Shame No More: Healing from Sexual Abuse

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I'd love to help you get vulnerable.

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Let's get naked.

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Hey everyone, I'm Ann.

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Welcome to the let's Get Naked podcast, where we dive deep into vulnerability.

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In this space, we'll explore what triggers us, uncover the patterns holding us back and discover how to take charge of our own growth.

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If you're ready to dig in, be vulnerable and face the tough stuff, then buckle up.

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It's time to get naked.

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For today's show, I'm going to give a trigger warning.

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This conversation involves the topic of sexual trauma.

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I want to encourage you to be brave and stay tuned in, even if you feel triggered.

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Triggers are not just moments of discomfort.

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They're actually invitations to get curious about why they're affecting you.

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They are opportunities to explore the things we've buried and the pain we've been avoiding Instead of running from them.

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Use this moment to lean in and ask yourself what part of this conversation is stirring something inside of me.

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Sometimes healing begins when we face what hurts, so take this as an invitation to start fixing your shit.

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Sexual abuse in young women is a crisis, one that often gets swept under the rug or dismissed as an uncomfortable topic, even though it devastates lives in ways that are beyond comprehension.

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It doesn't matter if the perpetrator is a family member, a friend, a teacher or a stranger.

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It's a violation of the deepest kind, one that shatters trust and leaves lifelong scars.

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When someone we trust, someone familiar, takes advantage of a young woman, it's a betrayal that's impossible to fully articulate.

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It changes the way she views relationships, her sense of safety and her understanding of her own body.

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The sense of being completely unsafe and vulnerable is overwhelming.

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It leaves emotional wreckage behind confusion, shame, guilt and deep, deep pain.

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Let's talk about healing.

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Healing is so important.

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When sexual abuse is not properly addressed, it haunts victims in ways that seep into every aspect of their lives.

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A young woman who has experienced trauma often carries that pain forward into adulthood.

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She might struggle with her sense of self-worth, may find it difficult to establish healthy relationships or feel completely disconnected from her body.

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She could develop coping mechanisms like self-harm or unhealthy relationships because she doesn't know how to handle the overwhelming feelings that come from that kind of trauma.

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It might manifest in more subtle ways too A lack of trust in people, a constant feeling of fear or unease, or even avoiding situations where she feels she could be vulnerable.

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The impact can show up in career choices, in the way she interacts with her children, in friendships and in her overall sense of safety in the world.

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If the trauma is not addressed, it can spiral into anxiety, depression, substance abuse and, unfortunately, even perpetuating cycles of abuse.

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But here's the thing Healing is possible.

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It is necessary Therapy, support groups and a safe, understanding environment can help someone break free from the grip of trauma.

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Speaking out about the experience, breaking the silence and confronting the pain head-on allows for growth.

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Healing can take time, but it's one of the most important things that can be done, not just for the survivor, but for everyone around them.

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And what about prevention?

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How do we protect our young girls, our daughters, our nieces, our friends and our sisters?

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The sad truth is there's no single solution, but we can do so much to safeguard their futures.

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It starts with being willing to have the uncomfortable conversations, teaching our girls about boundaries, about what consent looks like, and giving them the power and the voice to say no without fear of consequences.

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We must also teach them about their worth and that they are entitled to be treated with respect at all times.

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But it's not just about educating girls.

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We need to teach boys and young men the importance of consent and respect and hold them accountable when they violate that of consent and respect and hold them accountable when they violate that.

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We need to normalize conversations about sexual respect from an early age and make sure there's no stigma when someone speaks out about their abuse.

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We must also be more vigilant.

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Establish an open and extremely safe place for your children to feel comfortable talking with you about anything.

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Safe place for your children to feel comfortable talking with you about anything.

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Pay attention to your children's behaviors, especially if something feels off.

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Ask questions in a way that allows your children to open up.

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Children often don't have the language to express what's happening to them, so they might withdraw, show signs of anxiety or struggle in social situations.

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Don't dismiss these signs as just growing pains.

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Listen to them.

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We must create environments where children feel safe enough to speak up, where they know that if they tell someone about their experiences, they will be believed, supported and taken seriously.

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This epidemic will not end until we collectively start standing up for young women, not just when it's convenient or easy, but always.

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We need to be allies in breaking the silence, supporting survivors and ensuring the next generation of girls can grow up without having to carry the weight of abuse.

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It is our responsibility.

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Today I will be getting naked with Casey and Belinda.

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These women are among those closest and most important to me in my life.

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They both have stories of sexual abuse as young girls and both agree that it is imperative that we be willing to have the uncomfortable conversations.

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They are brave enough to sit across from me and tell their stories in an effort to make a difference.

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Welcome to the show, ladies, and I'm sorry that that was so difficult for me to read and I'm sorry that that was so difficult for me to read.

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I struggled this morning putting that together.

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I usually wait until the morning of the show to kind of put my rant together based on whatever it is that we're going to talk about, and leading up to today's conversation has been challenging for all three of us.

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I know Today's conversation has been challenging for all three of us.

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I know For the listeners welcome Buckle up.

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This is not going to be an easy conversation for anyone those on this side of the mic and those on that side of the listening experience but I encourage you to stay plugged in and to get curious about what that's bringing up for you, because I truly believe that having uncomfortable conversations, normalizing and being supportive of, is the biggest step in helping this massive issue.

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I believe that not being so uncomfortable that you can't have the conversation is huge.

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So today we are going to start with talking with Casey.

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I will say that I've known Casey for a long, long time decades and I did not know about the sexual abuse that Casey had suffered as a child until more recently in life.

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I will tell you that a year and a half ago, casey came to me in a capacity where she was interested in starting to fix her shit and neither her or I knew what that looked like at that time.

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And as we started working through that, as we started unpacking some of the things working through that, as we started unpacking some of the things, it came out some of the sexual trauma that she had dealt with as a child and she said back then I'm not willing to talk about that yet and I didn't and I didn't and I will never push someone to talk about something that they're not ready to do.

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But we are a year and a half past that point of just starting that process and not only is she ready to talk about it, but she's ready to talk about it on a platform that will be insanely impactful to other girls and women listening so that they understand and can feel like they're not alone in a situation, which is the biggest goal to come out of this episode and also to hopefully spark some things so that other women know how important it is to fix that trauma and not continue to carry it around.

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Sexual trauma from childhood especially, I think, is so important to fix.

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I didn't realize that for myself, how important that was, until much later in life, and I think about all of the things that could have been prevented had I been willing or had the understanding.

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It wasn't even the willingness back then, but the understanding that that needed to be fixed, that there was work to be done, that I could not drag that around like a wrecking ball behind me and have it affect so many different things had I been willing to or had the understanding that it needed to be fixed.

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So I want you to know how proud I am of you for being willing to come on today and tell your story, thank you.

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So I would like to just start by maybe you telling a little bit about like set the stage for what your childhood looked like, and then we can kind of just dive in a little bit to what your experience was and go from there, okay so growing up it was my brother and I my younger brother were 15 months apart and my mom and my dad.

