Breaking Generational Patterns with Emotional Wisdom

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I'd love to help you get vulnerable.

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Let's get naked.

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Welcome to the let's Get Naked podcast.

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Today we are stripping it all off with my best friend, belinda.

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She's been on previously, but there's so much content that her and I go through in life on the daily as well as all of our history together and the stuff that we've been through so we just wanted to have her back on.

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I wanted to talk about today the emotional intelligence evolution for her life, and I'll throw in some stuff with mine as well.

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Emotional intelligence, I think, is a really important thing that people are talking about recently or maybe they were talking about it before and I was just so out of touch with things I didn't realize.

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But I look at that and I think that's pretty incredible to look at how people handle their emotions, how they have handled their emotions over the course of their lives, and so I'd like to just have you kind of start with what emotional intelligence means to you, maybe when you realize that was even a thing, or you know what you were dealt as a child.

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You know for me.

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I look at what I feel like I was programmed with as far as my emotional intelligence, and your parents are your first example of like what does that look like?

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So yeah, so maybe you can just kind of start with what that means to you, what that looks like, if anything.

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You know, I had less on a couple weeks ago and I said what does emotional intelligence mean to you?

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He goes I don't understand those words, you know, and I think that that's a big thing.

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I think a lot of people maybe don't understand, even if they understand the concept of it, maybe just don't understand the words together and kind of what all the the hype is about or what people are talking about.

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So maybe you can just kind of jump in and tell me what that means to you.

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Uh, I didn't learn it.

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Until recently, I mean within the past 10 months, I had no idea there was so many emotions out there.

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Yeah, I know Right, the, the basic ones sad, angry, happy, you know, and, and, and I'd never, I never even dig deep into those.

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It was just all surface level, surface level, surface level and, um, and and recently I've seen so much and learned so much, um, and it is so good.

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I just came back from Texas and realized I didn't go there on vacation.

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I went there for the hugest lesson so far Texas, and it is the foundation of me.

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And, like you say, from childhood, just talking to my mom about the things that we talk about now, how I saw her, her marriages, her relationships, um, and, and when she sort of retracted and disappeared.

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Oh god, I understand all of that now and I was telling her, you know, you know, I see, I saw you.

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What I remember when I was little, before I started school, was my mom was in the kitchen all the time.

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She was cooking, she was cleaning, and I didn't realize that that was something I had brought into my marriage early on.

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Even when my ex-husband said he wanted me to make him tortillas, I was like you are out of your mind, like I'm not making you tortillas because that's not me, I'm not going to be my mom, you know.

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And and I didn't, that's all I thought.

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That's where it stopped.

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I didn't think how nice it would be, how considerate, how it would make him feel if I made him a freaking tortilla right, you know like those types of things, um, and so many of them brought into my life recently and just realizing all of those those little, those little things are really big things, yeah, and and it's it's crazy because I, I realized them, um, I this trip, uh, I sat on a balcony, um had a conversation with someone where I completely closed, I closed so hard, um, I got so and I booted that person out.

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I was like you got to go and to understand that that is where my values are of low vibes and how I want to stay in an environment of high vibes.

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But also just feeling that and I say the tables have turned because I felt what I am sure other people have felt from me in the past, yeah, where I was just so angry all the time and that they probably felt the way I felt, which was anxiety.

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I couldn't breathe In just those few seconds.

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I snapped and I said this must have been what it felt like and for me to decide so quickly, in a matter of seconds, that I didn't want that in my life.

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I can only imagine how people dealt with that for 20 something years, and it all in a matter of seconds, I'm telling you, yeah, I felt so much emotion, it crushed me.

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I felt proud.

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You know these are all emotional, intelligent feelings and words and vocabularies, yes, where when you actually can feel them, dissect them, recognize them and learn from them.

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And that's the biggest thing, yeah, as you learn from those experiences when you have a vast or a bigger emotional vocabulary.

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Yeah, no, absolutely, and I think that that's a big piece of it.

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I know that you've read Brene Brown's book that goes into her recent one, what is it called?

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Atlas of the Heart Of the Heart, and it goes into all of the different emotions.

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And it's interesting because I think that's an excellent book to even kind of explain that to you from someone who spent decades dodging emotions right and just nope.

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To you from someone who spent decades dodging emotions right and just nope.

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If it feels it gets pushed down, like if it feels at all, it doesn't even matter what it is, you know, but the.

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The good news of that is great.

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You don't feel the lows, but the bad news of that is you also don't feel the highs, you know.

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So you really have to unlock that to be able to really realize what is that making me feel and getting curious about that, not just on the surface level, but like really getting curious about what that is.

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You know you were telling me last night about the, the incident that you're talking about and just listening to.

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You understand that when the student is ready, the teacher appears.

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You know I laugh with the universe all the time because stuff will be put in front of me and it's big stuff, and it's stuff that it's like oh you, you think I'm ready for that.

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You know, and I was telling you.

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Sometimes I even say that out loud I feel like I'm turning into a crazy lady.

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But this, this life, this human experience, is supposed to be about those things.

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You know, it's supposed to be about learning about yourself and figuring things out, and and and really digging deep to figure out.

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Is this something that I really?

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Does this resonate with me, or is this something that was just handed to me?

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You know, there was a clip that I saw on on just like a little meme, but it talked about you know, um, your limiting beliefs and throwing those out the window um, because we're not going to build a new house with old bricks.

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And that really resonated with me because it was like we do have all of these things that are just programmed for us, things that our parents just passed down to us.

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Did they have?

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Do you think they had a good reason to pass them down?

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Fuck, no, they were just passing down what was given to them.

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You know what I mean.

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They knew even less than we do you know.

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So if you look at it and you think, okay, I've done some work here to kind of qualify this or that or whatever, we just pass down what we already had, you know so I look at my, my kids, for example.

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You and I both were super young moms, you know so.

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So I can't believe they sent me home out of a hospital with a young person that now I'm supposed to keep alive.

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I still smoked in my house.

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I mean.

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Jesus, I smoked all the way through being pregnant with her.

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What a selfish asshole.

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I mean, that's outrageous.

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But I was 18 years old.

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You know, I just like okay, right.

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But I look at what did I pass down to her?

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Right, she was an emotional love muffin and I didn't know what to do with that.

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It made me so uncomfortable that I did not hold space for her, that I did not help her figure those things out, or why I just literally pushed her away.

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That's terrible, you know.

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And Emily, I taught no, no, if you're tough, you don't feel emotions.

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We don't do that, you know, because my mom was so emotional and it looked so messy to me, you know.

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So my emotional intelligence was zero.

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What I knew was it's messy and I have zero interest in it, you know.

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And then I've always just been tomboy, you know, in the construction industry, like all of those kinds of things, I run with the boys and so I don't have that.

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Well, it's interesting now, as I've been really working on balancing out my feminine energy you know, and it's funny because you know, lauren at work is very it's pink and it's you know, I called her pink yesterday because she pink clouds up on stuff and she's got this pen with the glitter on it and whatever.

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I adore her, you know, and I think she's in my path for a reason.

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Right, she helps balance out that feminine energy and makes me realize it doesn't have to be always.

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You know your balls flapping in the breeze.

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You know I don't, I don't know, but it's, it's for me.

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I feel like I'm learning from all of the people that are in my life you know, people that are in my circle.

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They're teaching me so much about myself, you know, and I think that that's what the human experience is supposed to be.

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It's not the rinse lather, repeat, it's getting curious about yourself.

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And what does that look like you?

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know, so for you, you know, what did you feel?

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Like your emotion?

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Stuff was coming out of your parents house, and how did you you, you know get curious about that.

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Or what did you pass down to your kids?

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Or or you're just handing over what was handed to you.

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I mean, how, what does that?

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What does that look like for you?

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well, when you initially asked me, I pictured myself running because I literally ran.

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I ran away.

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You know I died was awful to my mom, it was the worst.

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Yeah, I was awful to my mom, it was the worst.

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I was in so much, I think, confusion.

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I was sad that I just ran and I was physical.

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And because I saw physical actions you know, physical abuse, alcoholic abuse, like all the things- Between your biological parents or between step parents, my biological parents and a lot of the family members.

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It wasn't just them Right.

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It was other people as well that were physical Because it was generational.

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Yeah, sure, sure, so it was like just filtered on down, yeah, and I was just catching all of it.

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Yeah, I mean, that's what kids do, right?

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They soak it up, right, and then you don't know any better, right until and I don't even think our parents realize that they're handing that kind of stuff they're just trying to do the best that they can right.

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Yeah, so so you're.

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You saw physical abuse can.

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May I ask if you were also abused by your parents, or do you feel like it was more discipline?

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I think back then, like I got spanked I don't know that I would call it physical abuse, even though I look back at it now and it's like my mom would take a full bar of soap and I remember like a chunk up underneath, underneath my teeth, and then she would pull and so you would get like an eighth of a bar of soap in your mouth and then it was like go ahead, she's just going to sit there and watch you fucking chew that down.

