.00:56:14.365 --> 00:56:26.577


That doesn't mean I don't have parts of myself that I don't love or like any of that stuff, but I never had confidence issues in that way where I was comparing myself to other people, where that was thrown in your face all the time.00:56:26.577 --> 00:56:36.617


But that's what social media is for, for our young girls specifically, because I don't think the boys think find it, they don't use it in that same way, but our young girls, thousand percent.00:56:36.617 --> 00:56:37.338


We tear ourselves apart.00:56:37.338 --> 00:56:40.811


Oh, you tear yourselves apart and I just think what's the answer?00:56:40.811 --> 00:56:42.576


Let me ask you what's the answer?00:56:42.576 --> 00:56:45.228


What's the answer if you had?00:56:45.228 --> 00:56:48.846


Obviously you can't just say social media is gone and we're not doing that anymore.00:56:48.846 --> 00:56:53.134


But how do we support you, young women, as you're navigating that?00:56:53.134 --> 00:56:54.958


Because it doesn't help.00:56:54.958 --> 00:56:56.414


You lift each other up.00:56:56.414 --> 00:56:57.885


Yeah, you tear each other down.00:56:57.925 --> 00:57:06.219


You guys are terrible to each other women are awful women are awful to each other, and and so I come from this place of how do we, what do we do to fix that.00:57:06.219 --> 00:57:07.483


Do you have ideas about that?00:57:07.483 --> 00:57:09.853


Or maybe you could even think about stuff, I don't know what it is.00:57:10.054 --> 00:57:13.646


I think, like you said, social media has been a big part of it.00:57:13.646 --> 00:57:16.193


I even look at my sister and drag myself down.00:57:16.193 --> 00:57:17.135


My sister is beautiful.00:57:17.135 --> 00:57:18.878


Both of them are my mom.00:57:18.878 --> 00:57:20.630


I look just like my mom.00:57:20.630 --> 00:57:29.597


So, mom, this is no offense to you, this is just me, but I think when you look at social media, all the influencers are skinny and blonde.00:57:29.597 --> 00:57:31.492


And what do they do for their lives?00:57:31.492 --> 00:57:33.224


They go to the gym 24-7.00:57:33.224 --> 00:57:34.811


No real person.00:57:34.811 --> 00:57:42.612


They're real people, but no normal everyday person who has a 9-5 and doing school has time to go to the gym for seven hours.00:57:43.105 --> 00:57:54.954


I know, but here's the thing that I will tell you In comparing yourself to that girl, that girl probably was spending the morning crying because of something that she was, which is so sad it is, but that's the part about that.00:57:54.954 --> 00:57:58.771


So even you comparing and saying was so sad it is, but like that's that's the part about that.00:57:58.771 --> 00:58:03.409


So even you comparing and saying that girl is blonde and skinny and this, and that she has just as many insecurities as you do, which is what's crazy.00:58:03.528 --> 00:58:04.612


I wish people would show that.00:58:04.612 --> 00:58:06.077


Yes, I think that would.00:58:06.077 --> 00:58:10.793


Well, that's having all different types of people be influencers or whatever.00:58:10.793 --> 00:58:13.081


Yeah, all we see is the good stuff.00:58:13.081 --> 00:58:14.224


Show the bad shit.00:58:14.224 --> 00:58:15.166


Yeah, that's what we're here.00:58:15.186 --> 00:58:15.987


That's what we're here for.00:58:15.987 --> 00:58:17.510


Yeah, exactly, exactly, welcome.00:58:17.570 --> 00:58:26.052


Let's get naked yeah, exactly, show that you don't have to, you know, look like that or feel like that all the time.00:58:26.112 --> 00:58:36.568


Yeah, like it's okay to be not okay, yeah but, but here's the thing realizing that for yourself realizing even when you started saying that girl can't possibly have a nine to 5 and do all the things.00:58:36.568 --> 00:58:40.592


As soon as you compare yourself to somebody else, everybody loses.00:58:40.592 --> 00:58:43.034


She loses because you don't know what her story is.00:58:43.034 --> 00:58:46.639


You lose because you're comparing yourself to somebody.00:58:46.659 --> 00:58:48.159


That that's not a real comparison.00:58:48.159 --> 00:58:49.681


That's not a like for like comparison.00:58:49.681 --> 00:58:54.748


It's one thing which I still disagree with.00:58:54.748 --> 00:58:59.362


But it's one thing if you're going to be in person with someone, know about what their story is and understand their life and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah and compare that.00:58:59.362 --> 00:59:06.351


But to come from this place of comparing without even knowing and we do that to each other all the time that's the whole judgmental piece of it.00:59:06.351 --> 00:59:07.789


So how do we get rid of that?00:59:07.789 --> 00:59:11.851


How do we facilitate it so that we're lifting each other up and being supportive?00:59:11.851 --> 00:59:23.315


