Celebrating Women's Voices and Transformative Bonds

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I'd love to help you get vulnerable.

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Let's get naked.

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Welcome to the let's Get Naked podcast.

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Today, I'm getting naked again with my friend, amanda.

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She was actually the first podcast that we aired.

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She was not the first podcast that we recorded, but we felt like the one that we recorded and was the first one that we released was so powerful that we wanted to have her back to talk a little bit about her experience with that, as well as some of the other things that we've discussed after the fact that are really great, to piggyback on that.

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Amanda is an incredible person who has had such an impact in my life and the lives of other people that are in our circle, and she has a lot of great stuff to share, and so I just wanted to have her back on.

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I did realize this morning that it is her birthday today, which is awesome.

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So happy birthday to Amanda, but I'm going to turn it over to her so that she can kind of share a little bit about recording the first episode, what that looked like when it was released and kind of some of the stuff that came up for her during that.

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So welcome, amanda, and the floor is yours, thank you.

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My grandpa would say you're 29 again, right?

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Yes, grandpa, yes, I am.

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Yeah, thank you for having me again.

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It was a very unique experience the first time, and even more unique listening to it back, and our conversation was just so effortless.

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It felt like and I almost felt like we owe our audience to say that came with some really hard work.

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Yeah, it did, you know, and those types of conversations aren't often effortless unless you have someone that likes to geek out on the work like you do.

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Yeah, exactly.

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Well, and I think that's worth noting is that was a big conversation for you and for I both to have, and so that was why I felt like it was really important to be the first episode.

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It sets the tone for what let's Get Naked represents to me and to the people that are involved in putting it together.

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You know it's these are not light and fluffy conversations that we are having, but I think they are important to have.

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You know, I was mentioning earlier about my beautiful niece Creighton, who is my biggest cheerleader, and I adore her Listening to her talk about how that impacts her to be able to listen to this.

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This is what we're doing.

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We're raising the next generation of girls.

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We're giving them the tools to be able to stand up for themselves, and you know it's important.

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It's important work that we're doing and so, yes, you and I can have uncomfortable conversations and I encourage people to come on and have more uncomfortable conversations, but I think it's powerful and if we can lean into that discomfort and it benefits our younger generations or other women in our generations, it doesn't even matter, it's worth it.

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Absolutely, even just acknowledging the personal work one has to do to be able to have that conversation.

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You know we may want to unburden ourselves immediately that that was a lot of hard work, and I was listening to myself back and I was like, okay, amanda, you made that sound pretty effortless and it's not.

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And that was one thing that I'm like okay if we get a repeat of someone that wants to listen to my number two.

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I wanted to point out that that came with a lot of grit, a lot of painful lessons, and I almost felt like we've arrived towards like the end of the kids, you know, stay with us, as you know, 18 and under, and we just finally got it, you know.

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And so what feels more effortless now was a lot of painful lessons for the first, however many years until we did figure it out.

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Yeah, you know, chore charts, rules, anything like that Anthony and I co-parenting.

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That came with a lot of painful experiences too for us to arrive at a very healthy place that we've been at for many years, but how beautiful to be able to be at this place now right, absolutely, we've been at for many years, but how beautiful to be able to be at this place now.

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right For us to be able to sit in these chairs and have these conversations that other people are able to listen to and hopefully you know.

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Take some nuggets from and be, able to feel less alone and to feel like, hey, you know, in us being vulnerable enough to talk about the messy things, I think, hopefully, that that helps other people be able to do that.

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You know, I think they're important conversations, so I'm happy to have people that are willing to stand up here naked with me and say the things, because it is a lot of work.

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You know, these are things that we say that I have not always been able to have with a solid voice, you know, and I tell my daughters and I tell other women, like speak your truth, even if your voice shakes Absolutely you know, and I, and I tell my daughters and I tell other women, like, speak your truth even if your voice shakes.

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You know absolutely.

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And so, being able to do that, enough, leading up to this point where, um, I've done the crying, I've done the, you know the voice shaking and all of the things, and now I know that this is my truth and this is my power, and, uh, and I'm happy to share that with other women because I feel like it really means so much to the people that are plugged into it and want to do the work.

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Yes, I also loved how you pointed out Wiley's emotional intelligence.

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Yeah.

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Because a lot of men in today's society have not been supported with their emotions or even taught that they're okay.

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And having young men yours, I agree with the same thing with my boys is they're so.

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And and having young men yours, I agree with the same the same thing with my boys is they're so emotionally intelligent, and knowing that there's that generation of young men being raised by aware parents is everything yeah, and he's actually going to be the guest on next week's show.

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How exciting, yeah, and he's.

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You know we will.

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We will dive into what that looked like from his angle, as far as having a mom that was struggling with alcoholism and I'm going to allow him to ask me whatever he wants and that feels super vulnerable and, again, leading with it and hoping that that sparks things for other people to be able to have conversations.

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You know, to me there's no conversations in my house that are off limits with my family and I will answer as honestly as I can and I'm excited that he's excited to be able to come on and share that because he is, I hope, an example to other people In his generation younger, older, it doesn't even matter.

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But, like you said, emotional intelligence in men, I think, is even harder than it is for women, but so important because you can really boss your life if you, if you have a handle on your emotions, you know, in such a beautiful way.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, going back to the reasons why we do this work and everything, I did just get to experience an amazing moment with my daughter in Manhattan last weekend.

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We went, for it was her 16th birthday trip and it was delayed about six months because she was doing performances in April this year, and so we pushed it to the fall and the weather was beautiful, Like everything was really perfect about the setting and her and I being there together.

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It was her first trip to New York.

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I used to live there for many years, moved there when I was 15 under not great circumstances.

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It was me dying to leave home.

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It was my mom saying okay, sure, you can go to Manhattan at 15 and live with two strangers, and you know it's like.

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Have fun.

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And so being there with my 16 year old under different circumstances, with the love and support of her mom and dad dad wasn't with us but supporting the trip, being there to look at colleges she had taken NYU off of her application list and and's like I still want to see it, though Mom and we didn't get down to the campus on the first or second day, I don't believe, but I was watching her fall in love with the city for those first two days, watching her wheels turn and she was like a natural, navigating the streets and everything.

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It is really packed on the streets in Manhattan and so weaving through all the people and the traffic and not skipping a beat.

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I was watching her fall in love with it in a very similar way that I did, which was really cool, and we got to the.

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I want to say it was the final day.

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It might have been the final evening that we were there and she goes.

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Mom, can I ask you an honest question?

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She's like you know, really give me your honest feedback.

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And I was like, yes, of course.

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She's like can you see me here?

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And that was like a gut punch and excitement all in one is because, yes, I can see her there and at the same time, my baby's going to be 17 when she graduates and 17 when she heads off to college, and that's still very young to me, um and, but I can see her there and and knowing that if she does end up at NYU or Pace university or she's applied to a couple of Boston colleges, it's different, it's a different story, it's a different chapter.

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And my heart's racing right now because I've never been as proud of myself as I have been today.

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I got to have my boys there a couple of years ago as well to look at schools, and it was just like turning a chapter, closing a book to a lot of pain and to allow my daughter to see me in a lot of authenticity.

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Yeah, I love the cultural diversity in some of our major cities in the US, new York being one of them, but New York was where I found myself and her and my son Hendrix both really connected with the city and that mass amount of cultural diversity and that was everything to me.

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Were you able to I think you mentioned previously you were able to share some stuff with her about some of your experience that you had had in New York and what was that like for you?

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And how did she receive that?

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We actually she doesn't.

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She doesn't ask too many questions other than tell me, tell me your story.

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You know, I think it's because she doesn't know how it's going to hit me the specific questions, but we actually did walk by where I was attacked.

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Yeah, specific questions, but we actually did walk by where I was attacked.

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Yeah, and that was a powerful experience.

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Yeah, A lot of that moment's gone now and that's the hard work that I've put in there.