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Does that feel like abuse?

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It didn't then, but does it now?

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Yeah, I mean, my mom would hit me with a fly swatter.

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She would get a belt.

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Like does that feel like abuse?

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Now You'd go to jail.

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You know what I mean.

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Nowadays you'd go to jail if you did stuff like that, you know.

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So was that also in your household, and did it feel like just punishment or did it feel like abuse?

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No, I was.

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My mom never hit me.

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Okay, my dad whoops my butt one good time.

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Well, I take that back.

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My mom did hit me.

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I was already older.

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Yeah.

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And we can come back to that.

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But my dad whoops me so hard.

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One time yeah, but it was once yeah, and he never like.

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I think he probably felt bad after he did that yeah, but he was also under the influence.

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So when that happens, you lose control.

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You don't know where to stop.

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There's no end.

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You just do, and then maybe someone will come save you.

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Was your dad an angry drunk, not mostly, no, not mostly.

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But something can, just one little thing can, set him off, yeah, so you're always on edge.

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You know, that's a very anxiety-ridden childhood.

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Yeah, no, he was mostly happy and dancing and just loved everybody, literally everybody.

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It doesn't matter if it was the girls in the Whataburger line.

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He was that guy he was very flirty.

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I love that.

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But I was physically abused by boyfriends or I should not say multiples one and I don't know why I thought that was okay, well, parents, but it wasn't.

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It wasn't like all the time.

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Yeah, um, with my biology now I saw it multiple times with my stepmother, so that was um also, I was young, so, yeah, that that kind of played in.

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I'm sure that played into a lot of it.

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And, yeah, I do take all of those and and have, I am take accountability and brought it into my marriage and my family and um, having done that to my children, um, now, so painful, so so painful, so so painful to but I did it.

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I mean, I did it to my, I did it to my husband.

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I feel like maybe the youngest one probably got off easy because by then I was already in my journey.

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I was on my journey, learning about myself and learning that I can do better, I can be better.

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I don't want to be that way.

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Have you had conversations with Nico and Chelsea about what that looked like back then and what that did to them, or let them have a platform and hold space for them so that they can heal from that that did?

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to them, or or let them have a platform and hold space for them so that they can heal from that.

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Um, I feel the way that I did, uh, try to do that um probably wasn't um, it wasn't recent, so it was before.

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Right now doing it now yeah, 100, I'm gonna open.

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Yeah, like, let me have it.

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Yeah, but not recently.

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Brittany's talking about moving back from Washington and she's at this place where I feel like she is ready to heal you know, ready to do her journey, and I just I'm almost giddy with the excitement of her actually moving back down here.

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And wouldn't that be, how full circle would that be if I was able to help her heal from the trauma that I gave her.

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That's beautiful right, like to me, I know it gives me chills because it's just like and I'm and I've always um, I feel like I get better and better every time about just taking accountability for stuff.

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You know her and I have had a journey over the last couple of years of her being able to really speak her truth and hold space for her and take you know, take accountability for my lack of everything or my doing things the wrong way, because I think unless you're curious and unless you're working on yourself, you're literally just schlepping the same shit that you learned into your next thing, whatever that looked like.

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You know what I mean?

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It's my mom was so critical of my dad all the time is what it felt like and that and that fit for them right, like my.

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My dad's dad had died young and so he was raised by his mom and they were out on a farm and like all of this different stuff.

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I don't know if she was a ball buster or not, but my grandma, joe, was a tough broad, you know, um, and so maybe that's that fit for my dad, maybe he, he, you know, whatever.

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But then I took that into my relationship with Cameron, you know, and I was very critical of him all the time and I didn't realize it.

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Then I mean, he would tell me stuff you know years and years ago about me being like that.

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I'm like I don't know what you're talking about.

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Like I was just modeling the behavior for which I had done other than correcting the emotional piece of it and not bringing that into the into the mix, you know.

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So it's interesting to be at this place where it's like getting curious about why you did the things that you did, correcting the behavior.

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You know I tell Cameron, I'm like, every time I'm working on things or fixing things, or pulling out a brick and realizing that that doesn't fit for me and throwing it out and, and, you know, reprogramming some stuff and putting new bricks in, I'm like you're the direct benefactor of all of this work that I'm doing, because I'm not coming from that place.

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You know, it's like I want him to win, I want him to be successful.

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I don't want to be somebody that that doesn't do anything other than just support him and and do everything that I can to be amazing to him.

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You know, but that's not the place that I came from, because that's not what was modeled to me, you know.

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So, you know, looking at emotional intelligence, I had zero until I got sober, you know, and then really started looking at things and now I feel like it's just on steroids, like it's happening so much faster.

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I'm so in tune with how certain things make me feel and, uh, whether that's okay or whether that's not, and putting boundaries in place if it's not, or, or talking with people about things, really having the vocabulary, understanding that, um, you know, who you hang around with is who you're going to be.

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You know, our parents always said that when we were younger.

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Like, if you fly around with a bunch of turkeys, you're never going to soar like an eagle, you know, and blah, blah, blah, blah blah.

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You have all of these things where it's like you understand the people that you surround yourself with is really important.

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Some of the things they told us were actually bullshit, but it's like still made sense.

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That makes sense now.

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So it's so funny because I was thinking about that with Cameron and Wiley, because Cameron will say something and Wiley will fact check him.

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You know, like on the phone, we didn't have that.

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If your mom said, like this is what it is, you're like, okay, what are you going to do?

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Go to the fucking library to fucking figure out if that's true or not?

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No, it's like, okay, I guess that's what it is.

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She didn't know what she was doing.

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You know, once you look at that and that's nothing against her she was doing the best that she could, but she didn't know what the hell she was doing.

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You know, if I look back and I think about my mom when I was 15 years old my mom was probably a few years younger than I am and I think about I had a daughter like me, right, and she was right, and she's trying to do five kids and they didn't have money, you know.

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So you're trying to like really pull things together and keep the wheels on and like all of this stuff and just doing the best that you can with what you've been handed down, right, what a joke, you know, like it's a wonder, how do I even hold her accountable for the stuff that she did, you know, and for me it was moving out very young and that was just part of my story.

00:20:01.724 --> 00:20:02.990
There's nothing good, bad or whatever about that.

00:20:02.990 --> 00:20:03.994
That's just part of my story.

00:20:03.994 --> 00:20:06.242
There's nothing good, bad or whatever about that.

00:20:06.242 --> 00:20:07.326
That's just part of my story.

00:20:07.405 --> 00:20:09.720
But you know, my parents never fought in front of us.

00:20:09.720 --> 00:20:10.281
They never.

00:20:10.281 --> 00:20:13.588
You know, my mom showed nonstop emotion.

00:20:13.588 --> 00:20:15.452
My dad showed very little, you know.

00:20:15.452 --> 00:20:21.782
So it was just like I'm going to go with the dad route, cause that looks way cleaner you know, that's funny, how that happened.

00:20:21.963 --> 00:20:23.326
Right, exactly, right, right.

00:20:23.326 --> 00:20:24.770
So like were your parents emotion?

00:20:24.770 --> 00:20:26.286
Was your mom emotional about stuff?

00:20:26.286 --> 00:20:29.338
Did you see that, like what was your first experience with emotion?

00:20:29.338 --> 00:20:36.423
Because, as it was happening for me around me, with either my daughter or, whether you know, with my mom or whatever, it always looked messy to me.

00:20:36.423 --> 00:20:39.351
It always looked like no, thank you gosh, I don't.

00:20:39.510 --> 00:20:44.010
There's so many um idea like moments that are coming up in my head right now.

00:20:44.010 --> 00:20:49.462
Uh, I did see like my mom crying um at one point.

00:20:49.462 --> 00:20:58.080
Um, I do remember the moment my dad was holding his dad in his hands when he was dying.

00:20:58.080 --> 00:21:05.011
Um, I remember when my mom slapped me so hard, I literally saw fireworks.

00:21:05.011 --> 00:21:18.838
And this moment, this particular experience, was my mom left me unattended because she was in the kitchen or whatever she was doing.

00:21:18.838 --> 00:21:24.132
I, for whatever reason, said oh, I'm going to get your makeup and I'm going to put it on.

00:21:24.132 --> 00:21:26.501
And I got into her compact.

00:21:26.501 --> 00:21:30.051
You know those flippy ones, the powder, I don't even think they make those anymore.

00:21:30.051 --> 00:21:54.068
But I dropped it and I broke her powder compact and for her, whatever she was going through, because it wasn't about the compact, she got so mad at me and I knew in my heart that she didn't mean it and I kept crying to her and telling her please tell me, you're sorry, you tell, told her.

00:21:54.130 --> 00:21:56.452
Please tell me you're sorry, yes, because she hurt you.