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we grew up in California and growing up my mom and my dad fought a lot.

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My dad drank a lot.

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He wasn't fun to be around.

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He was scary.

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There was times where he was kind of funny but she never really knew what he was going to be like.

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So it wasn't really fun to be around him.

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When he was being funny it was like why is he being funny?

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It's not really.

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It's not really that funny.

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And yeah, it was just scary to be around him and he was cheating on my mom.

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Just just not a fun childhood, but we had my grandparents and they were very involved and there was a on my mom.

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Just not a fun childhood, but we had my grandparents and they were very involved and there was a lot of love.

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So we felt loved it was.

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There was a lot of good times on that aspect, but with my dad it was just not nice Was he around a lot and was the grandparents were they his parents or your mom's parents?

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No, mom's parents his parents.

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We knew them, but we weren't um super duper close.

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His family is um, has a lot of addiction, has a lot of alcoholism, a lot of troubles.

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His dad's an alcoholic, was an alcoholic.

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Yeah, they're close.

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I don't know we were close, but not really all that close.

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We knew who they were.

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They were a lot older.

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My dad's the youngest of five.

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We don't really.

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We weren't as close to them as we were with my mom's side.

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So there was a lot of love, but mostly on my mom's Got it Got it.

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So, yeah, okay, what age were you when you first remembered stuff happening?

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I don't know.

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I want to say so in California.

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We moved to Arizona when I was eight, so I base everything thinking I was probably about like six or seven and I don't remember any details or any specifics of anything.

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But I remember I was very close with my mom and I remember one time going to my mom and telling her Mom, I think Dad's doing something to me, I think Dad's touching me or doing something that he shouldn't be, and that's literally all I remember from that conversation.

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I don't remember if there was more that we said, more that she talked to me about.

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I don't think there was.

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And I know that my mom was going through a lot too, because my dad was the way he was.

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She was trying to keep our family together.

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He was all over the place.

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You know there was times where he had a gun out, you know, like to make it seem like he was going to kill himself, kill her.

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So she was trying to navigate through a lot of different things and I'm I'm not trying to justify that, but I I understand like the chaos of going through everything and just not knowing what the fuck to do.

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Right and I think that's important to say also right.

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Because again it doesn't justify her, but it also women that long ago and in previous generations dealt with a whole different set of circumstances than we do as women now.

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Where it wasn't just oh, I'm going to grab the kids and go make enough money to support my kids if we're in a dangerous situation.

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It didn't used to be like that.

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You make it work.

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Women didn't have choices, so I like to remind people of that, because if I were listening and I heard what you're getting ready to say, I would be like, well, fuck you, I'm out of here.

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Right.

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It's different back then.

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Well, and my mom was also sexually abused from somebody in her family.

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And you look the other way, you move on, nothing goes on, it's just okay.

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Well, that's that's not good.

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Well, what's for lunch?

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Right, you know, like right, it just.

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You go on, um, and I feel like there was probably some like shock in her face or some the feeling of being like what the fuck did you just say, but I don't remember what happened after that.

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Um, so time goes on.

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We move to Arizona.

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They're back and forth in their marriage.

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He's an alcoholic still.

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He's, you know, just not a good person, um, and they had separated for some time, when I was, I think, 11, and maybe for like a year or so, and then they had decided to get back together and they bought a house in Scottsdale together and during that time I was probably now 12 or 13.

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Probably now 12 or 13.

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And, um, I was very close with my mom and we would be at the house just hanging around and in my pajamas, and, um, I was I've always had a large chest and I was walking around in my pajamas without a bra, and my mom is a more touchy-feely person.

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I would never.

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This is not okay, I would never do this to my child.

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But my mom felt that it was appropriate and she came up to me and was like, oh, your boobs are so big, something like that and grabbed my boobs and I said oh, don't do that, dad does that.

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and she went what you know?

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What did you just say?

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I said you know, dad does that like.

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And I don't remember what exactly was said right after that, but I remember it got crazy from there.

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I went to my room to hide in my closet and all I remember hearing my dad say because he was drunk was I did not seduce my daughter.

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I did not seduce my daughter.

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I did not seduce my daughter.

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I did not seduce my daughter.

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And it's like no one's saying you fucking seduced me, like shut the fuck up.

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You're fucking touching me, shut up.

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Yeah.

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And yeah, he would in the middle of the night because he would leave for work early.

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He was an electrician so he would come into my room before everybody was up and grab me and I pretended to be asleep because I was so scared I didn't know what to do and I don't remember how many times.

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I don't remember how many times I don't remember like I can't.

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I can remember moments of it but I just can't put myself back there.

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It's like I can remember parts of it but I can't remember all the specific details.

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It's like too much, I block out too much of it.

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But after I told my mom she wanted me to apologize to him, she even I don't know if she believed me didn't believe me.

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I don't know.

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But even to this day sometimes seems like she doesn't believe me and I think it's because she struggles with him.

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They're not married now still, but there were times where she would need his help and I think she felt guilty.

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So she wanted there to be a relationship so she would feel better, and so I did try to have a relationship with him at one point as I got to be a young adult.

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But it's just, I don't want that from him.

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He's not a good person.

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Sorry, that's probably really all over the place, but it's like it's, it's not.

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I'm just trying to hold my rage in right now.

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It's a lot.

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Because, that's what.

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I feel I told you girls before we started that this is actually harder for me to listen to your stories than to tell my own, because I turn into like Mama Bear and if you guys want, before we go to the spring training game this afternoon, we can just go kill that motherfucker if you'd like to.

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That's what that makes me feel like, because it's one thing when there are those of us that have portions of our sexual trauma that stem from other children, right, I will stand on a soapbox and tell you not to let your children go have sleepovers with friends that have older boys, because that happened a lot when I was a child and I look at that and I say that sucks and that's messed up, but that wasn't an adult.

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And when you start playing with sexual trauma, that has adults involved in it, especially when that's supposed to be your father.

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Right, and you're not a unique story, just for everyone listening.

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Casey is one of a handful of people that I know who has been traumatized by her own father, her biological father, and to me it is the worst betrayal Because as a young girl, you're supposed to be able to look at your dad and have him be your hero, no matter who he is right.

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Some of us have better heroes than others.

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Some of our heroes are alcoholics, but at least they didn't touch us kind of shit right.

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Some of us had people that maybe they weren't amazing, but at least they didn't do that, when you can't even look at him in that situation in that light, because he was the one that hurt you unacceptable on a thousand different levels.

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And then, if that wasn't enough, if it wasn't enough that you didn't have a voice to tell him to get the fuck out of your room, if you didn't have a voice to not lay and pretend to be sleeping because I know what that feels like and I think there are a lot of women out there that know what that feels like regardless of who the person is that's doing it to you that goes into us not having a voice.

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Right, I think we all have experienced that, or a lot of us have experienced that, where we didn't have a voice and it felt like the easier thing to do to not speak up, to not make waves about it it's like I couldn't believe it was happening either.

