From Peer Pressure to Personal Growth in Teenage Years

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I'd love to help you get vulnerable.

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Let's get naked.

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Welcome to the let's Get Naked podcast.

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Today we are getting vulnerable with my son, wiley.

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He is my third and the baby of our family.

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He is 17 and a senior at Arcadia High School, and he's agreed to come chat with us today about all things teenage related, and wherever the conversation takes us, that's where we'll go.

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So welcome Wiley.

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Thanks for joining us, thank you.

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Thank you for having me.

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Absolutely so I wanted to start with.

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You know, I went around and asked people what should I ask Wiley, what's important to have him discuss?

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And a lot of people brought topics to the situation that were like, okay, what's affecting teens nowadays, you know, and so we'll get into a lot of that what's it like to have Ann?

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As your mom was a big part of that and kind of you know, I want to talk a little bit about what that was like for you, with me getting sober and like you know some of the things that our family has gone through, so I would love your perspective on that.

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But Julio had a really important question that I want to get out of the way right away.

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He wanted to know how you got those biceps that way.

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So shout out to Julio you actually don't have to answer that, that was a fun question.

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But yeah, but yeah.

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Wiley is really dedicated to his fitness and is very disciplined.

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He plays football and basketball and, you know, is a pretty amazing kiddo as far as that's concerned, so we can also talk about that.

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One of the things let's just jump right in.

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One of the things that I think is important to talk about is I'd of the things let's just jump right in, One of the things that I think is important to talk about is I'd love to have you speak about peer pressure and how you manage that without compromising your values.

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You know, peer pressure, I think for teens is probably a really big topic because it covers all sorts of different things.

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So how do you handle peer pressure and what does that look like for for you?

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I mean I, I feel like I haven't dealt with peer pressure.

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I mean that much.

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But when I, like you, deal with it at first kind of um for me, like I don't drink or smoke, I don't use drugs or anything, um, but kind of, as people kind of learn that more and more about you, they're less inclined to like ask you or try to peer pressure you into doing something.

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And peer pressure can be.

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It doesn't have to be just with, like, substance abuse.

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Obviously it can be with other things too.

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But I think if you just know who you are and just be yourself, like the most important thing about it is just not like not being afraid of being yourself.

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You know, like I feel like being yourself is the best advice you can give to someone I don't know.

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No, I think that's excellent.

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You know, and, like you said, I think once you take a stand for what you believe in, I think people will get off your back and leave you alone.

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I think if people are pressuring you to do things that are outside of what you're comfortable with or what your values are and you give in to them, I think that's you're easier to be the target for that going forward you know and I think peer pressure isn't just something that teenagers deal with and kids deal with.

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I think even adults deal with that, you know.

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If somebody's like, hey, why aren't you drinking?

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And you know, for me, like when I got sober, people would be like, hey, why don't you have a drink with me?

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I'm like, no, I don't drink.

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It's like, oh, come on, have a drink with me.

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It's like why is what I do so important to you?

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and it's the same thing, like if you can stand up for yourself when other kids are like hey, wiley, come do this or come do that and whatever.

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If it doesn't feel right, standing up for yourself and saying like no, I'm good you, and not letting people tell you what your values are.

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You know what your values are, you know.

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And I also think, like just hanging around the right crowd, the right people, you know if, if you're with the right group, they're not going to peer pressure you, they're not going to push you out of your boundaries or like force you to do things you don't want to do.

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Yeah, um, so I think it's like also surrounding yourself with the right people.

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Yeah.

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Do you find that, like I know, drinking and smoking and drugs and stuff in high school is a big thing?

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Do you find that, like obviously you go to parties and obviously you're around it and that kind of stuff.

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Do you find that people really care about that for you or they just know that that's not your jam and they don't bug you about it anymore, after you kind of laid the groundwork for that, I feel?

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like people don't bug you about it anymore.

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After you kind of laid the groundwork for that, I feel like people don't really care, even before you lay the groundwork.

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it's not like a People don't care if you're doing it or not yeah, right, they're just there to have fun, right, it's like more for me, right.

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Yeah, yeah, exactly.

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But yeah, I don't, I don't to like push it, but even before that it doesn't really get pushed on you, I feel like I don't know.

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I feel like it's a misconception, or at least from my experiences.

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Maybe other people get peer pressured more, but from my experiences I feel like I haven't really been peer pressured that much, so I can't, I don't know.

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I feel like it's a big misconception that peer pressure is like just teenagers, right, you know, like, like you were saying, it's adults too.

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So I feel like it's bigger in adult population than teenagers but, I haven't experienced it, so like I can't really say, like I don't know, Is there a time that sticks out to you that you felt like you were peer pressured a lot, where it was something where you were like I don't want to do this and you don't have to?

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Like I'm not asking you to rat anybody out, I'm just as an example.

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Where is there something where you know people were putting you in a position where you were feeling uncomfortable or you know you were being pressured to do something that you really didn't want to do?

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I mean I don't really have like a time to.

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I know.

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I know times where people have like asked me to try something and I'll just be like no, and they just kind of stop.

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You know, it's not like they're egging on, like come on, try it, and then you're like nah, well, one of the things that you said, too, about just being comfortable with who you are right, I think is the biggest thing for kids, and I don't understand.

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I don't know what the right way to tell kids and to encourage kids to be more who they are instead of trying to be something that they think other people want what a waste of time.

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You know, be true to who you are and what resonates with you, and that doesn't mean that you can't do different things or try different things.

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You know.

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That doesn't mean you have to walk a certain path, but be comfortable with who you are and be comfortable to stand up for that to other people.

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I think that that's really important and I think people will respect you more.

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You know, people know that you you're very disciplined about your stuff and that this is who you are and whatever, and I appreciate you being comfortable enough to stand in that truth.

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I also think you're excellent at helping other kids be themselves.

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You know, do you feel like that's a fair statement?

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be themselves.

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You know, do you feel like that's a fair statement?

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I mean I try to.

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I mean I don't really have like a good example or a situation where I've like directly helped someone, but like I try to like preach that, if I can like just be yourself, don't be afraid of like being being authentic and like true to you.

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You know, yeah, um, like kind of back to the peer pressure.

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I was thinking.

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I feel like people are more inclined to peer pressure you if you don't say like what's the right word, like if you're talking kind of uneasy and like hesitant.

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Yeah.

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You know If they're like try this.

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You know if they're like, try this, you're like like, if you even hesitate and like, give thought into it, they're you're more susceptible like to peer pressure, to peer pressure.

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So they're like going to try to peer pressure you if you even think about it.

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Yeah.

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But if you're like a firm, no, I feel like they kind of just like let off.

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I think you're absolutely right.

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I think you know if you show weakness in that situation, they smell blood in the water and they're going to come for you.

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Yeah, they just keep attacking you.

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You know Exactly.

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One of the things that we were talking about, that kind of tied in, was the, you know, helping people realize who they are and stand up for their values.

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But the other side of that is kind of bullying.

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Is that something that we still see nowadays?

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I know that when I was growing up, it was a lot of you would see kids that got bullied right Because we didn't realize kind of the effects of what that looked like, or maybe people weren't paying attention to that, or whatever the right answer is for that.

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What do you see with bullying in your school and in your groups of people?

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I feel like at Arcadia it's generally pretty good.

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I mean you don't really see bullying or like fighting or any of that nature.

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I mean sometimes people will be making jokes to other kids, but it's generally like friends.

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So it's like you don't really see it as bullying.

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You know like you'll see like it's like friendly back and forth between friends and you'll see like it's like friendly back and forth between friends, but I haven't really seen many instances where it's like hate crime or like harmful actions taken against someone else.

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So I feel like Arcadia is generally pretty good about that.

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Coconino is pretty good about that.

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So I feel like the schools I've been to are generally pretty good about bullying and like fighting and all that.

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What do you think is one of the biggest things that you and your friend group deal with?

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That it could be anything right.

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What is a thing that's a topic that you guys talk about, that you worry about or you think about or talk about?

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What's a big deal for you guys nowadays?

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you know, think about or talk about like what's a what's a big deal for you guys nowadays.

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I think now that we're coming close to our senior year and like coming close to graduation, it's a lot of like what are we going to do after high school?

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you know like what jobs are we going to get?

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What colleges are we going to go to?

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Are we going to play sports in college?

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Um, just like what our goals after high school are.

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It's a lot of kind of like.

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So me and my friends were talking about like, oh, getting jobs, moving in together, saving up, then like, eventually getting our own houses and everything.

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It's kind of just like a lot of our goals after high school and what we want to do now that we're getting close to graduating nice yeah okay, that's excellent.

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I know you're just down to a few months now, which seems crazy.

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You're going to be 18 in a couple weeks, and then that's excellent.

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I know you're just down to a few months now, which seems crazy.

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You're going to be 18 in a couple weeks, and then that's also crazy.

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Talk to me about relationships that you have could be friends, could be otherwise, could be anything and how you establish healthy boundaries in those.

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I think communication is the most important part.

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I know that sounds like like a general saying, but no, no, it's excellent, it is true.

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Yeah, like with my girlfriend, we we have a great like communication with each other.

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So I think that kind of helps set boundaries.

