The Art of Feminine Dominance: Breaking Taboos and Embracing Power

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I'd love to help you get vulnerable.

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Let's get naked.

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Hey everyone, I'm Ann.

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Welcome to the let's Get Naked podcast, where we dive deep into vulnerability.

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In this space, we'll explore what triggers us, uncover the patterns holding us back and discover how to take charge of our own growth.

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If you're ready to dig in, be vulnerable and face the tough stuff, then buckle up.

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It's time to get naked.

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There are women who possess an unwavering strength and grace, women who refuse to settle for mediocrity and instead empower others, both women and men, to step into their authentic lives.

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These women are the ones who refuse to remain silent, the ones who break the mold and live with purpose, passion and boldness.

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They understand that vulnerability is not a weakness but a bridge to connection, liberation and deep healing.

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By embracing their imperfections and sharing their stories, they create a safe space for others to shed their shame and speak the truths that have been silenced for far too long.

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These women are not afraid to tackle the hard truths, because they know that healing begins when we own our narrative.

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Stop hiding behind the walls of our trauma and break the silence that has kept us small.

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Their courage is infectious, inspiring those around them to rise above the mediocrity of existence and embrace the power of their own stories.

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In a world that constantly pulls us in a thousand different directions, it's so easy to forget who we truly are, but the most powerful thing you can do is stand firm in your authentic self.

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You don't need to conform, to be palatable or to fit some mold that the world has created for you.

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Your energy, your voice and your story are meant for those who truly resonate with it.

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You are not for everyone, and that is okay.

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The world is chaotic, messy and full of distractions, but at the end of the day, your true strength lies in owning who you are.

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Whether your journey is unconventional or bold, it's yours and that makes it powerful.

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So stop apologizing for being different.

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Let the world adjust to you.

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Keep shining your light unapologetically.

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And within all of us, regardless of gender, is the divine feminine energy, a nurturing and transformative force that is waiting to be embraced.

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This energy is about more than just softness.

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It embodies intuition, creativity, empathy and receptivity.

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To tap into your divine feminine power means reconnecting with your authentic self, trusting your inner wisdom and flowing with the rhythms of life.

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It means letting go of the pressure to be perfect, surrendering to your soul's natural cycles and creating space for compassion and connection.

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When you honor your emotions, nurture your body and allow yourself to feel the fullness of your humanity, you unlock profound growth and healing.

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The Divine Feminine is about courageously expressing your truth, choosing self-love and embracing vulnerability as a source of power.

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It's time to step into that power, to reclaim the strength that lies within and let your divine energy guide you as you rise, no longer living in the shadows but standing fully in the light of who you are meant to be.

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Today, we are stripping it all off with Hilary Burton.

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Hilary is a therapist, professional dominatrix and feminine empowerment coach.

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Welcome to the show, hilary.

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Thank you so much.

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Yeah absolutely.

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Thanks for joining us.

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I'd like to start with you maybe just kind of giving us a little bit of a story about your journey, what has gotten you to here, kind of.

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Whatever parts you're willing to share, the highlights of what made Hillary from start to now?

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Yeah, sure.

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And I just want to say your intro.

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I so resonated with that because so much of what I do is about divine, feminine and being authentic and the conversation that you and I just had about you know, being open about everything that really resonated.

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So yeah, for that beautiful Now and thank you for being open about not only coming here, but what you do outside of here as well.

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I think it really shines a light on the importance of doing that for other people women and men being able to really step into your authentic self and not feel like you have to fit into a mold.

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Yeah, just because there's some normal that we're all trying to there's not even the one.

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There's no normal.

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That's the funny thing.

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I try to tell I have daughters and they talk about like, oh well, so-and-so's this and so-and-so's that.

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I'm like no one.

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That girl isn't even that.

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You know what I mean?

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No-transcript, okay.

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Anyway, so my story, uh, I'm an Arizona native, so I love to travel, but this is always home.

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I love the energy of Sedona, so I am an hour and a half away from Sedona and I'm up there all the time.

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It's just like my recharge and my reset.

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So, yeah, no, no plans to go anywhere.

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I love it here, but I've been a therapist for 10 years, so I have a master's degree in occupational therapy.

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So I worked in pediatrics and I started a private pediatric practice in 2020.

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And so 2020 was a massive shift for me.

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So I started my practice, I got divorced and then I started my dominatrix journey.

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So there were so many things that went into that year and, you know, everything was really positive.

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I mean, divorce is always rough and, you know, very emotional and you have to process through so much, but it it was a long time coming and we were both just going in very separate directions and, tied into that, I lived, you know, a very vanilla life.

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There was nothing exciting in my marriage.

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You know, we were sexless for years, like it was just it was coming to an end, and so I had always been fascinated with dominatrixes and what they do and the energy that they hold, and so I was like all right, here's my chance.

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Absolutely.

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Absolutely I'm going to go out and do everything that I wanted to do, and so it's tricky getting into it, just logistically and safety wise, and there's there's so much.

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And so I kind of you know know, ventured out and played with it for a little bit, but I really got serious about it a year later, okay, and I went through an academy.

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It's by a professional dom who's been, you know, doing this for decades and she's a PhD in psychology and so she goes through the psychological foundations of why people are interested in what they're interested in kinks, fetishes, and the ethical, uh, responsibility of holding that space for someone.

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And so there's there's so much that goes into the safety and the relationship that you have with someone you're in a dynamic with, sure, so I loved having that foundation with it and it's very tight knit community and so before I got into that locally, you know, I was trying to find a space for myself and it was just it's, it's not welcoming.

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So you really have to just pave your own path with it and figure out what is this going to look like for me?

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Who am I going to allow in my space, in my presence?

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What energy am I going to allow myself to be around?

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So, there's a lot that goes into that, but I kept it a secret for years and I felt like there was so much, um, shame and taboo and guilt wrapped up in it, especially as a woman.

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Absolutely, men are allowed to go sexually, do whatever they want, and it's acceptable.

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But when women step out and say this is what I'm interested in, or this is what I want, or I'm bringing men to their knees, you know, then it's a oh right, that's uncomfortable.

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We don't like that, and it's, you know it, that's when we're in our sensual energy, like that's when, when our sensual power and, you know, our feminine power and and all of that.

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So it's such an incredible feeling and so, but yeah, I kept it hidden and it was kind of this like dark corner of my life and my closest friends knew what I was into but nobody else did.

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And then it became this.

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I kind of wrapped my mind around it being negative and dark and it wasn't this beautiful, therapeutic, incredible experience that it could be, because my mind frame was around the fact that I have to hide this.

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Is it because the outside influence of other people that made you feel like that?

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Yeah, I feel like our business follows our personal life journey, right?

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Yes, it's true, it's totally true.

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So I started my pediatric therapy practice and it's all fitness-based.

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I was going into bodybuilding at that time and so all of that was wrapped in together and I still love what I do as a therapist.

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I still love the fitness aspect.

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Wellness is very important to me, but I got very wrapped up in that, and so then I was doing wellness and nutrition coaching for women, because that's what my life was revolved around, and so the more I'm doing that, I'm helping women transform their bodies, you know, get their diet in line.

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But there was so much more going on and there was so much more depth to it.

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And so once I opened myself up to energetics and my feminine journey goddess journey, spirituality I was like oh, this is like, this is life changing, this is truly transformational.

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And so I knew I wanted to empower women, especially through energetics and feminine energy, and so I was already incorporating everything I learned as a dominatrix, but I wasn't outright saying it.

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And so I had a couple of friends of mine and I had posted some content and they were like I really like what you're doing and it's kind of edgy and I don't know why.

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And I was like because it's not all out there, because I'm not being fully authentic with that, and so that was my sign and I was like I just need to be open about it.

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Yeah, and I'm worried about what for people in my life who are going to say, oh, I don't like that you do that, yeah, which it doesn't matter.

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No, no, Especially when you think about I am not interested in living their lives right.

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Their lives are not something that I, you know, would aspire to be or to have.

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I have a very different vision and so why would I take their advice on my path, which is vastly different, Absolutely?

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And so I worked through that.

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I worked through any perceived judgment shame about it and I was like this needs to be in my content and my coaching and what I'm teaching women, Because I've learned self-worth, I've learned confidence, I've learned boundaries and just the energy of literally bringing men to their knees is like all women need to have this.

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We all need to know this.

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That's so excellent.

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That's yeah, that's incredible, yeah, yeah.

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How long do you feel like that took to kind of work through some of that stuff?

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Because I think that that's a big, a big thing to get through with the not giving a shit about judgment, not giving a shit what other people think about.

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You know, and we live in a society that's we encourage judgment, we encourage other people to have opinions on things that's none of their business, you know.

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So it is hard to not only work through that but then to maintain that.

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You know we were talking about that for other people's opinion of things and having that get in and weasel its way into your, your mind.

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You just don't need it.

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It's, it's garbage.

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But it is hard in in in the, especially with using social medias, tools and and other things.

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How, how did you work through that from yourself of, okay, this is something that is shameful, right, and it shouldn't be right, because, as far as I'm concerned, consenting adults, no one's getting hurt.

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If you don't like it, then change the channel you know I say that all the time, like if this vibe isn't for you, no problems.

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But yeah, but don't you know, shame to me is the the biggest, like just garbage and it's around everything right.

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So it's like oh, I don't understand that.