00:21:57.193 --> 00:22:12.067
She hurt me, yeah, but I knew it wasn't her, that for that moment I I knew she didn't mean it Right and I begged her to tell me she was sorry and she never, she still has until this day we're gonna have to call her.

00:22:12.067 --> 00:22:25.512
We're coming for you, but um that perspective, that day, it was it, it stuck with me and um it lived in my marriage the whole time.

00:22:29.040 --> 00:22:47.047
I still think I deserve an apology, even though I don't Wow and it sucks, and I feel like I need to apologize to my kids a hundred times, right, because of that moment.

00:22:47.047 --> 00:22:53.736
And it's not my mom, it's just that moment I held and I haven't let it go.

00:22:53.736 --> 00:22:58.108
Yeah, and I need to work on that, yeah, yeah.

00:22:58.108 --> 00:23:03.201
So yeah, it's jacked up.

00:23:03.201 --> 00:23:07.361
It's jacked up what we hold and what we don't release and what we don't let go yeah.

00:23:07.361 --> 00:23:10.960
And what it does to your freaking life.

00:23:11.000 --> 00:23:19.201
Yeah, I don't think people realize that's the band, you know, the drum that I'm beating right now is that I just don't think people even realize I had no idea.

00:23:19.201 --> 00:23:28.413
When I went to rehab and I did all the things I just thought put the, put the booze up on a higher shelf and fucking hide it from me and and I'll quit drinking and we'll be on our way.

00:23:28.413 --> 00:23:29.857
I literally had no idea.

00:23:29.857 --> 00:23:47.325
I did a Reiki session at at rehab, because the one that you selected for me which again, thank you, by the way, your vacation, yeah, my spa vacation the one that you selected for me and laid the groundwork for they I did Reiki over there.

00:23:47.325 --> 00:23:54.636
And after I did the Reiki, I went back to my room and I literally shit out of my mouth, like I don't know how to say that it was not throwing up, it was literally shit that was coming out of my mouth.

00:23:54.636 --> 00:23:59.284
And I told lady the next day, the reiki lady and she's like oh my god, I'm so happy to hear that.

00:23:59.284 --> 00:24:00.365
I'm like what are you talking about?

00:24:00.404 --> 00:24:13.471
she's like that means we got whatever was blocking something and it's like I believe in all the healing modalities now because it's like I think you store stuff, this shit, like you're a grown-ass woman, something that happened to you when.

00:24:13.471 --> 00:24:15.174
How old were you when the compact thing happened?

00:24:15.174 --> 00:24:17.157
Four Four still brings tears to you.

00:24:17.157 --> 00:24:18.138
Do you know what I mean?

00:24:18.138 --> 00:24:21.724
Apologize to me, mom, and understanding that.

00:24:21.724 --> 00:24:30.894
When you say that you carried that through your marriage, how did that present itself in your marriage that you're talking about like always feeling like you needed an apology or that you were done wrong, or like how did that?

00:24:31.013 --> 00:24:34.382
Yeah, like I was done wrong and and that I was right.

00:24:34.382 --> 00:24:47.143
Yeah, which is another segment, but you know I would say things and I thought I was right, you know yeah, but um not about me, yeah and um, yeah, I there.

00:24:47.143 --> 00:24:58.728
There was not apologies, um, but again, that person didn't know what they didn't know, so it still happened in.

00:24:58.728 --> 00:25:02.698
In my marriage there was an experience the whole time, like the whole time.

00:25:03.118 --> 00:25:13.641
It's interesting to me because the things that we think we only see things, or maybe you find a different experience, but for me I realized I only saw things from my side ever when I was doing stuff, you know.

00:25:13.641 --> 00:25:23.896
And so it was like I remember getting into it with with Cameron, and it was like I'm doing all of these things, right, I'm doing the laundry and I'm taking care of this, and I'm dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, and Cameron sat there so calm and he goes.

00:25:23.896 --> 00:25:32.159
No one asked you to, and I was like you told me that I was like fuck, I mean that hit me like a fucking ton of bricks because he's not wrong.

00:25:32.499 --> 00:25:35.323
Like I'm being the martyr because that's what I was handed down, right.

00:25:35.323 --> 00:25:37.526
I always felt like my mom was the martyr, right.

00:25:37.526 --> 00:25:44.420
I absolutely fell right into that exact role, for all of these things, of I don't want to be emotional, I don't want to be this, I don't want to be that.

00:25:44.420 --> 00:25:47.880
I fell right into that role of like, look at all of this stuff that I did.

00:25:47.880 --> 00:25:49.755
Who asked you to do that?

00:25:49.755 --> 00:25:53.652
Right, you get to choose and from that, moment on.

00:25:53.811 --> 00:25:55.854
Everybody does their own laundry and like all of the things.

00:25:55.854 --> 00:25:56.935
I don't want to be resentful.

00:25:56.935 --> 00:26:06.865
I spent years just building resentment for things because people didn't take care of me and people didn't do the things, that I was better to people than they were to me and like all of these things.

00:26:06.865 --> 00:26:08.787
Well then, stop doing that.

00:26:08.787 --> 00:26:11.092
Take care of yourself, right?

00:26:11.092 --> 00:26:13.078
I didn't realize for all of those years and how stupid that is.

00:26:13.078 --> 00:26:16.926
I made it to 40 and I never realized happiness is an inside job.

00:26:16.926 --> 00:26:20.036
I thought I was just supposed to surround myself with people that made me happy.

00:26:20.036 --> 00:26:21.840
How outrageous is that.

00:26:22.501 --> 00:26:23.695
And then beat them up when they don't.

00:26:23.695 --> 00:26:28.292
It's so funny because you brought something to my attention and I thought this before.

00:26:28.292 --> 00:26:52.421
I think I talked to you about it because I grew up with family close when I was little and it was always a competition, and I think that because I didn't want it to be a competition, I didn't want the, the fight and the struggle and and so I'm not competitive at all.

00:26:52.421 --> 00:26:57.175
Yeah, I will just lay down before.

00:26:57.175 --> 00:26:58.979
Isn't that so funny?

00:26:58.979 --> 00:27:01.262
Yeah, um, I will just lay down before.

00:27:01.262 --> 00:27:02.505
Isn't that so funny?

00:27:02.505 --> 00:27:03.406
Yeah, well, and so I was.

00:27:07.509 --> 00:27:09.432
There was because there was spite wrapped around it.

00:27:09.432 --> 00:27:24.493
There was always a revenge part of it, and that's what I laid down to is like I'm not even against you, but I'm getting hurt by it, and so you, but I'm getting hurt by it, and so that's what I grew up with and that is how.

00:27:24.493 --> 00:27:35.403
Another thing that I brought, like I brought so much shit to my marriage, just so much that I am realizing and I go oh my god, you were right and it is a wonder I was even married for that long.

00:27:35.423 --> 00:27:42.078
I, I know it's awful, and he probably didn't have the emotional intelligence to understand what the fuck was happening, right?

00:27:42.078 --> 00:27:44.396
Or to speak his piece or to you know whatever.

00:27:44.396 --> 00:27:45.521
I'm not even going to comment on that.

00:27:45.521 --> 00:27:49.098
Well, you understand what I'm saying, like none of us did at that age.

00:27:49.098 --> 00:27:59.171
Right, he's just bringing whatever he brought from his parents and the fucked up stuff that happens with that, right, because I've yet to meet someone who I'm like oh, your childhood sounded amazing, you know.

00:27:59.352 --> 00:28:01.714
As you start talking to people, it's like oh, your dad was a drunk.

00:28:01.714 --> 00:28:04.199
Oh, you got, you know, your ass kicked on the regular.

00:28:04.199 --> 00:28:18.732
Oh, you know, like all of the things we're all fucked up, you know, and to realize like you don't have to just carry they talk about you know, that's the work that you're on.

00:28:18.732 --> 00:28:33.074
But once you really embrace that, embrace that journey and embrace the things as they come up, when they're coming up, and releasing them and dealing with them as they do, I encourage people to do that, younger and younger, don't worry about carrying that around until you're in your forties and fifties and sixties.

00:28:33.074 --> 00:28:40.817
You know, and I see, I see friends and and other people that we know and I look at where they are in their journeys for stuff.

00:28:40.817 --> 00:28:44.892
A lot of people have no idea, right, they're just dragging around the bags.

00:28:44.892 --> 00:28:46.276
They don't even realize they're dragging around.

00:28:46.276 --> 00:28:50.273
And again, for me, I can't just be like oh, excuse me, you can set that down if you want to.

00:28:50.273 --> 00:28:55.621
Like I have to stay in my own lane a little bit, right, so I plant seeds with people you know about.

00:28:55.621 --> 00:29:01.429
Like, it doesn't have to be like that, right, I think I lead by example, where I'm completely different.