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And also like sometimes if we're talking and we're like trying to think of a good example, but the other day she was like kind of telling me, or she was like she was going to say something, and she's like actually never mind.

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And whenever she does that, that I get kind of mad.

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And then I'm like please, just tell me, right.

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And then she's like if she's like no, I don't, I don't want to, or like just just respect my boundaries, if she ever says that, then I stop, I set it down like okay, right, because like just like hearing those words, it kind of just like flips and you're like okay yeah, you know that's.

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That's incredible that you guys are able to have the language to do that.

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I don't think.

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I even had the understanding of that when I was a teenager to say, hey, respect my boundaries.

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So I feel like even in that we've come a long way of hey, no, this is a firm no, I'm not telling you that or whatever it is, get out of my business.

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Do you feel like you have to have boundaries with friends as well?

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Or is it more of just in a, in a, you know, girlfriend, boyfriend relationship?

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I mean, I feel like it's you should have boundaries with friends, but it's like I feel like it's more prominent in those like um dating relationships.

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You know um like with your friends, they kind of I don't know.

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I just don't really feel myself like setting boundaries with them, like we kind of we know each other pretty well.

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Yeah, it feels Just all chill.

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Yeah.

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Bet who, who.

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Who taught you these amazing boundaries that you know?

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You what Yep?

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This is excellent.

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Yeah.

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This is excellent.

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Yeah, yeah, I was thinking like before the podcast.

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Yeah.

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So I know it's all about like kind of parenting, self-help and all that Mm-hmm and like, yeah, you can come on here and talk about parenting.

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Yeah, you can come on here and talk about parenting, kind of those experiences you've done in parenting to like kind of teach to people.

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But I was thinking it's like cool to have like your kids on, like me eventually Brittany, emily on it, because that's like what better way to like show your parenting than like having your kids on here, you know.

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Right, right, well, and also, you know, when I bring you guys on, it's not like oh my God, look at all of these things that I did right.

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Yes, I did a bunch of things right with you, and that's why you're a great kid, and with the girls too, but I'm vulnerable enough to share also all of the things that I did wrong.

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Yeah.

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You know, because we all make mistakes and we all are just doing the best that we can.

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And so it's interesting to look at the evolution of our family and I look back at things that I've implemented or things that your dad implemented that have really made our family be better.

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Implementing the trigger fish and for our listeners, we had something that happened several years ago where the girls were living together.

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Our two older daughters were living together and they were at each other.

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They didn't get along great at that time and they were at each other.

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And so we just kind of implemented a thing in our family where if someone is talking about something that's, you know, making somebody else uncomfortable or they're, you know, crossing a boundary or like whatever that is, we installed like a safe word in our family where if you say trigger fish, it shuts the conversation down you know, and that's.

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Unless if you're dead.

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Yeah, unless if you're dead, then you keep.

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He doesn't understand boundaries.

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We're working on him.

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He's an old dog and I'm trying to teach him new tricks.

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But you know we had a contract and we signed it and everybody had to be part of that.

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But I think that that you know things like that do make us a better family, because then it's not.

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You can't just mow over somebody's boundaries for things.

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It's a it's a respect thing and it's an understanding that, like hey, that's not.

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I'm not in a place right now to be able to talk about whatever that is that we're going into yeah and like and like how we were talking about boundaries earlier.

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I feel like implementing that kind of yeah, sure that's in our family, but that also just teaches you the fundamentals of boundaries and you can carry that over into your like relationships outside of your family.

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Yeah, no, I feel like that's like an important kind of learning experience.

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Yeah, no, I think that that's really important.

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So, for the listeners at home, I think a big thing that happened in our lives, or in our story and our family, is that eight years ago I got sober and I started on this path of really discovering who I am and learning all of the things.

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Wiley had a front row seat to what that looked like and so, as I was developing emotional intelligence, as I was unpacking things and figuring things out, reprogramming things, I would share that with Wiley age appropriate, obviously, if that's a thing.

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So you know what does that look like from your side of things, and please feel free to be completely vulnerable and there's nothing that's off limits, but what does that look like for you?

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I mean, eight years ago would have made you nine.

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Yeah.

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Right, I mean I remember living at Bernil.

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You got back from rehab in California and it was like right before Thanksgiving right around this time of year.

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It was this time of year, yeah um, yeah, I don't know.

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I think just like seeing you go through that journey well, originally seeing you um before sobriety definitely kind of installed in me like drinking is bad, it kind of like pushed me away from which is kind of why I'm like so strict against it today.

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Like not drinking, and then, like you were saying, you kind of going through that and sharing all that, like after through your journey of sobriety, kind of like I feel like helped me kind of emotionally and it teaches me like it's okay to be vulnerable, it's okay to open up about certain things.

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You know, I think it just kind of installed a lot of good values and that it's like the whole kind of man stereotype is like oh, you have to be tough, you have to kind of grit through through things.

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If you're going through something, just like keep it to yourself, bottle it up, but it's okay to talk about stuff, it's okay to open up.

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I think that's something I've learned from you and like you going through that journey and just helping us with that.

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Yeah, no, and it's okay to show emotion.

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It's okay to, you know, express yourself.

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It's okay to talk about the things that you're scared of or the things that you're excited about.

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You know all of the things.

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I think you and I have a great relationship, and also just in our family, being able to talk about things that are messy, you know it's.

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There's no shame in going through any of that stuff.

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The real shame is hiding things, you know, not being comfortable to speak about things, and so there's.

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There's nothing at our house that's off limits which good news.

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Bad news.

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There's nothing at our house that's off limits which good news.

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Bad news.

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There's nothing at our house that's off limits.

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You know exactly Blessing and a curse.

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You know I was talking to somebody and they were.

00:17:50.813 --> 00:18:04.450
They were talking about one of their kiddos speaking to them about something and it made them really uncomfortable and I said do not shut that down Like you'd be uncomfortable internally if you need to, while they talk to you about that, but you should be talking with your kids about things that make you uncomfortable.

00:18:04.630 --> 00:18:07.213
You know you don't want them to be carrying all of those burdens.

00:18:07.213 --> 00:18:11.949
I think our kiddos nowadays deal with way more challenges than we ever did.

00:18:11.949 --> 00:18:20.662
You know the the what social media brings to the table, what, uh, you know violence in schools, right With gun shootings and things like that.

00:18:20.662 --> 00:18:23.748
I mean these are big stuff that you guys are dealing with.

00:18:23.748 --> 00:18:27.496
It's not just like who's picking on who and what classes or this or that.

00:18:27.496 --> 00:18:28.818
Or you know drugs and alcohol.

00:18:28.818 --> 00:18:31.105
The drugs nowadays are scary AF.

00:18:31.105 --> 00:18:32.109
You know it's.

00:18:32.109 --> 00:18:35.020
You try something and you just have to try it the one time.

00:18:35.020 --> 00:18:36.905
You know this is not how this used to be.

00:18:36.905 --> 00:18:40.242
When I was growing up, you would get like dank weed from.

00:18:40.242 --> 00:18:44.792
You know gross places and you know you know it's just a totally different ballgame now.

00:18:44.833 --> 00:18:45.034
You know.

00:18:45.034 --> 00:18:47.509
So as parents it's pretty scary, you know.

00:18:47.509 --> 00:18:54.208
And the people that prey on other people, on you know, social media and on other platforms.

00:18:54.208 --> 00:19:02.592
You give your kid this computer that they carry around in their pocket, that they can get into more trouble than you can even imagine, you know.

00:19:02.592 --> 00:19:09.249
Tell me about what you think the effect of social media has on you and your friend group, you and your age group, for stuff.

00:19:09.880 --> 00:19:11.605
I mean for me and my friend group.

00:19:11.605 --> 00:19:17.007
I feel like we're generally I mean with social media as a whole.

00:19:17.007 --> 00:19:29.133
I feel like its main problem is people start comparing their self to others, and the problem with social media is everything that's posted like people just post good.

00:19:29.394 --> 00:19:35.471
You're not, you're not, like you're not going to see people post the bad or the down parts of their life.

00:19:35.471 --> 00:19:49.951
So you're going to look at these influential people that are only posting positive pictures of them, like looking good, and you're going to compare yourself to that and I feel like that just kind of messes with you mentally.

00:19:49.951 --> 00:19:53.695
You're like why is my life so bad compared to theirs?

00:19:56.661 --> 00:20:00.277
It's like they have bad stuff going on in their life too.

00:20:00.277 --> 00:20:11.401
You know, like you're comparing your worst to another person's best and it's just like if you compare everything you have going and you compare everything they have going, it's probably not like that, not that big of a difference, you know.

00:20:11.401 --> 00:20:11.843
Right.

00:20:11.843 --> 00:20:21.732
So I feel like people just get fed up in comparing themselves to others, and I feel like it's more like prominent with girls, but I feel like guys definitely do it too.

00:20:21.732 --> 00:20:22.741
Yeah, yeah.

00:20:23.924 --> 00:20:33.125
Well, and also I think we've said this in our house for a long, long time as soon as you compare yourself to somebody else, you lose, and it doesn't matter in what category, it doesn't matter if you're better than them.

00:20:33.125 --> 00:20:35.000
If you're worse than them, you know.