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I don't like.

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You know, I don't understand that I don't.

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Yes, it makes you know I don't understand that I don't.

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Yes, it makes me feel a certain type of way, and so I'm just going to shun that, which is why I'm really excited that having you come on and just kind of explain that a little bit to people because I don't know a lot about it either I'm fascinated just to understand kind of what all goes into that, especially when it's like okay, what kind of, what kind of clients is that?

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Somebody that you know?

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What does that guy look like?

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Who is looking for that?

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You know?

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Does he have unresolved issues?

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Does he have you know?

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So there's all of these other things that come into it.

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But there shouldn't be shame around it on either side.

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Either it's the dude that's interested in that or the gal that wants to do it right, doesn't matter.

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There shouldn't be shame associated with that and it's interesting because there's just like we're saying there's no shame where a man is dominant and a woman submissive, like that's expected, and they can do whatever they want in their bedroom and it's totally acceptable.

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But when you flip it, when it's a woman who's holding that power, who's holding that presence, then you know that's when people are upset about it.

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Yeah, absolutely, and they can change the fucking channel yeah, exactly, exactly.

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Next, I mean absolutely, yeah, for sure.

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If it's not for you, that's totally fine.

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So how long now?

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So you started that journey in 2020.

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How long has that been something that you're doing?

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Are you doing that full time for a living?

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Is that more of a side hustle for you?

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Like, what does that look like in your every day?

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I'm working up towards doing that full time.

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So I still have a pediatric therapy practice and we, you know you were asking about how long it took me to process that.

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That was a big thing for me, because I work with kids and separating that part of my life and then being open about it so that everyone knows I do this, I also do this.

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But I'm a medical professional, you know I'm ethical, I have morals, I have values, and so it's I equate that to.

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I like to go out to the bar on weekends, like I'm.

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I'm a with my own life and I don't have to be put in this box of I'm a pediatric therapy therapist.

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You know, for every waking moment of my life.

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And so it's okay to live in those extremes and to have that balance.

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It is and to talk about that and have that not be something that's shameful.

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Right, that doesn't make you any less than in either one of those, because those are interests that you do on this side and on that side.

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Yeah, okay.

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So how long ago then did you start doing it professionally, like after you got through your training and, okay, I'm now at the door of opening this and going what does that look like?

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Yeah, so, professionally, I've been doing it for about two years, okay, and it was in the last six months that I opened up to the entire world that I do this.

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Okay, this is a new thing then.

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Yeah, Excellent Good for you.

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So, yeah, I've, and I love it.

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It's fulfilling, it's a passion for me.

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I love the energy exchange and, like we were saying earlier, like I'm curious, I like meeting people, I like knowing what you're interested in, I like knowing the psychology behind it, like why, why is this happening in your life and helping you work through that and having an experience together about it?

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Yeah, and so it's so fulfilling for me and it is therapeutic and you know, I want people to know that about the industry.

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So so, yeah, it took me, I would say once I really decided, like I came to terms with the fact that this is my path, this is what I'm doing.

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One of my biggest purposes here is to show women this side of things, this empowerment, all of this energy, and so I was like so what's the holdup?

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What's the question here?

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There isn't one, you know, and it's I might lose my you know therapy patients.

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That's okay.

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Okay, that's okay.

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My family might never speak to me again.

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Yeah.

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That's okay.

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It's powerful to hear you say that and I think for our listeners to to really understand when you're standing in your authentic truth and in your authentic power.

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The rest of that doesn't matter, right, and it really does take a big set of balls to be able to do that, because it is like it's scary.

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You know, we were talking about okay, I'm starting to do this podcast, and we were joking about like now the entire world has seen the inside of my asshole.

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That's what I feel like, because I just say all the things you know.

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And then I realized after the fact, like and not that I would have tailored it, because that's part of what I've committed to do is a podcast about vulnerability, which means I'm going to share what my life experiences have been and I'm not ashamed of those.

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But for someone who was raised in organized religion, someone who is very much raised in shame-based not intentionally, they were just passing down what was dealt to them right, which has been going on for a long, long time but being able to work through that and realize I don't have to be ashamed about the things that are in my past, that's just my story and being willing to get up here and say the things so that there are people that are listening that go.

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That lands with me, that hits with me because I feel that same way, and maybe that empowers or emboldens them to be able to speak their truth or take a step closer to their authentic power, which, once you get to that point, once you got to this point, hillary, where you said, fuck it, I'm putting it out there, right, this is who I am.

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You look like a happy woman.

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You're sitting here like on this couch, living your best life, because you're not living some double life or trying to hide something or have something be dirty.

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You know, shame doesn't live where there's light and there's nothing shameful about what you're doing, and there's nothing shameful about stuff that's in my story, and so it's like there's nothing wrong with being able to share that.

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It's.

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It's unnerving a little bit sometimes, right, because of that.

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It's not the status quo.

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It's not the status quo, but I think it's so important to be able to just say we're not all this normal mold where we're all trying to be the exact same thing.

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Let's celebrate the weird, let's celebrate my.

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You know I use weird as a compliment, so please like to me.

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I want everyone to be weird, right.

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I want my children to march to the beat of their own drummers and be weird.

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I want to be weird myself and I'm not for everyone, right, and that's okay.

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Realizing that, as just a woman and a human being of everyone doesn't have to like me.

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I'm loud, I'm obnoxious, I'm, you know, I'm just you know, when I'm in a room.

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I love it, but you have presence but I have presence and you know what?

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I'm not, I'm not going to like, put that, damp that down so that somebody else is comfortable.

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I don't give a shit.

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If you're not comfortable, then go somewhere else.

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And vice versa, Like if I'm around somebody that I'm not comfortable with.

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Usually for me, I lean into discomfort, so I'm like what's?

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going on over there, right, yeah, but um which is why I want to talk more about this, because not that I'm uncomfortable about it, but I'm definitely curious because it's are are the people that are your clients?

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Are they, is it a therapy type situation as well, or is it no more, just fetish, or is there both of those kinds of things?

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I mean, dominatrix is, or it is, a fetish, right, is that how you would classify that?

00:18:27.244 --> 00:18:28.748
Or, um, yeah, a?

00:18:28.768 --> 00:18:29.911
kink fetish.

00:18:29.911 --> 00:18:33.444
Yeah, um, I would say it's more along the kink lines.

00:18:33.444 --> 00:18:41.329
So fetish is something that you have to have to make yourself, um, aroused, excited in a situation.

00:18:41.329 --> 00:18:43.796
So fetish is kind of more extreme, got it.

00:18:43.796 --> 00:18:47.685
And kink is something that people just enjoy, they like to play in, got it.

00:18:48.067 --> 00:18:53.089
Would you say that like a kink is more okay, here's these buckets and then a fetish is more like very specific.

00:18:53.191 --> 00:18:54.816
I would say so Okay, yes, okay yeah.

00:18:55.059 --> 00:18:56.221
Okay, excellent.

00:18:56.300 --> 00:18:59.044
Yeah, I wouldn't say it's.

00:18:59.044 --> 00:19:06.231
It's not therapy, because I don't see them as therapy clients, but it is therapeutic because I know what's going on for them.

00:19:06.231 --> 00:19:14.048
I know psychologically what they're dealing with, and a lot of the men I see are entrepreneurs very masculine.

00:19:14.048 --> 00:19:15.250
You wouldn't think so.

00:19:15.250 --> 00:19:21.853
You would think it's the opposite, yeah, but no, they tend to be making a billion decisions a day, just like we are.

00:19:21.853 --> 00:19:30.565
We're entrepreneurs, we do that too, and so they want a point where there's a blank slate, where you know it's just, it's freedom, you're able to let go of everything, you're able to decompress.

00:19:30.565 --> 00:19:48.174
They lose the anxiety, right, there's no stress with that, and so they just want to be in the presence of feminine energy and a beautiful woman telling them what to do, and they don't have to make a single decision, right and so and the beauty of that is, when you involve the physical aspects, the impact play.

00:19:49.362 --> 00:19:55.428
It completely takes you out of your mind and you're just strictly in your body, and it's hard for men to get that experience.

00:19:55.428 --> 00:20:06.330
Otherwise, like women are more, we've been conditioned out of it, we've been programmed away from it, but we can more easily like, connect with our body and tune in to our intuition and our central energy Right.

00:20:06.330 --> 00:20:13.224
And if we start doing some kind of movement or we're with our girlfriends and we're dancing or we're at the spot, you know, we're able to tune into that.

00:20:13.224 --> 00:20:17.001
But men have a really hard time disconnecting and being able to connect with their body.

00:20:17.001 --> 00:20:33.644
And so when you're able to give them that physical, you know, sensation, stimulation, just with impact play, then they're able to just connect their body, let go of everything mentally, and it's just this we were talking about it before.

00:20:33.644 --> 00:20:39.490
It's almost like a high of an experience, right, because they're just able to release everything Right.

00:20:39.490 --> 00:20:45.671
And so it is therapeutic, it is healing, but not necessarily in a sit downdown therapy talk kind of way.

00:20:45.740 --> 00:20:47.964
Yeah, it's not like you finish your session with him and then sit and go.

00:20:47.964 --> 00:20:48.886
What did that bring up for you?

00:20:48.886 --> 00:20:51.333
I mean, sometimes I mean could be.