But I think a big part of it is having the balls to come on here and say I don't like my appearance, I have a hard time with self-love, because I think a lot of other people will see that and say, god, I do too.00:59:23.315 --> 00:59:25.199


How do we fix it Right?00:59:25.199 --> 00:59:27.733


It starts with being kind to yourself.00:59:28.025 --> 00:59:31.349


Saying nice things to yourself, being your own hype girl.00:59:31.349 --> 00:59:35.467


You know, looking in the mirror and saying, damn girl, you got this today.00:59:35.648 --> 00:59:39.070


I can't get hired at FJ to be a personal hype girl if I'm not my own hype girl.00:59:39.150 --> 00:59:40.512


Exactly, you have to.00:59:40.512 --> 00:59:41.974


That's a big part of it, right?00:59:41.974 --> 00:59:45.858


But understanding that, talk kind to yourself, right?00:59:45.858 --> 00:59:50.362


Share that with your other friends and stuff as well that's a big part of it.00:59:50.362 --> 00:59:56.170


Oh, my God, my heart is so full right now Because women around me, me, it doesn't matter what ages you are we are terrible to ourselves.00:59:56.170 --> 00:59:58.195


We have to figure out how to be better about that.00:59:58.195 --> 01:00:08.007


You know, understand how to, how to really implement that, because you're gorgeous I look at you from the outside I swear to god, you smile every picture that I have of you.01:00:08.027 --> 01:00:14.251


You smile and you light everything up so photogenic right you totally do, but that's that just goes to show, right, it's.01:00:14.431 --> 01:00:17.599


It's because people would look at your stuff and be like, oh my God, she's so amazing.01:00:17.599 --> 01:00:20.494


And then you're not doing the same thing to yourself, right?01:00:20.494 --> 01:00:24.896


So think about that from the standpoint also of you've been given someone to take care of.01:00:24.896 --> 01:00:29.965


Would you have a friend that talked to you the way that your internal voice talks to you?01:00:29.965 --> 01:00:31.289


No, yeah, externalize that.01:00:31.289 --> 01:00:32.773


Externalize that voice.01:00:32.773 --> 01:00:34.585


Your Aunt Belinda and I call that Darla.01:00:34.585 --> 01:00:34.686


That.01:00:34.686 --> 01:00:35.166


Externalize that voice.01:00:35.166 --> 01:00:36.007


Your Aunt Belinda and I call that Darla.01:00:36.007 --> 01:00:37.288


That's Darla and Darla's a bitch, right?01:00:37.527 --> 01:00:45.092


But if Darla was talking to you like that, the way that you talk in your own head about you're not this as you want, you're not this, we all have it right.01:00:45.092 --> 01:00:50.335


So it's not knowing that Even the blonde, skinny girl has it she thinks, oh, my teeth aren't good.01:00:50.335 --> 01:00:51.516


Whatever it is, it doesn't matter.01:00:51.516 --> 01:00:58.581


But if you externalize Darla, just picture her sitting on the couch next to you, talking to you the way that you talk to yourself in your own head.01:00:58.581 --> 01:00:59.782


You wouldn't stand for that.01:00:59.782 --> 01:01:01.623


You wouldn't let her talk to your friends.01:01:01.623 --> 01:01:02.686


Choke her out.01:01:02.686 --> 01:01:03.467


Think about Chloe.01:01:03.467 --> 01:01:04.329


Shout out, chloe.01:01:04.650 --> 01:01:06.356


Oh, chucky, love you.01:01:06.356 --> 01:01:07.137


Chucky, think about Chloe.01:01:07.445 --> 01:01:12.007


If Chloe was talking to you in the way that you allow your head to talk, you wouldn't be friends with her.01:01:12.007 --> 01:01:16.813


Was talking to Chloe that way, you'd kick their ass, but you let that girl live in your head, rent free.01:01:17.514 --> 01:01:18.135


Think about that.01:01:18.135 --> 01:01:19.918


Think about that, right.01:01:19.918 --> 01:01:21.500


It's powerful, it is powerful, right.01:01:21.500 --> 01:01:22.829


And know that you can change that.01:01:22.829 --> 01:01:31.115


Just in the same way, that emotional intelligence, mental intelligence of how you allow that hamster wheel to go, you have the power to change that.01:01:31.115 --> 01:01:34.293


Once you know that, it's like holy shit, give me the cheat code, tell me how to do all of this stuff.01:01:34.293 --> 01:01:36.483


Because it's like holy shit, give me the cheat code, tell me how to do all of this stuff.01:01:36.483 --> 01:01:43.853


Because it's true, though, that's the mission that I've been on for the last, you know, six or eight years of figuring all of this stuff out, because I'm like, I don't want that.01:01:43.853 --> 01:01:50.664