00:20:35.000 --> 00:20:37.209
If you're in whatever the topic is.

00:20:37.209 --> 00:20:41.807
I don't mean like better than them as a human being, but just like whatever that thing is a sport or the other thing.

00:20:41.846 --> 00:20:44.010
If you're better than them or worse than them, it doesn't matter.

00:20:44.010 --> 00:20:46.474
As soon as you compare yourself to somebody else, you lose.

00:20:46.474 --> 00:20:47.160
Yeah.

00:20:47.160 --> 00:20:53.505
So so to me, it's always like being in competition with yourself, and I know that you subscribe to that same thing, right?

00:20:53.505 --> 00:20:59.962
Your competition is you're yesterday, Wiley you know, what does, what does yesterday, wiley bring to the table and how can I improve on that?

00:20:59.962 --> 00:21:00.282
You know, and.

00:21:00.323 --> 00:21:08.248
I think if more people took that approach in their lives not only athletically, but mentally things that you're learning, how are you going to be better at things?

00:21:08.248 --> 00:21:13.510
If you really took that approach to your life, I think you'd find that it would fix a lot of problems.

00:21:13.510 --> 00:21:21.056
You know, rather than sitting around and comparing yourself to what Sheila has or what Sally is doing, or you know what Michelle has.

00:21:21.056 --> 00:21:24.178
You know what she's wearing or what vacation she was able to do.

00:21:25.220 --> 00:21:25.400
Who cares?

00:21:25.441 --> 00:21:26.403
You know, so you know.

00:21:26.403 --> 00:21:30.803
For me, I don't know how to, how to make an impact in that way of teaching our young girls.

00:21:30.803 --> 00:21:37.506
That's not the right way to get your validation, you know, or to try to try to make yourself feel better about things.

00:21:37.506 --> 00:21:47.285
Because putting somebody down, which is also you know, something that women, I think do do more than men do, but putting somebody down to feel better is is false.

00:21:47.285 --> 00:21:54.440
That's a that gives you a quick little hit for a second because you think, oh, I'm better or I'm prettier, I have nicer teeth or skinnier thighs, or who even cares what it is.

00:21:54.641 --> 00:21:54.800
Yeah.

00:21:54.881 --> 00:21:55.662
But that's a.

00:21:55.662 --> 00:21:57.023
That's a trap.

00:21:57.023 --> 00:21:57.924
You know what I mean.

00:21:57.924 --> 00:21:58.886
That's not real.

00:21:58.886 --> 00:22:05.635
So you know how we teach our young girls to not be so twisted up in comparing themselves.

00:22:05.635 --> 00:22:31.758
And if there's a listener out there that's listening, that has information on this or has a source, real knowledge or education behind how to do that, please reach out to us and come, be on the podcast and share that knowledge, Because I think for our youth, we're not doing them any favors by letting them just have social media and run amok you know it's, I think, just in like future generations.

00:22:32.338 --> 00:22:42.683
You know we just need to teach um like our kids, that like in our household, um like we say, like as soon as you compare yourself to someone else it's what lose.

00:22:43.144 --> 00:22:50.829
I think just hearing that from a young age and growing up with that in my mind kind of is why I don't compare myself to others.

00:22:50.829 --> 00:23:01.711
So I think just teaching that to someone at a young age is very important and I feel like that's kind of like a you can't really like solve the problem with that.

00:23:01.711 --> 00:23:03.708
People are still obviously going to compare.

00:23:03.708 --> 00:23:16.432
So I don't think there's a way to just effectively end it, but I think just teaching more about it and being more open about it just having conversations like these is what kind of helps with that situation.

00:23:16.653 --> 00:23:20.200
Right and teaching kids from a young age their self-worth right.

00:23:20.380 --> 00:23:25.593
I mean, I look at some of that and I watch certain parents that are really good at that.

00:23:25.593 --> 00:23:46.580
As parents, it's not just our job to like, get them food and shelter and medical attention and education, really shaping them to be the adults that they're going to be, by instilling, you know, values and self-worth in them so that they can go out into the world and be amazing, instead of anxiety ridden which, you know, anxiety is a rough one.

00:23:46.580 --> 00:23:58.228
I think that it's everywhere because of social media, more so than anything else, because, again, it's comparing things, it's making people afraid to go try things or, you know, people are so afraid to fail that they won't even try.

00:23:58.228 --> 00:24:00.115
Go swing for the fence.

00:24:00.115 --> 00:24:01.179
You know what I mean.

00:24:01.269 --> 00:24:02.576
Like let her rip.

00:24:02.576 --> 00:24:04.797
Failing is part of it, you know.

00:24:04.797 --> 00:24:07.519
Then you dust yourself off and get back up and you learn from it.

00:24:07.519 --> 00:24:10.517
You know how do we teach that to our young kids?

00:24:10.517 --> 00:24:13.398
You know, to just you want to try something.

00:24:13.398 --> 00:24:14.472
You give it hell.

00:24:14.472 --> 00:24:19.680
You know, full send that and if it doesn't work out, okay, then what's next?

00:24:19.680 --> 00:24:21.153
But that's what life is about.

00:24:21.153 --> 00:24:29.070
You know everyone's so scared to to even try anything that they're stuck, you know, paralyzed, stuck on the couch or stuck not doing living their life.

00:24:29.070 --> 00:24:30.515
Go do the things.

00:24:30.515 --> 00:24:32.198
You know, get out there.

00:24:32.198 --> 00:24:37.049
Um, okay, so let's see we talked about social media.

00:24:37.049 --> 00:24:45.163
Let's see um talk to me about about the the school shootings thing.

00:24:45.163 --> 00:24:47.664
That was something that happened a couple weeks ago.

00:24:47.664 --> 00:24:48.329
Yeah, pretty recently.

00:24:48.549 --> 00:24:51.820
Yeah, pretty recently, where you guys had to do a lockdown for that.

00:24:51.820 --> 00:24:56.461
Tell me about how that went down for you and what emotions that maybe brought up for you.

00:24:56.930 --> 00:25:09.359
I mean, at first I was like I don't know, I was just confused Because so before I knew anything about the threat, um, I'll just take you to kind of my thought process well, tell us.

00:25:09.460 --> 00:25:10.042
Set up the stage.

00:25:10.042 --> 00:25:10.766
Sorry to interrupt.

00:25:10.766 --> 00:25:12.353
Set up the stage and say, like what happened?

00:25:12.353 --> 00:25:13.134
So you're at school?

00:25:13.134 --> 00:25:14.921
And then, like how do you even know that there's an issue?

00:25:15.871 --> 00:25:28.530
okay, um, so I'm just walking to class after third hour, um, and then the lockdown, like alarm, went off, like it was different than the fire alarm.

00:25:28.530 --> 00:25:31.156
So everyone was like kind of confused.

00:25:31.156 --> 00:25:33.343
When it like started, we're like what's going on?

00:25:33.343 --> 00:25:49.044
Um, because normally when there's lockdown drills it's like we're in class, it's not during passing period, um, and the teacher usually tells you like it's a drill, but then this time it's like actual alarms and I just see like people running and I was like what's like, is this real?

00:25:49.044 --> 00:25:52.795
And then the security guard is like he's shouting at everyone.

00:25:52.795 --> 00:25:54.358
He's like get to class, get to your class.

00:25:55.201 --> 00:26:01.090
Um, and I was still walking, like I was just confused, like everyone was running and I was just like walking to class.

00:26:01.090 --> 00:26:06.819
I was like looking around, I didn't, I didn't know what was going on, but then I was like this is like a actual problem.

00:26:06.819 --> 00:26:18.299
So then I I start like jogging, start running, I get, I get to my class and the door's like locked and there's like one class across the hall that's still open and like coming here, coming here.

00:26:18.299 --> 00:26:24.038
So then I get in there and I'm just waiting in that class.

00:26:24.038 --> 00:26:36.603
A few of my friends were in there, so we're just like talking kind of about what was going on and everyone is like slowly learning that it wasn't a drill and that it was like a real thing.

00:26:36.603 --> 00:26:50.998
But then I think there was like an email sent out by like the principal or someone that kind of just said it was like a, it was a threat from overseas.

00:26:50.998 --> 00:26:54.372
Like the police looked into it and then they just released us back.

00:26:56.236 --> 00:26:57.798
So it was like I don't know.

00:26:57.798 --> 00:27:00.549
I was just confused at first and then I just ran a class.

00:27:00.549 --> 00:27:03.871
I was kind of a little scared about what was going on, yeah.

00:27:03.871 --> 00:27:10.314
But I mean we've had threats like that, like fake threats, like that in the past, so I wasn't like too concerned.

00:27:10.854 --> 00:27:11.914
On a scale of one to 10,.

00:27:11.914 --> 00:27:12.835
How concerned are you?

00:27:12.835 --> 00:27:15.916
Like now no like when it was happening.

00:27:15.916 --> 00:27:17.416
Be honest.

00:27:17.916 --> 00:27:18.877
Like two or three.

00:27:19.218 --> 00:27:19.917
Two or three.

00:27:19.917 --> 00:27:21.398
Yeah, do you know where I was?

00:27:21.398 --> 00:27:22.538
At 11.