00:20:51.333 --> 00:20:56.571
I mean, if it does, though, I mean you're qualified to be able to help talk through some stuff.

00:20:56.571 --> 00:21:03.473
Do you feel like a lot of your clients have let me back up for a second?

00:21:03.473 --> 00:21:10.461
I believe that we all have.

00:21:10.481 --> 00:21:22.405
I haven't found anyone yet who doesn't have trauma in some way or another as children, right, and I think it has become more acceptable for women to speak about theirs, where men maybe aren't comfortable enough because it shows weakness, it shows whatever.

00:21:22.405 --> 00:21:22.926
It is right.

00:21:22.926 --> 00:21:33.892
So when you have a man who's actually able to speak about trauma that happened to him as a child, I think that's powerful and it's impactful, and I have people around me in my life who are willing to have those conversations.

00:21:33.892 --> 00:21:42.603
So I'm curious if you feel like the clients that you see are maybe people who have unresolved childhood trauma from just different things.

00:21:42.603 --> 00:21:50.317
That that's, then what kind of yeah, you know, I mean the question to me comes to mind of like is this a bunch of guys with mommy issues?

00:21:50.317 --> 00:21:50.698
That?

00:21:50.798 --> 00:21:53.226
you know need to be fucking worked around right.

00:21:53.365 --> 00:21:59.951
I don't know and I don't know if you can even answer that if that's what you found or if it isn't really tied to that some of it is and some of it isn't.

00:22:00.059 --> 00:22:14.848
Yeah, so a lot of the the very specific, like if, if I have someone come to me and they say I want it, I want our scene to play out this way, I want these specific things involved, that's usually from some kind of trauma that they're trying to rewire.

00:22:14.848 --> 00:22:24.848
You know, even subconsciously, they don't even know they're doing it, but but other people just enjoy the experience and the play of it and so that's not as much trauma based.

00:22:24.848 --> 00:22:30.509
That's just, just, you know, enjoyment and excitement and energy, and right so it.

00:22:30.509 --> 00:22:31.751
Some of it does come from trauma.

00:22:31.751 --> 00:22:40.346
Yeah, but other men are, just, you know, interested in right, different things checking it out, yeah, just they just want to be on their knees, okay, I fucking love that.

00:22:40.688 --> 00:22:43.742
It's really, it is really excellent, isn't that fun it is it's.

00:22:43.884 --> 00:22:48.093
it's really fun to fun to say too, it's one of my favorite things to say, yeah, I'm probably going to use it later.

00:22:49.859 --> 00:22:51.464
That's so excellent, okay.

00:22:51.464 --> 00:22:53.931
So tell me, how long were you married before you got?

00:22:53.951 --> 00:22:54.432
divorced.

00:22:54.432 --> 00:22:56.786
Yeah, so we were together for 10 years.

00:22:56.786 --> 00:22:58.270
We were married for three, okay.

00:22:59.334 --> 00:23:04.125
And obviously not fulfilled, because you say vanilla and it's a boner killer as soon as you say vanilla.

00:23:04.125 --> 00:23:11.949
The word vanilla is not what you want in describing a sex life, no matter what, which you know, generally speaking, isn't necessarily anyone's fault.

00:23:12.039 --> 00:23:18.133
It's just maybe the combination of this is not my vibe, or we're not sexually compatible, or whatever that looks like.

00:23:18.133 --> 00:23:27.039
Did you have interest in the line of work that you do with the dominatrix stuff prior to, or it just something that came like?

00:23:27.039 --> 00:23:30.329
How did this come about that you're like I'm gonna fucking do this regardless?

00:23:30.329 --> 00:23:32.750
Of whether it was behind the scenes or out in public, like what?

00:23:32.750 --> 00:23:33.654
What led you to that?

00:23:33.675 --> 00:23:35.825
I think the universe, literally just dropped in my head one day.

00:23:35.865 --> 00:23:41.163
Yeah, I believe that as someone who also listens to the universe quite, quite intently.

00:23:41.285 --> 00:23:45.116
I believe that yeah, and so I got together with my ex-husband.

00:23:45.116 --> 00:23:47.263
I was 17 when we started dating.

00:23:47.284 --> 00:23:48.606
So 17 to 28.

00:23:48.887 --> 00:23:52.162
And you know, you're, you're going to evolve, you're going to change as a person.

00:23:52.162 --> 00:23:54.127
We're meant to, we're meant to evolve and change.

00:23:54.127 --> 00:24:03.388
And so, um, at that time, at 17 and I got married at, you know, 24, I wasn't thinking about what is my whole future going to look like?

00:24:03.388 --> 00:24:05.391
And I was.

00:24:05.391 --> 00:24:09.516
I feel like a lot of us get in the delusion of, oh, this is going to change, it's going to get better.

00:24:09.516 --> 00:24:13.790
He's going to be the person that I envisioned him to be, not where he is right now.

00:24:14.000 --> 00:24:26.240
And so you know, it's of no fault of his or mine or anything right, it's just you change and you grow and you figure out what you want and you realize that's not the life you're living right now.

00:24:26.240 --> 00:24:38.643
And so, yeah, I feel like it was just like little little tidbits because, similar thing I grew up in a very traditional household, I wouldn't say overly religious, but very traditional.

00:24:38.643 --> 00:24:42.497
I mean we never I never had a conversation with my parents about sex.

00:24:42.517 --> 00:24:42.738
Ever.

00:24:42.738 --> 00:24:44.141
Yes, I know Me either.

00:24:44.361 --> 00:24:45.344
Ever Still.

00:24:45.932 --> 00:24:49.289
I mean not that I want to but definitely it wasn't addressed growing up.

00:24:49.349 --> 00:24:52.875
No we can't even like, we don't even say the word, Like it is, yeah, which?

00:24:52.914 --> 00:24:54.789
is very different from how I'm raising my children.

00:24:54.789 --> 00:25:10.903
We talk about all the things and I want them to be able to be comfortable with me and again, I believe that my parents were doing the best that they could, but they didn't have the tools to be able to talk about that stuff, and again, I think that feeds the shame, because it's like I'm feeling this certain type of way.

00:25:10.903 --> 00:25:12.444
But what does that look like?

00:25:12.444 --> 00:25:13.806
This doesn't you know?

00:25:13.806 --> 00:25:14.906
This isn't spoke about.

00:25:23.289 --> 00:25:24.736
So it does make you feel like there's some shame associated with that.

00:25:24.736 --> 00:25:27.287
Yeah, and I had never tapped into sexual energy anything, and so my first experience with that was with the man that you know.

00:25:27.287 --> 00:25:47.285
I ended up marrying and you know, we were kids, we were kids, and then to have my whole sexual experience and knowledge and all of that wrapped up in someone else, you know, because I didn't even know what that was for me, and so in someone else, you know, because I didn't even know what that was for me, and so, and I feel like that's really typical, you know, that's a lot of women's journey is.

00:25:47.465 --> 00:25:49.673
We don't experience that just for ourselves, our own pleasure.

00:25:49.673 --> 00:25:52.500
It's doing it for someone else or with someone else.

00:25:52.721 --> 00:25:55.740
And you know you feel like you are looking for this person.

00:25:55.740 --> 00:25:57.186
I think we've we're dealt this.

00:25:57.186 --> 00:25:59.738
We're programmed with this path where, it's okay, we're looking for whoever our person is.

00:25:59.738 --> 00:26:08.073
Then we're programmed with this path where it's okay, we're looking for whoever our person is, then we're going to pair off, then we're going to take care of that person and do whatever that takes to make that person happy.

00:26:08.653 --> 00:26:15.675
I don't remember ever thinking about what makes me happy, which is crazy to me but I was very similar.

00:26:15.675 --> 00:26:20.638
I moved out of my parents' house when I was 16, got married when I was 18, had my first daughter when I was 19.

00:26:20.638 --> 00:26:27.932
I mean, it was just there's no who's Ann and what is she looking for?

00:26:27.932 --> 00:26:29.958
It was we're on a freight train of just trying to keep our heads above water.

00:26:29.958 --> 00:26:33.330
Yeah, so later in life, where I'm unpacking things and going, what does Ann want?

00:26:33.330 --> 00:26:38.411
What does spark that, you know, and being able to really like, oh, I feel that spark of interest.

00:26:38.411 --> 00:26:39.833
Let me get curious about that.

00:26:39.833 --> 00:26:40.694
Let me explore that.

00:26:40.694 --> 00:26:43.159
Whatever that is, it doesn't matter whether it's sexually or otherwise.

00:26:43.159 --> 00:26:45.301
How empowering is that?

00:26:45.382 --> 00:26:52.282
to say what makes Ann tick, what makes Hillary tick right, bringing men to their knees, fucking giddy up you know, I mean just.

00:26:52.282 --> 00:26:55.979
I know it's like seriously.

00:26:55.979 --> 00:27:00.651
Uh, just I feel like I'm blushing right now, even though I don't really get embarrassed.

00:27:00.651 --> 00:27:04.660
I I think I think it's powerful to be able to figure out what.

00:27:04.660 --> 00:27:05.903
What does it for you?

00:27:05.903 --> 00:27:06.202
On?

00:27:06.202 --> 00:27:16.781
On any front, professionally, personally, with your friends, owning your truth, hiring and firing positions in your life accordingly Right, what do?

00:27:16.801 --> 00:27:19.595
you enjoy, what's fulfilling, what brings you excitement.