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Yeah and not being so emotional there and having more strength and knowing that I have the support of my family through everything that I've been through, that I've allowed them to witness, you know for her to be there and see the play.

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I took my boys there as well because they know about that part of my past as well, and it wasn't charged anymore.

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It wasn't as charged.

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Isn't that beautiful, yeah.

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Like that's the work, that's where those?

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Things don't have power over you.

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You know there's no power in victimhood you know, and I think that that's the work.

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That's where those things don't have power over you.

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You know there's no power in victimhood.

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You know, and I think that that's amazing to be able to have done that work and say, yep, that's part of my story, but it doesn't define me, it doesn't control how I feel or what my actions are or any of those things.

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You know, you live your life to the fullest and don't let that hold you down.

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Absolutely.

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How was the?

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I'm curious to know what the reaction was to your you know your kiddos listening to the first podcast that aired, or you know maybe other people that are in your circle that maybe didn't know about some of that stuff.

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Did you get feedback from them on holy shit, that was big stuff, or was it kind of crickets or I?

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had a couple of people respond and and they were people that knew about my life and you know, oh my gosh, it's so amazing, but, um, my kids are not social media anything.

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They don't like to do any of that.

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So I don't know if they've listened to it.

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Okay, they've been sent it, but um, have not responded at all.

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Yeah, um, so I I tend to have to pull teeth a little bit especially with my two that don't live at home anymore.

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That was something for me.

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I was actually speaking with Julie last night.

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Julie is my therapist and God bless her.

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I was telling her last night right before our episode because I obviously knew what the content was that I called my parents and had a conversation with them and just said I had a harder time with my dad than I did with my mom in just telling them like there's some stuff that's going to be in this first episode that will be hard to hear and I don't want you to listen if it's going to bother you.

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But I want you to know that there's a lot of fucked up stuff that happened when I was a teenager and when I was young and I'm not uncomfortable about talking about that because of the fact that I believe that it has a huge impact on other women and young girls and really finding a place with your voice and all of the things.

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But that was a hard conversation to have with them, you know.

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And then that same evening I had a conversation with Wiley because Wiley is very excited about the podcast and he's such a good cheerleader for me and telling him there's stuff that will be part of that.

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That might be hard for you to hear, and I just want you to know that before it comes out so that you understand.

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And he says I said there's a lot of stuff that happened when I was young.

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And he said, you know, like being molested or like the R word, and I said all the things bud all the things you know.

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And, again, we talk about everything.

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He's 17 years old, he's a grown ass man, you know, and I'm not going to be shy about, you know, talking about those things with him.

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And I'm not shy with him about teaching him how to treat women and how, you know, respect is paramount and all of the things you know.

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I'm just, I'm not shy about talking with him about anything.

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And so I encourage parents to also embrace that, because I I was talking to somebody not that long ago and they said their, their child had asked a question and it made them uncomfortable and they pulled back and I'm like no, no, no, no, no.

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You can be uncomfortable after the conversation and you can go like go in your room afterwards and go what the fuck did we just say, but you stick in there and you have that conversation.

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If they will allow you to come to the table and have those conversations with them, don't even hesitate.

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You get right in there, you know, and if you're not willing to have them, send them to me.

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I'm willing to have all the conversations you know, I don't like that.

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I don't like that there's shame or quiet or stuff around topics because people aren't you know, aren't willing to have the difficult conversations.

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I will have all the difficult conversations.

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I will answer all the questions.

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I will give young girls all of the tools that I can, you know, to be able to do that.

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Belinda, would you do me a favor and get me that piece of paper that I gave to you?

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I brought something for the ladies today that I found oh yes, it is beautiful, it is beautiful and I would love to be able to read that for people that are at home.

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Thank you so much.

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I came across this the other day and I've actually printed it out and then I've been sending it out to some of the women in my group, because it's everything to me.

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It says teach your daughters to say no.

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Teach your daughters to raise their voices.

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Teach your daughters to make waves, to value safety over politeness, to yell fire instead of help.

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Teach your daughters to feel comfortable in their own bodies.

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Teach your daughters to live without shame.

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Teach your daughters to hit first, to bite back, to burn the world down when they are mistreated.

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Teach your daughters to out their abusers to be deadly serious, to be dangerous, to be sure to know what they want.

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Teach your daughters to take a stand, to be bold, to be brave.

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Teach your daughters to believe in a better world and then tell them they deserve one.

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Say you do not have to suffer like I have suffered.

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Say the legacy of girlhood does not have to be one of pain.

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And I have full body chills reading that because I just to my core.

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This is my mission now, you know, because I feel so strongly about raising these young girls.

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You know I have beautiful nieces and beautiful young women in my life, either my daughters or their friends, or, you know, wiley's girlfriend or whoever it is.

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We need to teach these girls that and you're not going to teach them that by being uncomfortable about having difficult conversations about either our stories and things that happened to us, how we handled those, because if you look at the amount of trauma that those things caused in your life, it doesn't have to be that way.

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Yes, it doesn't mean we're going to be able to stop everything, but being able to get help for young girls when things do happen, be able to tell them about things before that happens.

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You know I've always said you can't unring that bell right Like it.

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Once it's happened, it's happened, but let's remove the shame associated with it.

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Let's empower these young women.

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Let's have them talk to each other about it so that they can be supportive instead of uh, instead of not.

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you know, teach them how to hold space for each other, and and that us, as the older generation of women, will hold space as well.

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You know, I am a resource.

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I want the listeners to know that.

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Don't even hesitate to send me an email if there's something that I can do to be helpful or hold space for you or any of that.

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Because sexual trauma in women is.

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It is outrageous to know the percentage of women that have been affected by that and yet we still have.

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We're still throwing up those numbers.

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We're still not raising, you know, our, our men and our boys in the way that you know teaches them how to to act in those situations.

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We're still not raising our girls to be able to use their voices and to say no, you know, we need to be better about doing that and to to really step into your own and accept your agency in that and be able to use your voice at full volume.

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I love that.

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I love that this is the angle you're taking with the podcast, the work that you're choosing to do.

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You know this, not many people do because it's not like official.

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Official, I still have a polygraph test to take, but I am becoming a court-appointed special advocate for children in the foster system in Maricopa County.

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Yes, and I'm through every stage, but the polygraph, which isn't until January, just due to timing and what have you.

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But that's the work that I'm getting into as far as my you know, my personal time and volunteering for that, and I get to choose my own cases, which is wonderful because that is the avenue that I want to go down.

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There are young girls in the foster system that can't talk about their atrocious circumstances because of whatever trauma has been plaguing them and and I hope to be that bridge for them and that voice for them when you know they're trying to either get back to their family or stay away from their family.

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You know, no matter, trying to either get back to their family or stay away from their family.

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You know no matter what the circumstance Right.

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I'm so proud of you, I'm so proud of you.

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That's the kind of work that more of us need to be willing to do.

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You know, whether it's that or, however, it is right, being able to mentor a young woman who you see, or just being able to have conversations, be able to point young women in the directions or, you know, figure out what is age appropriate.

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I have a future guest that's coming on that is in that space as far as foster children and really helping them, and it's my intent to have her.

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She's a professional.

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I don't know the right direction to provide to parents about, like what's the right age to talk to your young girls, you know, but I want someone that does have that training and is that professional to be able to come on and say here's how I suggest you broach that situation.

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Because I talk to people who have young children and I say, have you had that conversation with them yet?

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And they say no, and it's like your kid is 10.

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And it doesn't have to just be girls, you know what I mean.

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It happens on all sides and I think by 10, we should have that conversation For sure.

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Do you know what I mean?

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For sure, and I don't want to give advice because I don't know what the you know, what I did in my house obviously was not what we would share with other people as far as direction, but I will bring on a professional that will be able to share as far as direction, but but I will bring on a professional that will be able to share.

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Here's the right times to have age appropriate conversations about that.