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It's like what the I've had these conversations with other people and they say to me how could you not say something?

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Because I had an older boy at one point where I was still a minor and he was in his early 20s and I was sleeping and I just I could not believe it was happening.

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And it was like what?

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How were we raised not to have a voice?

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Right, because we're not we're not unique people in that, in that story a lot of women have that where they didn't have a voice.

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And it takes me right back to those instances where I would pretend to be asleep as well, because what does that even look like if you say, hey, get off me, you fucking creep.

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What does that look like?

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So your scenario is so multi-layered in that it's a family member, which to me, adds a whole other layer of things, because your family is supposed to be your safe place.

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It's your dad who's supposed to be your protector and your hero, which he's not.

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It involves your mom, because you told your mom and her instinct was not to be able to protect you and to get you out of that situation.

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Not only was it not to protect you, but it was then to ask you to apologize to him, to your dad, who's victimizing you, and again we talk about it was different back then for women, because it wasn't like women were in the workplace, women were equal earners, women were where she would have even been able to get you out of that to a safe place.

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But I also think we're at a time now where it's appropriate to be loud, yeah, and break the cycle, because she was also sexually abused, as you said right, so she was just passing down the trauma to you that then we've decided we're not going to pass that down to our children although some of us already have because we didn't fix it when they were young and didn't know better.

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Um, so you tell your mom and she says did she not believe you?

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Is that, is that what that looks like?

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Yeah, I think she just didn't believe me or she didn't want to believe Um, I think.

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I think shortly after that they did end up getting divorced, because we they got divorced out of that house.

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But also there were times that I remember he would still be drunk after that and I would come home after school and he'd be drunk and just doing weird things in front of me.

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What does that mean?

00:25:23.784 --> 00:25:32.109
I told Belinda today it's a weird one you can say it or you don't have to.

00:25:32.109 --> 00:25:36.769
I don't want you to feel like you have to, but I also don't want you to feel like you can't or that you're protecting someone.

00:25:37.553 --> 00:25:38.637
I don't care about protecting him.

00:25:38.637 --> 00:25:39.320
I don't care about that.

00:25:39.320 --> 00:25:40.429
It's fucking weird.

00:25:40.429 --> 00:25:43.494
I'll say it, but it's weird.

00:25:43.494 --> 00:25:43.730
Weird.

00:25:43.730 --> 00:25:44.819
Alert Casey's getting ready to say something weird.

00:25:44.941 --> 00:25:45.767
I'll say it, but it's weird.

00:25:45.767 --> 00:25:46.130
Okay, weird alert.

00:25:46.309 --> 00:25:50.086
Casey's getting ready to say something weird, weird, alert.

00:25:50.086 --> 00:26:10.114
So the way our house was set up, the master bedroom, my parents' room, was more in the living room, like when you walk in their bedroom, kind of like faced the living room, like when you walk in the their bedroom, kind of like face the living room, like right there.

00:26:10.114 --> 00:26:12.000
And I was in the living room.

00:26:12.000 --> 00:26:15.814
Actually, I remember I was on the phone with my friend too at the same time.

00:26:15.814 --> 00:26:22.758
I was on the phone with my friend and I remember I remember saying like oh my God, my dad's being fucking weird.

00:26:22.758 --> 00:26:27.071
And I didn't tell them what was happening Cause I was so embarrassed, like what do you?

00:26:27.071 --> 00:26:28.637
You can't say what's happening.

00:26:28.637 --> 00:26:47.880
And he was like calling my attention like Casey, and I look and he's bent over but he has a hole in his boxers and he's like ha, how funny.

00:26:47.880 --> 00:26:56.116
I'm like you're fucking disgusting, you're sick like showing you his dick his balls.

00:26:56.136 --> 00:27:03.031
Yeah, what the fuck oh my god, he's bent over, so I'm like looking from behind what an animal.

00:27:03.031 --> 00:27:04.594
Animal You're sick.

00:27:04.594 --> 00:27:05.414
What an animal.

00:27:07.297 --> 00:27:09.058
And yeah.

00:27:09.058 --> 00:27:15.365
So there's like things like that where it's just I was speechless, I was speechless.

00:27:15.365 --> 00:27:19.717
I remember getting up now, Gosh, I haven't thought about some of this stuff.

00:27:19.737 --> 00:27:20.118
Isn't it crazy how?

00:27:20.138 --> 00:27:21.650
it's opening that up for you as you start exploring it.

00:27:21.650 --> 00:27:27.682
So, again, this is the whole trigger thing of allow your mind to wander on the things.

00:27:27.682 --> 00:27:46.035
Because and I'm going to stop here and take this as an example for everyone If you allow your mind to wander, while your mind doesn't want to go there, because it's disgusting to think about, because it brings it right to you in your space right now and it makes you think about all sorts of things and it's the last thing you want to think about, I guarantee you.

00:27:46.035 --> 00:28:05.474
But if you allow your mind to wander on that and release it, telling yourself yourself your version now and your version then that it was not your fault, right, that you did not deserve this, this is part of the healing, right is allowing your mind to pull those things up.

00:28:05.474 --> 00:28:07.208
So please go ahead.

00:28:07.208 --> 00:28:12.579
But I just wanted to say that it's just it's just like just remembering it is.

00:28:12.701 --> 00:28:14.163
It's terrible, it's terrible.

00:28:14.163 --> 00:28:18.402
I remember finally getting up and I was telling my friend like my dad's being fucking weird.

00:28:18.402 --> 00:28:24.673
And I remember getting up, going to my room, just shutting the door and I could hear him making weird noises.

00:28:24.673 --> 00:28:30.881
I don't know what he was doing and I think I ended up getting up again and just going to the backyard so I couldn't hear him anymore.

00:28:30.881 --> 00:28:37.442
And then shortly after that I think that's when they started finally getting divorced.

00:28:39.911 --> 00:28:43.536
And there was one time when my grandma came over my mom's mom.

00:28:43.536 --> 00:28:48.723
There was one time when my grandma came over my mom's mom and she's very intuitive.

00:28:48.723 --> 00:28:52.932
I'm very close with her, very, very close.

00:28:52.932 --> 00:29:00.339
They pretty much not raised me because my mom was very, you know, she was very involved, but they helped take care of my brother and I a lot.

00:29:00.339 --> 00:29:07.722
And I remember her coming over one day and she asked Did Daddy do something to you?

00:29:07.722 --> 00:29:08.865
Did Daddy do something to you?

00:29:08.865 --> 00:29:10.808
And I remember her coming over one day and she asked did Daddy do something to you?

00:29:10.808 --> 00:29:14.144
Did Daddy do something to you?

00:29:15.411 --> 00:29:28.955
And my mom had always said if Nona ever asks, if Dad ever did anything, please it will kill her and she is a very big worrywart and that does weigh on me, because I love my grandma, I love Nona with my whole heart.

00:29:28.955 --> 00:29:43.325
She's my everything, she's so important to me and that weight of like if something happened to her that would kill me, that would kill me.