Once I realize that I'm not my mind, I'm not that, I'm like, well then, tell me how to fix it, because I don't want that.01:01:50.664 --> 01:01:52.728


I don't want to carry darla around all day.01:01:52.728 --> 01:01:54.532


She's an asshole, she's mean.01:01:54.532 --> 01:01:56.414


I mean all of the things.01:01:56.414 --> 01:01:58.559


We're going to evict Darla.01:01:58.559 --> 01:01:59.847


That's part of all of this.01:01:59.847 --> 01:02:01.170


All right, all right.01:02:01.190 --> 01:02:02.333


She's gone.01:02:02.432 --> 01:02:02.974


She's gone.01:02:02.974 --> 01:02:09.539


Okay, so we're coming to the end of our time and I would like to ask you oh, this is going to be a good one.01:02:09.539 --> 01:02:19.179


My final question for you If you were during this exit interview process, if you were going to give your parents a grade on how they did, Just like school.01:02:19.199 --> 01:02:19.980


Can I do separate grades?01:02:19.980 --> 01:02:21.744


Yeah, I like separate.01:02:21.885 --> 01:02:24.657


Let's do separate grades and then overall experience as well.01:02:24.657 --> 01:02:29.313


Okay, okay, and don't just give them A's, because you you know, absolutely not.01:02:29.373 --> 01:02:39.715


No, dad gets an F, just kidding, you get like a C plus oh C plus Maybe a B he did text me and say Ds get degrees and I thought that's a cop-out.01:02:39.715 --> 01:02:41.442


Actually no, they don't anymore you have to get Cs.01:02:41.461 --> 01:02:41.844


That's a cop-out.01:02:41.844 --> 01:02:47.273


Okay, so a C Like a C+, c+ he's like at a 78.9, so he could get there.01:02:47.333 --> 01:02:48.175


He's got room to grow.01:02:48.215 --> 01:02:54.246


Yeah, that's okay is not over.01:02:56.594 --> 01:02:59.041


My mom probably gets a B.01:02:59.061 --> 01:03:01.789


Okay, a B plus not a B minus A solid B.01:03:01.789 --> 01:03:03.173


Yeah, I would take a solid B.01:03:03.173 --> 01:03:05.251


I don't think any of my kids would say I get a solid B.01:03:05.251 --> 01:03:07.099


So this is excellent.01:03:07.099 --> 01:03:07.943


She did pretty great.01:03:07.943 --> 01:03:09.387


Yeah, she did do pretty great.01:03:09.387 --> 01:03:12.505


Your mom's a badass yeah, like a real badass.01:03:12.545 --> 01:03:17.414


I mean, if you would have asked me when I was in high school, I would would have said like a D, yeah, but but I love my mom.01:03:17.414 --> 01:03:19.398


Yeah, space heals all sorts of things.01:03:19.398 --> 01:03:20.646


Yes, yes it does Right.01:03:20.666 --> 01:03:24.644


Yes, it does, yeah, so you getting out and being able to be away for a while and all of the things.01:03:24.724 --> 01:03:26.588


it's excellent and I can just go visit her.01:03:26.588 --> 01:03:27.188


I love it.01:03:27.188 --> 01:03:29.713


I love it Okay well then, let's see.01:03:29.773 --> 01:03:46.012


For my may, I suggest for this week is being aware that everyone is viewing their life through their own perspective and their own filters, and being willing to show grace to other people because they don't remember the same things, events, the same way that you do.01:03:46.012 --> 01:03:52.251


So if you can actually keep that in mind as you're going about your life, it goes a long way.01:03:52.251 --> 01:03:53.112


So that's my may.01:03:53.112 --> 01:03:53.713


I suggest.01:03:53.713 --> 01:03:55.478


That's our time for today.01:03:55.478 --> 01:03:58.027


If you have questions or suggestions, send us an email.01:03:58.027 --> 01:04:05.510


Our email address is ladies at letsketnakedpodcastcom, and do all the things to support the pod Follow, share, rate and review.01:04:05.510 --> 01:04:07.295


That's a wrap.01:04:07.295 --> 01:04:07.916


Catch you next time.01:04:09.005 --> 01:04:19.407


Hey, young ladies, if you're willing to be brave like Creighton was today and come on the podcast to get vulnerable and be brave and naked and share all of the things, send us an email.01:04:19.407 --> 01:04:23.382


Ladies at letsgetnakedpodcastcom, we'd love to have you on.01:04:23.382 --> 01:04:32.855


We feel like we will change the landscape and the conversation by being brave enough and willing to come on and share your stories, your truth, your suggestions.01:04:32.855 --> 01:04:33.956


We'd love to hear from you.01:04:33.956 --> 01:04:42.619


Your suggestions, we'd love to hear from you.01:04:42.619 --> 01:04:44.440


I'd love to help you get vulnerable.01:04:44.440 --> 01:04:47.117


Let's get naked.