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So yeah and I, the kids were young, yeah, I couldn't even tell you how young, but the your body's your body.

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I mean that that was from as early as they could understand words, you know, or you know.

00:20:34.939 --> 00:20:42.164
Little kids explore their bodies too, and like I never wanted to hinder that, that was hindered for me it meant me as well, me as well.

00:20:42.846 --> 00:20:44.573
And so it's oh, we do this in our bedroom.

00:20:44.573 --> 00:20:50.135
Yeah, you know, and it's just standing up and walking them to their bedroom and you know, have fun, come out when you're done.

00:20:50.175 --> 00:20:51.057
Yeah, a thousand percent.

00:20:51.626 --> 00:20:52.351
And that's that.

00:20:52.351 --> 00:20:59.818
Yeah, and we tend to take away the natural things that come up for kids, yeah.

00:21:00.449 --> 00:21:03.888
And we were so ashamed and that's to me like no.

00:21:03.888 --> 00:21:10.200
We have to rewrite that script so that it isn't so much shame about your body and your sexuality and, like all of those things.

00:21:10.285 --> 00:21:11.590
We should be embracing those things.

00:21:11.590 --> 00:21:14.232
And again, age appropriate.

00:21:14.232 --> 00:21:19.840
Obviously there's things that are appropriate to be learning in your house and not uh, not from other people and that kind of stuff.

00:21:19.840 --> 00:21:28.250
But then we have to have parents that are willing to have those difficult conversations with their kiddos so that you know, if you're not going to have the conversation with them, who is do.

00:21:28.250 --> 00:21:28.752
You know what I mean?

00:21:28.752 --> 00:21:36.733
And once you rather have a difficult conversation, then know that your kids got to put themselves in a dangerous situation and potentially had something that you can't reverse Definitely.

00:21:36.753 --> 00:21:37.234
You know what I mean.

00:21:37.234 --> 00:21:43.519
Most of my conversations in those regards came from a man that was nine years older than me and at the age of 15.

00:21:43.519 --> 00:22:01.256
Right, exactly, and so, yes, I allowed that to be Bible for a really long time until I understood oh, okay, well, he's not a woman, he doesn't have the experience of a woman and, you know, and like, he did it out of the kindness of his heart because I didn't have anybody you know to do that with.

00:22:01.256 --> 00:22:08.955
But, um, you know, I think, even starting my period when I was 12 or 13, nothing yeah, no, we same, nothing same.

00:22:09.056 --> 00:22:13.541
There's not conversations that happen about that kind of stuff and it's like that's the most natural thing.

00:22:13.541 --> 00:22:21.942
One of the things that I'm really proud about with my daughters and with women in their, in this younger generation, is they are not shy about talking about their periods.

00:22:21.981 --> 00:22:33.644
They are not shy about talking whether there's boys around or girls around or it doesn't matter, and it's like yes, yes yes, that is exactly how it should be, because this is not something that's a just a me issue or a me problem.

00:22:33.644 --> 00:22:34.205
This is a.

00:22:34.205 --> 00:22:39.878
This is just human, uh, human nature, and there's nothing to be ashamed about as far as that's concerned.

00:22:39.878 --> 00:22:47.055
You know we need to have all of the conversations, so you know, yeah, embracing that and holding space for all of them.

00:22:47.244 --> 00:22:50.411
You know I have nieces and gals that are just.

00:22:50.411 --> 00:22:55.078
I look at them and I think, hell yes, Hell yes.

00:22:55.078 --> 00:23:01.451
You know I couldn't be more proud about them for really taking up the space and not feeling like they have to.

00:23:01.451 --> 00:23:08.798
And we all still deal with that, you know, no matter what, but they're just so much more advanced than we ever were when it came to that kind of stuff.

00:23:08.798 --> 00:23:10.082
Definitely, yeah.

00:23:10.683 --> 00:23:14.010
Yeah, I find myself today, so after.

00:23:14.010 --> 00:23:19.111
So it was two weekends ago that I was in New York with my daughter, not just this past weekend.

00:23:19.111 --> 00:23:39.385
And then Sunday just last Sunday was my bonus dad's birthday, who just passed away in June, and that kind of added a layer of grief into I don't know kind of this cathartic feeling that I've had since I came home into.

00:23:39.385 --> 00:23:41.769
I don't know kind of this cathartic feeling that I've had since I came home.

00:23:41.769 --> 00:23:44.034
It was like riding high at first and then it's like okay, there's life.

00:23:44.174 --> 00:24:06.013
And I've found myself doing a little bit of grieving for that 15 to 17 year old girl that had so much trauma from being in New York on her own and and realizing what the modeling industry did to my self-esteem, to just my, my self as a whole.

00:24:06.013 --> 00:24:13.409
Um, and then, knowing that that I well, my daughter's also in the entertainment industry, she's in performing arts.

00:24:13.409 --> 00:24:43.859
Um, she does musical theater and acting and directing, and so she'll enter a layer of that world as well and I'm so proud of her and the strength that she has and the way that she communicates her needs, even to me and it can be really hard when your kids communicate their needs to you, I can be a chatty Kathy sometimes and she'll be like mom, can we just not talk, you know?

00:24:43.941 --> 00:24:46.709
And it's like yes, because sometimes I don't know when to stop.

00:24:46.709 --> 00:24:51.548
You know, because I won't geek out with my kids all day long, as long as they'll let me.

00:24:51.548 --> 00:24:59.717
But to have that comforting relationship with them, to know that they can say whatever, it's like like yes, yeah you can lean into it.

00:25:00.346 --> 00:25:01.809
What does willis think about all of this?

00:25:01.809 --> 00:25:03.253
Willis is amanda's husband.

00:25:03.253 --> 00:25:04.156
What did he listen to?

00:25:04.156 --> 00:25:04.826
The episode?

00:25:04.826 --> 00:25:08.137
And I'm assuming he's listened to the episode or not.

00:25:08.137 --> 00:25:08.941
What is it with men?

00:25:09.301 --> 00:25:14.731
I yeah, I don't know, um, he he's one of my biggest fans.

00:25:14.731 --> 00:25:17.316
He just wants me to be out there and happy.

00:25:17.316 --> 00:25:22.493
And you know, uh, we have our our own struggles and and whatever.

00:25:22.493 --> 00:25:33.486
Um, communication tends to be like our hardest struggle, um, that we work on every day, but he's my biggest fan for healing the things and doing the things.

00:25:33.486 --> 00:25:34.769
He doesn't always want to hear about it.

00:25:34.769 --> 00:25:47.526
Um is the kind of person that he's an empath as well and so really feels deeply when his loved ones are hurting and that kind of takes him out of the ballgame.

00:25:47.526 --> 00:25:54.989
You know, he's like I can't, I can't be around this you know, and it just squeezes his heart a little bit too much.

00:25:55.269 --> 00:25:59.921
And so you know we go in layers with all of that his heart a little bit too much.

00:25:59.921 --> 00:26:07.746
And so you know we go in layers with all of that Um and and trying to more.

00:26:07.746 --> 00:26:16.391
So now it's just seeing how I come with a whole truckload of baggage and trauma and abuse and and for him to say I'm here and I support you the whole way through it, but I just can't, I can't hear about some of it.

00:26:16.391 --> 00:26:18.796
It just really really brings me down.

00:26:18.796 --> 00:26:25.709
I understand that, you know, and so trying to do my part and I want to be able to share everything with my husband, but we can't.

00:26:25.709 --> 00:26:28.719
No one person can be your everything.

00:26:28.819 --> 00:26:43.173
And and you know, like I mentioned at the beginning of of this show, um, our conversations are so effortless when, uh, you know, when we talk about this kind of thing, but with Willis it's not because he's running it through his mind, you know.