00:29:43.325 --> 00:29:48.462
And so I said no, no, nothing ever happened.

00:29:48.462 --> 00:29:52.976
No, she said okay, okay, to this day she has no idea.

00:29:54.030 --> 00:29:58.298
I don't know if maybe she probably still has that feeling.

00:29:58.298 --> 00:30:19.458
She knows, she knows Because even like I went to my mom's house the other day and my dad's still an alcoholic and my mom and dad have had my dad will have helped my mom with things over the years because he's in construction or whatever and would fix things, I would tell her I'm not coming over if he's there.

00:30:19.458 --> 00:30:25.951
And then that relationship kind of comes and goes and sometimes he's around, sometimes he's not Right now.

00:30:25.951 --> 00:30:28.093
He's not Right now, he's not around.

00:30:28.093 --> 00:30:36.202
But he called her when I was there and I could hear him on the phone, just drunk and like calling her a bitch.

00:30:36.202 --> 00:30:38.586
Your mom, yeah, like recently.

00:30:38.605 --> 00:30:40.653
Yeah, what a prize he's like.

00:30:40.933 --> 00:30:41.977
I just want to talk.

00:30:41.977 --> 00:30:44.395
I just want to talk and she's like about what?

00:30:44.395 --> 00:30:46.855
Like there's nothing to say.

00:30:46.855 --> 00:30:51.057
He's like you're just, I don't, I don't even know.

00:30:51.057 --> 00:30:52.280
I like for what?

00:30:52.280 --> 00:30:59.944
I have no clue, um, I don't even know where I was going with that, but yeah, just hearing his voice, I haven't heard it in years.

00:30:59.944 --> 00:31:02.090
It was terrible to hear it.

00:31:02.090 --> 00:31:10.744
I kept telling her hang up the phone she had on speaker phone because her phone's not working, had it on speaker and I'm like just hang up on him, hang up on him and block him.

00:31:10.744 --> 00:31:12.915
Like what's the point?

00:31:13.719 --> 00:31:30.838
there's no point she had it on speaker because she's old and old people don't understand this is true, I'm just gonna lighten the mood just for a minute, please, because old people have no idea when it's appropriate to have speaker on or not, and I swear to God, I'm like fucking old person alert.

00:31:30.838 --> 00:31:34.157
Someone tell them we got to come up with a code word or something.

00:31:34.157 --> 00:31:35.099
We did it at a restaurant.

00:31:35.119 --> 00:31:36.123
I know.

00:31:39.413 --> 00:31:41.335
She's talking in Spanish at the restaurant.

00:31:41.335 --> 00:31:48.202
I'm like mom, speak it off If you're those of a certain age, and I don't mean our age I mean up a couple of generations just go outside.

00:31:48.442 --> 00:31:50.184
Or you could say, hey, could I call you later?

00:31:50.204 --> 00:31:51.526
That's also an option.

00:31:51.526 --> 00:31:54.135
You know newsflash.

00:31:54.135 --> 00:32:02.881
I wanted to point out something that I noticed in what you were just saying that I found to be important to point out.

00:32:02.881 --> 00:32:10.083
Traditionally, we have protected the perpetrator.

00:32:10.083 --> 00:32:24.663
Your mom protected him by not acknowledging that, by making you apologize, by not removing you from that situation because she didn't want things to be uncomfortable with him.

00:32:24.663 --> 00:32:30.555
That situation, because she didn't want things to be uncomfortable with him.

00:32:30.555 --> 00:32:33.121
Your mom protected him by asking you to be a liar, which again goes against who you are.

00:32:33.121 --> 00:32:42.492
We've talked about that just as far as you going against what your body and what your gut and what you're knowing tells you is right.

00:32:42.492 --> 00:32:47.644
She protected him in that moment.

00:32:47.644 --> 00:32:50.156
She's not protecting your grandma, your grandma's.

00:32:50.156 --> 00:32:50.778
A strong woman.

00:32:50.778 --> 00:32:52.094
She could handle that knowledge.

00:32:52.114 --> 00:33:01.079
She's incredibly strong she could handle that knowledge right and I would encourage you to tell your grandma that would be.

00:33:01.349 --> 00:33:03.095
Well, she just had three seizures this past week.

00:33:03.095 --> 00:33:04.077
I don't know if I could do that.

00:33:04.077 --> 00:33:04.338
Yeah, how?

00:33:04.378 --> 00:33:04.638
old is she?

00:33:04.638 --> 00:33:05.501
96.

00:33:05.501 --> 00:33:08.135
10 out of 10 people die, casey, and I don't know.

00:33:08.135 --> 00:33:09.098
I'm just I'm not ready.

00:33:09.098 --> 00:33:09.759
You don't have to.

00:33:09.759 --> 00:33:10.521
You don't have to.

00:33:10.521 --> 00:33:13.078
I'm just telling you, don't think your grandmother is frail.

00:33:13.078 --> 00:33:14.454
Your grandmother's a strong woman.

00:33:14.454 --> 00:33:22.340
That's why she asked the question in the first place, right that your grandma couldn't handle it.

00:33:22.340 --> 00:33:29.907
Your mom couldn't handle, and nothing against your mom, but the craziness that was going to get stirred up by your grandma.

00:33:29.968 --> 00:33:38.215
Knowing Because your grandma loved you and protected you and would have done something to get you out of that situation so that you never had to look at the underside of that man's balls ever.

00:33:38.215 --> 00:33:42.038
Your grandma would have done that for you and you know that.

00:33:42.470 --> 00:33:52.858
And your mom couldn't handle that and that's okay because she was doing the best that she could under the circumstances and in that moment and we're going to show her grace in that situation my mom is an incredible person.

00:33:52.858 --> 00:33:52.924
I don't.

00:33:52.924 --> 00:33:53.910
I don't doubt that for a second yeah, literally.

00:33:53.970 --> 00:34:05.041
Like I said, I I believe that we are dealing with different generations of women, but what I will tell you is that I'm proud to be in the generation that I am that says now we're, we're not doing that anymore.

00:34:05.563 --> 00:34:07.011
We're going to have the conversations.

00:34:07.634 --> 00:34:08.295
I don't give a shit.

00:34:08.295 --> 00:34:09.759
Who's uncomfortable right?

00:34:09.759 --> 00:34:15.155
Let's get uncomfortable Right, absolutely.

00:34:15.155 --> 00:34:17.822
What do you feel like?

00:34:17.822 --> 00:34:35.755
Because I mentioned earlier that this was not something that you had been even willing to kind of address or look at in yourself until very recently in life, in your late 30s, so we drug that around this whole time what do you feel like that looked like?

00:34:35.755 --> 00:34:56.940
As far as how that affected you in and I don't need specific instances about things, I'm not looking for that but just what does that do to you, casey, casey as a person, about how you feel about yourself, how you can trust or not trust yourself or you know, any of the things that kind of go into what make Casey who she is.