00:29:01.469 --> 00:29:09.431
You know, I was asking Cameron, because we always used to talk about and 2.0 and 3.0, you know, whatever I'm like which, which version of Anna am I on?

00:29:09.431 --> 00:29:11.532
He's like oh, I don't fucking know, I lost count a long time ago.

00:29:11.532 --> 00:29:15.255
Like, now you're starting to get where it's, just you're rolling, you know.

00:29:15.255 --> 00:29:17.176
And so is it even a version anymore?

00:29:17.176 --> 00:29:19.417
Like I just want to be the best version of myself.

00:29:19.417 --> 00:29:21.079
My competition is my yesterday.

00:29:21.079 --> 00:29:23.000
Yeah, you know who was Ann yesterday.

00:29:23.000 --> 00:29:24.461
Can I be better than her today?

00:29:24.863 --> 00:29:28.105
And I think that really resonates with athletes or with other people.

00:29:28.105 --> 00:29:31.126
Like, don't have competition with other people, that's pointless.

00:29:31.126 --> 00:29:39.759
Yeah, have competition with yourself and be the best version of yourself, whether it's in an athlete way, whether it's in, you know, emotional, whether it's in mental, whether it's in any of the things.

00:29:39.759 --> 00:29:42.303
Learn the things, push yourself, be the best version.

00:29:42.303 --> 00:29:45.915
You don't have to be this rinse lather and repeat yeah, nobody needs that shit.

00:29:45.915 --> 00:29:46.136
Right?

00:29:46.136 --> 00:29:53.098
There's all of these tools and all of these tips and tricks that we can do that will propel you forward and you're going to be your best version by setting that stuff down.

00:29:53.098 --> 00:29:55.383
Yeah, what do you think?

00:29:55.383 --> 00:30:00.734
I remember back when I was married to my first husband and you were married, obviously.

00:30:00.734 --> 00:30:03.340
What did that look like back then?

00:30:03.340 --> 00:30:06.515
What did that look like from the outside, or vice versa, like?

00:30:06.515 --> 00:30:08.259
I remember thinking you were batshit crazy.

00:30:08.640 --> 00:30:15.636
Oh yeah, yeah, for me, seeing you, you look like my mom.

00:30:15.636 --> 00:30:27.921
Yeah, you were just doing the things, all the things, and very, very spread thin, yeah, and I always thought, why are you doing all of these things?

00:30:27.921 --> 00:30:31.836
Yeah, very good, host, sure, sure, too much.

00:30:31.836 --> 00:30:42.525
Yeah, it was a lot, yeah, and there was a lot of times I had anxiety because I well, I always felt like I couldn't keep up.

00:30:42.630 --> 00:30:42.770
Yeah.

00:30:42.770 --> 00:30:44.710
No, you're making me think of something I'll tell you in a minute.

00:30:44.710 --> 00:30:48.150
So I didn't mean to like laugh and interrupt, but you have me laughing about something that you said recently.

00:30:48.309 --> 00:30:53.834
Yeah, I just I always felt like I couldn't keep up and I was like, oh my gosh, I was getting tired just watching you.

00:30:53.874 --> 00:30:54.074
Yeah.

00:30:54.473 --> 00:30:55.335
And that was the truth.

00:30:55.375 --> 00:31:03.964
Yeah, it's like, right, well, when I, when I actually look at myself and I look at people around me and I realize, like, why am I working 10 times harder than everyone else?

00:31:03.964 --> 00:31:05.625
Do you know what I mean?

00:31:05.625 --> 00:31:13.634
Like I don't understand and I don't know where that came from, specifically, right, my dad always had an excellent work ethic and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

00:31:13.634 --> 00:31:15.135
But why did I feel like I needed to do that?

00:31:15.135 --> 00:31:15.516
Was I?

00:31:15.516 --> 00:31:16.017
You know?

00:31:16.017 --> 00:31:19.020
I think a lot of my worth stemmed from that.

00:31:19.020 --> 00:31:27.299
Right, if I worked harder than everybody, if I was the first one in, last one out, if I all of these things that that validated me, right?

00:31:27.299 --> 00:31:46.436
Like, unfortunately, for whatever reason, um, I have spent a lot of years of my life feeding off of crumbs, of people that fucking give me praise and that's what validates me, when that shouldn't be what validates me at all you bet something not a parking ticket no, exactly like that's the whole thing, the idea of that.

00:31:46.477 --> 00:32:02.830
That actually has been a thing up until even just a few years ago, of realizing I don't need other people to validate me, right, but I did for so long and so it like I was constantly working for that praise from other people, right To be able to fill something, because I didn't know how to fill my cup.

00:32:02.830 --> 00:32:10.680
You know, it's like we talk about filling your cup and like I just had a giant hole in the bottom of mine and it never kept anything in and so I was literally just.

00:32:10.680 --> 00:32:16.117
You know, it's the reason why it was always so important that men thought I was beautiful or that they thought I was amazing and whatever.

00:32:16.117 --> 00:32:25.211
Right, I'm in this construction industry with this trucker mouth, with you know, whatever, but it was always shocking and all the boys were always oh, she's so great, fuck off you know, what I mean.

00:32:25.231 --> 00:32:26.595
Like what?

00:32:26.595 --> 00:32:32.315
How different would my life have looked if I didn't need that Right, If I didn't need someone telling me how great I was?

00:32:32.315 --> 00:32:36.962
You know, if I just knew in myself what my self-worth was right?

00:32:36.962 --> 00:32:46.651
But even like I talked to my parents a couple couple months ago and my mom says something about we didn't want to tell you how proud of you we were when you were younger because we didn't want to give you a big head about it.

00:32:46.651 --> 00:32:48.996
I'm like, are you out of your mind?

00:32:48.996 --> 00:32:51.742
Oh my god, like that's a parenting strategy.

00:32:51.742 --> 00:32:58.263
I'm like I tell my kids I'm proud of them all the time.

00:32:58.263 --> 00:33:02.036
Like I want them to have the confidence I want them to, whatever.

00:33:02.036 --> 00:33:10.338
I don't want them to have to feel like they have to get crumbs from people that don't matter to validate them and for their self-worth.

00:33:10.338 --> 00:33:10.961
You know what I mean.

00:33:10.961 --> 00:33:13.439
But again, she's doing the best she could.

00:33:13.439 --> 00:33:24.272
You know she had her situation with her parents and having her explain to me some of the things that she was raised with, which was very they were a very religious household.

00:33:24.594 --> 00:33:27.240
There was a lot of shame associated with staff right.

00:33:27.240 --> 00:33:31.432
A lot of things that we don't talk about.

00:33:31.432 --> 00:33:33.598
You know which, again, I don't agree with.

00:33:33.598 --> 00:33:36.434
I've told you before I was raised to be a liar because we don't.

00:33:36.434 --> 00:33:42.934
We hide things right, which is why I'm anti-organized religion, because it's even though we talked what we talked about last night.

00:33:42.934 --> 00:33:47.776
We'll get that another topic but I'm very anti-organized religion because it's very hypocritical.

00:33:47.776 --> 00:34:01.112
You know, we stand up here and talk about how we're holier than thou, but we're going to hide things underneath.

00:34:01.046 --> 00:34:01.401
This is why I'm here.

00:34:01.401 --> 00:34:01.979
This is the platform that I am.

00:34:01.979 --> 00:34:02.729
Let's shatter all that shit.

00:34:02.729 --> 00:34:02.837
You know what I mean.

00:34:02.837 --> 00:34:05.538
Let's talk about the dirty gross things, let's talk about the things that make people uncomfortable.

00:34:05.660 --> 00:34:06.221
You know what I mean.

00:34:06.642 --> 00:34:12.635
When you bring things to the light.

00:34:12.635 --> 00:34:12.835
Shame.

00:34:12.835 --> 00:34:14.717
Can't live where it's where it's off.

00:34:14.717 --> 00:34:18.161
You're such an asshole.

00:34:18.161 --> 00:34:20.003
I want to tell you something.

00:34:20.003 --> 00:34:24.166
So when I chuckle, I literally hate you.

00:34:24.166 --> 00:34:33.717
I need you to know that when you sent me that thing, it's in our new level of friendship.

00:34:33.717 --> 00:34:41.523
I will say I believe that since October of last year we have started this new level of friendship and it makes our old friendship seem like child's play.

00:34:41.523 --> 00:34:46.693
It's how I will say that, like you were gone for five or six days, I was like when is my best friend coming home?

00:34:46.693 --> 00:34:47.878
I miss her so much.

00:34:48.070 --> 00:34:49.978
You know, like moping around the house and stuff.

00:34:49.978 --> 00:34:57.202
But it's fun to get your perspective of who I've been all this time, right, when you say like, oh my God, I was like what are you doing?

00:34:57.202 --> 00:34:58.164
You're giving me anxiety.