00:27:19.595 --> 00:27:40.655
I feel like you know, up until up until, yeah, the age of 30, I was just living in like a shell of myself, right of what I could have been, but I didn't really know and I was, yeah, I was living that prescribed path of you meet the man, you get married, you buy the house, you have the kids, you have the job, you know and then at some point it's what is all this for, yeah, well then, you really it.

00:27:40.675 --> 00:27:45.474
Then you get there and you're like I think I was sold a bill of goods, which is why I'm trying to explain.

00:27:45.474 --> 00:27:46.196
It's a bunch of bullshit.

00:27:46.196 --> 00:27:46.759
It is bullshit.

00:27:46.759 --> 00:27:47.632
So I'm trying to like.

00:27:47.632 --> 00:27:51.162
Part of the platform for this podcast is to say, like ladies, stay single.

00:27:51.162 --> 00:27:53.297
I just want to throw that out there also.

00:27:53.297 --> 00:27:59.420
We don't just have to have kids to have kids, and to do these things, by all means, my sister-in-law, caitlin.

00:27:59.840 --> 00:28:02.003
she has always wanted to be a mom.

00:28:02.003 --> 00:28:06.372
She has four beautiful children, my favorite nieces and nephew.

00:28:06.372 --> 00:28:07.634
A thousand percent adore them.

00:28:07.634 --> 00:28:09.556
She always wanted to be a mom.

00:28:09.556 --> 00:28:10.798
Excellent, then do that.

00:28:10.798 --> 00:28:21.902
But for those women that are like they feel like they're just being dealt this fairy tale from Walt Disney and we're going to go find our prince and he's going to sweep us off of our feet, fucking.

00:28:21.902 --> 00:28:31.958
Spoiler alert, ladies that prince doesn't exist, right, he's damaged goods no offense, because we all are but he's not capable to be able to be this knight in shining armor that we were promised was going to be there at the end.

00:28:31.958 --> 00:28:37.657
He's probably an alcoholic, that you know, farts and leaves the toilet seat, I mean it's just a whole thing.

00:28:42.329 --> 00:28:43.712
So I don't know what you're we're expecting, but it's like we do.

00:28:43.712 --> 00:28:45.737
We get to this point where it's like is this, is this all there is?

00:28:45.737 --> 00:28:47.801
Because I got all the things.

00:28:47.801 --> 00:28:53.971
I have the white, you know, the white picket fence and the kids running around the front yard, and I'm stressed and I'm exhausted.

00:28:53.990 --> 00:28:56.035
I have the dream life, but it doesn't feel like a dream.

00:28:56.035 --> 00:28:57.135
So what's happening here?

00:28:57.297 --> 00:28:57.356
I.

00:28:57.356 --> 00:29:00.382
That's how I got with success, you know, for me, I grew up.

00:29:00.382 --> 00:29:05.660
I grew up where I didn't have money and it was very important for me to have money because that was freedom to me.

00:29:05.660 --> 00:29:10.420
And so I did all the things, started the businesses that had the, you know, did all these things.

00:29:10.420 --> 00:29:23.945
I got to the point where I was 39 years old and I'm looking around and I'm like, okay, I got the fancy house, the nice car, the, and I've never been more miserable and I thought, yeah, this can't be it, this I've, I've, I've gone, I've taken a wrong path, I've gone down the road.

00:29:23.945 --> 00:29:38.604
You know, I took a left when I should have gone right, or whatever it is, because this isn't what I told, was told this was going to be so, so being able to, as, as women and you know, young women and young men just telling you get, get curious about yourself before you get to be where it's 40.

00:29:38.644 --> 00:29:43.906
And I go oh, I'm just pulling my head out of my ass or out of the sand right now to finally figure out what's going on.

00:29:44.247 --> 00:29:45.008
Picture to not.

00:29:45.048 --> 00:29:45.528
Exactly.

00:29:45.528 --> 00:29:46.528
I mean, that's what it feels like.

00:29:46.528 --> 00:29:48.335
It's like oh, why is this?

00:29:48.335 --> 00:29:48.516
Now?

00:29:48.516 --> 00:29:51.976
I'm doing this in my 40s, which is fine, right, I mean, this is my individual path.

00:29:51.996 --> 00:29:52.778
That was your journey.

00:29:54.719 --> 00:30:05.151
That was supposed to be for you, absolutely wow.

00:30:05.151 --> 00:30:08.702
This is powerful because I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be and I have all of this data to be able to share with other people and the balls to be able to say the thing.

00:30:08.702 --> 00:30:10.248
So, luckily, you know we can have these conversations, but yeah, I mean it's not.

00:30:10.248 --> 00:30:13.478
You wake up and it's not what you thought it was going to be, and then you go, then what?

00:30:13.478 --> 00:30:14.580
And then what, right.

00:30:15.410 --> 00:30:21.122
Well, and when you said, um, taking a wrong right turn or wrong left turn, like your journey was supposed to be exactly what it was.

00:30:21.122 --> 00:30:28.950
You were supposed to go through every single moment of discomfort, of frustration, of drain, exhaustion, mediocrity, being miserable.

00:30:28.950 --> 00:30:35.250
Like you were supposed to go through all of that so you could be at this point and say no more of this, like I'm not doing this anymore.

00:30:35.250 --> 00:30:40.844
And we have, as women, we tolerate so much, we tolerate so much until we reach that breaking point.

00:30:40.844 --> 00:30:42.230
And then there's there's no going back.

00:30:42.230 --> 00:30:44.055
There isn't because you can't unsee it.

00:30:44.215 --> 00:30:46.821
You know, it's like once, once you do, once you see it.

00:30:46.821 --> 00:30:54.395
It's like I'm not settling for mediocrity anymore, and you realize there's so much more out there and you also realize that I'm gonna love me.

00:30:54.395 --> 00:30:56.519
First, let me get to know me.

00:30:56.519 --> 00:31:01.299
Let me get to know who I am and what I want, not let me find a man, yeah if we don't even know who we are and what I want, not let me find a man.

00:31:01.319 --> 00:31:04.314
Yeah, if we don't even know who we are and what we want, how are we going to find someone?

00:31:04.314 --> 00:31:11.182
That's a good, you know match for us and the whole you know societal programming of that.

00:31:11.182 --> 00:31:16.836
The prince is going to come, you know, take you off your feet and fulfill you and nobody is going to fulfill you.

00:31:16.836 --> 00:31:18.510
Nobody can be that role for you.

00:31:18.570 --> 00:31:27.318
No, and I was raised to think, not that my parents did anything intentional, this is just my upbringing but that you're supposed to surround yourself with people that make you happy.

00:31:27.318 --> 00:31:31.222
I didn't know that it was an inside job until I was like late 30s.

00:31:31.222 --> 00:31:34.925
And then I'm like, oh wait, a second, that's on me to do that.

00:31:34.925 --> 00:31:36.346
Oh fuck, I can do that.

00:31:36.346 --> 00:31:40.155
I can really be good at that, like I am really good at making myself happy.

00:31:40.897 --> 00:31:47.974
Now I am, I get it now and we think about all of the disappointment with, like previous partners and stuff that you expect them to do these things.

00:31:47.974 --> 00:31:48.435
They don't do it.

00:31:48.435 --> 00:31:55.143
And then we're disappointed when we know exactly what it takes to you know, have pleasure and joy and excitement and happiness.

00:31:55.390 --> 00:31:57.233
Well, and also like set the expectations down.

00:31:57.314 --> 00:31:58.616
Wouldn't that be lovely.

00:31:58.876 --> 00:32:13.438
Because really, on both sides of of that, I look at that from my previous relationship and also just a nice chunk of my marriage where I had expectations that were super unrealistic and as I've unpacked that and figured things out, I'm like god, that's not fair to anybody to me or to him, right, and so it's this.

00:32:13.438 --> 00:32:16.771
You know, I don't come from this place of like male bashing because I love men.

00:32:16.811 --> 00:32:25.824
I think they're amazing obviously you do too right so, but it is interesting about the dynamics of that and just getting curious about what they bring to the table.

00:32:25.824 --> 00:32:33.654
What we bring to the table, because I would encourage young men same thing figure out who you are before you saddle up next to somebody that you then are going to expect to make you happy.

00:32:33.714 --> 00:32:39.284
Yeah, yeah, and figure out what you want that relationship to look like, what you want your dynamic to look like.

00:32:39.284 --> 00:32:47.443
Yeah, so many people go into relationships and they have these completely different expectations and then it's, then it's a battle, you know, so just be open about it, yeah no doubt yeah.

00:32:47.865 --> 00:32:53.125
So you were raised in a household that had some religion, but not doesn't sound like overly what.

00:32:53.125 --> 00:32:59.941
What were the other dynamics of things that made Hillary Hillary, as far as kind of your zero to 18 life, my dad?

00:32:59.961 --> 00:33:01.044
is a hard ass.

00:33:01.044 --> 00:33:05.231
Your zero to 18 life.

00:33:05.231 --> 00:33:05.692
My dad is a hard ass.

00:33:05.692 --> 00:33:06.433
He's a complete hard ass.

00:33:06.433 --> 00:33:07.777
He was so, uh, yeah, he was just very disciplined with me.

00:33:07.777 --> 00:33:16.041
Uh, he was present, but him and I are incredibly similar, so we would always butt heads and it was just literally a battle of the wills about everything.