00:27:22.538 --> 00:27:23.559
At 11.

00:27:23.740 --> 00:27:44.249
At 11 on a scale of one to 10, you know, and your dad's so funny because he was at my office when I got the texts and the emails, the phone calls and stuff that came across that said that something was going on there and it literally, as a mom, it takes me to an 11 immediately because it's the most helpless feeling on the planet.

00:27:44.249 --> 00:27:46.355
Something's happening at your kid's school.

00:27:46.355 --> 00:27:47.118
They're in lockdown.

00:27:47.118 --> 00:27:53.582
We will keep you posted and then the minutes tick by and I swear to God, it is the worst feeling on the planet.

00:27:54.250 --> 00:27:55.616
You know I cannot.

00:27:55.616 --> 00:27:57.836
This is a big problem.

00:27:57.836 --> 00:28:09.102
I don't have the answers, obviously, but I'm happy to have you be graduating high school because I would not want to be at the beginning of sending kids to school because it feels like you're feeding them to the wolves.

00:28:09.529 --> 00:28:25.701
You know, when we were in we were up in Flagstaff this is a couple of years ago there was something that was going on then where, you know, they had threats and everyone was scared to send their kids to school, and I think that was the day when you said like half the kids weren't even at school, you know, and I'm taking you to school to drop you off.

00:28:25.701 --> 00:28:31.852
And I dropped you off and drove away and just bawled all the way home, you know, because it's like what's the right answer?

00:28:31.852 --> 00:28:35.403
Right, I can't, you can't not send your kids to school.

00:28:35.743 --> 00:28:45.381
Yeah, right, but it's literally the most helpless feeling on the planet, Because you know, what happens right, you know what happens, right, we know what happens during those kind of things, you know it can be anyone was everyone?

00:28:45.381 --> 00:28:46.241
Was everyone like?

00:28:46.241 --> 00:28:48.105
What was the vibe in that classroom?

00:28:48.105 --> 00:28:51.657
Was the teacher freaked out, with students freaked out?

00:28:51.657 --> 00:28:55.215
Was everybody pretty calm and it's like this is well, this is what we're doing, or like?

00:28:55.215 --> 00:28:55.698
What is that?

00:28:55.698 --> 00:28:56.599
What is that vibe like?

00:28:57.111 --> 00:29:01.265
everyone was kind of just like circled, with their friends talking on their phone.

00:29:01.265 --> 00:29:06.977
I mean, there wasn't really like a panicked vibe, it was kind of just like I don't know.

00:29:06.977 --> 00:29:12.558
In my corner it was me and a few friends and we were just like laughing, having a great time.

00:29:13.152 --> 00:29:13.894
You heard it first.

00:29:13.894 --> 00:29:21.477
Folks I mean just the parents at home are like at an 11, and the kids are just having a free hour enjoying their time.

00:29:21.657 --> 00:29:25.144
I mean, I feel like I don't want to say people have gotten used to it.

00:29:25.144 --> 00:29:31.701
No, well, you get numb to it a little bit you know We've had like four or five threats this year where nothing's happened.

00:29:31.701 --> 00:29:50.622
So, everyone just thinks it's like fake at this point you know, like the first few threats, it's just like pictures that like resurfaced and they're like people just posted on their story and then the school I think by law is like has to look into it, even though it's like not really yeah a big, a big thing.

00:29:50.662 --> 00:29:54.480
It's just like a fake threat, yeah, um, yeah, I feel like it's just.

00:29:54.480 --> 00:30:02.662
I think in high school it's probably happened close to 10 times yeah like cocanino and arcadia combined for me, Right.

00:30:02.662 --> 00:30:04.806
So it's just like it's just fake.

00:30:04.806 --> 00:30:05.186
I don't know.

00:30:05.186 --> 00:30:07.615
Well, it's not fake but it's not fake, but like.

00:30:07.730 --> 00:30:09.076
I mean like don't, don't treat it that way.

00:30:09.076 --> 00:30:13.952
Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't treat it that way because it's serious and God forbid that that ever is a thing.

00:30:13.952 --> 00:30:34.478
Because also, like you're going to go off to college and like that happens, keep it pg folks with the, the minor child in case other, you know kiddos are listening, so please forgive me but um, stuff like that happens in college, you know, so it's, it's a, that's a big deal yeah you know, yeah, dang, okay, uh.

00:30:34.538 --> 00:30:37.863
Can you please teach me a few uh slang words?

00:30:37.863 --> 00:30:38.884
What did we?

00:30:38.884 --> 00:30:39.632
What did we learn?

00:30:39.632 --> 00:30:40.434
Oh, pod.

00:30:40.434 --> 00:30:48.484
So when wiley was trying to figure out where to come to the podcast studio, uh, this morning he says, uh, where's the pod, where's the pod at?

00:30:48.545 --> 00:30:54.300
and he wanted to let me know that well, I thought, I thought that was like your slang well, I mean, it is now, uh, it is now.

00:30:54.401 --> 00:30:57.134
So, as you teach me things, I'm I'm all, I'm all ears.

00:30:57.134 --> 00:31:07.317
So for for auntie caitlin at home, uh, what would that look like for any new words that you might have for her, anything new that we could share with her, or that's not really a thing?

00:31:08.441 --> 00:31:11.199
I don't know, I haven't really been learning any new lingo recently.

00:31:11.410 --> 00:31:12.173
Okay well.

00:31:12.173 --> 00:31:13.878
I respect that.

00:31:13.878 --> 00:31:16.531
Okay, let's see Now.

00:31:16.531 --> 00:31:17.537
I just have some questions.

00:31:17.537 --> 00:31:21.955
Everyone sent in some questions that they'd like you to answer, if you don't mind.

00:31:21.955 --> 00:31:22.457
All right.

00:31:22.457 --> 00:31:28.805
Okay, imagine you try out for something important like a sports team or a school play, but you don't make it.

00:31:28.805 --> 00:31:31.371
How would you?

00:31:31.490 --> 00:31:33.114
feel, and what would you do next?

00:31:33.114 --> 00:31:34.636
How long do I have to think about these answers?

00:31:34.797 --> 00:31:35.778
No you don't have time.

00:31:35.778 --> 00:31:38.123
That's just how would you feel, and what would you do next?

00:31:38.123 --> 00:31:39.244
You don't make the team.

00:31:39.244 --> 00:31:41.011
What does that look like?

00:31:41.011 --> 00:31:42.654
You knew, you know what that looked like last year.

00:31:42.654 --> 00:31:43.616
What did that look like?

00:31:44.499 --> 00:31:58.751
I mean, I don't know, I feel like you'd be like sad at first, but you kind of just have to like turn that and kind of use it as fuel to just like improve yourself, um, just like get better for next year, you know.

00:31:58.751 --> 00:32:08.638
Yeah, um, so I feel like just using it as motivation is the best thing you can do with it so that there's like you come out positive, you know.

00:32:08.880 --> 00:32:10.875
Yeah, no, I remember that.

00:32:10.875 --> 00:32:17.749
Do you remember that that wasn't that long ago that that happened, where we had the snafu going into your basketball season?

00:32:17.749 --> 00:32:19.557
Yeah, and we thought you weren't going to get a play.

00:32:19.930 --> 00:32:32.114
Luckily that worked out, but we thought you weren't going to get a play, and I remember being so proud of you because you were very disappointed at first.

00:32:32.114 --> 00:32:53.739
Um, and then, very quickly, for from where I was sitting, you turned that around and said all right, I'm going to spend the whole entire time grinding it out and getting better so that I can come back in my senior year and just crush it you know, and then you got to play, you know so, which was, which was excellent, but it's like I look at that and I think that's impressive to me for for a

00:32:54.019 --> 00:32:58.955
for a young person to have that, that mentality and that attitude towards things.

00:32:58.955 --> 00:33:00.640
That was impressive for me.

00:33:00.640 --> 00:33:18.817
I there's a lot of moments with you and with your sisters where I see how you guys react to certain things and even if it's something that you're bummed out about and you kind of have to get back up and whatever it blows my doors off to see how cool you guys are and how impressive that is.

00:33:18.817 --> 00:33:23.798
I hope that that's, you know, something, that you continue to be an example for your friends and for other people.

00:33:23.798 --> 00:33:27.539
You know I am very fortunate to have the young people in my life that I do.

00:33:27.539 --> 00:33:32.500
You know I have nieces and nephews that are amazing, that also come from that same place of like.

00:33:32.500 --> 00:33:33.501
Okay, that didn't work out.

00:33:33.501 --> 00:33:34.930
What's next, you know?

00:33:34.930 --> 00:33:37.412
Because, again, failure is not.

00:33:37.412 --> 00:33:40.013
Failure is what you make of that.

00:33:40.013 --> 00:33:47.660
You can either learn a lesson from that and dust yourself off and get back up and then turn yourself into whatever you're going to, or you can let that keep you down.

00:33:47.920 --> 00:33:49.101
You don't fail until you give up.

00:33:49.161 --> 00:33:51.102
Yeah you don't fail until you give up.

00:33:51.102 --> 00:33:52.403
You've got some good nuggets.

00:33:52.403 --> 00:33:55.184
Yeah, where do you learn all of these things?