00:34:58.164 --> 00:34:58.764
I'm exhausted.

00:34:58.764 --> 00:35:03.536
You're right, I'm exhausted thinking back to those things because I did all of that stuff.

00:35:03.536 --> 00:35:09.739
I look at my first marriage and how I was just I will do everything, don't worry, I'm going to do everything.

00:35:09.739 --> 00:35:15.762
But then I'm going to resent you because you let me do everything, right, and so it's like a very vicious cycle for stuff.

00:35:16.164 --> 00:35:25.875
But when you sent me that that instagram post where it's the lady on the trampoline and she's just jumping, jumping, jumping you're like that's how I feel around you.

00:35:25.875 --> 00:35:30.027
I was like, and I showed cameron, he's like that's on brand.

00:35:30.027 --> 00:35:32.452
I'm like, oh my god, is that how I am?

00:35:32.452 --> 00:35:36.619
And so I'm trying to like let other people do.

00:35:36.619 --> 00:35:38.985
I'm trying to do less.

00:35:38.985 --> 00:35:41.038
It is, it takes a lot for me.

00:35:41.038 --> 00:35:42.255
I know that it's the right thing.

00:35:42.255 --> 00:35:51.880
I know that it feels very good to get up on a Saturday morning and not feel like I have to go conquer the world, but just sit and read a book or enjoy a puzzle, you know, or whatever.

00:35:51.880 --> 00:36:00.293
But yeah, I think I've been the majority of my adult life that fucking lunatic that's running around, like you know, like just nonstop.

00:36:00.552 --> 00:36:01.773
I wonder, was it?

00:36:01.773 --> 00:36:05.054
Was it ever a coping mechanism, a numbing thing?

00:36:05.094 --> 00:36:06.815
Oh I'm sure, I'm sure of it.

00:36:06.815 --> 00:36:10.297
Right, like I was always a workaholic, yeah, why?

00:36:10.297 --> 00:36:12.518
Right, like it made me very successful in life.

00:36:12.518 --> 00:36:16.840
But I look back at that and it's like you know I always said like, hey, casey, here you can raise my kids.

00:36:16.840 --> 00:36:21.362
I'm going to be fucking, you know, creating companies and doing all of this stuff.

00:36:21.362 --> 00:36:25.664
I had no idea, right, maybe just take a breath, take a beat.

00:36:25.664 --> 00:36:30.027
I mean, I'm lucky and fortunate to have the people in my path that I have and I would not change that.

00:36:30.027 --> 00:36:32.568
But I look back at it and I think that's exhausting.

00:36:32.568 --> 00:36:35.693
It looks exhausting, right, it feels like it was exhausting.

00:36:35.693 --> 00:36:42.016
So to be at this place, where it's like feeling emotions as they come up, you know I'm at this place.

00:36:42.016 --> 00:36:51.117
You know Michael Singer says if you stop putting stuff on top, if you learn that technique at least right, stop storing stuff and just let it pass through, the shit that is stored will come up.

00:36:51.117 --> 00:36:53.838
It's like helium balloons underwater right and it'll be easier.

00:36:53.998 --> 00:36:54.760
It'll be easier.

00:36:54.760 --> 00:37:02.481
But it's crazy to me because I always had this where I don't remember my childhood, I don't remember, you know, very far back.

00:37:02.521 --> 00:37:04.552
I got a couple of years, right, and so you don't remember it.

00:37:04.552 --> 00:37:12.871
But as I've been doing this work, shit is starting to come up and it's like it hits me like a ton of bricks when it does, because I'll have a memory that happens.

00:37:12.871 --> 00:37:18.021
And not only am I having the memory flood in, but I'm having the emotions that I should have felt when it happened.

00:37:18.021 --> 00:37:25.878
And that's a powerful thing, because I've made a commitment to myself that when stuff comes up, I will allow it to come up when it happens.

00:37:25.878 --> 00:37:31.530
And it's hard not to just stuff it back down, because that's what I've spent my entire life doing is just stuffing stuff back down.

00:37:31.530 --> 00:37:35.536
It's okay, everything's okay, I'm fine, everything's fine, it's not fine.

00:37:35.536 --> 00:37:37.099
Do you know what I mean?

00:37:37.099 --> 00:37:47.199
And I'm exhausted from carrying all of this baggage around and we're going to fucking bring it up and we're going to let it see the light of day and we're going to deal with it, even though it's messy, even though it's.

00:37:47.481 --> 00:37:52.094
You know, there's a lot of gross stuff that's in there that you just store and you didn't even realize that.

00:37:52.094 --> 00:38:01.052
You did you know, man, did you know?

00:38:01.052 --> 00:38:03.577
Yeah, until recently I was like well, my, my sexual trauma as a child wasn't that bad.

00:38:03.577 --> 00:38:08.750
And then I started looking at like, okay, well, that happened, that happened, that happened, that happened.

00:38:08.750 --> 00:38:13.806
I mean, it's just over, these patterns that just continue to repeat themselves.

00:38:13.806 --> 00:38:14.630
I look back at that.

00:38:14.630 --> 00:38:23.217
I'm mortified for any child that would have to go through the amount of shit that I went through, right, and I just just, you just cope and you just, next thing, you never process any of that stuff.

00:38:23.317 --> 00:38:26.672
Yeah, right, that's what it did with all the deaths in my family.

00:38:26.672 --> 00:38:28.579
Absolutely Right Grief is the worst.

00:38:28.679 --> 00:38:29.909
Right, I mean, that's what that's.

00:38:29.909 --> 00:38:33.253
What started this for me is when my sister passed away right Unexpectedly.

00:38:33.253 --> 00:38:39.197
It fucking sent me off the edge, not in a way that a lot of people from the outside would even see.

00:38:39.197 --> 00:38:41.920
I've been talking to people recently and they're like you, held it together pretty well.

00:38:41.920 --> 00:38:47.045
I didn't process any of it, because grief to me is the big daddy.

00:38:47.045 --> 00:38:49.067
Grief is the big daddy of the emotions.

00:38:49.067 --> 00:38:49.887
You know what I mean.

00:38:49.887 --> 00:38:56.617
And so I just drank and drank and drank and fucking stuffed it down, and stuffed it down and stuffed it down until I couldn't anymore, you know.

00:38:56.617 --> 00:39:02.173
And then you go to, I go to rehab and all of this stuff starts coming out and I'm like this doesn't, this isn't a good look.

00:39:02.173 --> 00:39:03.597
But you know what is?

00:39:03.597 --> 00:39:13.597
40 years of fucking trauma and, uh, pushing stuff down and not feeling things and not, you know, just next going next, next, next, next, no matter what fucked up stuff happens to you.

00:39:13.878 --> 00:39:14.842
Yeah, do you know what I mean?

00:39:14.842 --> 00:39:23.070
I mean?

00:39:23.070 --> 00:39:30.612
I mean you're right, you're right, teaching our kids and younger and younger, all the kids from even when they're in school, that processing your emotions is the right thing to do, because, gosh, yeah, I mean, we wouldn't be here talking about this if we had.

00:39:30.612 --> 00:39:41.764
But, um, yeah, just just feeling all of the things and realizing what trauma you bring to the table is not great.

00:39:43.431 --> 00:40:03.456
I was sitting on the balcony this past week and I had this conversation that was very uncomfortable for me and I closed right up like a freaking venus fly, drop, like instantly, and felt what I felt and then I was like nope.

00:40:03.456 --> 00:40:12.233
So this morning I turned on my youtube and I asked God just put on whatever I'm supposed to listen to.

00:40:12.233 --> 00:40:14.755
Yeah, um, the first thing that comes up.

00:40:14.755 --> 00:40:27.847
The first thing that comes up is you're the closest to God when you feel what you're feeling, like anxiety was the example, and you actually sit in it.

00:40:27.847 --> 00:40:33.181
Yes, and I did not do that for one second.

00:40:33.181 --> 00:40:35.938
Did I even pause to think this is what I should do?

00:40:35.938 --> 00:40:38.074
Right, and now I will.

00:40:38.074 --> 00:40:48.721
Yes, because I'm telling you, this trip was supposed to be a vacation and relax and reset, and it was nothing but the teachers and lessons luckily right, it was great.

00:40:48.780 --> 00:40:50.530
Yeah, because you'd rather do that than vacation.

00:40:50.530 --> 00:40:51.313
Anyways, right.

00:40:51.313 --> 00:40:55.514
For me, it's like the more stuff I figure out, the more stuff I work out, the happier I am.

00:40:55.514 --> 00:40:57.800
The lighter I I am, the better I am.

00:40:57.929 --> 00:41:01.036
So my daughter-in-law, I got duped in my vacation.

00:41:01.036 --> 00:41:14.717
God duped me, but it was, it was, it was the best it was, it was so good and, um yeah, I'm only that much more intelligent emotionally because of it, yeah Well and that's the whole thing.