00:33:16.041 --> 00:33:22.490
Him and I are both incredibly stubborn, so and determined, and, you know, ambitious and motivated, and so that's what got him his success and why.

00:33:22.490 --> 00:33:26.316
You know ambitious and motivated, and so that's what got him his success and why, you know, I'm where I'm at right now too.

00:33:26.435 --> 00:33:49.433
But it also put me into a state of, you know, masculine energy and hyper independence, and the biggest thing that I've unpacked in the past couple of years is so I have an older brother, but we're 10 years apart, and so it was almost like I was kind of an only child at that point and he was off making his typical, you know, college boy mistakes and all of those things.

00:33:49.433 --> 00:33:54.471
So I felt like the pressure was put on me to be the perfect child, right, and so I was.

00:33:54.471 --> 00:33:55.994
I was the perfect kid in school.

00:33:55.994 --> 00:34:14.157
If I didn't get A's, it wasn't good enough, and so my worth became wrapped around my achievements and what I could show that I was good at, and so it wasn't because I exist, it wasn't because I was kind or loving or anything like that, it was just literally my achievements.

00:34:14.197 --> 00:34:23.753
So then, you know, went off to school straight away, like I did not have a college experience, I was just in school, school, school, getting straight A's, you know, heading a book.

00:34:23.753 --> 00:34:38.452
And that's also the reason I didn't have the life experience to know that the person I married was not my person, because I was just reading textbooks, right, right, I never even lived in a dorm, you know, I lived at home and then I lived with, you know, the man.

00:34:38.452 --> 00:34:40.574
So that was, that was my only experience.

00:34:40.574 --> 00:34:42.936
But you know, all of that made me who I am right now.

00:34:42.936 --> 00:34:45.097
So no regrets and I'm so thankful for all of it.

00:34:45.097 --> 00:34:52.182
But yes, I've unpacked the perfect child, you know mentality, yeah.

00:34:52.583 --> 00:34:54.844
No, that's a hard one to be dealt.

00:34:54.844 --> 00:34:55.606
I'm fascinated.

00:34:55.606 --> 00:35:10.153
I look at different people, men and women, what their experiences were in their childhoods, because I think you know the sibling count and the order that you are in the sibling count and how you were raised and if there was religion or if there's shame, or if there was an open household, if there was drug and alcohol abuse.

00:35:10.153 --> 00:35:18.782
I think there's a lot of that kind of stuff that really shapes who you are as a human being and I think a lot of people don't realize that as an adult you get to pick.

00:35:18.782 --> 00:35:23.532
You're not just dealt whatever that was.

00:35:23.532 --> 00:35:25.681
If that didn't resonate with you, then you go ahead and reprogram or reparent whatever that is.

00:35:25.681 --> 00:35:28.134
That's not doesn't land for you.

00:35:28.576 --> 00:35:33.572
Yeah, and the crazy thing is, you know, growing up you think your parents are the expert in everything.

00:35:33.572 --> 00:35:34.717
Of course they are.

00:35:34.717 --> 00:35:43.282
They're the people you look up to, they know everything, they have the most knowledge, and then you know, at this point in my life I feel like it's it's kind of the reverse now to where I'm almost like parenting my parents.

00:35:43.282 --> 00:35:49.097
You know they're aging and it's not to say that they're not knowledgeable or anything, but the world changes a lot.

00:35:49.097 --> 00:35:59.061
You know and a ton, and we're in the thick of it and they're somewhat removed from it, and so it's coming to a realization that they did the best they could.

00:35:59.061 --> 00:36:02.711
I love them, but they also they don't know everything.

00:36:02.771 --> 00:36:09.115
They are not experts in everything and you know some of the information they gave me was not accurate.

00:36:09.356 --> 00:36:20.114
All of the information I got was not accurate, but you know I was trying to be nice but no, none of it was but you know, I was talking with my friend Belinda and I said um, so here's, here's how that went.

00:36:20.114 --> 00:36:20.996
Two different things.

00:36:20.996 --> 00:36:25.356
Our parents, who you thought were just so bigger than life, were just normal human beings.

00:36:25.356 --> 00:36:28.239
So when I look back at things of like, okay, how old was I when?

00:36:28.239 --> 00:36:32.025
Or how old would they have been when I was 8 or 10 or like whatever, it is.

00:36:32.045 --> 00:36:33.048
Isn't it shocking to think about that?

00:36:33.048 --> 00:36:33.170
It is.

00:36:33.911 --> 00:36:37.574
And then I put myself in that age group and think I had no idea what the hell was going on.

00:36:37.574 --> 00:36:40.181
Yeah, and they did not have the internet.

00:36:40.181 --> 00:36:51.827
So, if you think about, if you needed knowledge from someone, you had to either know someone that did it and was willing to talk about it, which is a big thing, because a lot of people were not willing to talk about it.

00:36:51.827 --> 00:36:55.338
Gatekeeping everything right exactly, or like, where would they get the knowledge?

00:36:55.338 --> 00:36:56.440
Where did our parents?

00:36:56.440 --> 00:36:59.817
So when they, when you say, like mommy, where does the know?

00:36:59.817 --> 00:37:02.302
Where does the rain come from?

00:37:02.302 --> 00:37:03.554
Well, those are Jesus's tears.

00:37:03.554 --> 00:37:04.998
No, they're not.

00:37:05.579 --> 00:37:05.960
Exactly.

00:37:06.771 --> 00:37:14.974
But it's like they don't have the knowledge and when they say something, it's like because I said so and it's like that's not really how it is, but that's how it was.

00:37:14.974 --> 00:37:17.498
That's how it was when we were growing up, because they didn't know.

00:37:17.498 --> 00:37:27.835
So again, they're doing the best that they can and they're trying to hold together some sort of you know semblance in their house of they're the authority figure, they're the one that knows the most, and it's like you guys know less than we do.

00:37:27.835 --> 00:37:30.481
I know so it does.

00:37:30.789 --> 00:37:38.170
It brings forward a lot of interesting dynamics for them, them raising children, who the world just keeps turning Right.

00:37:38.170 --> 00:37:46.358
So, as we, as we evolve, yeah, we're, we're growing and we're learning and we're doing all the things, but we were not raised with great tools.

00:37:46.438 --> 00:37:51.375
I don't feel like no, and there were no emotional tools.

00:37:51.375 --> 00:37:52.818
There was no right like.

00:37:52.818 --> 00:37:54.724
Therapy was not a thing in my house.

00:37:54.724 --> 00:37:55.507
Nobody went to therapy.

00:37:55.507 --> 00:37:56.550
What even you know?

00:37:56.690 --> 00:37:56.992
what even?

00:37:56.992 --> 00:38:01.358
Is that you need help yeah, what did emotional intelligence look like in your home growing?

00:38:01.478 --> 00:38:03.342
up.

00:38:03.342 --> 00:38:08.188
Uh, it was very limited and it wasn't really something I could talk about.

00:38:08.188 --> 00:38:12.746
My mom and I were close and she's very sweet and nurturing and loving, and so she was.

00:38:12.746 --> 00:38:14.411
You know, it was like good cop, bad cop.

00:38:14.411 --> 00:38:22.315
She was the super sweet side and my dad was just, you know, the complete hard ass, so she would shield me from a lot of his behaviors and outbursts and anger.

00:38:22.315 --> 00:38:32.001
Um, but now looking, looking at their relationship, she just took all of that on herself and she has no way to process that now emotionally.

00:38:32.001 --> 00:38:43.759
So now I'm teaching her how to process through, you know, just just because you know her, and I will go out and she'll tell me something that's going on at home, and so now I'm trying to give her tools to work through that.

00:38:43.759 --> 00:38:48.878
And it's, it's wild to see that change because you know, I'm a kid, I'm her daughter.

00:38:48.938 --> 00:38:50.222
It's powerful though it is.

00:38:50.222 --> 00:38:57.472
It's powerful to be able to help our parents kind of understand some of the things, that you don't have to just carry that shit around.

00:38:57.472 --> 00:39:00.780
Right, I think a lot of times trauma that happens when you're a child.

00:39:00.780 --> 00:39:12.206
If again, spoiler alert if you don't address it, if you don't unpack it, if you don't look it in the eye and and resolve it and and whatever, you're just dragging it around behind you.

00:39:12.568 --> 00:39:17.335
Oh yeah, and I didn't realize, and it will and it has collateral damage all over the place.

00:39:17.376 --> 00:39:18.597
I say it's like a wrecking ball.

00:39:18.597 --> 00:39:19.219
Right your trauma.

00:39:19.219 --> 00:39:22.784
So when people do this whole like, oh that's my, you triggered me.

00:39:22.784 --> 00:39:29.177
You do like fix your shit then, cause it's not my job to manage your triggers, as I won't ask you to manage mine.

00:39:29.177 --> 00:39:34.621
Yes, that doesn't mean I'm not triggered by things, but when I'm triggered by something, it makes me curious to go Hmm, why did that hurt?

00:39:34.621 --> 00:39:34.900
Where?

00:39:34.900 --> 00:39:42.411
Where did that?

00:39:42.411 --> 00:39:42.994
Where did that touch what?

00:39:42.994 --> 00:39:43.516
Where does that come from?

00:39:43.516 --> 00:39:43.878
How do I fix that?