00:26:43.173 --> 00:27:19.174
And and the kid's dad was my other longest and most significant relationship and he would say you worry enough for me, you're angry enough for me, you know, and he's like you, you really, you take a lot of that stuff and and do what you do with it and it, you know, it allows me to process it a little bit more, and and so I feel like, as women, because we are a little bit more natural with our emotional intelligence, it takes we take some of that burden off of them which can kind of be burdensome to us a little bit sometimes too.

00:27:19.174 --> 00:27:20.938
Yeah, why do we do that?

00:27:21.377 --> 00:27:23.000
Why do we try to make that easier for them?

00:27:23.000 --> 00:27:35.214
Because I understand exactly what you're talking about in that and I almost feel like we shouldn't, and not because I don't want to make it easier for them, but in that, you know, I'll talk to Cameron about stuff and he's like I just can't get my head around that that even could happen.

00:27:35.214 --> 00:27:39.767
I'm like I that that even could happen.

00:27:39.767 --> 00:27:40.347
I'm like I understand that.

00:27:40.347 --> 00:27:43.676
But it's important for you to get your head around because it's it's it's very telling to why women are the way that they are.

00:27:43.676 --> 00:27:50.366
Right, I said, you know you go into a dark parking lot at the end of the night and the thing that you're worried about most is that you lost your keys.

00:27:50.366 --> 00:27:53.829
I'm worried that somebody is going to fucking jump me and rape me, right?

00:27:53.829 --> 00:27:54.330
That's what.

00:27:54.330 --> 00:27:56.053
That's the difference between those things.

00:27:56.053 --> 00:27:59.356
Get your head around how we run differently in life, you know what I mean.

00:27:59.636 --> 00:28:03.922
Line up 1,000 men and 1,000 women and see how many have pepper spray.

00:28:03.922 --> 00:28:11.695
A taser something on them, women versus men, and that will just be a telltale.

00:28:11.695 --> 00:28:12.577
My boys don't have it.

00:28:12.577 --> 00:28:15.471
My daughter has pepper spray.

00:28:15.471 --> 00:28:19.728
They've never had a desire to be like Mom.

00:28:19.728 --> 00:28:21.673
I need this, and Mila has communicated that to us.

00:28:21.713 --> 00:28:34.626
Yeah, and I just don't know how we, you know and again, I'm not trying to like, I'm not trying to make men feel bad, because all men are not monsters, right, Like all of the things but it's like, how do we make them more aware so that they can be more supportive?

00:28:34.626 --> 00:28:37.714
Like, what would support look like for women in that situation?

00:28:37.714 --> 00:28:51.708
Uh, for men that are more in touch with, you know, with the reality of the world we live in, you know what we have to go through for that, Because every man I know has a mom, has a sister, has a wife, has a girlfriend, has all the things.

00:28:51.708 --> 00:28:53.593
How do they hold space for us?

00:28:53.593 --> 00:29:00.056
Or how do they, you know, not that they have to be in the trenches with us doing the work, right, Because I understand that that's uncomfortable and I wouldn't want Cameron in there anyway.

00:29:00.056 --> 00:29:00.698
So you know what I mean.

00:29:00.698 --> 00:29:02.605
It's it gets pretty messy in there.

00:29:02.625 --> 00:29:09.325
We fall back into their childhood, like we do with with women as well, as all of that stuff is rooted in childhood.

00:29:09.325 --> 00:29:14.837
If it wasn't embraced that, you embraced your emotions, you know I'll give you something to cry about.

00:29:14.837 --> 00:29:32.196
Yeah, you know, very classic saying and um and so today, as adults, when we show up with emotions, when they were taught to suppress them, um, it's a big deal, um, it feels really uncomfortable for them and you're right, they have to move through it.

00:29:32.196 --> 00:29:41.521
But I think, uh, women who are definitely uh, more, uh, self-aware, I should say we are more emotional.

00:29:41.521 --> 00:29:58.936
We're okay sharing our feelings with people, and that can be really big for someone who can't, and I think that's why I tend to pull back a little bit, and you know I'm doing that a little bit more just because of you know the reactions to it and everything.

00:29:59.037 --> 00:30:26.662
But I see the hardship now, uh, when, when my bonus dad passed away in June, my kid's grandfather, um, he couldn't come over to to the house to grief with us and he's like I cannot see my closest loved ones in so much pain, and it was that moment that I was able to layer that into a lot of our personal conversations and our personal struggles is like he has a hard time knowing about my past.

00:30:26.662 --> 00:30:34.979
He has a hard time knowing that my mom today still shows up and says the most atrocious things to me if I let her.

00:30:34.979 --> 00:30:41.646
And he can't sit with that pain with other people, you know, and so that's a him thing.

00:30:41.646 --> 00:30:49.634
I don't dive into it a whole lot because I'm still doing a whole lot for myself, so, but I'm here anytime he wants that conversation.

00:30:49.634 --> 00:30:54.496
You know we have them, we'll have really good ones, but I kind of let it be through him.

00:30:54.757 --> 00:30:55.420
Yeah, yeah.

00:30:56.021 --> 00:31:03.673
I wonder what the right move is as far as being able to, you know, help men facilitate their emotional intelligence.

00:31:03.752 --> 00:31:33.874
You know, I feel like women are more open to that, you know, and when I speak with women about different things and really put myself out there and this is a very different Anne from the old Anne, because the old Anne doesn't show emotion and doesn't, you know, let people in and all of those things and so now that I wear it on my sleeve and I don't think I'm messy about it, but I'm not shy about it, and I think that that's very important because I think if I was messy about it, I think it would push the people in my life away.

00:31:33.874 --> 00:31:45.630
So I'm not messy about it, I don't think, but definitely very comfortable letting that be front and center, because I think that that's an important thing.

00:31:45.630 --> 00:32:00.590
How do you, how do you, how do we facilitate that for men, right, for girls, that we're having these conversations and and I'm, you know, every time I have the opportunity to talk to somebody about things, I'm leading with that and and talking with them about theirs and and moving through stuff.

00:32:00.590 --> 00:32:01.894
But, like, how do you do that for men?

00:32:03.276 --> 00:32:07.223
I want to say it's our job, but I'm going to be very blunt and say it's not.

00:32:07.223 --> 00:32:17.701
There needs to be some very self-aware men that need to step up and lead and hopefully pull the men that need to be pulled in that direction.

00:32:17.701 --> 00:32:18.143
They do.

00:32:18.143 --> 00:32:26.722
I would love for us to have that capacity but like we're fighting in the trenches for our own, um and I.

00:32:26.843 --> 00:32:33.502
I don't want to make it sound like there's a, you know a gender war at my house or anywhere, but it is.

00:32:33.502 --> 00:32:34.771
It is a.

00:32:34.771 --> 00:32:47.518
It takes a lot of emotional work for any of this type of stuff, um, and if you have someone that's not willing or giving you pushback or anything like that, it's like someone that's not willing or giving you pushback or anything like that.

00:32:47.518 --> 00:33:01.112
It's like let's step back, you know, um, so I, I don't think it's the job of women, I think it's the job of men, and you know there are some very conscious men out there that, um, I can send you a few.

00:33:01.132 --> 00:33:02.213
I would love that I can send you a few.

00:33:02.213 --> 00:33:04.457
It might be good to have one on here Um one of my healers, judson.

00:33:05.338 --> 00:33:09.545
um, he's amazing and holds men's groups and things like that.

00:33:09.545 --> 00:33:14.361
Yes or used to I don't know if he does still, but one of my yoga studios that I go to they have men's circles.

00:33:14.361 --> 00:33:17.247
Okay, and I'm starting to see that pop up.

00:33:17.247 --> 00:33:19.371
Okay, and it needs to happen more.

00:33:19.411 --> 00:33:32.500
Please do send me their information, because I think again, I think men are just really not in tune with that, because it's again we're going to turn every emotion that we have into rage or anger, and I watch it happen in men around me all the time.

00:33:32.500 --> 00:33:38.025
You know, and I can see it now that I have a higher IQ in my own emotional intelligence.