00:41:14.797 --> 00:41:17.422
All of this stuff that we're learning, it's just muscles, you know.

00:41:17.422 --> 00:41:18.844
You get better as you use it.

00:41:18.844 --> 00:41:20.728
You get better as you are aware of it.

00:41:20.728 --> 00:41:24.224
If you're not aware of it, you don't even fucking know that it is there to work on you know.

00:41:24.224 --> 00:41:27.135
So being able to say like, okay, what does that look like?

00:41:27.135 --> 00:41:28.177
What do I need to?

00:41:28.177 --> 00:41:29.380
And and teaching our children.

00:41:29.420 --> 00:41:33.594
I think you know, I you and I were both young when we had kids.

00:41:33.594 --> 00:41:38.721
Had I known the level of responsibility that you really should take before you decide to have children?

00:41:38.721 --> 00:41:56.235
And everyone should realize that, like you're responsible for creating another human being oh yeah, you know, and not just keeping them alive with food and medical attention but, like you're responsible for their emotional intelligence, you're responsible for educating them so that they understand how to navigate life.

00:41:56.235 --> 00:42:02.931
You're responsible for teaching them that they can handle anything, not what needs to happen in order for you to be okay.

00:42:02.931 --> 00:42:07.751
Not okay, as long as this is here and this is here and this is here, then everything's going to be okay.

00:42:07.751 --> 00:42:10.338
But, like, I can handle whatever comes up.

00:42:10.338 --> 00:42:12.322
That's the children that I want to raise.

00:42:12.322 --> 00:42:16.179
Right, I'm late to the dance because I didn't realize that, you know.

00:42:16.179 --> 00:42:26.416
But, like with Wiley and and the fact that he's been home this whole time that I've been doing all of this work, I'm not shy about talking with him about stuff that either happened in the past or stuff that I'm working on or whatever.

00:42:26.416 --> 00:42:28.143
It just bleeds into things, you know.

00:42:28.445 --> 00:42:52.311
But it's elevating everyone around me because it's like, as I'm thirsty and just doing this work and and and so curious about whatever everyone that's around me either sees it, asks questions or we're talking about stuff or whatever it is, and it's excellent because literally all of the people that are in my immediate circle are doing the work, are figuring out what does that look like for them, are waking up from understanding that it's not just a rinse lather repeat thing.

00:42:52.311 --> 00:42:53.755
It's fucking boring.

00:42:53.755 --> 00:42:56.141
Who wants it to just be a rinse lather repeat thing?

00:42:56.141 --> 00:43:01.411
Right, you know what I mean.

00:43:01.411 --> 00:43:05.327
You want to do the same day over and over and over again and try to construct your life so that it doesn't bump into any of your stuff and that you stay comfortable.

00:43:05.367 --> 00:43:08.215
Fuck, comfort, that's where everything goes to die is comfort, you know.

00:43:08.215 --> 00:43:11.751
Get uncomfortable, lean into the discomfort of everything.

00:43:11.751 --> 00:43:12.773
That's where it's good.

00:43:12.773 --> 00:43:16.898
You know that didn't feel comfortable for you on the balcony to deal, be dealing with that shit.

00:43:16.898 --> 00:43:19.603
But even just looking at that, okay, why is this making me feel this way?

00:43:19.603 --> 00:43:29.715
Why is this whatever, and then being able to run it the way you want it to you know that's, that's important it would be very so let me jump over.

00:43:29.835 --> 00:43:46.601
Yeah, I, um, you were talking about kids and I told um were talking about kids, yeah, and I told um, chelsea, I'm sure my second daughter, yeah, that's uh, don't have kids yet because I'm not ready.

00:43:47.061 --> 00:43:53.496
But you know, I was jokingly saying that, but literally I think, okay, I'm ready now.

00:43:53.496 --> 00:44:01.014
But I told, I told her that years before my son was even married, um, I'm sure he was dating um his wife now.

00:44:01.014 --> 00:44:20.731
But I said that even before um, because I said I want to be the best grandmother, I want to be ready, I want to, you know, be the grandmother that some of the grandkids, some of my nieces and nephews, didn't feel that they had um from their grandparents.

00:44:20.731 --> 00:44:23.958
And, um, I, I'm trying to learn from that.

00:44:23.958 --> 00:44:28.715
And I, and I told Chelsea, I was like, you know, don't have kids yet because I'm not ready.

00:44:28.715 --> 00:44:30.438
But, um, I'm ready now.

00:44:30.438 --> 00:44:43.460
I think I feel like I'm ready, you know, um, to be able to help them with the emotional intelligence, because I believe that that's the most important.

00:44:43.460 --> 00:44:45.773
I agree with you a thousand percent the food and the clothing.

00:44:45.954 --> 00:44:47.358
that's just little stuff.

00:44:49.030 --> 00:44:50.036
People worry about that.

00:44:50.036 --> 00:44:51.250
Oh, how am I going to feed my kids?

00:44:51.250 --> 00:44:51.835
How am I going to?

00:44:51.835 --> 00:44:54.072
Well, yeah, Well.

00:44:54.092 --> 00:44:54.916
I look at yeah.

00:44:55.050 --> 00:44:56.711
Yeah, I look at where we are with stuff, right.

00:44:56.711 --> 00:44:58.813
So you look at, we're a society of numbers.

00:44:58.813 --> 00:45:01.637
If you're not aware of that, open your eyes.

00:45:01.637 --> 00:45:03.559
We are a society of numbers, right?

00:45:03.559 --> 00:45:10.226
You can numb with your phone, with work, with sex, with booze, with drugs, with you know all of the things, fitness, I mean.

00:45:10.226 --> 00:45:19.835
You can numb and once you realize that you're doing it, you can't unknow that.

00:45:19.855 --> 00:45:22.021
That, to me, is a powerful thing, because I can feel when I'm numbing with any of those things, right.

00:45:22.021 --> 00:45:34.226
Obviously, I numbed with alcohol for a lot of years, but now that I know that that's what I'm doing, I totally feel it and I have to catch myself and tell myself to knock it the fuck off and feel the feels.

00:45:34.226 --> 00:45:35.891
You know what I mean, because that's what we're numbing.

00:45:35.891 --> 00:45:43.360
We don't want to feel the difficult things that happen, the difficult things that we're going through, but all you're doing is setting the example to your children that they can just numb out too.

00:45:43.360 --> 00:45:45.514
What a sorry existence.

00:45:45.514 --> 00:45:52.574
If you just flatline, right, if you're just and to me that's the whole rinse, lather, repeat You're just flatlining through Great.

00:45:52.574 --> 00:45:55.739
You're not feeling the shitty stuff, but you're not feeling the great stuff either.

00:45:55.739 --> 00:45:56.661
And I'm telling you.

00:45:56.661 --> 00:45:59.525
I've been on both sides and I wouldn't go back if you paid me.

00:45:59.989 --> 00:46:00.070
And.

00:46:00.150 --> 00:46:02.371
I lived a great life, like you know me, I didn't.

00:46:02.371 --> 00:46:06.936
I wasn't like, oh, sally, you know, sad Sally, whatever I always had a great life, right.

00:46:06.936 --> 00:46:09.152
It was nothing compared to this, right?

00:46:09.152 --> 00:46:18.762
So, being able to teach our children you know, I'm trying to help Emily, where she'll allow me to, to navigate her emotions because I fucked that young girl up, right?

00:46:18.762 --> 00:46:19.702
You don't?

00:46:19.702 --> 00:46:28.309
You don't have to feel it, you just push it down, push it down, push it down, put it away.

00:46:28.309 --> 00:46:29.112
You don't have to do that, right.

00:46:29.112 --> 00:46:29.592
And now she's angry.

00:46:29.592 --> 00:46:32.117
When she feels emotions because of the fact that, that's, you know, that was what was dealt to her.

00:46:32.117 --> 00:46:33.077
She should be angry.

00:46:33.077 --> 00:46:34.920
I would be angry too, that's, you know.

00:46:34.920 --> 00:46:39.188
If you're wanting to have kids, or if you have young kids, get your head around that.

00:46:39.188 --> 00:46:51.581
Get your own emotional intelligence in check so that you can actually teach your children to be capable to handle anything, so that something bad doesn't happen and it just sends them off the rails because they don't even know how to deal with it Right.

00:46:51.702 --> 00:46:53.893
You know, Yep, there's a lot of things I don't know how to deal with.

00:46:53.893 --> 00:46:55.115
Yep, there's a lot of things I don't know how to deal with.

00:46:55.115 --> 00:47:01.543
Do you feel like you work with your kids, your kiddos, on that kind of stuff now, just in even sharing with them stuff or like conversations?

00:47:01.543 --> 00:47:02.269
Maybe more so, lauren, than anybody?

00:47:03.873 --> 00:47:04.797
Two out of three.