00:33:55.846 --> 00:33:56.326
TikTok.

00:33:56.605 --> 00:33:58.768
Oh TikTok.

00:33:58.768 --> 00:34:02.916
Well sorry, cameron, I thought it was you and I that were bringing some good stuff to the table.

00:34:03.479 --> 00:34:05.723
No, no, I learned some of that from you.

00:34:05.743 --> 00:34:07.234
Okay, we get a little bit of it.

00:34:07.295 --> 00:34:10.653
Yeah, like certain quotes, all like pick up from there.

00:34:10.653 --> 00:34:12.536
Okay, yeah, okay.

00:34:13.659 --> 00:34:14.659
All right, just checking.

00:34:14.659 --> 00:34:16.443
Here's another scenario.

00:34:16.443 --> 00:34:17.284
You ready for another one?

00:34:17.425 --> 00:34:19.452
Yeah, okay, who like sends these.

00:34:19.492 --> 00:34:20.132
I'm not telling you.

00:34:20.132 --> 00:34:20.994
That's none of your business.

00:34:20.994 --> 00:34:29.460
I've got a team of people behind the scenes that are one of them sitting over there getting ready to maybe turn the air conditioning down just a couple of clicks so I don't sweat my rear end off.

00:34:29.460 --> 00:34:37.518
Okay, so your best friend tells you a secret that's really serious, like they're struggling with something big and need help.

00:34:37.518 --> 00:34:39.293
They beg you not to tell anyone.

00:34:39.293 --> 00:34:40.096
What do you do?

00:34:41.018 --> 00:34:41.922
Like suicide-wise.

00:34:41.922 --> 00:34:45.913
Well, I don't know, it could be that's a big one.

00:34:45.913 --> 00:34:55.161
I feel like if it's like suicide wise, you tell someone you tell someone um that's a big deal but if it's like personal life stuff, I'd like keep it a secret.

00:34:55.161 --> 00:35:07.965
If it's like something where I'm concerned about their mental health, I would tell their parents like check in, check in on them, but if it's like, not related to that, I wouldn't tell anyone.

00:35:09.530 --> 00:35:12.016
Have you dealt with that Was suicide with any of your friends?

00:35:12.016 --> 00:35:18.496
I know that you haven't lost anyone to suicide, but have you dealt with any of them like being suicidal, where you were worried and you needed to say something?

00:35:18.777 --> 00:35:29.333
Yeah, like back in Flagstaff one of my friends was suicidal and I told his parents and he's like he's doing better now.

00:35:29.673 --> 00:35:29.875
Excellent.

00:35:29.875 --> 00:35:30.416
Yeah.

00:35:30.737 --> 00:35:31.679
Excellent.

00:35:31.679 --> 00:35:36.623
He was like he was afraid to tell his parents because he like felt like they wouldn't care if he told them.

00:35:36.623 --> 00:35:38.811
He felt like they didn't like love him.

00:35:38.811 --> 00:35:41.976
But I told his parents and he's doing a lot better.

00:35:42.456 --> 00:35:42.856
Excellent.

00:35:42.856 --> 00:35:48.786
Yeah, what is the vibe with you and your age group as far as suicide is concerned?

00:35:48.786 --> 00:35:50.878
Is that a topic that people talk about?

00:35:50.878 --> 00:35:58.340
Is that you know something where people talk about mental health and stuff when people are struggling and you know would you even know that?

00:35:58.340 --> 00:36:04.597
Or is that where you hear stories of people doing that and you didn't even know they were struggling?

00:36:05.389 --> 00:36:08.440
I mean it's not really a topic in my friend group.

00:36:08.440 --> 00:36:10.795
I don't know.

00:36:10.795 --> 00:36:18.557
I feel like it's kind of like I feel like people kind of it's like an eerie feeling if you talk about it so no one really brings it up.

00:36:18.557 --> 00:36:24.679
But like no one in my friend group is really has those thoughts from what I know, Okay.

00:36:24.679 --> 00:36:31.699
But it's yeah, you don't really talk about it much, unless someone's like actually going through it and they're thinking about it.

00:36:32.411 --> 00:36:38.396
But, like in the instance of up in Flagstaff, that friend told you and they felt comfortable enough with you to talk about that.

00:36:38.737 --> 00:36:40.119
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:36:41.182 --> 00:36:41.362
Right.

00:36:41.362 --> 00:36:46.815
So it's important to be comfortable to talk to people about that kind of stuff so that you can be.

00:36:46.815 --> 00:36:53.280
You know if they're, if they're reaching out to you, if they're saying something to you, it's because they're desperate, you know, and they're not in a good place.

00:36:53.280 --> 00:36:59.677
That's something to always take very, very seriously Somebody's mental health, or or you know if they're talking about suicide or not.

00:36:59.677 --> 00:37:02.880
You know all of that.

00:37:02.880 --> 00:37:03.300
That that's.

00:37:03.300 --> 00:37:04.663
That's a scary conversation.

00:37:04.663 --> 00:37:11.036
Um, okay, let's see, imagine someone at school spreads a rumor about you.

00:37:11.036 --> 00:37:11.818
That isn't true.

00:37:11.818 --> 00:37:14.210
It feels like everyone is talking about it.

00:37:14.210 --> 00:37:15.472
How would you handle that?

00:37:15.472 --> 00:37:17.273
I don't.

00:37:17.273 --> 00:37:18.635
I don't even think you need to imagine.

00:37:18.635 --> 00:37:22.500
I think we, we can talk about actual data.

00:37:23.882 --> 00:37:27.224
I mean from my experiences I just kind of.

00:37:27.224 --> 00:37:30.418
I mean there's not really much you can do about it.

00:37:30.418 --> 00:37:41.152
You can like say your side of the story obviously, but that won't help much if, like, everyone kind of already has this thought ingrained in their mind.

00:37:41.193 --> 00:37:50.070
So you kind kind of just gotta sit and let it pass you know like people are gonna forget it about it eventually, like that's just, the world's gonna move on.

00:37:50.070 --> 00:37:52.536
You just kind of have to get over it and not let it consume you.

00:37:52.536 --> 00:37:56.451
Um, just again, stay true to yourself.

00:37:56.451 --> 00:37:59.315
You know what's actually going on.

00:37:59.315 --> 00:38:01.597
So I feel like that's more important.

00:38:01.597 --> 00:38:07.172
Um, so I feel like in a situation like that, you just kind of have to let it pass.

00:38:07.172 --> 00:38:12.182
Eventually, everyone's going to move on and forget about that, you know.

00:38:13.070 --> 00:38:26.204
It's important, I think, as you say the things that you're saying, for you to be comfortable with who you are right and to also know that other people's opinions of you is none of your business.

00:38:26.204 --> 00:38:27.652
Yeah, do you know what I mean.

00:38:27.652 --> 00:38:40.405
So, even though people are going to talk and even though there's going to be chatter about stuff, it's not, it's not your job to fix what they think about you or to go, you know, do damage control and make sure that you know.

00:38:40.405 --> 00:38:40.931
Yeah.

00:38:41.130 --> 00:38:44.740
So and so likes me, or so and so think it is what it is.

00:38:44.989 --> 00:38:57.547
It's like I'm not who you think I am or not not, it's bad, bad way to put it, but it's like I'm not who your like opinion is of me right now right like who you really think I am.

00:38:57.547 --> 00:39:05.836
Could I could be someone like completely different, you know, just because everything gets twisted up, sure, yeah, so just being solid in who you are.

00:39:06.170 --> 00:39:10.161
Yeah, just being again back to like being yourself and being true to who you are.

00:39:10.161 --> 00:39:15.836
I feel like that's kind of just a recurring theme it's very important to have in your life.

00:39:16.309 --> 00:39:18.378
How do you encourage other people to be that way?

00:39:18.378 --> 00:39:22.072
Like, what is your advice for either parents or other kids to like?

00:39:22.072 --> 00:39:27.777
Encourage people to be themselves and be who they are and not feel like they have to fit into some mold.

00:39:27.777 --> 00:39:34.242
I think when I was you know your age and younger that was really important that you like fit in Right.

00:39:34.322 --> 00:39:36.724
And now I look at it and it's like who would want to fit in?

00:39:36.724 --> 00:39:37.505
That's terrible.

00:39:37.505 --> 00:39:38.606
Be unique.

00:39:38.606 --> 00:39:42.452
Be who you are you know.

00:39:42.452 --> 00:39:43.000
Bring your flair to things.

00:39:43.000 --> 00:39:43.465
Who wants to everybody.

00:39:43.465 --> 00:39:43.708
Be the same.

00:39:43.708 --> 00:39:45.556
That who you are, you know bring your flair to things.

00:39:45.556 --> 00:39:46.338
Who wants to everybody be the same.

00:39:46.338 --> 00:39:47.664
That's so boring, you know how do you encourage that, though.

00:39:47.664 --> 00:39:55.173
You know I see all of your friends and all of your, the people that you pal around with, and I think all of them are doing their own thing, you know which is awesome.

00:39:55.193 --> 00:39:56.135
They're all individuals.

00:39:56.135 --> 00:40:00.474
They all have their own uh, styles, their own all of the things, which is awesome.