00:33:38.025 --> 00:33:45.720
I can watch it happen and I can see exactly what's you know like as their feelings get hurt and they're not able to say you hurt my feelings.

00:33:45.720 --> 00:33:51.666
You can watch as it turns into something different and it's I try not to it's comical to me.

00:33:51.666 --> 00:33:54.394
I obviously am not going to be laughing at it because I'm.

00:33:54.394 --> 00:34:02.589
You know that's not funny for men either, but wow, what a difference if you actually would be in tune with your emotions and what that looked like.

00:34:02.589 --> 00:34:07.941
Because it would just you're causing all of your own problems by not understanding what your emotions are and how to deal with them.

00:34:08.461 --> 00:34:12.958
So, you know, I have single friends who are like where do we find these men?

00:34:12.958 --> 00:34:24.699
You know that are, and I'm like, oh, I don't, I don't know, and I'm pretty sure they're all snatched up, because anyone with any emotional intelligence you know as a man that and we're raising him, and so.

00:34:24.938 --> 00:34:30.713
I definitely think um, I I'll say this about my kid's dad, Um he.

00:34:30.713 --> 00:34:40.061
He is one of the most emotionally intelligent men that I know, Um, and I've watched that change through his children.

00:34:41.083 --> 00:34:52.039
Um, and, and really leaning into the fact that we both learn from our children and our children are very emotional beings and so he didn't have a choice he was either going to have to get on board or not.

00:34:52.039 --> 00:35:13.233
They're very emotional beings and that's lovely, and so I've watched him grow into that and so maybe, through teaching our children and doing the work with our children to heal our past and to be accountable for what that looked like in their childhood, that has the potential to to do something for for men as well.

00:35:13.233 --> 00:35:30.916
Um, I know my, my stepdaughter, circled around and I won't go into specifics, but you know she had a conversation a few weeks ago with my husband and and um, it needed to get said and um, the more that our kids show up and do that, you know, and he gave her the space to feel comfortable to do that, which was amazing.

00:35:30.916 --> 00:35:35.556
That is, it was amazing and, you know, sat there and listened and whatever.

00:35:35.556 --> 00:35:36.438
It was a beautiful.

00:35:36.639 --> 00:35:37.440
I got to witness it.

00:35:37.440 --> 00:35:41.438
They, she asked me to sit, and so I got to witness it and it was amazing.

00:35:41.438 --> 00:36:06.902
But I think, the more that our children feel comfortable with having those conversations with their parents, that they were just doing the best that they could, but it doesn't mean that there wasn't hurt that was caused and pain that maybe our kids are still going through, and so it was beautiful to see that she trusted both of us to be able to have that conversation with him, to let me witness that, and his responses back to her were amazing.

00:36:06.902 --> 00:36:15.032
So I definitely think that if men would allow it, their kids would take them in a direction that would be wonderful as well.

00:36:15.132 --> 00:36:25.719
Well, and I think also, just just, if you're able to, as an adult, to be vulnerable enough to allow either your children or other young people be teachers for you.

00:36:25.719 --> 00:36:28.324
How powerful is that?

00:36:28.324 --> 00:36:28.704
You know?

00:36:28.704 --> 00:36:33.278
I think so many adults get this, get their heads set on.

00:36:33.278 --> 00:36:35.021
They know better.

00:36:35.021 --> 00:36:37.152
They've been on this planet longer.

00:36:37.152 --> 00:36:38.534
We're dinosaurs.

00:36:38.534 --> 00:36:40.237
You know we're dinosaurs.

00:36:40.237 --> 00:36:42.929
Learn from our kids, figure out, you know.

00:36:42.929 --> 00:36:43.891
Ask the questions.

00:36:43.891 --> 00:36:45.153
What does that look like for you?

00:36:45.153 --> 00:36:46.536
What does that look like for you?

00:36:46.536 --> 00:36:47.858
What does support look like for you?

00:36:47.858 --> 00:36:48.740
What does that feel like for you?

00:36:48.740 --> 00:36:52.855
Open the line of questions so that they feel comfortable coming and talking to you about it.

00:36:52.934 --> 00:36:54.559
We turn to them for our technology.

00:36:54.559 --> 00:36:57.152
You know what does this mean?

00:36:57.152 --> 00:36:58.554
What is this app?

00:36:58.554 --> 00:37:01.260
Can you help me arrange this and organize this?

00:37:01.260 --> 00:37:04.478
Or we turn to them to learn the new slang that's out there, right, like they have a whole new language.

00:37:04.478 --> 00:37:05.664
And why not turn to them to learn the new slang that's?

00:37:05.684 --> 00:37:06.809
out there right, like they have a whole new language.

00:37:06.809 --> 00:37:11.762
Why not turn to them to find out, like where does this sit with you?

00:37:11.762 --> 00:37:14.498
Where's your generation going with this?

00:37:14.498 --> 00:37:17.840
What do you and your friends talk about regarding this subject?

00:37:17.840 --> 00:37:21.760
And it will just open your mind so much.

00:37:21.760 --> 00:37:22.661
Yeah, yeah.

00:37:22.809 --> 00:37:39.751
I need to come up with a list of questions for Wiley and maybe you can help me with some of those that would be appropriate for, like, how do you know what conversations happen with young boys in in high school as far as when it comes to sex and consent and respect for other women?

00:37:39.751 --> 00:37:57.289
You know, there are certain things that he said over the years where you know he'll be like oh, I'm just joking, I'm like don't talk like that, we don't even joke about stuff like that, because that's just, there's nothing that's okay about making somebody less than or somebody that's you know.

00:37:57.289 --> 00:38:05.661
And again, I'm more sensitive to that because I think, you know, men and women in my world are equal, but that hasn't always felt that way.

00:38:05.661 --> 00:38:22.730
Right, you know, coming up in construction and always having it feel like you know, a lot of times with our business, you know people would think that Cameron's the big dog and I'm the one that's, you know, making copies and getting coffee and answering phones.

00:38:23.032 --> 00:38:27.251
I used to love when some of those men would be like, let me talk to your boss, yeah, she's right here.

00:38:27.251 --> 00:38:29.639
And I'm like, okay, yeah, she's right here, yeah.

00:38:29.918 --> 00:38:30.521
That was great.

00:38:30.521 --> 00:38:31.451
Yeah, you know I'm at.

00:38:31.451 --> 00:38:44.773
I find myself at this place with this new business that I'm doing, where I am inspired about working with other industries besides construction, because there's a lot of that where you don't have to fight that fight every single day.

00:38:44.773 --> 00:38:48.438
And I'll still fight the fight, right, I'm not, I'll never tire from that.

00:38:48.438 --> 00:38:51.282
I'm happy to have a big dick contest with whatever dude wants to come.

00:38:51.282 --> 00:38:52.525
You know, it's totally fine.

00:38:52.525 --> 00:39:00.150
But you know I also would love to embrace my softer side a little bit and not feel like everything has to be an uphill battle.

00:39:00.150 --> 00:39:06.556
And a lot of men still come from that old school and, again, that's how they were raised, that's how they think.

00:39:06.556 --> 00:39:15.585
But you've been risen and so let's maybe open our eyes and realize that you know women have earned the exact same spot at that table that you have.

00:39:15.585 --> 00:39:17.570
I see it in every industry.

00:39:17.570 --> 00:39:22.103
You know where it's the old boys club, with different things in different industries.

00:39:22.690 --> 00:39:24.170
And we're tired of it.

00:39:24.170 --> 00:39:30.396
We're tired of it, so it's lovely to watch women come into their own in every industry.

00:39:30.777 --> 00:39:31.637
Every industry.

00:39:32.057 --> 00:39:53.679
You know, yeah, so being able to be in a business where I support women in their businesses and I support men as well, but I am inspired to help other women in their businesses, to grow their businesses, to start their businesses, to really find their voice in things, it just it's incredible, you know, just empowering people.