00:47:04.797 --> 00:47:18.579
Okay, I think the third one that's not directly in communications with me always, um is so much like me that, um, I mean in all my kids.

00:47:18.579 --> 00:47:21.184
There's a component of me in each one of them.

00:47:21.184 --> 00:48:01.791
And I will say, unfortunately, chelsea has the, the probably the worst part of me, um, that she took on, with the anxiety, with the worry about everything, um, type of me, the, maybe even a, well, the anger, yeah, um, and so, like that would be lovely for her to be able to see what can happen, what you can accomplish, what you can do if you work.

00:48:03.340 --> 00:48:06.387
And maybe she is, and that's the sad part is, I don't even know.

00:48:06.387 --> 00:48:17.048
Maybe she is, but it's unfortunate that I didn't.

00:48:17.048 --> 00:48:23.228
I'm not regretful, but I didn't know this before and it's just all about now.

00:48:23.228 --> 00:48:44.063
I mean, I talked to my mom so much because she's my resource, like that's where I got a lot of of, where I my habits and my everything that I brought to the table, my habits and my everything that I brought to the table, you know, um, a lot of it was and she didn't even do anything.

00:48:44.083 --> 00:48:44.827
And that's the thing is.

00:48:44.827 --> 00:48:46.112
I learned so much from her, not just witnessing?

00:48:46.132 --> 00:48:46.713
Yeah, just being the witness.

00:48:46.733 --> 00:48:50.704
Where does the you said earlier, the baseline, base layer of anger right?

00:48:50.704 --> 00:48:52.085
Where did that come?

00:48:52.126 --> 00:49:06.590
from Probably my dad yeah, I mean, I would say my dad and and I didn't um, I, I saw him in bar fights and he I could tell he is frustrated.

00:49:06.590 --> 00:49:18.775
Yeah, um, and I saw a lot of remorse from him too, like, unfortunately, I was kind of his best friend at times when I was little and you know he showed emotion, did he?

00:49:18.775 --> 00:49:20.385
Yeah, he showed emotion.

00:49:20.385 --> 00:49:21.309
He didn't like it.

00:49:21.309 --> 00:49:26.452
Like he got mad at himself after he was like, oh, I'm going to drink another beer, you know Right.

00:49:27.061 --> 00:49:35.693
Well, they were not taught to process emotion either, and so then you have men that turn all emotion into anger or rage.

00:49:38.739 --> 00:49:39.521
Yep, sounds about right.

00:49:39.521 --> 00:49:42.126
Yeah, I, I hide, yeah, my sadness with anger.

00:49:42.126 --> 00:49:46.380
That's my shield is anger, um well, I won't claim that right now.

00:49:46.380 --> 00:49:50.289
Yeah, I actually am switching that, but it was for a long time.

00:49:50.349 --> 00:49:52.072
it was yeah and it's and it is.

00:49:52.072 --> 00:49:58.164
It almost just feels like this really big layer that just kind of goes against and it keeps people away.

00:49:58.164 --> 00:50:05.592
You know, I was talking with Cameron about that, right, because he also has that base layer and it's like you're making me work through that to get to you.

00:50:05.592 --> 00:50:10.385
I'm exhausted, I'm tired of having to fucking do all of this work to get to the underside of that.

00:50:10.385 --> 00:50:11.806
I've earned a spot at your table.

00:50:12.128 --> 00:50:13.650
I've done the work I've I've.

00:50:13.650 --> 00:50:16.132
You know I'm here with you in the trenches every single day.

00:50:16.132 --> 00:50:18.175
I don't want to have to work through that all the time.

00:50:18.235 --> 00:50:20.101
That's on you to fix that shit Right.

00:50:20.163 --> 00:50:23.920
So it's like it's your responsibility and once you know right for me.

00:50:23.920 --> 00:50:33.409
I know the things that I know about myself now, and the more that I learned, the more I'm like, okay, let's afternoon and I have.

00:50:33.409 --> 00:50:40.623
That's going to also be a work trip for me, because the stuff that we talked about as far as the ranch and all of my stuff that we talked about, the other day.

00:50:40.643 --> 00:50:41.324
Are you going to go see?

00:50:41.485 --> 00:50:41.746
an oracle?

00:50:41.746 --> 00:50:44.643
Well, that too, but I'm also just going to like navigate that.

00:50:44.643 --> 00:50:53.750
I'm going to spend some time working through my feelings for all of that, instead of just it's fine, it's fine, it's fine and continue to push things down and move on to the next thing.

00:50:53.750 --> 00:50:57.686
You know, I've looked at my entire life and I think that's what I've been doing this whole time.

00:50:57.686 --> 00:50:59.927
I don't slow down enough to process things.

00:50:59.927 --> 00:51:16.932
I just next, next, next, and it doesn't matter that it was big stuff or traumatic or really, you know, involved some stuff that needed care, that needed self-care, didn't do any of that, just kept going, kept going, kept going, which Didn't do any of that, just kept going, kept going, kept going.

00:51:16.932 --> 00:51:17.670
Which is why I think stuff just keeps coming up and hitting me like a ton of bricks.

00:51:17.670 --> 00:51:24.148
And if you allow things to just come up and release them, yes, they're going to feel gross and yes, it's going to hurt because you stored it with pain.

00:51:24.148 --> 00:51:33.228
It's going to come up with pain, but when you've committed to do that work, it just feels better and better.

00:51:33.228 --> 00:51:34.989
As teacher, thank you.

00:51:34.989 --> 00:51:38.436
Like whatever it is, come on in, come on in the water's warm.

00:51:38.780 --> 00:51:54.440
I'm excited to be able to have the opportunity the last, I think last week, I think I had maybe like five or six teachers where a year ago I would have just been like understanding the concept, or two years ago, I guess, maybe just understanding the concept.

00:51:54.440 --> 00:51:59.922
And now I see them everywhere and now I'm like I get it Right.

00:51:59.922 --> 00:52:01.083
I understand the game has changed for me, right?

00:52:01.083 --> 00:52:07.766
The game used to be for me money, because money was freedom for me when I was growing up Like I didn't have money.

00:52:07.766 --> 00:52:13.344
That was how I got out of things, that was how I got away from bad shit that happened and like all of the things.

00:52:13.344 --> 00:52:14.947
So that was the game for me for a long time.

00:52:14.947 --> 00:52:16.309
That's not the game anymore.

00:52:16.309 --> 00:52:22.168
You know what I mean Now that I realize that it's about being a good person and fucking helping other people, working on yourself.

00:52:22.289 --> 00:52:25.284
Where can you have a good, positive impact in this universe?

00:52:25.284 --> 00:52:27.168
I get it right.

00:52:27.168 --> 00:52:28.170
That's the game for me now.

00:52:28.170 --> 00:52:38.364
That's all that matters to me now In my business, in my personal, that's all I want to do is help other people understand that and be the best versions of themselves, that they can Explain things and show things.

00:52:38.364 --> 00:52:41.708
The way that I've learned them and the things that you know like have been impactful to me.

00:52:41.708 --> 00:52:44.509
I'm a very visual person and so I have all of these stupid things.

00:52:44.509 --> 00:52:48.981
You know, I talk about the Skittles and I talk about the this and the that and whatever, but it works.

00:52:48.981 --> 00:52:53.083
You know, it's like everyone that I talk to that I tell about those things.

00:52:53.083 --> 00:52:54.385
It's like, okay, I get it.

00:52:54.385 --> 00:52:56.286
So now I hand out bags of Skittles all the time.

00:52:56.286 --> 00:52:59.349
Right, I fucking go into Casey's office and I'm like, hey, I need a couple of those Skittles.

00:52:59.369 --> 00:53:04.434
I'm pretty sure Casey and I have mentioned that the luggage reference.

00:53:04.434 --> 00:53:20.094
The luggage reference is huge, it's so old, it is so old and we talked about last night organizations and I'll tell you another example of that is my niece has even uses that reference.

00:53:20.300 --> 00:53:20.740
The luggage.

00:53:20.740 --> 00:53:22.224
Yes, I know what spreads out.

00:53:22.224 --> 00:53:22.927
It's so funny.

00:53:23.226 --> 00:53:25.922
It is, but you've been doing it for a long time.

00:53:25.981 --> 00:53:33.108
I didn't, I didn't realize, but that's funny, cause you bust my balls, like I don't allow people to be as close as you are in general.

00:53:33.108 --> 00:53:34.050
Do you know what I mean?

00:53:34.050 --> 00:53:37.596
Just so you know there's there's very few people that that you know.

00:53:37.596 --> 00:53:38.277
I don't.

00:53:38.277 --> 00:53:40.704
I don't even think I would take stuff that you say to me from Cameron.

00:53:40.704 --> 00:53:46.242
You know what I mean Because I think, um, you just have such a unique perspective on on who I am.

