E22: Grief: The Uninvited Guest
Grief has an uncanny ability to crash through our lives without invitation, transforming everything it touches. On a recent episode of the Let's Get Naked podcast, we explored the multifaceted nature of grief with licensed marriage and family therapist Laura Walton, who specializes in helping people navigate their grief journeys, alongside host Anne and her brother Tony as they recounted their own experiences with profound loss.
Laura's journey into grief counseling began with her own devastating experiences—losing her father to suicide when she was 21 and her boyfriend to a drug overdose when she was 26. These profound losses led her to pursue a career helping others process grief, particularly because she found so few resources available to her as a young adult experiencing such significant losses. The isolation she felt during those times propelled her to create the kind of support she wished had existed for her younger self.
The conversation revealed how differently people process the same loss, even within the same family. Anne described how the death of their sister Maureen led her to numb her pain with alcohol for two years before she realized how grief had infiltrated every aspect of her life. Meanwhile, her brother Tony explained his experience as more compartmentalized—acknowledging the loss but continuing with life's demands without feeling the intense emotional weight that often accompanies grief.
What stands out most in this discussion is the recognition that there is no "correct" timeline for grief. Society often imposes expectations about when someone should "get over" their loss, creating additional pressure and shame for those who don't conform to these arbitrary deadlines. As Laura emphasized, grief isn't something to overcome—it's something to integrate into your life and learn to carry differently over time.
Perhaps the most compelling insight from the conversation was the paradoxical relationship between grief and joy. Laura suggested that those who haven't experienced the depths of grief often can't access the heights of joy either. By numbing ourselves to difficult emotions, we inadvertently limit our capacity to experience positive ones as well. This emotional flattening keeps us from fully engaging with life's full spectrum of experiences.
The podcast highlights the importance of intentionally creating space for grief rather than allowing it to manifest in destructive ways. Laura describes her approach as "grief on purpose"—actively engaging with grief rather than letting it control you from the shadows. This might mean setting aside time to journal, meditate, or simply sit with grief's presence without trying to escape it.
For those struggling with unprocessed grief, the conversation offers hope through the concept of continued connection. Laura described how, after working through the initial pain of her losses, she discovered new ways to maintain relationships with those she'd lost. This shift from focusing solely on the absence to recognizing continued presence represents a profound evolution in the grief journey.
The episode serves as a powerful reminder that grief work isn't just about processing pain—it's about reclaiming the capacity for authentic connection, both with ourselves and with others. By approaching grief with curiosity and compassion rather than fear, we open ourselves to profound transformation and healing.