00:34:56.940 --> 00:34:58.793
How do you feel like that has affected you?

00:34:58.932 --> 00:35:00.356
in every possible way.

00:35:00.356 --> 00:35:27.648
I think it I it's going to be a hard one for me to articulate because I'm still figuring that one out, but I do feel like it shaped who I became and like a people pleaser, I think it really kind of made me like just don't rock the boat, don't rock the boat, don't rock the boat, don't rock the boat, don't rock the boat.

00:35:27.648 --> 00:35:31.637
Just whatever you got to do to don't keep everybody happy.

00:35:32.880 --> 00:35:39.059
Um, you don't want to upset anybody, just do do the things that everyone's gonna be happy, it's okay.

00:35:39.059 --> 00:35:40.623
Don't worry about what you need.

00:35:41.391 --> 00:35:52.130
Everybody else needs to be happy which is what that message was all the way through, from the very beginning Don't worry about what Casey needs, right?

00:35:52.130 --> 00:35:57.556
How different would that have been had that been the first time that you came to your mom and she said what?

00:35:57.556 --> 00:36:21.259
And then immediately started digging into whatever that looked like and defending and making you safe, because, especially because of the fact that your grandparents were involved, your mom could have undoubtedly gone to them, even if she couldn't have supported you guys on your own during those times I had a place to go you had a place to go right, so you could have been made safe 100

00:36:22.682 --> 00:36:22.963
how.

00:36:22.963 --> 00:36:31.577
What a different story that would have been right, and I don't know if you've ever even explored that Right, but I will encourage you to explore that, not from a it is what it is.

00:36:31.577 --> 00:36:40.300
What happened is what it is, but I encourage you to explore that from the standpoint of what are we going to do now with our children.

00:36:40.300 --> 00:36:43.278
How could we have set them up for success?

00:36:43.278 --> 00:36:46.219
How could your situation been set up for success?

00:36:46.219 --> 00:36:51.018
You were six or seven years old when it first started happening or when you first had recollection of that.

00:36:51.018 --> 00:36:54.036
Our minds are amazing tools.

00:36:54.036 --> 00:37:07.802
Who will protect us and know how to compartmentalize that or know how to disassociate our bodies from our minds when those things are happening, which is crazy to explore in yourself?

00:37:07.802 --> 00:37:17.702
I had very similar disassociating kind of things from my childhood trauma and really being able to dive into that is very powerful.

00:37:17.702 --> 00:37:50.117
But I look at that and I think put your situation in today's, nowadays, right and say I'm married to an alcoholic and my six-year-old daughter who I would say, at the stage that I am in life now, I would have already had conversations with her about what is her body, what is her agency, that this is private and that you know your body is for you right, because I'm not trying to shame her about her body.

00:37:50.117 --> 00:37:59.643
But also, you can come to me with anything and if anything feels off for any reason, you come to me and we will handle it right.

00:37:59.643 --> 00:38:06.958
Having those age-appropriate conversations at a very young age with children is how we do something about this.

00:38:06.958 --> 00:38:29.954
Because had that happened because you can't sometimes stop certain things from happening but had that happened and had you been a child who had been told that information and had gone to your mom and had your mom believe you and then do something to remove the threat from your home, from your home, how different would that have been?

00:38:29.954 --> 00:38:33.510
And then gotten you the help that you needed to process that in a healthy way.

00:38:33.510 --> 00:38:41.652
Right, because I will maintain that it's not the actual act of that happening that damages us so bad.

00:38:41.652 --> 00:38:53.561
Yes, obviously that's terrible, but it's the shame and the guilt and the protecting the fucking perpetrator in that situation that does the most damage to you.

00:38:53.561 --> 00:38:59.541
And then you drag that through your life and you carry that and you pass that trauma on to your children unknowingly.

00:38:59.541 --> 00:39:00.992
That's just literally how it goes.

00:39:01.634 --> 00:39:09.315
So being here being willing to say all the things right and say this isn't okay, this isn't okay.

00:39:09.315 --> 00:39:11.079
What do we do?

00:39:11.079 --> 00:39:12.163
What do we do?

00:39:12.163 --> 00:39:17.262
What is our part to stop this from happening?

00:39:17.262 --> 00:39:36.759
And I think the biggest part is having the uncomfortable conversations so that it sparks other people so that they think I probably should have a conversation with little Susie, because she's eight now and again you're not going to like scare her of the big bad wolf, but you're definitely going to give her some tools and some understanding about your body.

00:39:36.759 --> 00:39:49.545
Is your body and if someone makes you feel uncomfortable, you don't ever for a second doubt whether I'm on your side or whether you should come talk to me about something because I'm your biggest advocate, whether I'm on your side or whether you should come talk to me about something because I'm your biggest advocate and I'm going to fix that.

00:39:49.545 --> 00:39:53.275
I'm going to make the bad man go away, right believing our children.

00:39:53.295 --> 00:39:54.659
That's all you needed, right?

00:39:54.659 --> 00:39:55.800
And how amazing.

00:39:55.800 --> 00:39:57.090
What a different story that would be.

00:39:57.090 --> 00:40:07.001
Instead of you're almost 40 years old now, just realizing, fuck, I gotta deal with this shit that I've been dragging around with me my entire life.

00:40:08.411 --> 00:40:29.516
I didn't want to deal with it, right, and I think too, that's why I attempted to have a little bit of a relationship with him after I had my first baby, because it was almost easier to just pretend like it didn't happen and tell myself like, oh, he's trying to be a good dad, he's trying to be a grandpa.

00:40:29.516 --> 00:40:55.079
It was always me, I was the one like calling him and being like hey dad, like trying to pretend like oh, I have a good dad, I don't have a good dad, like he's a piece of shit, but how powerful for you to even be able to realize that and know that, and you're knowing that you don't have to protect him that that's not your job to do that, and it is unfortunate that you don't have a dad in that sense, because he is a piece of shit.

00:40:55.280 --> 00:40:55.541
Yes.

00:40:56.686 --> 00:41:02.981
But that's okay and what you were saying earlier about it's just easier.

00:41:02.981 --> 00:41:10.514
You're right, it is easier to allow the people that do this to children to not be uncomfortable.

00:41:10.514 --> 00:41:11.777
So we stay silent.

00:41:11.777 --> 00:41:17.335
I would encourage everyone to fucking speak as loud as you possibly can, full volume.

00:41:17.335 --> 00:41:18.858
Teach our daughters.

00:41:18.858 --> 00:41:31.423
Teach our daughters full volume and then back them up with that by getting them safe, acknowledging their truth, getting them help to heal from that.

00:41:31.423 --> 00:41:33.286
Absolutely.

00:41:33.286 --> 00:41:35.652
Thank you for sharing your story.

00:41:35.652 --> 00:41:36.893
I really appreciate it.

00:41:36.893 --> 00:41:42.503
Hi, belinda, what's up?

00:41:42.503 --> 00:41:43.204
Hey?

00:41:43.244 --> 00:41:44.405
girl hey, hey girl hey.