00:39:54.442 --> 00:39:55.143
Absolutely.

00:39:55.143 --> 00:40:12.030
I mean, that's what this world is all about is community, you know, and if we're noting people, I've been writing a piece for you more like business related, but it takes a village, in every aspect of life it does.

00:40:12.030 --> 00:40:21.960
You know, human beings are we like companionship, that's the way it is, and a lot of us don't like to go out and do life solo.

00:40:21.960 --> 00:40:32.257
And if we apply that to every aspect of life, it really does take a village to grow a business, to raise a family, to all of the things.

00:40:32.257 --> 00:40:38.101
And the quicker we realize that and start empowering one another, especially women with women.

00:40:38.101 --> 00:40:41.492
Yeah, you know, men have been empowering one another forever.

00:40:41.492 --> 00:40:45.559
Yeah, but women have had a very hard time with that.

00:40:45.599 --> 00:40:46.601
Yeah, you know.

00:40:46.601 --> 00:40:49.994
Why do you think women are always in competition with one another?

00:40:49.994 --> 00:40:51.297
Where does that stem from?

00:40:51.297 --> 00:40:54.655
And how do we, how do we help curve that?

00:40:54.655 --> 00:40:56.922
That's a, and that's a big one.

00:40:56.942 --> 00:40:58.085
Maybe that's a bigger topic.

00:40:58.085 --> 00:40:59.469
It's a big question.

00:41:00.211 --> 00:41:03.460
So here's, here's the thing that I run, here's the reason I asked that and here's what I run into.

00:41:03.460 --> 00:41:10.949
I I'm.

00:41:10.949 --> 00:41:18.733
I come from this place in this podcast and things that I do in my life in my personal as well as my business where, um, I wanted, I just I'm, I'm the girl that wants to to fix the queen's crown before, uh, before she even notices it.

00:41:18.733 --> 00:41:27.590
You know, um, provide light to women and really support and and all of the things.

00:41:27.610 --> 00:41:30.478
Um, I have not always been this way, but I definitely in more recent years, have come from a place of not judging.

00:41:30.478 --> 00:41:36.181
I think the bigger part of that was I was judging myself, right, and then that just gets on.

00:41:36.181 --> 00:41:40.010
Everything else, which I will not subscribe to that.

00:41:40.010 --> 00:41:43.297
But I think so many women still are very judgmental.

00:41:43.297 --> 00:42:02.842
You know, I watched a uh reel last night where it was talking about Kate Moss walking in the Victoria's Secret show and then there was all these horrible comments about how she was old or how she looked fat or all these things and it, and then at the end it was like most of these comments were from other women and I thought, how dare you do?

00:42:02.862 --> 00:42:12.371
you know what I mean, to everyone, that's out there, like when people post stuff that's not a platform for your opinion, like are you out of your mind and who do you think you are, you know?

00:42:12.371 --> 00:42:16.648
So how do we, how do we encourage other women to kind of set some of that down?

00:42:16.648 --> 00:42:19.637
And again, I think it does start with not judging yourself right.

00:42:19.637 --> 00:42:24.476
And really turning that mirror around on yourself and realizing that we're the worst on ourselves.

00:42:24.615 --> 00:42:25.318
I think you're right.

00:42:25.318 --> 00:42:40.057
It has to do with our relationship with ourself and for me, I don't think I've ever been in competition with other women but have been very guarded with other women.

00:42:40.650 --> 00:42:52.030
Only in the last maybe three to five years have I started to really nurture my female friendships, because I have a mother wound that you know had not started healing until in the last maybe three to five years have I started to really nurture my female friendships, because I have a mother wound that you know had not started healing until the last couple of years.

00:42:52.030 --> 00:42:59.871
And and opening those doors and and seeing what was causing all of that, you know, and and seeing what I was missing.

00:42:59.871 --> 00:43:01.175
I was missing the feminine.

00:43:01.295 --> 00:43:02.960
I was missing the female in my life.

00:43:03.039 --> 00:43:15.922
It's and everything right, yes, yes, I've been working on the balance for that, because I definitely, for anyone who knows me, have a more predominantly masculine energy situation.

00:43:17.012 --> 00:43:19.079
And not the feminine energy balance.

00:43:19.079 --> 00:43:34.815
I actually went to a retreat this past weekend or I guess maybe two weekends ago in Sedona where I did a lot of work associated with that Because, again, the traumas for different things, you don't even realize that those are things that get in the way of you being able to really embrace that balance.

00:43:34.815 --> 00:43:59.210
But I'm honored to be able to do that work and so you know, when you're saying, okay, in the last couple of years you've really been able to kind of foster those female relationships, do you feel like that's been a healthy thing for you in that Like, did you have people that you opened up to, that didn't it didn't go well with, or that you kind of phased out of your life because they were people maybe that were still judgy?

00:43:59.391 --> 00:44:01.293
or it was the latter for sure.

00:44:01.293 --> 00:44:08.179
I found that I had more female relationships that were toxic.

00:44:08.179 --> 00:44:14.443
That was like the dynamic of my mother, where I was accepting more that.

00:44:14.443 --> 00:44:18.726
I just didn't sit well with me that would give me bad energy when I left.

00:44:18.746 --> 00:44:19.188
Yeah.

00:44:19.570 --> 00:44:30.094
You know, and so it was more about weeding that out and then having the space to nurture the ones that are still there when you set boundaries, yeah, yeah.

00:44:30.835 --> 00:44:32.137
How do we facilitate that?

00:44:32.137 --> 00:44:45.092
How do we facilitate because I think you know women that are opening their eyes, or have opened their eyes, to the fact that they don't want to be in these relationships with other women where it is super judgy and where you can't be vulnerable.

00:44:45.092 --> 00:44:46.918
How do you facilitate that?

00:44:46.918 --> 00:44:49.559
You know being able to connect other like-minded women.

00:44:49.559 --> 00:45:09.481
Maybe there, I'm assuming, there's already all sorts of things out there, but it's like you know, maybe just even letting women know it doesn't have to be the way that you think it does with the group of friends that you have where it does feel judgy competitive so-and-so's talking shit behind so-and-so's back, Like I just hate that for women, I really do.

00:45:09.501 --> 00:45:10.666
It starts with giving ourself permission.

00:45:10.666 --> 00:45:13.518
Honestly, I think women wrap themselves up.

00:45:13.518 --> 00:45:30.293
If you have families, just due to the gendered society that we live in, we feel like we don't have enough time because we're doing all this with the family and maybe there's not balanced dynamics at home and whatnot with the family, and maybe there's not balanced dynamics at home and whatnot.

00:45:30.293 --> 00:45:34.202
And so to have one or two solid friendships is exhausting in itself and at least that was my experience, you know.

00:45:34.202 --> 00:45:49.233
But now that there's space and I'm giving myself permission to take time for self-care, which is friendships you know that's self-care too Taking yourself out, even on solo dates, things like that.

00:45:49.233 --> 00:46:01.733
But I think it starts with giving yourself permission to say what's not good for us and say what is, and really standing in that and feeling okay about ourselves.

00:46:01.773 --> 00:46:03.438
You know society.

00:46:03.438 --> 00:46:10.853
We allow society to impact everything about us and put up a boundary with society.

00:46:10.853 --> 00:46:14.884
You know and really get to know who you are at your core.

00:46:14.884 --> 00:46:20.880
You know, and I think, a lot of things, a lot of doing the work and like reaching self-awareness.

00:46:20.880 --> 00:46:22.351
You lose a lot of relationships.

00:46:22.751 --> 00:46:32.862
It gets really lonely Self-awareness is a whole thing, like when you start being brave enough to look in the mirror at things and really how things make you feel.

00:46:32.862 --> 00:46:41.402
You know it's friendships where, if so-and-so is talking shit about so-and-so and so like, really get in touch with how does that make you feel?