00:39:43.878 --> 00:39:46.688
And I think if more people were curious like that but we're not, we come from this place of like, oh, I have all of these triggers.

00:39:46.688 --> 00:39:47.952
Well, how do you think life works?

00:39:47.952 --> 00:39:49.597
Let's just talk through that just for a second.

00:39:49.597 --> 00:39:53.733
You start at birth and then you just start collecting triggers.

00:39:53.733 --> 00:40:02.778
So, theoretically, by the time you're 60, 70, 80, you just have this whole satchel of fucking triggers you carry around, you just can't be out around anybody, right?

00:40:02.838 --> 00:40:03.960
Doesn't that seem miserable?

00:40:03.981 --> 00:40:04.983
You live in isolation, right?

00:40:04.983 --> 00:40:05.764
Doesn't that seem miserable?

00:40:05.764 --> 00:40:10.342
We put all of this work and energy into other people, but not into ourselves.

00:40:10.342 --> 00:40:24.518
We give our best to our work and to our other obligations, things that we don't even want to do a lot of times, yeah, but we pay no attention to ourselves and put work into who we are, why we think the way that we do fix some of that shit.

00:40:24.679 --> 00:40:28.041
Our mental health, our spiritual health, all of it, All of those things right.

00:40:28.041 --> 00:40:31.382
But also, how can you do that if people aren't willing to talk about?

00:40:31.443 --> 00:40:31.603
it.

00:40:32.083 --> 00:40:36.065
If people aren't willing to say here's the hard shit, here I'm struggling today.

00:40:36.567 --> 00:40:37.027
How often?

00:40:37.047 --> 00:40:41.291
do you have people in your circle that say I'm fucking struggling?

00:40:41.291 --> 00:40:42.052
Today I said that to you, this morning.

00:40:42.072 --> 00:40:44.119
Yeah, I know, and which is excellent, which is excellent, right.

00:40:44.139 --> 00:41:00.882
Because it's, and I appreciate that, because to me, I think when you do come and you lead with vulnerability, it makes other people also feel like, okay, I can be human too, instead of this bullshit where it's like everything's perfect, you know we're hiding behind filters and we're-da-da-da-da, we're not talking about anything.

00:41:00.882 --> 00:41:01.505
That's real.

00:41:01.505 --> 00:41:03.530
No, like I'm fucking struggling today.

00:41:03.530 --> 00:41:04.876
I could use some support.

00:41:04.876 --> 00:41:06.775
We need more of that.

00:41:07.230 --> 00:41:18.054
And it doesn't matter if you're a badass goddess dominatrix or if you're a stay-at-home mom and you can't handle any more things that are going on Like it is okay, we're all going through it.

00:41:26.030 --> 00:41:28.860
And so if we're all going through it, yeah, and so if we're open about it, then we can support each other through it instead of just struggling.

00:41:28.860 --> 00:41:29.581
Yeah, and stop and stop the judgment.

00:41:29.581 --> 00:41:30.103
Stop the fucking judgment.

00:41:30.103 --> 00:41:30.666
It's too much, it's too much.

00:41:30.666 --> 00:41:38.413
We have literally built societies on judging each other, platforms on social media and all of these things where it's just everyone thinks that that's a free reign to give your opinion about other people.

00:41:38.413 --> 00:41:39.213
No one one asked.

00:41:39.494 --> 00:41:41.077
And it's so much negativity too.

00:41:41.077 --> 00:41:44.342
Like why are you wrapping yourself in that negativity?

00:41:44.342 --> 00:41:51.340
You know, and like karma is a thing, yeah, Look, look the universe feels that Look at your own backyard a little bit.

00:41:51.541 --> 00:41:52.643
Yeah, interesting.

00:41:52.889 --> 00:41:56.518
I was working through, uh, some things, you're spiritual energetic.

00:41:56.619 --> 00:41:57.942
Yes, okay, yeah.

00:41:58.181 --> 00:41:58.911
So I was like you know what.

00:41:58.911 --> 00:42:04.797
I'm going to transmute all of that negative energy just into positive empowerment for me and, like you know what, my name's being brought up.

00:42:04.797 --> 00:42:05.898
That's fantastic.

00:42:05.898 --> 00:42:06.559
Keep bringing it up.

00:42:06.559 --> 00:42:08.342
Yep, keep talking about me, I love it.

00:42:08.382 --> 00:42:11.346
Yeah, put it, put it out there, right, yeah, yeah, bring me that energy.

00:42:11.346 --> 00:42:20.434
Yeah, journey Like when did you get to kind of a place where you really are into that?

00:42:20.434 --> 00:42:23.257
That was more of a later in life thing for me, so I'm curious about that.

00:42:23.418 --> 00:42:33.693
It was uh, I would say a year and a half ago, two years ago, that I started to get into it because, you know, I grew up religious, but that never really clicked for me.

00:42:33.693 --> 00:42:37.940
And it was just, you know, going through the motions, we go to church, we do all this, uh.

00:42:37.940 --> 00:42:46.324
And so then, once I got divorced, I got away from it and I was like that's, it's just not making sense to me, yeah, so then I got into energetics and spirituality.

00:42:46.324 --> 00:42:51.523
I'm like, ah, this is where this lands, I don't need to be worshiping a male energy like we?

00:42:51.663 --> 00:42:52.786
are, you know the universe.

00:42:52.927 --> 00:42:54.231
It is creator energy.

00:42:54.231 --> 00:42:55.373
Yeah, it's feminine.

00:42:55.373 --> 00:42:56.597
Yeah what?00:42:56.737 --> 00:42:57.498


what sparked that?00:42:57.498 --> 00:42:58.802


For you, just out of curiosity.00:42:58.822 --> 00:43:03.831


If you're willing to share, yeah um, I'm gonna have to think about it okay.00:43:03.831 --> 00:43:05.112


Okay, I was.00:43:05.112 --> 00:43:09.019


I was seeing an incredible hypnotherapist.00:43:09.019 --> 00:43:17.193


She is like this woman, she's she's not from here, yeah right, but she's a business coach, she's a confidant, she's a therapist, she's a hypnotherapist, she does everything.00:43:17.193 --> 00:43:29.739


She's reiki, she does energetics, and so I would come in with these questions and I'm like, you know, I don't really know where I fit with this and I don't believe this, and so she would just put ideas out there and I'm like, oh, that's it, that's what resonates with me.00:43:29.739 --> 00:43:31.681


And so she kind of helped me.00:43:31.681 --> 00:43:34.684


You know, come into that and figure it out.00:43:34.684 --> 00:43:37.190


What you know, what feels like it fits with me.00:43:37.349 --> 00:43:39.896


Yeah, so yeah, I love that, yeah, yeah.00:43:39.896 --> 00:43:47.090


It's interesting because when you get sparked by whatever it is, for me it's oh that that resonates with me.00:43:47.271 --> 00:43:49.221


And again after you've spent your whole life with.00:43:49.221 --> 00:43:53.175


Okay, I know that doesn't, but I didn't have anything that did you know?00:43:53.175 --> 00:44:02.518


So I was raised very organized religious, with different religions over the course of my upbringing and that definitely didn't resonate.00:44:02.518 --> 00:44:07.380


And then I was just very, I was an atheist for a long time because it was.00:44:07.380 --> 00:44:07.945


I don't believe in anything.00:44:07.945 --> 00:44:15.362


I don't think that there's like some magical fucking heaven place with streets of gold or some hell where we I just I didn't believe in any of that.00:44:15.422 --> 00:44:25.617


You know and now just my understanding and my belief in the spiritual and energetic world and the cosmic fabric and all of the things that tie us together.00:44:25.617 --> 00:44:28.434


It's like it's not a mystery that there's these things.00:44:28.434 --> 00:44:31.052


People can say they're coincidences and I just don't believe in that.00:44:31.052 --> 00:44:31.833


It's not a coincidence.00:44:31.853 --> 00:44:32.134


Not at all.00:44:33.425 --> 00:44:34.791


And so I believe that.00:44:34.791 --> 00:44:40.637


So when the universe serves that up to me, I'm like, oh, I can't wait to see what's going to come from this, it's so exciting it.00:44:40.677 --> 00:44:41.639


When the universe serves that up to me.00:44:41.639 --> 00:44:43.099


I'm like, Ooh, I can't wait to see what's going to come from this.00:44:43.099 --> 00:44:43.460


It is I literally.00:44:43.460 --> 00:44:49.282


I start my day and I'm like, all right, put me wherever I'm supposed to be, that I can be of the highest purpose, the highest service, Right, and I'm never disappointed.00:44:49.282 --> 00:44:59.019


My last, my last couple of years, like for me, my spiritual journey started when I got sober eight years ago from alcohol and I started at the rehab that I went to.00:44:59.019 --> 00:45:01.206


They had Reiki, they had breath works, they had these things.00:45:01.206 --> 00:45:01.847


That was just like.00:45:02.469 --> 00:45:05.135


Okay, okay, this is like really resonating.00:45:05.135 --> 00:45:08.570


And I came home and I didn't really start diving into anything right away.00:45:08.570 --> 00:45:11.166


I was more just trying to get my life back together.00:45:11.166 --> 00:45:17.829


But then when I did start diving into that, it was just like this is so amazing for me, it just landed in it.00:45:17.829 --> 00:45:23.561