00:40:00.474 --> 00:40:08.851
So I'm assuming that you guys just encourage that, without even realizing that you really do, by not bullying each other or by not making fun of each other.

00:40:08.851 --> 00:40:15.353
But is there something else that you do that kind of would fit into that category or not really just be who you are?

00:40:16.235 --> 00:40:17.257
Like I hear you encouraging.

00:40:17.378 --> 00:40:20.653
I hear you encouraging other people, other kids and other like whatever.

00:40:20.653 --> 00:40:23.601
It's pretty impressive to listen to from the outside.

00:40:23.601 --> 00:40:24.081
I know you're.

00:40:24.081 --> 00:40:26.277
I know now, as I'm asking you, like, what do you do?

00:40:26.277 --> 00:40:27.735
I'm putting you on the spot, right.

00:40:27.809 --> 00:40:50.840
But like I watch you, it's hard to think of like an exact moment, but I mean, I think just, rather than telling someone, I think just being yourself is the best way to like show someone that they can be themselves too, like you can talk, put yourself in uncomfortable situations and be yourself.

00:40:50.840 --> 00:40:53.778
Other people will see that and they'll take that away from that.

00:40:53.778 --> 00:40:56.358
So I feel like actions speak louder than words.

00:40:56.670 --> 00:40:59.038
It's almost like leading with vulnerability is what it feels like.

00:40:59.038 --> 00:40:59.679
Yeah, yeah.

00:40:59.679 --> 00:41:02.956
By putting yourself in uncomfortable situations and being yourself.

00:41:02.956 --> 00:41:05.202
Yeah Right, yeah, like that's cool.

00:41:05.202 --> 00:41:06.224
Yeah.

00:41:06.224 --> 00:41:14.891
Also, the other thing that I think you have in spades is you're very complimentary of other people, you're a good cheerleader, you're a good motivator.

00:41:14.891 --> 00:41:25.052
You know, I watch you on the sports teams that you're on and you're that guy that's always like encouraging people and lifting them up and I watch that and I think that's an excellent skill.

00:41:25.052 --> 00:41:25.853
Right.

00:41:25.853 --> 00:41:27.757
Like, I do that for a living.

00:41:28.418 --> 00:41:43.291
That's what I do for a living, you know, which I absolutely love Because I think you know, when people realize that that feeds your soul instead of being the negative person or the person that's, you know, talking about somebody behind their back or or whatever, don't do that.

00:41:43.291 --> 00:41:45.097
That nobody, that doesn't make anybody feel good.

00:41:45.097 --> 00:41:46.561
You know what is that.

00:41:46.561 --> 00:41:47.271
What is it saying?00:41:47.271 --> 00:41:51.077


Um, say bad things to my face, but say good things behind my back.00:41:51.077 --> 00:41:51.639


You know what I mean.00:41:51.639 --> 00:41:55.472


I want my friends to be able to tell me the hard stuff to my face, but behind my back.00:41:55.472 --> 00:41:58.181


There's not a single person in my life.00:41:58.181 --> 00:41:58.871


That isn't somebody.00:41:58.871 --> 00:41:59.976


That is my hype person.00:42:00.438 --> 00:42:02.436


You know, that says good things behind my back.00:42:02.436 --> 00:42:04.617


That doesn't mean there's not bad things to say about me.00:42:04.617 --> 00:42:05.278


Of course there is.00:42:05.278 --> 00:42:20.860


But you know, and really fostering that within your friend group, because if you stand for having friends that are talking crap about other kids and whatever you're, just you're, you're complicit with them, you know.00:42:20.860 --> 00:42:25.376


So, being able to really foster an environment with your group of encouraging other people and, you know, letting them be them and and all of that, I think that's awesome.00:42:25.376 --> 00:42:27.431


I think it's easier to do with boys than it is with girls.00:42:27.431 --> 00:42:29.454


You know so, pretty happy you're a boy.00:42:29.454 --> 00:42:30.255


The two, the two girls almost broke me.00:42:30.255 --> 00:42:30.956


So I'm pretty happy you're a boy.00:42:30.956 --> 00:42:33.099


The two girls almost broke me, you know.00:42:33.099 --> 00:42:35.943


So, being what feels like on easy street.00:42:35.943 --> 00:42:36.764


I appreciate you.00:42:36.764 --> 00:42:40.534


I always knew you would be, but thank you, let's see.00:42:40.534 --> 00:42:44.083


You notice a classmate who seems really lonely and upset.00:42:44.083 --> 00:42:48.686


They're not someone you normally talk to.00:42:48.726 --> 00:42:51.958


How would you handle it Like how close am I with this classmate?00:42:51.978 --> 00:42:53.525


You're not, you're not, not atmate, you're not.00:42:53.525 --> 00:42:54.409


You're not, not at all, you're not.00:42:54.409 --> 00:42:57.719


You see someone and they look like they're lonely and upset.00:42:57.719 --> 00:42:59.797


You just walk on by or you do something about it.00:42:59.797 --> 00:43:01.614


Be honest, because if it's, you know.00:43:02.255 --> 00:43:03.018


God is watching.00:43:03.018 --> 00:43:09.742


I'm going to be honest, I think sometimes I've definitely just passed and moved on.00:43:09.742 --> 00:43:14.211


Okay, because you know, I don't really know this person Certain times.00:43:14.211 --> 00:43:18.583


I mean, I feel like there's been like a few times where I've like asked someone if they're good.00:43:18.583 --> 00:43:23.327


But I mean, in a situation if you're like you know, are you good, they'll just be like yeah, I'm fine.00:43:23.327 --> 00:43:23.668


Yeah.00:43:23.668 --> 00:43:27.918


Because people aren't going to like open up to a random stranger, Right?00:43:27.918 --> 00:43:29.862


So you.00:43:29.862 --> 00:43:30.824


So I'm going to be honest.00:43:30.844 --> 00:43:41.847


I've definitely passed, definitely passed, and by okay alright, let's see a group of friends wants to do something you're not comfortable with, like skipping school or breaking a rule.00:43:41.847 --> 00:43:45.317


They tell you it's no big deal and everybody does it.00:43:45.317 --> 00:43:46.018


What would you do?00:43:46.398 --> 00:43:48.623


don't do it don't do it simple as that.00:43:48.623 --> 00:43:50.275


They're skipping school.00:43:50.275 --> 00:43:53.914


Go to class, let them skip, you know you're having a Simple as that.00:43:53.934 --> 00:43:54.514


They're skipping school.00:43:54.514 --> 00:43:57.518


Go to class, let them skip you know You're having a hard time making eye contact right now, boss.00:43:57.518 --> 00:43:59.603


No, I'm not, I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding.00:44:00.184 --> 00:44:00.643


I'm just kidding.00:44:00.643 --> 00:44:01.144


Okay, let's see.00:44:01.144 --> 00:44:07.476


You see someone being bullied at school, but the bully is popular and you're worried about becoming a target if you speak up.00:44:07.476 --> 00:44:08.217


What would you do?00:44:08.217 --> 00:44:15.532


Defend them you do defend them like this.00:44:15.532 --> 00:44:16.155


I know you would defend him.00:44:16.155 --> 00:44:17.902


I believe that yeah, I believe that I've watched that happen.00:44:17.902 --> 00:44:19.226


Yeah, I've watched that happen with you and it's again.00:44:19.226 --> 00:44:20.331


It's impressive to me.00:44:20.331 --> 00:44:22.956


I want to defend the underdog, like for me.00:44:23.016 --> 00:44:37.876


That's that's important to me in life yeah you know, yeah, I feel like, if I mean, I feel like the popular, if, like they're a popular kid, that shouldn't, that shouldn't matter, like whoever's bullying them, you should defend them, no matter who it?00:44:37.876 --> 00:44:39.858


Is, it could be the president for all.00:44:39.858 --> 00:44:42.721


I care Like you should stick up for them, no matter what.00:44:42.721 --> 00:44:48.445


Okay, I feel like their status shouldn't take an effect to that.00:44:48.806 --> 00:44:59.440


Right, that's not the important part of that, but definitely standing up for somebody, yeah, yeah.00:44:59.460 --> 00:45:01.206


Do you remember the last time you did stand up for somebody and what that felt like?00:45:01.206 --> 00:45:01.708


I don't, I don't remember.00:45:01.708 --> 00:45:01.949


That's okay.00:45:01.949 --> 00:45:02.250


That's okay.00:45:02.250 --> 00:45:03.512


It's a lot of put.00:45:03.572 --> 00:45:08.815


it's a lot of putting you on the spot, so I don't want you to feel like you know, I don't want you to feel uncomfortable about that.00:45:08.815 --> 00:45:11.561


I mean mildly uncomfortable, but not too uncomfortable.00:45:11.601 --> 00:45:12.222


I'm feeling great.00:45:12.443 --> 00:45:13.123


Okay, are you?00:45:13.123 --> 00:45:14.967


You're good, you're doing great so far.00:45:14.967 --> 00:45:16.550


Thanks, yeah, you're doing excellent.00:45:16.550 --> 00:45:23.092


Okay, now we're going to a couple more questions here and I again I don't know who these came from.00:45:23.092 --> 00:45:24.278