00:46:41.402 --> 00:46:44.032
How do you feel when you're done hanging out with that friend?

00:46:44.032 --> 00:46:48.422
Because I will guarantee you that she's going to go hang out with the next person and talk shit about you, right?

00:46:48.422 --> 00:46:51.056
So where is that a real friendship?

00:46:51.056 --> 00:46:51.597
Those are.

00:46:51.597 --> 00:46:54.211
We're not in high school anymore, we are grown ass women.

00:46:54.211 --> 00:46:55.277
Do you know what I mean?

00:46:55.297 --> 00:47:00.594
I wouldn't expect that kind of behavior from my nieces that are still in high school, right, I watched them support each other.

00:47:00.594 --> 00:47:02.577
They don't do that kind of stuff, right?

00:47:02.577 --> 00:47:03.619
But I see it everywhere.

00:47:03.619 --> 00:47:05.481
I mean I think we're supposed to be.

00:47:05.481 --> 00:47:08.213
We're doing all of this like women empowerment, women empowerment.

00:47:08.213 --> 00:47:14.378
But then the way that they still act towards each other, I'm like, come on, ladies, we can do better than that.

00:47:14.378 --> 00:47:16.157
We can do better than that, you know.

00:47:16.157 --> 00:47:28.233
So I encourage women to really be brave enough to start looking in the mirror at themselves and making hard decisions about what they want in their lives.

00:47:28.233 --> 00:47:39.231
Because if you, if you know there's a whole thing about low vibe, emotions and and energy and high vibe and you, you know you'll attract what you're putting out there.

00:47:39.231 --> 00:47:46.358
So if you're gossiping and you're all of the kind of shit that goes into all of that, don't wonder why your life is miserable.

00:47:46.610 --> 00:47:50.273
You don't have to right, that's what you're putting out, that's what you're going to get back, you know.

00:47:50.273 --> 00:48:09.159
But if you're that person that is holding other people up, taking care of yourself and really figuring out how to hold yourself up which is hard because we've spent so many years feeling like we're not good enough and you know all of that stuff when you work through that, God, it's powerful, Absolutely.

00:48:09.239 --> 00:48:10.565
And then you attract all of that.

00:48:10.565 --> 00:48:12.688
You know, I look at all of the women that are in my circle.

00:48:12.688 --> 00:48:14.226
I am so blessed.

00:48:14.226 --> 00:48:20.641
I am so, so, so blessed to have these amazing women who are just crushing it, you know.

00:48:20.641 --> 00:48:24.626
But we don't talk about each other behind each other's backs Like who has time for that.

00:48:24.626 --> 00:48:36.625
I don't give a shit what so-and-so wore or this one, you know barely got her kids off to school in time before she had a break Excellent.

00:48:36.625 --> 00:48:37.027
What can I do to be?

00:48:37.047 --> 00:48:37.206
helpful.

00:48:37.206 --> 00:48:38.833
It really is just people feeling like that's how they feel about themselves.

00:48:38.833 --> 00:48:41.501
Inside it is, and so it's an easy distraction to start talking about somebody else, and you know.

00:48:41.501 --> 00:48:46.351
But what comes out of our mouth is often what is going on in our lives.

00:48:46.351 --> 00:48:47.253
Yeah, you know.

00:48:47.500 --> 00:48:49.063
Yeah, yeah, but I do.

00:48:49.063 --> 00:49:05.463
I feel like there's a big divide in women that still kind of live in that low vibe realm and women who don't, and to me I have zero interest in anybody that wants to live on the bottom side of that you know, because it's comfortable for them, I know but, it's.

00:49:05.563 --> 00:49:22.469
That's where I would just had this conversation with my therapist yesterday and she's like people just don't change, they just choose to stay in in their discomfort is comfortable and they choose to stay there versus getting a little bit more uncomfortable to release it all.

00:49:22.628 --> 00:49:31.306
Yeah, but you cause your own suffering in all of those situations Like that's not, that's not something where, um, anybody else has control over that, you have control over that.

00:49:31.306 --> 00:49:41.086
So, as you're causing all of your own drama and all of your own suffering and all of your own whatever, understand that that's a choice that you're making, because it doesn't have to be like that.

00:49:41.260 --> 00:49:42.806
I wish my mother could understand that.

00:49:45.583 --> 00:49:50.452
You know, for me it's like I talk to certain women and they're like no, no, no, it's not like that and it's like hmm.

00:49:55.980 --> 00:49:57.543
You said something to me at one of our last lunches or something.

00:49:57.543 --> 00:50:12.932
You asked if there could be a layer of jealousy between my mom and I and I really sat with that, because there's that layer between her mother and her and I'm like, oh, oh, okay, that's what that is.

00:50:12.932 --> 00:50:32.849
And I think that there is that for some women and that core layer of jealousy that may have come from a parent or from a sibling or you know, some early relationship that wasn't nurtured in the best way, and then that's the pattern we tend to follow.

00:50:32.849 --> 00:50:37.313
You know, um, I was never jealous over my daughter.

00:50:37.313 --> 00:50:41.804
Actually, I I will take that back I had a layer of jealousy with all three of my kids.

00:50:41.804 --> 00:50:44.148
Um, it and it all.

00:50:44.148 --> 00:50:48.684
It came up in moments when, like they really didn't know how good they have it.

00:50:50.047 --> 00:51:03.126
Right, and so I was sitting with something in comparison to something you had, yeah, and and so it would bring up some jealous, some jealousy or some anger inside of me that like they're acting like swole little brats right now.

00:51:03.126 --> 00:51:19.679
They don't really know how good life is for them, you know, but that was more about me and and healing that part in me, Um, and and seeing that they're just acting like kids that have love and support, you know, and don't know the other side of things, and that's a good thing, right.

00:51:19.780 --> 00:51:43.751
That shouldn't be something that they feel bad about or that you feel jealous about, definitely, you know, when you realize, you know fear is like about as low vibe as it gets right and fear is completely made up, you know, for anybody that has done any of the work, they realize that you know doesn't mean we don't have that or that we don't struggle with that, but it does make you realize that it's not, it's not a thing like.

00:51:43.751 --> 00:51:46.266
You have control over that, you have the power of that.

00:51:46.266 --> 00:51:57.264
And then, looking at all of the things that are rooted in fear right, whether it's jealousy or insecurity or you know, all of these other low vibe emotions as well, I want nothing to do with it.

00:51:57.264 --> 00:52:00.309
And that doesn't mean I'm successful every day, you know.

00:52:00.309 --> 00:52:02.454
It doesn't mean that it doesn't take work for stuff.

00:52:02.454 --> 00:52:07.222
Right, I'm not anywhere close to perfect.

00:52:07.222 --> 00:52:11.635
But what I will tell you is I have done enough work to realize that I have control over those things, you know.

00:52:11.635 --> 00:52:15.244
And when they rear their ugly heads, I can say, hmm, where did that come from?

00:52:15.244 --> 00:52:18.492
Let me go dive into whatever that looks like.

00:52:18.492 --> 00:52:27.846
You know, like I don't see my therapist very often anymore, but I was telling her last night like don't, don't, don't worry that I'm not doing the work.

00:52:27.846 --> 00:52:30.469
I do the work all the time.

00:52:30.469 --> 00:52:31.992
I do the work every single day.

00:52:31.992 --> 00:52:35.547
You know I am, I am digging through garbage as it's coming up.

00:52:35.547 --> 00:52:41.429
You know my memories that come back like a freight train now that I've figured enough stuff out and unlock things.

00:52:41.590 --> 00:52:47.422
I was sitting on my laptop the other night on the couch and I couldn't type fast enough to get the shit out that was coming out from my childhood.

00:52:47.422 --> 00:53:00.954
It was like it was flowing out of me so fast and every time I would type something and then I would have a word that would say something and that would spark something else, and then that would spark something else and I just I couldn't get it out fast enough.