Just everything that I continue to do to explore, that is yes, this is, this, is everything.00:45:23.561 --> 00:45:39.177


And then I just have surrounded myself, you know, the universe has put all of these amazing women in my path, where they all believe the same stuff, obviously different, different parts of their journey or different beliefs, but in that same, believing in creator, uh, god, universe, but not in a religious way.00:45:39.177 --> 00:45:41.565


You know, for me it was organized religion.00:45:41.565 --> 00:45:43.530


That's what kept me away from spirituality.00:45:43.570 --> 00:45:49.074


For so long, because I thought they were the same and it was off-putting it was and I thought, like religion and spirituality are the same.00:45:49.074 --> 00:45:50.869


And, oh my god, how could I have been more wrong?00:45:50.869 --> 00:45:52.474


Like, obviously they're completely different.00:45:52.474 --> 00:45:54.025


Everyone knows that, but we don't know.00:45:54.025 --> 00:45:56.409


I didn't know, and so we're asking our parents.00:45:56.409 --> 00:45:59.052


Yeah, yeah, so exactly who don't have internet.00:45:59.072 --> 00:46:02.358


We have 1940s knowledge that we're going off of.00:46:02.759 --> 00:46:04.201


Oh my, God, it's so terrible.00:46:04.201 --> 00:46:15.791


Well, and like, I don't know if you talk with your parents about how they were raised or the things that their parents handed down to them, because it's literally just a copy of a copy of a copy, and again, newsflash.00:46:15.791 --> 00:46:17.215


The original was not great.00:46:17.215 --> 00:46:19.092


The original was not great.00:46:21.105 --> 00:46:21.706


It was rough it was real rough.00:46:21.726 --> 00:46:29.768


I mean, I talked to people about, just you know, women and our, our place right now in in society, as far as how far we've come and all of these things.00:46:29.768 --> 00:46:38.655


It was not that long ago where we couldn't have our own mortgage, where we couldn't you know, we couldn't vote like for our young girls.00:46:38.715 --> 00:46:43.974


Get your fucking heads around that it wasn't that long ago, 1970, wasn't it like 50 years ago?00:46:44.094 --> 00:46:54.110


Yes, so you know, I keep meaning to do like a timeline, a little bit of just the progress that has happened, because I think a lot of people also get twisted up in.00:46:54.110 --> 00:47:04.224


We still have so far to go, and I agree with that, but let's also acknowledge how far the women that have fought before us have come right they're still here and there's those women are our mothers.00:47:04.425 --> 00:47:15.351


Those, those women are our mothers and our grandmothers and and thank god that they were strong enough to do shit like all of the things that it took to fight for I know me too right, let's honor those women.00:47:15.351 --> 00:47:18.284


Let's not like, oh, we can't believe that we still don't have whatever.00:47:18.284 --> 00:47:25.115


We have some pretty cool shit, right, and think about how long things went Before any change, before any change.00:47:25.115 --> 00:47:30.297


Right, like cavemen were hitting women over the head and dragging them back to their fucking caves.00:47:30.297 --> 00:47:32.150


Talk about non-consent.00:47:32.150 --> 00:47:35.373


Oh, my God, we didn't have any choices in any of that.00:47:35.373 --> 00:47:38.885


Even just think about birth control and my mom.00:47:38.885 --> 00:47:40.027


We were raised Catholic.00:47:40.027 --> 00:47:44.590


She didn't have choice, like she had five of us Shoot me.00:47:44.590 --> 00:47:47.052


I mean, thank God, I think she likes all of us.00:47:47.052 --> 00:47:48.172


It's a little too late.00:47:48.213 --> 00:48:02.443


The cat's out of the bag on that one, but it's like I can't imagine not having control over how like my parenting and my planning of how I want to have children and stuff like that and what you want your life to look like it's your life.00:48:02.443 --> 00:48:04.791


Yeah, and we didn't used to have control over that?00:48:04.791 --> 00:48:06.291


No, not that long ago.00:48:06.291 --> 00:48:13.978


Yeah, so again, being able to really acknowledge those women, acknowledge the work that went into it and also do the work that we're continuing to do.00:48:14.164 --> 00:48:18.092


You know part of what you're doing with Women, empowerment and all of that same thing.00:48:18.092 --> 00:48:18.574


For me it's.00:48:18.574 --> 00:48:26.768


I want to share the knowledge, I want to talk about the things that I think are shameful to people, because there's no shame, you get to create the shame.00:48:26.807 --> 00:48:28.693


It's the same thing with, like, giving somebody your power.00:48:28.693 --> 00:48:30.467


Yes, you give them your power.00:48:30.467 --> 00:48:31.512


They don't take it.00:48:31.512 --> 00:48:33.159


Yeah, I don't think people understand that.00:48:33.159 --> 00:48:38.690


It's like when you feel powerless, you've given that to them, so understand that you can just take that back.00:48:38.690 --> 00:48:48.443


I think so many people get to the point where they feel so defeated, you know, they feel like, oh, I don't have this, I don't have that and whatever, and it's like, yeah, but those are your choices, yeah.00:48:48.463 --> 00:48:49.467


You're giving energy to that.00:48:49.927 --> 00:48:54.786


You've done that and once you realize that you can just take that back, you can make your decisions.00:48:54.786 --> 00:48:56.889


You can step out of a shitty marriage if you want to.00:48:56.889 --> 00:49:03.199


Yes, you can own your own truth and say and nothing against your ex-husband at all right because it's like, but you can change that at any time.00:49:03.239 --> 00:49:03.980


You get to do that.00:49:03.980 --> 00:49:12.092


And again, like from, I was raised to think you get married, you stay married and I could have stayed married to my first husband forever.00:49:12.092 --> 00:49:16.927


And I look at my oh god, it just makes me literally having a physical reaction.00:49:16.927 --> 00:49:19.251


So sorry, it's just oh.00:49:19.251 --> 00:49:22.195


I just can't even imagine what my life would have been.00:49:22.195 --> 00:49:24.099


I know, I know it's so sad.00:49:24.099 --> 00:49:24.639


It is sad.00:49:25.266 --> 00:49:30.594


I've been married to my husband now for 20 years and my husband is the biggest Anne fan.00:49:30.594 --> 00:49:33.572


You know he wants me to do whatever makes my heart happy.00:49:33.572 --> 00:49:34.514


See, we love that.00:49:34.514 --> 00:49:44.072


Yes, and he wants me to do like, like he is the biggest supporter of that.00:49:44.072 --> 00:49:44.735


Uh, but first husband not so much.00:49:44.735 --> 00:49:44.795


So.00:49:44.795 --> 00:49:46.764


So you know, if you find yourself in a marriage where you're sitting there going, this is terrible.00:49:46.764 --> 00:50:05.304


Ladies understand that there's a way out of that and it doesn't matter if there's kids involved or what your circumstances are and whatever it, if you know that it's not going to get better and your gut says that and there is no shame, there is no guilt in that, and you can literally change your mind any day, for any reason yeah, you can change your mind any day about anything, absolutely any reason.00:50:05.485 --> 00:50:06.708


Absolutely, I don't want this anymore.00:50:06.708 --> 00:50:07.632


This isn't for me anymore.00:50:07.811 --> 00:50:19.871


Yeah, it's simple, not easy not not easy, but but I think if we were, if we as women were more willing to set down the judgment, set down the bullshit and be able to support somebody.00:50:19.871 --> 00:50:26.313


You know, if you see a mom who's going to the grocery store and her hair is all fucked up and her kids are screaming and whatever, everyone's looking at her like who's this wackadoo?00:50:26.313 --> 00:50:27.865


Maybe offer her a little support.00:50:27.885 --> 00:50:28.568


Can I help you with?00:50:28.588 --> 00:50:28.969


something.00:50:28.969 --> 00:50:35.969


Yes, wouldn't that be such a better world if we were actually able to really see it from that way, instead of you don't know what happened.00:50:35.969 --> 00:50:38.152


She could have just found out this morning that her fucking dad died.00:50:38.152 --> 00:50:40.896


Who knows, we don't know what other people are going through.00:50:40.896 --> 00:50:46.836


Let's connect and support each other in a way that's powerful, instead of beating each other down.00:50:47.237 --> 00:50:55.853


I know I don't understand why it's taking women as long as it is to really support each other, because there's so much competition like gross competition between women and I don't love it.00:50:55.853 --> 00:51:00.494


I just think I'm not interested in being around that kind of energy at all.00:51:00.764 --> 00:51:09.054


Well, it's not feminine energy and it's not self-worth right, and there's so many insecurities tied in all of their being but in finding a partner.00:51:09.054 --> 00:51:12.914


So those women are competing with each other for men, which is the exact opposite.00:51:13.114 --> 00:51:14.239


Men are here to compete for us.00:51:14.239 --> 00:51:16.286


Men are here to compete for the feminine energy.00:51:16.286 --> 00:51:19.192


Right, we're okay by ourselves, do we love men?00:51:19.192 --> 00:51:20.554


Yes, we love masculine energy.00:51:20.554 --> 00:51:25.282


I love a provider, love a protector, but also I am perfectly happy by myself.00:51:25.282 --> 00:51:34.929


I enjoy being single, I am fulfilled, I have passions, I love what I do, and so I am not out here seeking that and I don't need to compete with other people for that.00:51:34.929 --> 00:51:36.393