00:53:46.242 --> 00:53:53.355
You know what I mean and so I I giggle with you and I laugh when you bust my balls about stuff and and it makes me happy, right?

00:53:53.355 --> 00:53:56.681
Because no, don't apologize, that's what makes me happy.

00:53:56.681 --> 00:54:02.445
I don't want people that are at my table that don't feel like they can call me out on stuff, people that are like in my closest circle.

00:54:02.445 --> 00:54:06.385
It's an open invitation to call me out whenever I, whenever I need it.

00:54:06.385 --> 00:54:09.900
You know what I mean, because I don't want to be this person and there I didn't used to be like that.

00:54:09.900 --> 00:54:10.963
You know what I mean.

00:54:10.963 --> 00:54:11.945
It's like who do you think you are?

00:54:11.945 --> 00:54:22.849
People that would talk to me in a certain way you know what I mean or would try to tell me something that I was doing wrong, which is why you had to, like, slowly put the rehab seed and then back away without making eye contact.

00:54:22.849 --> 00:54:24.873
I'm forever grateful.

00:54:24.873 --> 00:54:26.503
I'm forever grateful to you.

00:54:26.503 --> 00:54:27.525
You know what I mean.

00:54:27.565 --> 00:54:29.431
Like I look back at that.

00:54:29.431 --> 00:54:39.695
We were talking, we went to coffee yesterday afternoon and Tony had pulled up some of the text messages that I sent when my world was crashing eight years ago.

00:54:39.695 --> 00:54:42.657
You know, because it'll be eight years in a couple weeks, should I have kept them?

00:54:42.657 --> 00:54:52.329
Yeah, and so he went back and read them to me and it was powerful, right, because I just remember how helpless I felt.

00:54:52.329 --> 00:55:01.105
But just knowing that it didn't matter what was going to happen, I couldn't keep going, Because that stuff that you see, the stuff that you saw where it was like God, why is she doing so much?

00:55:01.105 --> 00:55:04.177
I had just done that for so long on empty.

00:55:04.177 --> 00:55:05.000
You know what I mean.

00:55:05.000 --> 00:55:06.023
I didn't understand.

00:55:06.023 --> 00:55:11.344
I didn't understand hey, put a cork in the bottom of the cup so that you can actually get it full.

00:55:11.344 --> 00:55:12.164
You know what I mean.

00:55:12.164 --> 00:55:15.572
It just had holes everywhere and then, and then you're just filling it with shit.

00:55:15.572 --> 00:55:20.862
That doesn't isn't important, but you're just, you're glomming onto anything because you're so dry.

00:55:20.862 --> 00:55:21.523
I mean, I was just.

00:55:21.523 --> 00:55:26.204
I look back at that now and I just feel sad for that, ann, you know, because I just didn't know.

00:55:26.204 --> 00:55:28.590
Again, tell you, no, you don't know.

00:55:28.590 --> 00:55:37.322
I mean that's, that's a, that's a big part of it.

00:55:37.344 --> 00:55:39.853
But, you know, being able to be at this place where I'm thirsty for knowledge, I continue to learn more about myself.

00:55:39.853 --> 00:55:46.668
I continue to make myself available, to be a resource to people, because I don't want to push stuff, you know, push stuff on other people If you don't want to know, put your head in the sand.

00:55:46.668 --> 00:55:47.873
I'm told, I understand I've.

00:55:47.873 --> 00:55:50.744
I do that with politics, I do that with what's going on in the world.

00:55:50.744 --> 00:55:51.949
I couldn't give a shit less right.

00:55:51.949 --> 00:55:52.809
So, so I couldn't give a shit less right.

00:55:52.809 --> 00:55:59.976
So if you want to knowingly put your head in the sand about, you know, the opportunities in life and that it can be something way bigger than rinse lather.

00:55:59.976 --> 00:56:00.817
Repeat, you know.

00:56:00.817 --> 00:56:06.422
I mean I didn't understand before people when they were talking about being spiritual or being awake or being enlightened.

00:56:06.422 --> 00:56:07.922
I get it, it's groovy.

00:56:08.063 --> 00:56:09.523
I'm here, Wise.

00:56:09.784 --> 00:56:10.204
Wise.

00:56:10.284 --> 00:56:10.724
It's wise.

00:56:11.065 --> 00:56:13.867
It is and it's all I want to spend my time around now.

00:56:13.867 --> 00:56:14.608
Do you know what I mean?

00:56:14.608 --> 00:56:20.672
I listen to people that talk about stupid mundane bullshit and it's like I'm just not interested.

00:56:21.052 --> 00:56:21.152
Like.

00:56:21.193 --> 00:56:23.914
I'm happy for that for you.

00:56:23.914 --> 00:56:26.777
But I want to talk about deep stuff.

00:56:26.777 --> 00:56:28.418
I want to talk about things that matter.

00:56:28.418 --> 00:56:36.487
I want to talk about what shapes you and what made you and hear the stories about the compact with your mom and really how that takes you back to what.

00:56:36.487 --> 00:56:37.510
How did that shape you?

00:56:37.510 --> 00:56:38.510
That's all we are.

00:56:38.510 --> 00:56:39.152
We're just.

00:56:39.152 --> 00:56:43.768
We're just like the things that our experiences that made that stuff up.

00:56:43.768 --> 00:56:45.152
You know what I mean.

00:56:45.152 --> 00:56:49.244
I look back at some of our experience yeah, and trying to break those cycles.

00:56:49.445 --> 00:56:49.925
You know what I mean.

00:56:49.925 --> 00:56:58.753
I'm doing healing work, for you know the different modalities and stuff that I find that I feel like is is healing the feminine line of my family.

00:56:58.753 --> 00:57:02.862
You know, not just for me, for for the other pieces of that too.

00:57:02.862 --> 00:57:04.885
That's powerful shit right.

00:57:04.885 --> 00:57:13.146
I don't want to talk about who didn't like whose post on fucking Instagram snooze fest, like get real right.

00:57:13.146 --> 00:57:17.693
So it's like, yeah, it's, it's pretty powerful.

00:57:18.092 --> 00:57:37.362
I'm loving it yeah, I'm loving it, you know, and I love my life back then too, but it's it's so much more meaningful now and, uh, and I'm honored to be able to have spaces at the tables of life that I do, um, and you're definitely, uh, the biggest one you know, so it's like I'm the oldest one, that's for sure you're the oldest one we've been.

00:57:37.442 --> 00:57:39.867
Well, oh, maybe not.

00:57:39.867 --> 00:57:45.885
So yeah, someone's got me beat, that's fine we won't talk about her.

00:57:45.885 --> 00:57:47.728
We'll let her have it we'll let her.

00:57:47.809 --> 00:57:49.320
She'll call you, we'll let her have it.

00:57:49.320 --> 00:57:50.061
I love it.

00:57:50.061 --> 00:57:51.003
I changed my number.

00:57:51.003 --> 00:57:52.726
I love it.

00:57:52.726 --> 00:58:02.434
You're so funny, so anyways, well, again, thank you so much for everything, for coming on and definitely being vulnerable and taking things off.

00:58:02.474 --> 00:58:10.003
I think the more people hear these conversations, the more it is refreshing to hear that it doesn't have to be all the surface bullshit you know.

00:58:10.003 --> 00:58:18.215
For this week, my may I suggest is talk with your kids about emotions, about emotional intelligence.

00:58:18.215 --> 00:58:20.065
Really hold space for them.

00:58:20.065 --> 00:58:23.610
I think people don't understand the value of holding space for other people.

00:58:23.610 --> 00:58:29.427
I feel like when you're able to do that, it gives you a whole different insight and it teaches you about who you are as well.

00:58:29.427 --> 00:58:31.166
It's not just about them.

00:58:31.166 --> 00:58:37.802
You know, amanda was on last week and her relationship with her kiddos and like how she does that it's excellent.

00:58:37.802 --> 00:58:42.621
Like I wish I would have known her earlier to be able to help guide me in my in my way.

00:58:42.621 --> 00:58:58.835
But definitely have the conversation about emotions with your kiddos and let them process that stuff now, because people that process emotions as they're happening and do it in a healthy way, much, much happier than those of us that have spent decades just stuffing stuff down For sure.

00:59:00.420 --> 00:59:08.771
So if you have suggestions or questions, our email address is ladies at letsgetnakedpodcastcom.

00:59:08.771 --> 00:59:16.186
If you have horrible things to say, don't bother, no one on our side reads them and we don't give a shit.

00:59:16.186 --> 00:59:18.373
So just change the channel.

00:59:18.373 --> 00:59:19.396
That's it.

00:59:19.396 --> 00:59:21.402
So thank you everybody for listening.

00:59:21.402 --> 00:59:31.969
That's a wrap and love to help you get vulnerable.

00:59:31.969 --> 00:59:33.054
Let's get naked.