00:41:47.072 --> 00:41:47.956
Now we're on to you.

00:41:47.956 --> 00:41:53.376
Will you set the stage for us or otherwise?

00:41:53.376 --> 00:41:57.304
Tell your truth in a way that you feel appropriate.

00:41:58.210 --> 00:41:59.909
Yeah, I will.

00:41:59.909 --> 00:42:28.563
So the other day, when we were talking at our pre-meeting about this whole situation, this discussion, um, I had shut down, um, in confusion, uh, not understanding what I was feeling and and almost wasn't gonna come and uh speak today.

00:42:28.563 --> 00:42:41.295
But, um, I mean, the reason why is why I'm here, the the, what we're trying to, the message we're trying to send, is the reason why I'm here, um, um.

00:42:41.295 --> 00:43:15.786
So, in that, my uh experiences, my, the events that happened to me, um, right away in the room with you, two guilt, right, so that's, that's one thing that we kind of lives in in a lot of my life lately and I've been trying to recognize it, kind of like pull it in and reconcile wherever it's coming from, because it comes from a lot of different places.

00:43:15.786 --> 00:43:35.686
But if we're talking about these two situations in two days, I have traced it, my guilt, to the marriage that I was in All the way, all these years, like.

00:43:35.686 --> 00:44:11.969
So, when I was and the timing isn't, I haven't pinpoint, I try to pinpoint it it was like between five and seven Is when I was molested and, like you, casey, I and I had not really brought light to this, but I was pretending to be asleep I was.

00:44:11.989 --> 00:44:36.701
I had a sleepover and it was an older male, not too much older, but a few years older than I, and I fell asleep on the couch with two people, a girl and a guy.

00:44:36.701 --> 00:45:03.472
And so you know, I mean, it was just another sleepover, but this one was different because in the middle of the night still dark, I don't even know what time I felt a hand near my leg and that's what startled me.

00:45:03.472 --> 00:45:18.320
And so at that age time frame I wore like tighter pants, tighter shorts.

00:45:18.320 --> 00:45:21.635
Sometimes they had a little elastic, like bloomers.

00:45:21.635 --> 00:45:28.097
These were kind of like those board shorts right now, but really tight.

00:45:28.097 --> 00:45:36.275
So access was difficult and that's really what saved.

00:45:36.275 --> 00:45:37.157
A lot of.

00:45:37.157 --> 00:46:03.257
It didn't turn into something else because how tight my shorts were, um, so I felt the hand, um, it did go through my shorts and my underwear and then that wasn't accomplished.

00:46:03.257 --> 00:46:21.407
So it changed to an actual penis and that was trying to get shoved up there and that didn't get accomplished shoved up there, and that didn't get accomplished.

00:46:21.407 --> 00:46:21.847
Eventually it stopped.

00:46:21.867 --> 00:46:32.387
But you know, I I stayed asleep, so to speak, and uh, and I never said anything to anyone that about that particular instance.

00:46:32.387 --> 00:46:34.371
I never, until.

00:46:34.371 --> 00:46:36.197
I mean not at the time.

00:46:36.197 --> 00:46:55.684
I mean, that didn't come out until like, well, actually, ann, I think you're the first person I told, and then I might have told another family member, but I don't remember when that would have happened.

00:46:55.684 --> 00:47:09.668
But I know I did tell my mom and more recent in my life, and I don't know that that stuck, I don't.

00:47:09.668 --> 00:47:18.891
I never went back and circled back around to ask her how she like, like, felt about what I said, or did she hear what I said?

00:47:18.891 --> 00:47:44.331
Or you know what I mean Like so that didn't you know it still like carried on to be ignored, not listened to, unheard not believed, unheard, not believed.

00:47:45.014 --> 00:48:03.989
So that particular instance since, I guess unknowingly, nothing happened, years go by, I'm probably five to seven more years go by and, um, this point, my parents are divorced.

00:48:03.989 --> 00:48:09.534
It was a, it wasn't a great marriage, from what I remember anyway.

00:48:09.534 --> 00:48:20.527
Um, so I was pretty much unsupervised, like the whole time During the marriage I was unsupervised.

00:48:20.527 --> 00:48:28.440
I always went to a happy place, a safe place, to you know, get away.

00:48:28.440 --> 00:48:36.831
And so I mean, right now I just was telling Casey, I was like, oh my gosh, I always called it my happy place.

00:48:36.831 --> 00:48:38.291
It's actually my safe place.

00:48:38.291 --> 00:48:41.572
My dad gave that to me.

00:48:41.572 --> 00:48:47.447
I thank him for it, because had he not taken me there, it wouldn't have been.

00:48:47.447 --> 00:49:30.193
You know, that place for me for my whole life, like right now, it is still the place for me that I feel the safest, that I could breathe, that I could breathe, that I could think, that I could just relax, and, um, anyway, uh, I always went there, so, meaning I was never home, I was running the streets, I was by myself for, like those times, 5 to 7 to 10 to 12 to 15, I walked to the beach, which was like three or four blocks, but I was never supervised, so, and then I got into trouble, you know.

00:49:30.193 --> 00:49:32.478
And then I found things, I found people.

00:49:32.478 --> 00:49:39.476
I found things, I found people, I did things, hung out and just drank.

00:49:44.824 --> 00:49:47.150
At the age of nine is when I picked up my first drink.

00:49:47.150 --> 00:49:51.958
My parents had obviously been in a rut.

00:49:51.958 --> 00:49:54.467
They divorced when I was 10.

00:49:54.467 --> 00:50:02.748
So a year later, I'm at my dad's and there's beer, there's cigarettes, there's all the things.

00:50:02.748 --> 00:50:08.166
So you know, I'm smoking now at 10 and I'm having a beer.

00:50:08.166 --> 00:50:09.847
Just it's right there.

00:50:09.847 --> 00:50:12.431
So I'll just go and do that.

00:50:12.650 --> 00:50:33.831
And so I started drinking at a young age and which obviously led to me not being aware not being just aware, I guess, right, that's being aware of what is going on around me and I didn't know what the fuck I was doing.

00:50:33.831 --> 00:50:38.144
I just did whatever because I didn't have any guidance.

00:50:38.144 --> 00:50:50.135
So, like, okay, and, and most of my family, um, on my dad's side I saw as drinkers.

00:50:50.135 --> 00:50:51.726
On my mom's side I didn't.

00:50:51.726 --> 00:50:55.882
I can't let them off the hook completely because I didn't.

00:50:55.882 --> 00:51:02.438
We weren't around them as much like I lived in my other side of the family, so I can't say that they weren't drinkers.

00:51:02.438 --> 00:51:11.409
But because I don't know, yeah, so I don't want to just say, oh, my dad's family's drinkers, but, um, yeah, so that was a thing.

00:51:11.648 --> 00:51:39.382
And then, um, I get to a point in my life where I have a boyfriend and he, um, not he, um, I have a boyfriend and, um, one night I just go and hang out at a friend's waiting for my boyfriend to get off of work and meet up with me.