Yeah, and so that's.00:51:36.393 --> 00:51:38.146


That's where it gets mixed up, right?00:51:38.146 --> 00:51:44.735


Because women are in their masculine energy with insecurities, they're unhealed and they're literally going after other women to get to that man.00:51:44.735 --> 00:51:46.811


That is never going to work out anyways.00:51:46.811 --> 00:51:53.791


No, because if you do get that man, he's in his feminine energy, he thinks he's God's gift to this planet and he's going to expect you on your knees.00:51:53.791 --> 00:51:55.130


It's, you know, it's not.00:51:55.170 --> 00:51:56.150


It's a different dynamics.00:51:56.150 --> 00:51:57.012


It's not the vibe Ladies?00:51:57.271 --> 00:51:58.012


it's not the vibe.00:51:58.152 --> 00:51:59.753


It's not the vibe for 2025.00:51:59.753 --> 00:52:01.655


No, no we need masculine men.00:52:01.695 --> 00:52:08.621


We want leaders, protectors, providers you know and they hold that space for the feminine to be safe and secure and confident and have that worth.00:52:08.621 --> 00:52:11.148


But yeah, yeah, the competing energy is ooh.00:52:11.550 --> 00:52:21.436


Well, and I think a lot of it too, is for me fixing in me the judgment and the critical that I had was fixing it in myself first right.00:52:21.536 --> 00:52:27.536


I was not able to fix being judgmental of other people until I fixed it in myself because I was my worst.00:52:27.536 --> 00:52:29.347


I was the worst person to myself.00:52:29.347 --> 00:52:31.954


So to be able to really realize it starts with you.00:52:31.954 --> 00:52:36.518


Right, you have to be able to have compassion for yourself before you have compassion for others.00:52:36.518 --> 00:52:45.686


Like it's really important to understand that and really put the work into yourself to either unpack traumas or other shit that you need to, or reprogram whatever that looks like.00:52:45.686 --> 00:52:46.889


Put the work into yourself.00:52:46.889 --> 00:52:49.155


I guarantee you it pays off.00:52:49.155 --> 00:52:50.226


It pays off so big.00:52:50.407 --> 00:52:53.186


Oh, a hundred percent, and like you're going to treat everyone else the way you treat yourself.00:52:53.186 --> 00:53:02.581


Yeah, so if you're, you know, talking natively if you don't like your body, you don't like the way you look, you don't like your body, you don't like the way you look, you don't like what you have going on, you're putting that out there in the rest of the world too, and then you're going to attract someone.00:53:02.581 --> 00:53:07.596


Yes, that also feels those things about themselves, about you, about other people.00:53:07.596 --> 00:53:12.597


It's just a vicious cycle of negativity and insecurity.00:53:12.856 --> 00:53:17.715


Yeah, well, and that is a good point that you said about chasing and don't chase.00:53:17.715 --> 00:53:18.338


Attract.00:53:18.338 --> 00:53:22.972


Work on yourself until you're that they're chasing you.00:53:22.972 --> 00:53:24.418


Whatever it is, it doesn't have to be men in that situation.00:53:24.418 --> 00:53:26.768


It could be opportunities, it could be whatever.00:53:26.768 --> 00:53:40.094


So, literally, if you just turn that mirror around on yourself and be willing to look at yourself in the mirror and start working through some of that stuff, I think you'd be blown away at how amazing that stuff is and then all of those things that are the right fit for you are coming in, yes, and then it just comes.00:53:40.333 --> 00:53:40.855


It's easy.00:53:40.855 --> 00:53:41.596


It is easy.00:53:41.596 --> 00:53:44.139


I look at that and I think it is easy.00:53:44.139 --> 00:53:44.686


That's a.00:53:44.686 --> 00:53:59.817


That's a really great way to say that, because I feel like once I kind of got through the bulk of my stuff, I don't think you're ever done, but once I got through the bulk of my stuff and really kind of am living my Dharma and my purpose that the universe has for me, everything's easy.00:53:59.817 --> 00:54:05.134


You know, I said to the universe I need women in my life that feel the same way that I do.00:54:05.134 --> 00:54:09.273


And I'm not kidding, the universe just sprinkles, like recently.00:54:09.273 --> 00:54:09.795


Here we are.00:54:09.795 --> 00:54:12.634


I know I was just like where have you girls been hiding?00:54:12.634 --> 00:54:22.360


Because you're all around me now, right, and I feel honored, I'm humbled to be able to share this journey with women who feel the same way, who really are.00:54:22.360 --> 00:54:22.844


I want you to win right.00:54:22.844 --> 00:54:24.349


There's enough winning for everybody.00:54:24.349 --> 00:54:25.172


We all have crowns.00:54:26.146 --> 00:54:28.514


There's not two that we're fighting over we all have our own.00:54:28.605 --> 00:54:29.610


Go ahead and work on your own.00:54:30.344 --> 00:54:33.367


But I don't want people in my life that aren't going to support me.00:54:33.367 --> 00:54:34.728


Right, Right, right.00:54:34.728 --> 00:54:44.655


I want to be able to be that champion for the women that are in my life too, to be able to support them and say if you need something, girl, I got you, or I'm going to be the first one to support you, Not go.00:54:44.655 --> 00:54:46.356


Can you fucking believe what she's wearing?00:54:46.376 --> 00:54:56.226


or whatever that you know that whole critical judgment gross thing and like how much of our life, how many years did we spend in that critical, negative energy Right Too much when we could have?00:54:56.226 --> 00:55:02.418


I mean, we were on this journey for a reason and we got here when we got here, but you know, now being able to support each other.00:55:03.347 --> 00:55:17.784


I want to see other women grow, and the fact that there are women out there doing incredible things, like it doesn't get talked about, how many massively successful women there are out there doing energetics, manifestation, spirituality, and they are so successful.00:55:17.784 --> 00:55:22.213


And the fact that they are out there doing that does not tell me, oh, they have it, I can't.00:55:22.213 --> 00:55:24.599


It tells me they did it, I can do it too.00:55:24.599 --> 00:55:31.349


Absolutely like it is here for all of us, it's possible there's a lot of bad bitch energy going on a lot of bad bitch energy.00:55:31.751 --> 00:55:36.467


I love it, though, because I feel like it's brewing more so than it more so than it ever has.00:55:36.588 --> 00:55:44.934


Yes, in so many different, and I just think, yes, queens, let's support each other, let's unite, let's continue to figure out how we can empower each other.00:55:44.934 --> 00:55:50.072


And again, nothing against our guys, because we all love them too and we need to be pulling them along as well.00:55:50.072 --> 00:56:00.916


Right, I feel like I literally feel like, as I'm growing, I'm like come on, it's not gonna define me if you don't come, but I'm showing you like this is possible to not have these shitty childhoods.00:56:01.056 --> 00:56:32.288


Everybody has a story, right, reconcile it so that it's just a story instead of something that rips you apart and defines who you are yeah, you know well, there's a lot to that about, um, you know, women evolving, healing, women growing through that, because we've been waiting for the men to do it, we've been waiting for men to lead and be the providers that we want, and it's actually going the other way, you know, and so we just need to step into ourselves and our authenticity and set those expectations, and this is my worth, this is my value, this is how I expect to be treated, and if you don't live up to that, that's okay.00:56:32.489 --> 00:56:47.478


Yeah, you might someday not my problem not my problem, you know, and so but when, as women, are leveling up and we're having this huge divine feminine awakening and it was what you're talking about you know how we made so much progress already, but like now it is, it is amplified, like it is ramping up.00:56:47.478 --> 00:56:48.784


It's game on and so yeah.00:56:48.784 --> 00:56:53.056


So we're all out here doing this incredible stuff and you know it's going to raise the collective.00:56:53.056 --> 00:56:54.570


I believe that to be true.00:56:54.804 --> 00:56:56.411


I really, I truly believe that to be true.00:56:56.411 --> 00:57:01.726


Believe that to be true.00:57:01.726 --> 00:57:02.250


So, yeah, everybody jump on.00:57:02.250 --> 00:57:03.818


So, hillary, thank you so much for coming today and spending time talking.00:57:03.818 --> 00:57:05.244


I feel like I could talk to you for six or eight more hours, just here.00:57:05.445 --> 00:57:06.610


We didn't get to the spicy questions.00:57:06.610 --> 00:57:09.347


I know we didn't even get to the spicy questions, we'll have to have Hillary back on.00:57:09.447 --> 00:57:16.146


So for this week, my may I suggest is figure out ways that you can step into your bad bitch energy.00:57:16.146 --> 00:57:18.510


Figure out ways that really empower you.00:57:18.510 --> 00:57:21.536


Figure out ways that you can empower each other as women.00:57:21.536 --> 00:57:23.438


I think it's pretty amazing.00:57:23.438 --> 00:57:26.364


So that's our time for today.00:57:26.364 --> 00:57:28.809


If you have questions or suggestions, send us an email.00:57:28.809 --> 00:57:32.677


Our email address is ladies at letsgetnakedpodcastcom.00:57:32.677 --> 00:57:38.465


And then please do all the things to support the pod Follow, share rate and review and we will catch you next time.00:57:38.465 --> 00:57:39.347


That's a wrap.00:57:39.347 --> 00:57:49.001


I'd love to help you get vulnerable.00:57:49.001 --> 00:57:52.204


Let's get naked.