I have a team of people.00:45:24.278 --> 00:45:26.851


They put this together and now I'm just reading questions.00:45:26.851 --> 00:45:30.536


All right, what is your fondest memory of each of your parents?00:45:30.536 --> 00:45:34.103


It doesn't have to be your fondest, it could be just a fond memory.00:45:34.103 --> 00:45:35.925


What does fondest mean?00:45:35.925 --> 00:45:42.335


I'm not speaking teenager Best memories, like what's a memory of you and dad?00:45:42.335 --> 00:45:43.900


That's like that sticks out to you.00:45:44.090 --> 00:45:45.567


Yeah, it can be something that just sticks out.00:45:45.588 --> 00:45:47.521


Yeah, yeah fondest or sticks out.00:45:47.521 --> 00:45:49.635


All right, fondest equals sticks out.00:45:55.150 --> 00:45:59.077


No, it'll be like a good memory, but I mean, I definitely have a lot of great memories with Dad.00:45:59.077 --> 00:46:04.726


I feel like any time where it's just like him and me, you excluded no offense.00:46:06.230 --> 00:46:06.630


It's none taken.00:46:06.630 --> 00:46:15.952


But I feel like any times where it's just Dad and I, where we can like bond, are like good times, like especially like.00:46:15.952 --> 00:46:21.744


The most obvious answers would be like fishing and like hunting and all that.00:46:21.744 --> 00:46:35.474


But I think just like going to Coronado, being able to throw the football at him run routes while he throws, even though his shoulders like messed up, he's still out there throwing with me, which is, yeah, it's a good feeling.00:46:35.474 --> 00:46:39.943


So I think just like just being with him is good times.00:46:39.943 --> 00:46:50.831


Or like sitting in the living room with him while he's like watching a movie with him, like, let's say, you're on a girl's trip, just we will both sleep on the couch.00:46:50.831 --> 00:46:51.472


I feel like that's.00:46:53.333 --> 00:46:53.813


At our house.00:46:53.813 --> 00:46:57.896


If I'm not home, it's a sleepover in the living room.00:46:57.896 --> 00:46:59.936


Yeah, which is awesome.00:46:59.936 --> 00:47:01.117


Yeah, which is awesome.00:47:01.137 --> 00:47:10.521


But I think definitely like just those special moments where, let's say, you're on a girl's trip or you're not home and we have like we can just talk yeah.00:47:10.541 --> 00:47:11.242


It's good.00:47:11.242 --> 00:47:12.083


I love that.00:47:12.242 --> 00:47:16.244


Yeah, and then best memory with you right now is pretty good.00:47:16.244 --> 00:47:17.166


This is pretty fun, oh.00:47:17.226 --> 00:47:17.766


I love it.00:47:17.766 --> 00:47:19.827


Yeah, this is a good one for me too.00:47:20.407 --> 00:47:30.157


But I don't know, I feel like it's definitely a lot harder with you, like sitting right here, like with dad, it's easy, but like here, it's like I don't know what to say right, that's okay.00:47:30.157 --> 00:47:57.418


This, this is a good answer for right now but again, just like any any time where dad isn't there, I feel like if it's just you and the one other person, it's easier to bond you know yeah um, but I can't really think of like any really specific time okay, no, this is a good one, this is a good one I feel like my favorite is definitely like or here's a good one that sticks out.00:47:57.438 --> 00:48:05.364


It's just like when we were going to before I could drive still, and you take me to school every day at coca nina, where it's like 30 minute drive.00:48:05.364 --> 00:48:09.021


I feel like just those car rides like talking um, just like our.00:48:09.021 --> 00:48:14.541


I feel like our conversations are always like good yeah you know, I feel like we never really have like bad or like our conversations are always good.00:48:14.541 --> 00:48:16.369


Yeah, I feel like we never really have bad or dry conversations.00:48:16.528 --> 00:48:21.760


No, full of everything is our conversations, for certain.00:48:21.969 --> 00:48:37.465


I feel like car rides are especially going to school and coming back definitely good bonding moments, so I feel like that's definitely a good memory I had a hard time when, when you started driving, not because of being worried about you.00:48:37.525 --> 00:48:38.269


You're an excellent driver.00:48:38.269 --> 00:48:43.802


You're the best driver in our family yeah uh, undoubtedly like I think everyone knows that.00:48:43.802 --> 00:48:50.014


Um, but yeah, I had a hard time with that just because I wasn't going to have the opportunities to be able to spend.00:48:50.014 --> 00:48:57.717


I mean, it was at a minimum an hour a day because it was 30 minutes in, 30 minutes out, yeah, sometimes more, depending on if there were sports stuff.00:48:57.717 --> 00:49:00.759


But yeah, that was important time that I lost.00:49:00.880 --> 00:49:05.199


Yeah, now it's like when I get to ride with you.00:49:05.199 --> 00:49:09.434


You cherish those moments more you do, by the way, I need a ride home from work today.00:49:09.554 --> 00:49:10.217


I got you.00:49:10.217 --> 00:49:14.411


Yeah, brittany and Thomas have my car, okay.00:49:14.411 --> 00:49:16.992


What do you admire most about each of them?00:49:16.992 --> 00:49:20.076


By each of them, it means your dad and I, that's a great question.00:49:20.076 --> 00:49:21.737


Yeah, is there something that sticks out?00:49:21.737 --> 00:49:24.659


And again, if these are like, put you on the spot, it's no problems.00:49:24.659 --> 00:49:27.001


You can say pass, that doesn't make you.00:49:27.001 --> 00:49:30.445


We know that there's things that you admire about us.00:49:30.445 --> 00:49:32.666


It's not like if you don't have something that jumps out.00:49:32.967 --> 00:49:35.353


Yeah, I'll start with Dad again.00:49:35.353 --> 00:49:39.914


Okay, I don't know the thing I admire about him most.00:49:39.914 --> 00:49:41.518


Actually, I'll start with you.00:49:41.518 --> 00:49:43.262


Okay, yours is easier.00:49:43.262 --> 00:49:43.722


Okay.00:49:43.722 --> 00:49:45.335


It's definitely how hard you work.00:49:45.335 --> 00:49:50.255


You're by far the hardest working person I know Excellent, so that definitely sticks out.00:49:50.255 --> 00:49:57.277


I'm trying to like strive to be like that every day.00:49:57.277 --> 00:50:01.463


You know, um like, let's say, I lift, go to the gym, come back and it's like I don't want it.00:50:01.463 --> 00:50:02.713


I don't really want to clean my room.00:50:02.733 --> 00:50:29.983


It's like there's always more you can do, like you can always work harder um because, yeah, I definitely get that from you because I remember I think it was back when we were like moving to Flag and you were in the, you were, I think someone from KMI got fired and they weren't doing their job and you were cleaning up like the past two months and you were in the office at like 3 am and you left at like 10 pm and it's like I don't know how you do it.00:50:30.003 --> 00:50:31.188


It's savage and it's like I don't know how you do it.00:50:31.188 --> 00:50:33.195


It's savage, it's savage, it's impressive.00:50:33.195 --> 00:50:33.617


Thank you.00:50:36.210 --> 00:50:38.757


Dad also very hard worker.00:50:38.757 --> 00:50:39.880


I'd say, you're a harder worker.00:50:40.159 --> 00:50:40.440


We know.00:50:42.313 --> 00:50:42.653


Yeah.00:50:42.673 --> 00:50:44.438


Your dad knows, I know everybody knows.00:50:44.617 --> 00:50:45.559


But dad definitely.00:50:45.579 --> 00:50:46.161


And that's okay.00:50:46.161 --> 00:50:48.496


He's cuter than I am, so it works out really well.00:50:49.489 --> 00:51:06.722


Yeah, I still admire dad's hard work and like grit through everything um, but I'd say the most inspiring about him it's just like I don't know he's, he's like toughness you know um and I feel like recently you've been working on softening him up.00:51:06.742 --> 00:51:08.851


We don't call it softening, we call it um.00:51:08.851 --> 00:51:10.775


What did we call it crap?00:51:13.378 --> 00:51:20.436


uh, sharpening sharpening that stuff, you know like more fine tuning, because he didn't he didn't like the softening.00:51:21.097 --> 00:51:24.954


Yeah, you and I both know it's softening, yeah so and he doesn't listen to the podcast.00:51:24.954 --> 00:51:28.731


So we can say that uh, you know the no one wants to be this.00:51:28.731 --> 00:51:35.610


You know, uh, 50, 60 year old man, he's just like you know angry and like bitter and pissed off.00:51:35.610 --> 00:51:40.952


That's not a good look on anybody you know, and so uh know that if you're that guy you can change.00:51:40.952 --> 00:51:42.054


It's okay, you know.00:51:42.054 --> 00:51:43.378


So yeah, I work on.00:51:43.818 --> 00:51:55.858


I work on him yeah, I mean, I feel like he can still be like very tough and like, sure, still vulnerable and like not softer but, fine tuned, fine tuned.00:51:55.998 --> 00:51:57.514


Exactly, we're just fine tuning your dad.00:51:57.514 --> 00:52:01.293


I've got a lot of energy and work into your dad, so I want to want to keep that going.00:52:01.472 --> 00:52:01.713