00:53:00.954 --> 00:53:07.210
And I was so happy about that because if I know what it is, if I know where it comes from, I can fix it.

00:53:07.210 --> 00:53:10.043
I believe that I can fix anything that's in there.

00:53:10.043 --> 00:53:11.547
So go ahead and open the gutters.

00:53:11.547 --> 00:53:12.530
I feel the same way.

00:53:12.530 --> 00:53:15.208
Let's take a look, let's figure out where it is.

00:53:15.610 --> 00:53:18.541
And I thought, okay, is this work ever going to be done?

00:53:18.541 --> 00:53:37.873
And while I don't think that it's ever going to be done, I was encouraged to see a clip that a gal had done and I think she was maybe in her fifties and she said I got to the bottom of the bucket of the big stuff right, like and yeah, there's little tweaks that come up and whatever.

00:53:37.873 --> 00:53:42.949
But she says it just got so much easier because you've worked through all of that stuff and it isn't like you have these big traumas to come up.

00:53:42.949 --> 00:53:54.534
And you know, I've been doing the work more aggressively, I will say, in the last couple of years and I love it.

00:53:54.534 --> 00:54:01.449
I'm not going to be sad when I get to the bottom of the bucket, but I love being able to feel lighter.

00:54:01.449 --> 00:54:12.150
Everything that I work through, everything that no longer has control over me, everything that I pull out, that I reparent or reprogram or what resonates with me, for me, for who I am.

00:54:12.360 --> 00:54:14.447
You don't have that much more space to hold for others.

00:54:15.340 --> 00:54:16.101
And that's and that's.

00:54:16.101 --> 00:54:16.983
I'm just.

00:54:16.983 --> 00:54:24.472
I'm on this mission to be able to do that for other people, whether it's men or women, to show them how much better their lives can be.

00:54:24.472 --> 00:54:36.047
You know, you don't have to be a slave to that, you don't have to be a handcuff to what that stuff is you can just go ahead and be awesome, you know yeah, and at your leisure.

00:54:36.306 --> 00:54:37.168
You know, I love that.

00:54:37.168 --> 00:54:38.190
That needs to be a t-shirt.

00:54:38.190 --> 00:54:39.240
So go ahead and be awesome.

00:54:39.240 --> 00:54:41.045
You just go ahead and be awesome, you know.

00:54:41.045 --> 00:54:49.907
But it and it takes the work right because we have all the shit that was programmed and and everything but for for women that are out there that feel like it feels helpless to them.

00:54:49.907 --> 00:54:57.068
Um, you know you, you just need to get headed in the right direction and put one foot in front of the other, you know?

00:54:57.280 --> 00:55:04.132
And that can look different for everybody, and I think that's important to state is there's no one path for the work.

00:55:04.132 --> 00:55:05.626
It is unique to yourself.

00:55:06.121 --> 00:55:32.432
And yes, there will be layers of similarities and other women that have similar stories, but the way it manifests is individual, you know, and some people will have a lot of trauma in childhood but move into a lot of support in young adulthood and then maybe it doesn't come up for forever, maybe it takes, you know, the passing of a loved one and then it's like shit really hits the fan then know the passing of a loved one.

00:55:32.432 --> 00:55:34.599
And then it's like shit hit really hits the fan.

00:55:34.619 --> 00:55:38.523
Then you know but it will come up at some point.

00:55:38.523 --> 00:55:39.668
Yeah Well, you know a couple of things, so you know things.00:55:39.668 --> 00:55:40.914


That I always say is you need a gratitude journal practice.00:55:40.914 --> 00:55:42.079


I think that that's imperative.00:55:42.079 --> 00:55:43.742


To just change your frequency.00:55:44.083 --> 00:55:57.090


You know, I think you know, journaling is extraordinarily important and that, in going hand in hand with that, is just getting curious, right, get curious about yourself, because why does something make you feel a certain type of way?00:55:57.090 --> 00:56:06.586


Or, you know, we put all of this work into our kids and our work and our husbands and our friends and whatever, and look at how much work you actually put into yourself, right?00:56:06.586 --> 00:56:10.045


Yes, that's shameful, it's shameful it is.00:56:10.065 --> 00:56:12.210


We need to be better about doing that Right.00:56:12.231 --> 00:56:16.990


And so when you say I need to make myself a priority, I need to put my own mask on first, excellent.00:56:16.990 --> 00:56:24.163


Then then getting curious and just journaling and kind of you know, figuring out what that is and stop pushing stuff down.00:56:24.824 --> 00:56:27.469


You know, my husband snapped at me the other day.00:56:27.469 --> 00:56:36.588


We were, I don't know, we were ending a little argument and and I, you know, went to I think I said you know, can I go get you something to eat or something like that?00:56:36.588 --> 00:56:40.668


He was hungry and I wasn't, and I had the energy for it and he didn't.00:56:40.668 --> 00:56:45.081


And he goes no, because you don't do anything nice for yourself ever.00:56:45.081 --> 00:56:49.248


And I'm like, huh, like, what a response to that.00:56:49.248 --> 00:56:54.615


Right, and and I sat that for a little bit and I was like, okay, all right, he's right.00:56:54.615 --> 00:56:59.090


You know I am so quick to throw out to-dos.00:56:59.090 --> 00:57:02.369


You know what can I help you with for everybody else but myself?00:57:02.369 --> 00:57:04.809


And he's like you don't do anything nice for yourself.00:57:04.809 --> 00:57:07.326


I'm like okay noted.00:57:07.739 --> 00:57:15.474


I think as women, we feel very selfish by doing things for ourselves, but what you don't realize is by not doing that your cup isn't full.00:57:15.753 --> 00:57:17.766


Absolutely You're not giving from your overflow.00:57:17.766 --> 00:57:26.625


If women figured out how to plug the holes in their cup and fill their cups right, this world would be a completely different place.00:57:26.625 --> 00:57:33.088


Definitely, women are badass, you know, women are just women are so badass.00:57:33.088 --> 00:57:39.293


And again, nothing against men, because you guys are, have your place, you know, at the table and you guys are amazing too.00:57:39.293 --> 00:57:52.146


But wow, women blow my mind with how strong we are, how capable we are, how, you know, we just wow, wow is all I'm gonna say even the growing of the humans in our belly.00:57:52.166 --> 00:57:57.128


Oh my god yeah, all the things we do, all the things I know not alone, like that was.00:57:57.327 --> 00:58:01.103


That was a real experience, there was there was something I watched.00:58:01.304 --> 00:58:02.748


It had Cher on it and some.00:58:02.748 --> 00:58:10.483


She was someone who was interviewing her and it said something about like how she, you know, did she like men or what you know, whatever, and she's like for what?00:58:10.483 --> 00:58:14.211


And the way she said it was just like yes, queen.00:58:14.539 --> 00:58:21.119


And again, I'm not trying to put down men, but I will go with Cher on that one, you know amazing.00:58:21.119 --> 00:58:25.606


So, amanda, thank you so much for coming and spending time with me again.00:58:25.606 --> 00:58:28.889


It is always effortless to sit and chat with you.00:58:28.889 --> 00:58:31.449


So that's our time for today.00:58:31.449 --> 00:58:35.324


If you have questions or suggestions, send us an email.00:58:35.324 --> 00:58:39.891


Our email address is ladies at let's get naked podcastcom.00:58:39.891 --> 00:58:44.268


And then please do all the things to support the podcast so that we can reach more people.00:58:44.268 --> 00:58:50.550


Those things are following, sharing, rating, reviewing, and, on that note, we'll catch you next time.00:58:50.550 --> 00:58:52.101


That's a wrap, thank you.00:58:52.101 --> 00:58:56.047


And on that note, we'll catch you next time.00:58:56.047 --> 00:58:59.454


That's a wrap, thank you.00:58:59.454 --> 00:59:01.237


I'd love to help you get vulnerable.00:59:01.237 --> 00:59:02.320


Let's get naked.