00:51:39.382 --> 00:51:41.713
It was a mutual place that we knew.

00:51:41.713 --> 00:51:54.998
So I'm waiting and we're drinking and we're playing cards, and it was a place that I have slept over before.

00:51:54.998 --> 00:52:05.871
It was a place that I have slept over before, so I ended up getting drunk and passing out.

00:52:05.871 --> 00:52:55.666
So I woke up to someone on top of me, physically inside of me, and it wasn't my boyfriend, which who I was expecting Not to be doing that, but like expecting that night, and I didn't say anything, I moved, I was awake.

00:52:55.666 --> 00:53:17.693
I was awake, I was aware, and so was he, and it didn't stop until it stopped, Because I couldn't say stop, because I couldn't say no Because of who it was.

00:53:17.693 --> 00:53:39.278
And after he went away, he went to the next room and I felt guilty, and I felt guilty.

00:53:48.945 --> 00:54:01.557
And I went over there and I begged him not to tell anyone because of who it was and who it would affect, and so that never happened.

00:54:01.557 --> 00:54:06.132
Actually, I take that back.

00:54:06.132 --> 00:54:44.393
It did happen and I did say something initially, but because it wasn't, it wasn't, uh, I wasn't believed, um, and I don't know the timing in between when I, when I did tell people, um, I felt like it was days, days, but it must have been like the next night, because I'm still there in that room and it's I can see the daylight.

00:54:44.393 --> 00:55:26.835
And I told my family member and, um, I don't remember the response there, but I know that my boyfriend came over and he, he beat me up because he thought I was an active part in that and I was not, and I got the shit beaten out of me and I guess, since he didn't believe me, no one believed me.

00:55:27.684 --> 00:55:33.478
I ended up telling my mom and that didn't go over well either.

00:55:33.478 --> 00:55:34.547
She didn't believe me.

00:55:34.547 --> 00:55:53.396
So here I am, I got this big letter A on my shoulder and no one believed me and I accepted that and I made it my identity.

00:55:53.396 --> 00:55:55.697
I made it my identity.

00:55:55.697 --> 00:55:56.545
I made it my identity.

00:55:56.545 --> 00:56:07.896
I accepted that they didn't believe me and I was a big scarlet and that kind of set the tone for the rest of my life.

00:56:07.896 --> 00:56:14.311
I slept around a lot Before the age of 17,.

00:56:14.451 --> 00:56:18.490
I slept around a lot and everybody knew it.

00:56:18.490 --> 00:56:22.155
Everybody knew I was ripe for the taking.

00:56:22.155 --> 00:56:23.992
Just come on over.

00:56:23.992 --> 00:56:30.617
And at that point I was just like, whatever, right, it didn't matter, it didn't matter.

00:56:30.617 --> 00:56:47.878
And I think because, well, I'm finding out, working on myself that those two events got me to believe that I was well.

00:56:47.878 --> 00:56:52.815
First I was not heard and then I, at the least, was devalued.

00:56:52.815 --> 00:56:55.813
So I'm seeking validation from all these people.

00:56:55.813 --> 00:57:01.733
Right, I am, should I?

00:57:01.733 --> 00:57:17.324
I had to write it down here, oh yeah, and then just not feeling safe, right, so, running to my safe place, going there, having that be the only place, like in that, and I never took anyone with me, right, because it was my safe place.

00:57:17.324 --> 00:57:21.789
But, um, just those things.

00:57:21.789 --> 00:57:34.858
Um, so if I take uh that and then I pile more things on right, so I'm no longer valued.

00:57:34.938 --> 00:57:36.759
I'm a big-ass fucking slut.

00:57:36.759 --> 00:57:39.880
Nobody believes me.

00:57:39.880 --> 00:57:41.682
I'm pregnant now.

00:57:41.682 --> 00:57:49.393
On top of that, the dad gets murdered.

00:57:49.393 --> 00:57:54.056
On top of that, you know, years go by.

00:57:54.056 --> 00:57:55.898
I'm just like a mess.

00:57:55.898 --> 00:57:56.460
I.

00:57:56.460 --> 00:57:59.106
I'm numb, I don't know what I'm doing right.

00:57:59.106 --> 00:58:00.889
So, like here comes murder.

00:58:00.889 --> 00:58:02.331
I still don't know I'm I'm.

00:58:02.592 --> 00:58:16.519
I'm sitting in a pew with all of the people who think I'm a fucking slut, embarrassed, five months pregnant, at this funeral that I don't even know why I'm there.

00:58:16.519 --> 00:58:18.228
I don't know why I'm there.

00:58:18.228 --> 00:58:19.751
I don't know why I'm sitting there.

00:58:19.751 --> 00:58:21.016
I don't know what's happening.

00:58:21.016 --> 00:58:25.059
It's like I'm looking at myself sit there and I don't know why.

00:58:25.059 --> 00:58:25.842
Why am I here?

00:58:25.963 --> 00:58:27.045
But I couldn't say anything.

00:58:27.045 --> 00:58:38.871
I felt like trapped inside of my body with no words, like I couldn't speak, like my tongue was taken out of my mouth and I couldn't speak.

00:58:38.871 --> 00:58:49.137
It was the weirdest thing, but that was my literally like a good chunk of my years where I just couldn't speak.

00:58:49.137 --> 00:58:50.018
I had no voice.

00:58:50.018 --> 00:58:52.429
I was numbed out.

00:58:52.429 --> 00:58:53.393
No one believed you.

00:58:53.393 --> 00:58:56.804
I was numbed out, no one believed you.

00:58:56.804 --> 00:59:12.509
And then so, after you know, I think I'm doing good and I'm moving from one state to another, just putting more responsibility on myself, coming with the second kid, you know, and then not having.

00:59:12.509 --> 00:59:14.413
I don't understand that.

00:59:14.413 --> 00:59:20.333
I am seeking validation because of these two things, because people don't, and this is the message.

00:59:20.333 --> 00:59:23.349
Right, All right, this is the message.

00:59:23.349 --> 00:59:40.867
It's like you don't feel validated, people don't hear you because you're not being told what is right and wrong, told what what is right and wrong.

00:59:40.887 --> 00:59:48.927
So so for all those years, I take that with me seeking validation from people, who I mean from anybody who don't matter, who don't matter from anybody from anyone, anyone that would fucking listen.

00:59:48.967 --> 00:59:52.391
But they weren't listening, they were just so.

00:59:52.391 --> 01:00:01.541
So that goes into my, my, my life to the next place where I thought I was.

01:00:01.541 --> 01:00:02.826
Everything was going to be great.

01:00:02.826 --> 01:00:04.931
Oh, it's going to be better, it's going to be safe and whatever.

01:00:04.931 --> 01:00:06.835
No it that?

01:00:06.835 --> 01:00:12.592
That just piled on more, you know, and then I have just those things.

01:00:12.592 --> 01:00:20.548
But then, shit, the death of my sister, the death of my dad I never really so.