Yeah.00:52:01.994 --> 00:52:03.358


So, yeah, pretty fun.00:52:03.358 --> 00:52:09.141


Um, what is your favorite thing to do with your parents, separately and together as a family?00:52:13.409 --> 00:52:14.936


Okay, can I answer now?00:52:14.936 --> 00:52:15.297


Yeah?00:52:15.297 --> 00:52:22.976


All right, I feel like with dad just anything outdoors my favorite thing, with him probably throwing the football.00:52:23.157 --> 00:52:24.201


Yeah, a good one.00:52:24.590 --> 00:52:27.396


Fishing close second and I put hunting at three.00:52:27.396 --> 00:52:32.034


Then with you, I don't know, I like just talking to you.00:52:32.034 --> 00:52:32.637


I don't know, just hanging out.00:52:32.637 --> 00:52:37.199


Yeah, I don't know, I, I like just talking to you, I don't know, just hanging out, yeah, um, I don't know.00:52:37.199 --> 00:52:43.876


I feel like our like, like I said earlier, when with like the memories part, like our conversations are always like really good.00:52:43.898 --> 00:52:59.393


They're excellent you know they're always pretty in depth and I feel like, and I feel like just talking to you makes me learn more, Even if we're not talking about informational stuff.00:52:59.454 --> 00:53:00.155


It helps me learn more mentally.00:53:00.155 --> 00:53:01.396


You know I was talking with Amanda.00:53:01.396 --> 00:53:01.918


You know Amanda at KMI.00:53:01.938 --> 00:53:02.800


She's on the podcast.00:53:02.800 --> 00:53:12.396


She was talking about having an exit interview, her performance interviews with your kiddos and letting them give you feedback, and so you're coming up to 18.00:53:12.396 --> 00:53:21.112


Are there things that you might have suggestions for your dad and I about parenting, or advice that you would give to parents in general?00:53:21.112 --> 00:53:39.221


Right, if you look at your things that your friends have going on with their parents, or you know things that maybe us as parents are out to lunch about, or, you know, do you have any advice for either us specifically as parents or just parents in general of kiddos for how we could be doing things better?00:53:39.610 --> 00:53:42.260


I feel like you and Dad did pretty solid.00:53:42.260 --> 00:53:48.623


So I'm going to say this for more general parenting advice.00:53:48.623 --> 00:54:24.809


I know we were talking about it earlier on the podcast, but like, like just installing good, like values and morals in your kid, I feel like that's what parenting should be, is like, obviously you're there to like provide for them, but I think the more important part is nurturing them and like nurturing them and like trying to think of the right way to say it, but just like helping them mentally grow like not just um grow up into adults without any help.00:54:24.829 --> 00:54:36.217


You know, I feel like with parents, um kind of just teaching their kids about important values, like not to compare themselves to others or just whatever it may be.00:54:36.257 --> 00:54:53.878


I feel like just good morals, good values, that's like the most important part as a parent, like most important role I look at that and I think a lot of times parents are trying to um take away the pain for their kiddos or take away uncomfortable stuff, and to me I don't think you're setting your kids up for success by doing that.00:54:54.030 --> 00:54:57.820


You need to have your kids go through those uncomfortable experiences so that they can like grow.00:54:57.820 --> 00:54:58.262


You do.00:54:58.262 --> 00:55:00.297


As a parent and be prepared for the world.00:55:00.297 --> 00:55:01.775


Like as a parent, you're.00:55:01.775 --> 00:55:13.771


You're preparing your kid to be a parent you know, and to grow up and not live at the house and Right and to handle life.00:55:13.791 --> 00:55:14.978


Yeah, right, like I want you to be able to go when you go off.00:55:14.978 --> 00:55:16.003


You know the girls and being able to handle things.00:55:16.003 --> 00:55:18.577


I want you guys to be able to handle anything that comes your way and I'm still here.00:55:18.577 --> 00:55:21.208


I'm still here to be able to help with things or or whatever.00:55:21.208 --> 00:55:42.083


But if I, if I, spend your entire childhood taking away things that are uncomfortable for you, making certain that no one you know looks at you the wrong way or says the wrong thing to you, or that no teachers do anything that might hurt your feelings or like all of these things, you're not setting your children up to be successful adults, you know, having it set up so that it's like okay, how did that make you feel?00:55:42.083 --> 00:55:44.152


Let's get curious about that.00:55:44.152 --> 00:55:44.494


How?00:55:44.534 --> 00:55:46.338


did you handle that what's the right way?00:55:46.338 --> 00:55:55.043


You know I brag you up all the time about your emotional intelligence and your communication, but I think a big part of that is just the fact that we do talk about everything at our house.00:55:55.043 --> 00:56:04.418


And how did that make you feel, what did that bring up for you and really being able to be intelligent about your emotions and why you feel the way that you do about stuff.00:56:05.572 --> 00:56:08.721


That kind of adds on other advice for parents.00:56:09.311 --> 00:56:28.159


Just have a very honest kind of open household you and Dad do a great job of that I feel like I can talk to you guys about anything yeah so I feel like that's, um, like a very important thing as a parent is to like set boundaries with your kids where you guys are comfortable enough to talk about whatever.00:56:28.159 --> 00:56:32.190


Um, because it like being a parent.00:56:32.190 --> 00:56:37.516


It shouldn't be like all about making your kid's life super easy and spoiling them.00:56:37.516 --> 00:56:44.400


It's about, like you said, having them go through hard experiences so that they can learn and be ready for the real world.00:56:44.550 --> 00:56:49.349


Right helping them navigate that stuff instead of taking everything away so that they don't have to do that.00:56:49.349 --> 00:56:56.603


I think as parents, we've done a pretty bang-up job, over-correct correcting for some of our own childhoods and that's not the right thing either.00:56:56.789 --> 00:57:01.771


You know there has to be a middle ground of allowing your kiddos to still deal with challenges and how we're.00:57:01.771 --> 00:57:04.721


How are they going to handle that and really be able to fine tune that stuff?00:57:04.721 --> 00:57:13.751


You know, helping them walk through anxiety and do the hard things anyways, even if they're hard, you know things are not.00:57:13.751 --> 00:57:14.152


Life isn't easy.00:57:14.152 --> 00:57:14.914


No one said it was going to be.00:57:14.914 --> 00:57:15.094


You know.00:57:15.094 --> 00:57:21.664


So to be able to, to really help your kiddos navigate whatever it is that they come across, instead of taking it away from them, let them keep it.00:57:21.664 --> 00:57:27.791


Help them figure out how to move through that, whatever it looks like, that's, that's the more important thing, I think you know.00:57:27.811 --> 00:57:27.951


Yeah.00:57:28.391 --> 00:57:29.833


So that's exciting.00:57:29.833 --> 00:57:41.722


I would parents and this will be my, may I suggest for this week foster a household that is willing to talk about anything.00:57:42.282 --> 00:57:42.503


Yeah.00:57:42.990 --> 00:57:44.376


And be the one that starts with that.00:57:45.190 --> 00:57:54.793


Be the one that leads with vulnerability with your kiddos, yeah exactly, I think, if you want your kids to open up, opening up to them, you have to like, like.00:57:54.793 --> 00:58:01.114


Like I said earlier, actions speak louder than words, so just telling them isn't going to work, but you actually doing that.00:58:01.114 --> 00:58:02.398


Opening up is like.00:58:02.398 --> 00:58:07.934


I think that is the most important yeah, no, I again.00:58:08.175 --> 00:58:09.277


I will go back to this.00:58:09.277 --> 00:58:13.998


This is why we're sitting on this couch and doing these things is leading with vulnerability, is everything.00:58:13.998 --> 00:58:17.119


And your kids don't need to think that you're perfect and that you did everything right.00:58:17.119 --> 00:58:19.536


Obviously I'm not faking it very well.00:58:19.536 --> 00:58:20.070


You can see.00:58:20.090 --> 00:58:30.115


you have a front row seat at watching life as I navigate that Sometimes it's not pretty and that's okay, right, I mean, I think it's important not to hide that kind of stuff from you.00:58:30.115 --> 00:58:32.762


So, yeah, so that's for this week.00:58:32.762 --> 00:58:41.835


May I suggest Fostering with your kiddos more communication at home, whether that's everybody puts your phones away for dinner time or whatever that looks like.00:58:41.835 --> 00:58:48.061


It can look like different things in everybody's household, but fostering more conversations at home so that your kiddos feel more comfortable.00:58:48.061 --> 00:58:51.038


So that's our time for today.00:58:51.038 --> 00:58:53.731


Thank you so much, w Wiley, for coming and chatting with me.00:58:53.731 --> 00:58:56.724


I really appreciate it for everybody at home.00:58:56.724 --> 00:58:59.210


If you have questions or suggestions, send us an email.00:58:59.210 --> 00:59:14.318


Our email address is ladies at letsgetnakedpodcastcom, and then please do all the things to support the podcast so that we can reach more people, and that is following, sharing, rating and reviewing, and with that we'll catch you next time.00:59:14.318 --> 00:59:15.001


That's a wrap.00:59:15.001 --> 00:59:24.277


I'd love to help you get vulnerable.00:59:24.277 --> 00:59:25.380


Let's get naked.