01:00:20.548 --> 01:00:37.476
The death of my son's dad, the death of my father, the death of my sister, never healed, never went through the grief of those three huge people in my life.

01:00:37.476 --> 01:00:44.565
And going, taking that and having that in my marriage.

01:00:44.565 --> 01:01:07.045
Now I totally freaking get why I felt like I needed my husband at the time to look at me differently, right, Well, you put all of this, so you put all of this shit on top of a foundation that sucked right.

01:01:07.105 --> 01:01:20.780
You're talking about I wasn't heard, I wasn't seen, I wasn't any of the things, and that spirals into putting myself in an unsafe sexual situations afterwards, and you're just building on top of and building on top of, and so I will maintain that.

01:01:20.780 --> 01:01:25.112
You are literally dragging this trauma around behind you like a wrecking ball.

01:01:25.112 --> 01:01:29.827
Yep, and had again same same thing that we talked about with casey.

01:01:29.827 --> 01:01:37.858
Had the story been different, had someone heard you, had they seen you, had they protected you, had they gotten you to where it was safe, absolutely you would have had a completely different story.

01:01:37.858 --> 01:01:41.027
But we're protecting the perpetrator.

01:01:41.027 --> 01:01:51.985
We're making it so that everyone stays comfortable, except you, which literally, if you realize how uncomfortable you will make it for everyone by dragging that wrecking ball around behind you.

01:01:52.387 --> 01:01:59.355
Maybe let's just deal with the initial discomfort of the shit that happens, rather than just letting this happen.

01:01:59.355 --> 01:02:07.592
So, ladies, I think we could talk about this for more time, but I just, emotionally, am fucking drained, and I think both of you are as well.

01:02:07.592 --> 01:02:13.197
I appreciate you coming on and sharing this.

01:02:13.197 --> 01:02:15.333
I feel like this is huge.

01:02:15.333 --> 01:02:24.657
I have one quick thing in closing that I wanted to read, unless either of you had anything else that you wanted to say.

01:02:27.306 --> 01:02:29.311
It was more therapeutic than I thought.

01:02:30.914 --> 01:02:31.797
It's powerful.

01:02:32.045 --> 01:02:33.070
Yeah, so thank you.

01:02:35.067 --> 01:02:36.231
You can't unring this bell.

01:02:36.231 --> 01:02:38.891
That's where I'm starting this.

01:02:38.891 --> 01:02:47.617
Once the trauma of sexual abuse has been inflicted, there's no taking it back, and that's why the prevention of sexual abuse in children is not just important, it's urgent.

01:02:47.617 --> 01:02:53.177
Every step we take to protect them is a step towards ensuring they don't have to carry a lifetime of scars.

01:02:53.177 --> 01:02:59.135
The reality is it takes just one moment, one predator, to alter the course of a child's life forever.

01:02:59.135 --> 01:03:04.579
So we must be proactive in creating a world where these kind of horrors can't take place in the first place.

01:03:05.461 --> 01:03:06.987
Prevention begins with education.

01:03:06.987 --> 01:03:15.139
Children need to know their bodies are their own and that they have the right to say no to anyone family, friends or strangers, strangers when something doesn't feel right.

01:03:15.139 --> 01:03:19.432
It's critical that we teach kids about boundaries and age-appropriate ways.

01:03:19.432 --> 01:03:32.427
This means starting early, teaching toddlers about the concept of personal space and privacy and, as they get older, teaching them more explicit lessons about consent, respect and appropriate versus inappropriate behavior.

01:03:32.427 --> 01:03:36.358
The language around this should be simple, direct and empowering.

01:03:36.358 --> 01:03:46.815
Kids should know that if anyone, no matter how familiar, ever touches them in a way that makes them uncomfortable, it's not their fault and they should speak up immediately.

01:03:46.815 --> 01:03:56.452
As parents, caregivers and educators, we need to create environments of trust where children feel safe to express their feelings.

01:03:56.452 --> 01:04:03.478
They should never feel like they'll be punished or blamed for sharing their experiences, and this is where the work of listening comes in.

01:04:04.161 --> 01:04:13.570
Kids will often show subtle signs that something is wrong Changes in behavior, unexplained fears, physical symptoms like stomach aches or headaches, or withdrawing from social activities.

01:04:13.570 --> 01:04:16.858
These might be signs that they've been exposed to abuse.

01:04:16.858 --> 01:04:22.875
If a child speaks up, whether directly or indirectly, they need to be believed without hesitation.

01:04:22.875 --> 01:04:29.492
The silence or denial of abuse is one of the greatest protectors of the predators who abuse children.

01:04:29.492 --> 01:04:40.268
I want to say that again the silence or denial of abuse is one of the greatest protectors of the predators who abuse children.

01:04:40.268 --> 01:04:44.536
We need to end the shame and stigma around speaking out.01:04:44.536 --> 01:04:51.577


Predators thrive in secrecy and shame, so we must be vocal and loud about protecting kids from this kind of harm.01:04:51.577 --> 01:04:56.275


Finally, we must empower communities to be active in prevention.01:04:56.275 --> 01:05:01.179


Neighbors, friends and family members all have roles to play in keeping children safe.01:05:01.179 --> 01:05:06.193


This means being vigilant, watching for red flags and intervening when something feels wrong.01:05:06.193 --> 01:05:12.556


Adults need to be mindful of how children are treated in their homes and if something seems off, they must speak out.01:05:12.556 --> 01:05:20.231


If we all keep our eyes wide open and refuse to turn a blind eye, we make it harder for predators to operate in the shadows.01:05:20.974 --> 01:05:37.047


When sexual abuse does occur, it's absolutely critical that the healing process is prioritized, but the best healing is prevention, and if we can create a world where young people feel empowered, respected and supported, we might be able to stop abuse before it even begins.01:05:37.047 --> 01:05:42.887


We can work to ensure that no child ever has to face the pain of being sexually violated in the first place.01:05:42.887 --> 01:05:50.349


The responsibility falls on all of us parents, educators, lawmakers, communities and society as a whole.01:05:50.349 --> 01:05:55.733


We owe it to the next generation to do everything we can to make sure their lives aren't derailed by trauma.01:05:55.733 --> 01:06:00.793


Sexual abuse is preventable, but only if we choose to stand together and act.01:06:00.793 --> 01:06:04.454


Thank you, ladies, for spending time with me this morning.01:06:04.454 --> 01:06:10.813


That's all the time that we have for day today and we went over, so it is what it is.01:06:10.813 --> 01:06:15.833


If you have questions or suggestions, send us an email, ladies, at letsgetnakedpodcastcom.01:06:15.833 --> 01:06:17.809


Please share, rate and review.01:06:17.809 --> 01:06:18.853


Catch you next time.01:06:18.853 --> 01:06:19.434


That's a wrap.01:06:27.206 --> 01:06:28.951


I'd love to help you get vulnerable.01:06:28.951 --> 01:06:30.054


Let's get naked.